Hey everyone, thanks for the time you took out of reading other entries for this one.  I've been away all day yesterday and today so haven't got back to reading the 12 new scripts posted.  But I will.

I know a lot of people are/gonna hang me on the traditional-by the book entry but I feel that's what the challenge called for.  It isn't the most original, and I tried to convey that within the actual story when Lindsay and Dylan are talking --

"About Kline Manor?  Who doesn't?  Every town has a Kline Manor Story.  It's Boring"

That was my intentions within it.  Meaning, it is a typical story but it's the characters and the lore of it all; that is what's important.  And I do want people to know I really, really did work hard on this one.  I hadn't really wrote much in the last 8 months due to other endeavorers and this challenge really got me back into the swing of things.  I want you all to know, people who read it and people who might still, I took the challenge very seriously and tried to construct a story, characters and dialog that worked within the basic rules given.

From last post to 1st:

Andrew, you sum it up well -- Dylan and Lindsay are both looking for acceptance.  Be it differently.  He needed her/She needs him -- Hal was, as stated by Ryan, a little comic relief.  But he was still needed by Dylan.

Trojan -  The story, in all honesty, has no basis in reality.  My family told it as it was told to them.  I think the house, the real house, is scary looking.  I think rail workers really held up in it back in the day and I think someone was raped inside the house -- The rest is just ad-libbed and embellished.

Jwent - I know exactly what you're saying... I struggled with the 50/50 split on pages too.  I thought we need 4 pages of good character building and then it went into 5 and then 6 and then 7 and then I had to start cutting and editing.  I then did settle on the 50/50 page split.  5 outside and 5 inside.  The Manor was/is evil because of the evil that has occurred within its walls.  I will tough upon this in the longer version.

CM - I have like 4 or 5 more scenes with Hal rolling around downstairs, I just couldn't use them here  I had some really good stuff lined up for him and will be using him in the longer version.  I didn't feel he was done justice here, either.

Grademan - I hate spellings of words I seldom use or know how to spell to begin with!!  I should've caught it and it grates my nerves right now.

Ren - Thanks for the read, man.  The copyright of the title was strange to see.  I always put a copyright behind the name and it just showed up.  Not intentional to draw in eyes.  We were told to include one and I did and it just came up that way.  The sign was actually, originally told to me as "Survivors Will Be Persecuted" But I never thought that sounded good.  So I changed it to Executed.

Steve - As I told Jwent, I wanted them in there sooner too but felt when I did the characters had lost substance.  I felt better with the tension of outside to inside.  I also liked the stairs being a non issues too.  We come to them and think, hey it's gonna be a problem.  but it ended up not being.  I will be evaluating the intro for the 30 pages I'm extending it out to, though.

Screen - You're always tough to please... I'd hate to do stand up in your area.   I did work hard on this one and for under 7 days I felt it met the challenges.  The story isn't ground breaking, but I didn't think it needed to be given the Theme.  I wanted a typical, straightforward horror flick... It isn't always serious or good but It gets us where we need to go.

Reeper - Had to have the TCM homage in there.  It was too easy and couldn't believe the 12 scripts I've read so far haven't referenced it.  I think Phil did in a subtle way with his script and naming one Franklin, though.  Maybe not??  Thanks for the read.  

Mcormick - Hey, they jokes were written with care dammit!    I knew people were going to be harsh on these OWC but I thought that hitting the requirements, along with story would've sent me over the edge.  Sadly it did not.

Usual - There are many scripts to come, man.  I'm sure mine won't sit there for long.  But I'm glad you enjoyed the time inside the scripts world and I'm also glad you did see the chemistry between Dylan and Lindsay.  I do too.

Ryan - I think you nailed pretty much what the script was set out to do.  Even with the Hal bits.  I had to come up with a hook for him being there and or to even include a wheelchair bound dude.  At 1st Dylan wasn't Pledging for a Frat House and Lindsay wasn't with him.  It was just Him and Hal, his homeless father.  It didn't work.  So I rewrote Dylan pledging for a frat house - Lindsay who's a virgin and lust after Dylan so she's gonna do anything he says, and the list said to have a virgin come with ya -- Then Hal, as just a Hobo in a wheelchair who is only there because Dylan needs him to be there and he has a promise for wine on the way.  Thanks for the read, man.  

