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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2010 One Week Challenge  ›  The Zombotard - OWC
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  Author    The Zombotard - OWC  (currently 4770 views)
Don
Posted: November 2nd, 2010, 6:30pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Gary,

Not sure if you are into facebook or not.  Robotard 8000, the writers of "Balls Out" have a facebook page.  I made a little wall post on their (its?) wall:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/The-ROBOTARD-8000/62697326181

If you can't read it, I'll keep you updated on the response, if any.  Hope you take it in the spirit in which it was intended.


The posting was:


Quoted from Don

We do this little One Week Writing Challenge every October. One guy wrote an homage to "Balls Out" -
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1287190968

Of course I've banned him from the site...




Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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Murphy
Posted: November 2nd, 2010, 6:47pm Report to Moderator
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Lol, cheers. Any exposure to my amazing talents are more than welcome, like they say there is no such thing as bad publicity.  

I read somewhere that one of the Robotard writers is actually one of the writers for South Park. No idea if this is true or not, but maybe this script might land me my dream job of writing for South Park? haha, I will write a character for you Don.


Thanks again to everyone who read my script btw, much appreciated, it got far many more reads than I expected, and it deserved. There were some great scripts in the OWC this time, many that deserved a read more than mine.





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Don
Posted: November 2nd, 2010, 7:01pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

Location
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Quoted from Murphy
Lol, cheers. Any exposure to my amazing talents are more than welcome, like they say there is no such thing as bad publicity.  

I read somewhere that one of the Robotard writers is actually one of the writers for South Park. No idea if this is true or not, but maybe this script might land me my dream job of writing for South Park? haha, I will write a character for you Don.


Thanks again to everyone who read my script btw, much appreciated, it got far many more reads than I expected, and it deserved. There were some great scripts in the OWC this time, many that deserved a read more than mine.



Gary,

Robotard 8000 are Malcolm Spellman http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1173259/ and
Tim Talbott http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0848003/ (Talbott did write for South Park for quite some time.  



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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Murphy
Posted: November 2nd, 2010, 7:11pm Report to Moderator
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Cheers Don, I did read right then. They were already high in my estimation for Balls Out, now adding South Park into the mix they might actually be the greatest scriptwriters ever to live.  
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kurisuborosen
Posted: November 2nd, 2010, 8:41pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you to all my readers everywhere.

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I noticed in the script that at one point you describe the smell.  Unless we are using smell-o-vision, I don't think the audience will pick up on that.  I'd change it if I were you.


"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat" - Lily Tomlin

http://twitter.com/kurisu_borosen

My Scripts - http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/
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Murphy
Posted: November 2nd, 2010, 8:50pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from kurisuborosen
I noticed in the script that at one point you describe the smell.  Unless we are using smell-o-vision, I don't think the audience will pick up on that.  I'd change it if I were you.


Actually I think its a good point to make, as it gives me a chance to tackle head on one of my most hated screenwriting "rule".  That is the one that suggests that you should never write anything that is deemed to be unfilmable, such that there is a nasty smell in the air.

Imagine your scripts gets produced, David Fincher is going to direct and Brad Pitt is going to star. Brad Pitt picks up the script and reads the next scene to the shot. The script describes the room and mentions that there is a nasty smell in the air.

Brad Pitt is an actor, he is paid a lot of money to act, it is entirely possible that Brad Pitt will enter that room covering his nose and mouth, maybe making a facial expression that portrays disgust. As an actor he can portray lots to the audience, if its in the script he can act it out.

Now if it is not important to the story then there is an argument to be made it does not need to be there. But if the stench in a room has a meaning then it most certainly needs to be in the script and most certainly is filmable. The last thing you want to do is write it into your dialogue, You don't want characters telling each other how bad the smell is, you want your audience to experience it with the characters.

So when the next person tells you not to put unfilmables in your script you should tell them to piss off and stop talking nonsense!

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Baltis.
Posted: November 2nd, 2010, 8:56pm Report to Moderator
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I like asides, -ing words, unfilmables and orphans and windows so long as they don't get out of hand and help move the story rather than slow it down.  Toss whatever stems and helps your creativity into your script, that's what I say.  

The Analyst, Agent/Producer/Director/Reader; like your teachers in school -- some are more strict than others.  You'll realize this the more and more you have your scripts looked at.
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mcornetto
Posted: November 2nd, 2010, 9:36pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Murphy

So when the next person tells you not to put unfillable in your script you should tell them to piss off and stop talking nonsense!



