SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 3:25am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2010 One Week Challenge  ›  Glass Rain - OWC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2, 3 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Glass Rain - OWC  (currently 6033 views)
ReaperCreeper
Posted: October 29th, 2010, 10:28pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Wisconsin
Posts
974
Posts Per Day
0.15
Gracias, Zeta

I agree with you. I think I did go overboard on the ambiguity.

--Julio
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 30 - 34
bert
Posted: October 31st, 2010, 12:56am Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4232
Posts Per Day
0.61
Congrats, Julio.  Nice to see a little recognition for one of our resident horror writers who has been toiling in the craft for some time.  You are improving, with both the pace and the economy of your writing.  I liked your use of short sentences here.  And I enjoyed the tale.

You do need to do something about the disconnect between your logline and your script, but I think it is an easy fix, remedied with the addition of a few more simple props.

If they are doing witchy stuff, you should add a few more witchy props.  The mortar and pestle alone are not enough -- and they are quite small, without much visual impact.  Perhaps add a book with ancient runes, or have David sitting in a pentagram drawn on the floor, with candles at the points.  Things like that.

You do not need to be an expert in witchcraft to add a few ominous details that suggest the occult.  You are a horror writer, for pete's sake. You know the drill.

The other question I had was why they were undertaking this ritual in the first place.  Was it supposed to heal David?  Make him better?

Even if that was not your intent, I would suggest going that route, which you could accomplish with just a few lines of dialogue.  Carrie can say something like, "It was supposed to cure him, but instead..."  It would help make things all the more tragic.

For a nitpick, I would suggest that stomach and abdomen are pretty much the same thing, and I would add a different portion of the anatomy when Carrie spreads her goo.

You've got a nice, effective short here, Julio, and I was very pleased to read it.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 31 - 34
jayrex
Posted: November 9th, 2010, 5:05pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22
Hello Julio,

I enjoyed this story.  It was different from the norm, although it did leave me wondering, why?  Why did David get shot?  I see it has something to do with witchcraft and wish you wrote more on David to flesh out his character.

Aside from that it was very visual which I enjoyed the most.

All the best,

Javier


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 32 - 34
mojomccann
Posted: November 17th, 2010, 2:21pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
11
Posts Per Day
0.00
enjoyed it, few typos but didn't notice at first read so it didn't effect the flow, good stuff.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 33 - 34
M.Alexander
Posted: October 17th, 2012, 10:38am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
252
Posts Per Day
0.06



I freakin' love this script.   Story-wise, the best OWC ever written, IMO.   Just had to revisit it.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 34 - 34
 Pages: « 1, 2, 3 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    October, 2010 One Week Challenge  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006