---

Now I'm back to reading more scripts from this OWC. I'm really enjoying them.  Bad, average, good, fantastic.  They all offer up something different and that's cool.

Baltis,

Congrats on completing the one week challenge!
I like your writing style here and you stuck to the contest rules.
You have three characters all with different reasons to be there.
Many entries do not have differing motivations for all characters good on you!
Dylan wants into a frat. Lindsay fancies the hunk and Hal is in it for the wine.
I like the motivation dynamics and I want to see more of that in the script.

My biggest criticism here is we don't get into the mansion soon enough.
I like the dialogue out front but I want more inside the house.
Hal seemed a bit underused and superfluous, perhaps he can be more obnoxious?
I'd like to see Lindsay come on to Dylan more, school girl crush in a haunted house.

Nothing original here and that's fine, you play it out well.
The ending is a bit stale and the antagonist could use some fleshing out.
Thanks very much for the entertaining read!

Regards,
E.D.

You fooled me with the title, not sure if it exists in the U.S., but in the UK and Aus there is a furniture polish called Pledge, the way you trademarked the word I was thinking there was going to be a killer can of beeswax in here somewhere.

This was mixed bag to be honest, some bits stood out as being great while it just kind of petered out towards the end. In places however your writing was great, you obviously put some work into your action lines and descriptions because in places it really stood out. It is nice to read a script that tries to do something different with describing action, it makes the read that a much better and different to any other. Top marks on that.

I think the story however was too simple for the way it was written, I mean the writing suggested more and thus I felt a little little down in the end. Weirdly I might have liked this more had it been written simply, which probably makes no sense at all.

Anyway, a good effort and a good read, up there in the top half of these entries I think but could of been better.

Hate to be the repeating Parot.

Everyone has pretty much nailed what I was going to cover. Clean writing but not original. I never really got a sense of dread from it.

Just a very visual, tale with a THUMP-DRAG aspect going on.

Great job for an OWC.

Shawn.....><

I was curious about this one - thought mine and yours would be more or less around the same. They are in a way. So read mine please! It's not out yet though.

I really liked the ending of it. You show the headline while Dylon is still there - this gave me creeps.

The set up took a really long time. Plus, there's no pay off in it, his story about draining toilets with straws - funny but it would do without it. His name Hal Weens - no pay off. Without it the story would be shorter and to the point and would work much better for me. I was curious about what was going to happen, that means you kept me in suspense which is good.

The writing is great. Just great. I think I'll borrow some expressions from you in the future.

Hi Balt! I, like most people, were probably looking forward to reading your script.

I wasn't disappointed - neat story (ok, it was familiar horror ground, but you gave it some nice touches with the comedy) and the writing was fluent and well-paced.

A couple of points about some of your formatting - you used action in your wrylies (I was advised to only use stuff like whispers, etc in a wrylie context); you had elephant and wolf with a capital for some reason; and, from page 7, when they got into the house, you started CAPPING objects all over the place. For some reason, this was irritating to me as they appeared out of nowhere, almost like it was a second half team change-over!!!

Anyway, man, as I said i wasn't disappointed and may even learn something from your style.

Cheers stevie

Hey Balt,

Could tell by the opening three pages this was gonna be good. Great descriptions and amusing early dialouge.
I laughed out loud at the "Elephant and "Hal Ween" gags. Maybe it's the booze I'm guzzling or perhaps it's just funny dialouge. I'll go with the latter.
Lindsey's death is creative. Every scene I thought was written beautifully. Could picture everything instantly with no need to reread a line.

The story was good. The whole thing worked really well, feels complete. All three characters were enjoyable to follow and listen to.
There were a couple of gags and I thought they all worked.
The strongest points for me were the opening five pages. I think this is because I was unsure what was going to happen once they got inside the manor. Once they were inside, the story didnt become less interesting but I felt like it didnt really go up another level if you know what I mean?
All in all, I thought for one week's work this was great.

Top job!

Malc

Hey Baltis

Good premise, eventhough it's not original but whatever. Good description. Good characters. I think though that alot of what Dylan did for pledging is pushing the limits of believeablity like the cocktail straw and toilet plege. That's just me.

Gabe    

Baltis...

Not much for me to add here... you had some great visuals going on.  Very good characters.  I had a few chuckles as well.  All in all, I enjoyed this little piece, so my hats off.