As long as they are pertinent to telling the story.  

You wouldn't want to write "there's unseen lint in the dark under the couch".  If the lint is not important to the story.  And if it is important, even Laurence Oliver would not be able to show that by emoting.  So I would definitely bring that up as an issue.  

Or if, for instance, you wrote the action "The price of tea in China is less expensive than the price of tea in Japan."  While informative and  possibly important to the story, it's pretty useless to add it to a screenplay unless you've concocted some way to either show it or have a character say it.

So while I agree that pertinent unfilmables can be useful in a script.  They can most certainly also be useless wasted space.


  
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Murphy
Posted: November 2nd, 2010, 10:14pm Report to Moderator
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Yes, I agree. If it is not part of the story or important to the plot then it does not need to be mentioned at all.

I think as long as a writer does not carried away, little tidbits telling us the price of tea in China or other such nonsense is actually sometimes okay with me. I like to be entertained when reading a script and often good writers will throw something in that is totally unfilmable in order to entertain, or make us chuckle, or even to educate. I think it is often overdone but there are plenty of example where it is done well and does work. Script readers do not seem to mind it as much either judging by some of the scripts they recommend.

Like with anything, It had better be good and it better not be overused.
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mojomccann
Posted: December 3rd, 2010, 3:08pm Report to Moderator
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F***ing loved it mate, brilliant.

Mojo
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Murphy
Posted: December 3rd, 2010, 5:22pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from mojomccann
F***ing loved it mate, brilliant.

Mojo


That is going on the poster!!

Thanks.
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goregal
Posted: December 4th, 2010, 5:23am Report to Moderator
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This is the first thing I've read on here. Good stuff. I haven't really read any of these 'piss taker' parodies before, so a good first.

I wonder - and I am a newbie, I write novels - about all the great stuff you've got in here that can't be seen/used. I know it's mostly for the readers’ sake but it just feels like a waste! At least put some of the goods in a stupid voice over or something.
I loved the rat intro. Surprisingly, the hand humping was a highlight. This is very well written.
Of course, it does come across a little stand up-comedy-look-at-me! Gah. Especially toward the end, but I guess that's the whole point - right?
  

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Murphy
Posted: December 4th, 2010, 5:43am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from goregal

This is the first thing I've read on here. Good stuff. I haven't really read any of these 'piss taker' parodies before, so a good first.

I wonder - and I am a newbie, I write novels - about all the great stuff you've got in here that can't be seen/used. I know it's mostly for the readers sake but it just feels like a waste! At least put some of the goods in a stupid voice over or something.
I loved the rat intro. Surprisingly, the hand humping was a highlight. This is very well written.
Of course, it does come across a little stand up-comedy-look-at-me! Gah. Especially toward the end, but I guess that's the whole point - right?
  



Hey, welcome to Simply Scripts Kiwi, I must say I am honoured that you have read my little piss-take first. You show great taste and will no doubt be welcome around here. Problem is now you have read something of mine it is all downhill from here! Nobody else can hold a candle to me round these parts, as you will no doubt soon find out, although it does not seem to stop them from trying. I like to think of myself as a beacon glowing calmly in the stormy seas, helping to guide people away from the rocks of mediocrity. I am a lighthouse.  

I joke of course. Seriously, yes, you guessed right, this was just an attempt to write a script in the style of the "look at me" style of screenwriting that was threatening to explode before people got wise to it and quickly shot it down. I wouldn't recommend you try it yourself though, not a least until you become as good a writer as me.

Thanks for the read, I will keep an eye out for you posting something here and will return the honour.

Cheers.
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goregal
Posted: December 4th, 2010, 9:10pm Report to Moderator
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A beacon of light indeed. And very modest too, I see.
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Murphy
Posted: December 4th, 2010, 9:20pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from goregal
A beacon of light indeed. And very modest too, I see.


My middle name.

Nah, I am crap really, anyone will tell you that, in fact this is the only thing I have written in 12 months. My main focus at the moment is writing 20 pages of a screenplay then giving up to start another. I have hundreds of them, I might be the most prolific screenwriter in the business, at least for page one's that is.

There are some much better writers round here, as you shall soon find out.

Cheers.
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