There's basically nothing happening in this one. No plot, no story. Just three random killings by an unknown entity. You could've made some sort of story with the space provided.

-Trent

Um....aren't there FOUR characters?

I couldn't get into this story because there isn't one. I feel nothing for the three humans because there is nothing that I can relate to them. The talk about getting Chet's book to DC goes nowhere and didn't get a payoff. They are very shallow, made to be killed off.

There's nothing about the creature as well. Why does it kill people?

Very generic script, need to be thought out more. Sorry.

Herman

1 - Story: Eh... Boring. Been there. Done that. It's your turn now. Hooray.
2 - Filmable & Budget: Quite filmable. Inexpensive. I think the "real time-itiveness" makes it boring. Here's the b!tch of it: While House of Malvado is fundamentally much the same, the language limits your audience and the props+makeup+special effects required jack up the expense. The production gets pinched at both ends. A director would easily get around the three ambulatory characters (Ally, Jeff and Devil) by simply having dual roles for the male and female actors in costume as there are no scenes with all three on screen. Add a little at the end to make it a full story, otherwise it's like an opening sequence to a larger piece.
3 - Horror & Audience: Rated R for language,  better use it. You do. Time... is barely established. Good usage of house and location.
4 - Technicals & Format: Turn off your (CONTINUED) feature. "-ing" and "-ly" words galore, (I don't care but many do). Language is a bit "rough", like idiots talking.
5 - Title & Logline: Title doesn't reflect the story provided (other than the "Night" part). Logline, although accurate, lacks enticing qualities.
General Comments:
A - Theatrically read aloud the dialog. Try not to say "Okay. That... needs a little more work" afterwards.
B - The (very) basic premise of a/the devil in an old house is fine. With only five of ten pages used - go crazy, man. Have Ally, Chet & Jeff go poking around the house to find the bathroom and find clues to past evils or a story, include some humorous lost people in the house with funning around. Maybe they accidentally summon that which kills them. "Guilt" is a deep resource of horror movies.
C - Make the visuals on the murder/killings more... visual. Sh!t, it's already an R rating. Gopherit!

Hey all!

First off thanks for reading it!

For all of you who are saying it's funny, it's meant to be! It's a satire on slasher films while still being a slasher film. It's cliche because slasher films tend to be cliche, and it seems like a scene from a bigger script because it is a scene from a bigger script! It's simply a satire.


Thanks again!

I liked it. Very descriptive, just when I thought I was out, it pulled me back in.


Leonard

I'm sorry, but when I read this "Chet peeks inside where Jeff is dead hanging from the shower
curtain rod by his intestines."  I laughed.  I don't know if the comedy was intentional, but it was effective.  Other than that, you need to work on your dialogue.  It was too on-the-nose.  Try and work subtext into as much of your dialogue as possible.  Most of the time, people don't say exactly what they think.