Ghostwriter  

Hey Balt, congrats on completing a script for this OWC.  Like others, I was looking forward to your entry.

I actually read this yesterday, but decided not to post what I originally wanted to say…so I slept on it, and read over all the other posts.

I decided to give it another read today, and since this is the last of the first 24 scripts for me, give you a more thorough review than I have for the others.

First of all, let it be clear that I think you’re a good guy.  I also know you’re a talented guy in many different facets, including writing.  I think you and I have more in common than you may want to believe.  I’m a perfectionist at heart.  I think you are as well.  I followed along with all the posts prior to the deadline, and am aware that you rewrote this numerous times and had numerous people give you reads before submitting it, so with that in mind, I hope you’re interested in hearing and seeing some areas that can still use some improvement

Your writing style is such that I can tell you are trying to impress.  That’s a good thing, BTW, and I for one appreciate it.  I can also tell that you are always trying to incorporate what’s hot in the Pro market, as well as staying true to tried and true formatting “rules” and staples that you agree with and hold dear.

I can see by the vast majority of the comments that everyone really likes your style and your writing itself.  I do too, but I can see many flaws that are being overlooked, or just not seen.  It’s almost like you’re trying too hard to come up with unique sentence structures and providing too much unnecessary detail.  This is not a knock in any way.  I’m merely trying to help, just like I appreciate when someone brings something up that I’ve missed in one of my scripts.  Call me a prick…call me an ass if you must, but I’m just trying to help each and everyone, including myself, become a better writer.

OK, here we go…

First off – the title.  Personally, I don’t like it at all.  And the copyright thing right after “Pledge” just looks odd and off-putting, and is one of the reasons it was one of the last reads for me (as I didn’t look at the actual writers until I actually clicked into each thread to read.

I see you got your logline typo changed…that’s good.  Submitting it with a misspelling is obviously not good, but I know it happens to the best of us.

You continually use a double dash style, which I personally don’t like (maybe it’s just me, as I know Reeper Creeper does the same…but differently).  But, the bigger issue here is how you incorrectly use them.   Basically, you’re using them like a period, as you’re capping the following word (which turns out to another sentence, meaning, you’re not ending your previous sentence.  I don’t understand what effect you’re going for by doing this.  It wouldn’t be wrong if you simply used them like “…”, or a single dash, in which you “continued the sentence properly.  Sure, I know screenplays don’t adhere strictly to the rules of proper grammar and writing, but it just doesn’t make any sense why you’d leave so many sentences uncompleted, without a period.

“dampers” – should be “dampens”

Orphans – I found at least 3, and probably about 4 more examples (with 2 words) where you easily could have saved a line.  I know space was an issue for you, so IMO, you easily could have saved yourself 7-10 lines of extra space by being a little more diligent in your edits.

Over writing/over describing – IMO, there are numerous examples of extra words (description) and whole sentences that could have/should have been cleaned out to allow for more meat here.  Again, I know you had to cut a good portion of this out, and I’m surprised you chose to keep many of the unnecessary lines of description that would have allowed you a lot more space which you obviously needed.  I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that you probably could have easily knocked out an entire page by editing out unnecessary words/lines.  Don’t get me wrong…I realize it’s a fine line and your prose does read well most of the time. But when you have a page restriction that is working against a story you want to tell, it only makes sense to keep the meat, and lose the gravy.

For me, the overuse of CAPPING words gets a bit annoying, especially how you continually did it with “KLINE MANOR”.  Overkill, IMO.

Why give last names for these 3 characters?  I see no reason whatsoever.

OK, up to page 3 I see lots and lots of completely unnecessary lines of dialogue between Dylan and Lindsay.  You know I’m all about meaningless banter to develop character, but it’s just not necessary here at all, as its inclusion seriously strapped your ability to include important back story (and important current action/story later on in the script).

“has been compromised”  “has been breached” – First of, they identical “has been” back to back doesn’t look good.  But a bigger issue is that based on these phrasings, you’re saying that we don’t actually see the action taking place, which, IMO, is incorrect.

“Dylan slides the effective tool through his belt loop” – This is a completely wasted line, IMO.  Also, using “effective” in front of “tool” just sounds irritating and completely unnecessary.

The stuff about not being able to say “Halloween” wastes almost a complete half page!  Again, based on the fact that you had to cut out 3+ pages, why you chose to keep this is beyond me.

A “wolf howls”?  HUH?  Where the Hell is this taking place?  I know, I know, sure it could be a number of places where wolves are present, but…c’mon now…kind of jumps out of reality, IMO.

OK, IMO, there’s absolutely no reason you used 4+ pages to get them inside.  No reason at all, as we still don’t have any back-story.  I’d say you could have/should have gotten them in by page 2.  All the characterization you’d gone for hasn’t made them into anything remotely likable or unique.  They’re all classic douche bag clichés, and this is a major problem, IMO…something you should have caught when rewriting/editing out pages.  You’ve got 1 scene here running almost 5 minutes for no reason!

“Burnt NEWSPAPERS litter the spacious floor plan unfolded.” – The inclusion of “unfolded” makes this a very awkward sentence.

“DAILY PRINT NEWSPAPERS” – any reason we need to know they’re “daily print newspapers”?  Reads oddly.

“WHISK” – “WHISKS” – actually, there are a number of examples where you have missed the “s” on the end of a verb.

“Hal, left to the task at hand, begins to unfold the PAPERS and place them about the floor.” – A perfect example of a wasted line…by including the completely unnecessary “left to the task at hand”. Also, again, “place” – “places” – a verb missing an “s”.  Also, do we really need the “begins to” in here? No, we definitely do not.  IMO, using “begins to” is almost always a mistake.

None of your Slugs, except for the first one, have any times in them.  This obviously requires a “LATER” or the like.

“has damaged” – “have damaged”, since you stated more than 1 item.

“They say, if you believe the stories that is, you listen close enough you can hear Orvil draggin' that pick ax down these halls at night. Looking for his next victim.” – A bunch of issues in this dialogue.  “if you believe the stories that is” – wastes a line, and is missing a comma after “stories”.  Missing “if” before “you listen”.  Missing a comma between “enough” and “you”.   The last sentence should really be connected to the prior with a comma.

Orvil Kline.  Aubrey kline.  Do we know who these people are?  I don’t think we do, and that’s an issue this late in the game.

“Frustrated, she watches Dylan make his way down the hall. She BARGES into AUBREY'S ROOM a swarm of emotion.” – missing a comma between “ROOM” and “a”.  Bigger issue is that I think you easily could have saved another line here.

“With Hal's stack nearly depleted, he drops them to the floor.” – Awkwardly phrased, and IMO, another completely wasted line.

“A LIGHT cast its presence over him. He CLENCHES the wheels of his chair tightly and turns to confront the source -- It comes from the KITCHEN.” – “cast” – “casts”.  Biggest issue si that once again, you’ve wasted a line by including “tightly and”.

“newspaper” “news paper” – You’ve used both so far.  Pick one and stay consistent.

“Largely free from fire damage, Lindsay rummages a room fit for a little princess. Elegant gowns, stuffed animals, and dolls dress it out. A large oval shaped MIRROR rest in the corner.” – Whole bunch of problems in this passage.  The first sentence is incorrectly structured.  The second sentence is a waste as none of these details come into play at all.  “rest” – “rests”

“No one is watching.” – There’s no one in the room with her..of course no one is watching.

“Thanks a lot guys.” – Missing a comma between “lot” and “guys” – for some reason, so many writers don’t understand that a comma is almost always needed right before a reference to a person/people/name.

“Guys is that you?” – Same deal here…a comma is almost always necessary after a reference to a person/people/name.

“Dylan steps back into the bathroom, he examines with suspicion.” – Very awkwardly phrased, and actually incorrect as written.

The stuff about Lindsay spewing out of the mirror in cubes is a cool visual, but IMO, you could have/should have given it an extra line, as I actually had to read it twice to understand exactly what was happening.

“Showered, Dylan hits the deck a bloody mess” – missing a comma between “deck” and “a”.

“Dylan waste no time in sticking around -- In a mad DASH, he clears a path down the hall.” – “waste” – “wastes”.  What does “clears a path down the hall” mean?  It’s just another example of over writing for no reason.

You’ve got a change of scene when Dylan tumbles down the stairs, so you need a new Slug or at least Mini Slug.

On page 10, I’m very confused, and that’s probably due to the omission of the new Slug. It seems like we’re downstairs now, since you’re referencing all the newspapers Hal laid down, but then you have Hal at the top of the stairs, where Dylan just was.

Why are you trying to conceal that it was Hal in the wheelchair?  We already know that, unless somehow it’s not, but that wouldn’t make sense.

Why restate what the sign says?  We already know what it says, and by restating it, you’ve wasted yet another line.

“Dylan's body convulses, he's been struck from behind” – Again, by using the incorrect tense here, you’re basically saying that we don’t see the action of him being struck, which is incorrect, IMO.

“The headline reads:” – What headline?  Every single newspaper?  It’s not set up properly, so it’s confusing.  That’s most likely due to the fact that you ran out of room, but you didn’t need to.  You easily could have edited out so much that isn’t remotely necessary, but decided to glance over the stuff that is extremely important to your story...the backbone of it…the meaning behind it all.

I am far from clear as to what the ending means or why the manor is restored.

Thanks for the read all/

Jeff - Lots of technicals that will be addressed over the span of weeks, not just a few days.  I seldom ever write a final draft myself.  I'll write it the final way I want and then pass it off to someone more capable than myself.

1.  I didn't have the time here.
2.  I didn't have the pages needed.
3.  It isn't something I'm gonna stress over as this was written for the challenge and nothing else.  

The double (--) is something new I wanted to try.  I was already not using the format I wanted to so I thought I'd go ahead and use something different to carry the pace.  Some say it works.  Some don't.  Others don't really care either way.  Me, personally, I don't like them much myself.  

I also don't like the format it's in.  The ledgers are too loose and the dialog chains aren't justified properly.  Well, they are industry standard... But they're Trottier's rules and ledgers and his format is very tight quarters.  I hate his format so much in fact I spaced after my scenes, something he doesn't do.  

But, so you don't scare others off; or rather scare them off to grammar school... I've sold 3 scripts in my day.  Two of them just this past year (Dog Pound) & (Deliver Me Death)... Neither were sold on grammar.  They were sold on concept and visual.  One is in production now and the other is not.

As for some of the other bits you're harping on --

When Lindsay goes into the room you say that none of the mentioned was needed.  But it was needed and they do come into play.  I just couldn't show that in this script.  I cut over 6 pages from it in the end.  The bears and dolls come to life and start moving and her scene isn't so rushed in the other version.  There is much more to it than these scenes.  I had to cut it down to try and make it work and fit the best I could.  I think I did an alright job considering most of my time in the day is taken up with my daughter and my nights are taken up by my band.  I don't get to write for hours a day.

I did a change of scene when Dylan comes down the stairs... It said FIRST FLOOR FOYER.  If it's not present here don't worry, it'll be there.  

Dylan's body convulses, he's been struck from behind.  This wasn't written as clearly as I have since written it.  We are not to see him get struck.  We see his face.  We then see the Axe Point sticking out of his chest.

Yes, Every single newspaper.  It's a daily print... We laid that out early on.  They were all the same papers being laid out.

Why did I give the characters last names?  Really?  Ummmmmm, why not?  Also, remember this is a larger piece.  The scenes, the pace, the story, the characters, all of it has been cut and crammed together.  It's much different than this.

The copyright logo was included on the title.  I didn't know it'd show up on the end of it.  I don't care either way to be honest.  If that's a detourant I'm sorry.  It wasn't intentional.

The ending isn't suppose to be clear.  I like things like that.  The ending was never clear to me in real life, either.  That is why I wrote it like that.  People aren't going to like it.  I get that, but that's why it's important to do the exact opposite.

The challenge didn't call for 100% originality.  It called for a basic horror story and that's what I did.  I think it comes down to style and preference in the end.  It's how you craft the characters and how you present the story.  For a week, under a week, and taking so much time from writing since I sold Deliver Me Death; I'm pretty happy with it.  

By far not my best... But it works.  And Jeff, I think you're focusing too much on the technical and not the visual.  The story is most important and I find it almost as if you went in looking for too many mistakes and just couldn't enjoy the story because you preoccupied yourself with another task all together.  Watching a movie with you must be a damn nightmare.  I can almost see it now --

Jeff - Did you see that scene, honey?  

Honey - Which one, Jeff?

Jeff - The one that just happened.  I bet you a hundred bucks they didn't put a coma in between the time it took him to defuse the bomb to the time he put the wire cutters down.

Honey - It's gettin' late... Think I better go.

I think this was well written. I only had one major problem with it; the premise of three people going into the supposedly haunted house seems to be the most prominent idea people are having for this OWC. I could also tell that there was something missing, like the end was rushed a bit. It wasn't too obvious so I wouldn't think about it too much. The page restraints can be a bit annoying but you still pulled it off. Good job.

-Trent

Balt, you're funny!  Love the revision dialogue.  Yeah, watching a movie with me can be a very trying experience.

Hey, listen, man, I think you took what I said the wrong way and I want to explain a few things.

I told you I decided not to post what I was originally going to say and reread the script again.  The reason for this is that when I first read it, I noticed a bunch of lines that weren't working, alot of unnecessary stuff, and an ending that really didn't make any sense, cause the back-story was never included.  I didn't go into that read looking for problems, but they were there staring at me, so I decided to go back and see what the problems really were.

The grammar/punctuation stuff is obviously no big deal.  Compared to most scripts, yours is relatively clean.

The problem, that you should be aware of deals with what you decided to present vs. what you decided to chop, and the way you wrote what you decided to present.

Bottom line, Balt, you had 10 pages to write your script.  10 and no more, meaning space was at a premium. The reason why you couldn't tell your back-story properly is because you had orphans running around, unnecessary dialogue, unnecessary over description, and unnecessary over writing.  That's what I was trying to point out to you.  The grammar and punctuation stuff was thrown in because I thought you'd like to know.  You could have easily included another 2 or 3 pages of story here, if you did away with all the fluffy crap.

You said in your response all this stuff about what will be included in the longer version...that's great, but it has nothing to do with this challenge.  If you can't show it in 10 pages, it's not part of the script.

You chose to include what you did over the much more important "meat" of your story for some reason, and that was a mistake.  You reference 2 characters (Orvil and Aubrey Kline) that never have a single thing to do in the script, and aren't even referred to in the back-story. That doesn't make sense.

Your posts made it seem like you were a perfectionist and I was merely trying to help.  You've been talking up this script the entire week, and I expected alot more, and wanted to point out where things fell apart.

I hope you understand that.

Balt,

I read this and a few others late the other night but didn't get around to commenting, so I read it again just now to fully refresh my memory.  I thought this was masterfully written with vivid imagery and an eerily descriptive setting, but story-wise I've seen this one before.  I think what I would have liked to see is the actual story of Kline Manor come into play sooner.  As it stands it's over halfway through when we fully learn the backstory, whereas the first half is mostly telling about a couple teens, fraternity, going into haunted house, etc. etc.

When the action did start up I thought the uniqueness set it apart, not necessarily with the methods you used, but with how you conveyed them such as with the mirror, the voices, Hal's final drop, and the execution sign - a good play of irony with that one.  Effectively done IMO to tighten things up at the end.  Overall a nice read.  Good job.

Greg

Jeff, Aubry and Orvil were referenced in the script.  We just didn't see them because we couldn't use them as it was a 3 character minimum.  

I never talked the script up.  In fact, I was pretty on the fence about even posting it... I said I was "happy" with it.  Big difference between touting it as gold.  Find a post that says otherwise and I'll concede my victory here.  And, largely, I am happy with it.  I get that you're not.  I understand all that.  But you're acting like this is the best work I've ever done and I did it in a week.  Under.  

That's not the case.  It's rushed.  It has problems.  I get all that.  I just don't get why you pound the technical into view when the challenge called for THEME -- STORY -- 10 pages -- 3 characters -- GUY IN WHEEL CHAIR -- SPECIFIC DATES IT TOOK PLACE -- SPOOKY HOUSE.

I nailed everyone of those things.  The grammar, the over writing and the format; all of that will be taken care of.  I'm not a guy who just wrote this script and nothing else.  I've written many in my day.

Boy Wonder - Yes, i was very rushed.  All 3 kills span 4 pages.  It doesn't sit well with me.  Believe me.

Greg -- I think you went into it with the right frame of mind... STORY and PACE.  I say this because you, like many others, see the fatal flaw of how it drags and then picks up right at the end.  Sadly, it's much too late.  I am in 100% agreement with you on that.  I'm also glad you noted some of the finer details -- The KILLs and the props used.  

I did struggle to get this down in time.  And I hadn't written a script in so long.  It served its purpose for me.  I thank you for the time it took you to read it and am glad you walked away with something from it.