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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2010 One Week Challenge  ›  Killing Albert Einstein - OWC
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  Author    Killing Albert Einstein - OWC  (currently 3544 views)
Trojan
Posted: October 19th, 2010, 6:30am Report to Moderator
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Thanks to everyone for the reads and comments. It was pretty rushed so in the end wasn't as funny as it could have been. But at the same time I did try to meet the challenge requirements and have an actual story here, so I didn't go totally over the top with it.

Couple people mentioned about Einstein making an appearance. I thought about that but with the 3 actors limitation decided it wouldn't work.

Thanks Jeff for the pick-up on the lack of commas before names, I was writing this while half-asleep so dropped the ball a bit here with some of my punctuation.

Cheers,
Tim.
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Trojan
Posted: October 19th, 2010, 6:32am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Ryan1
What, no alias on this pisstake?  Brave man, Tim  .


Cheers Ryan, I thought about an alias but Rob Grotnick was alredy taken so went with my own name.  

Cheers,
Tim.

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greg
Posted: October 19th, 2010, 3:01pm Report to Moderator
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Tim,

Well, I laughed so you accomplished what you set out to do.  Subtle humor and it worked good.  If the OWC was sci-fi-comedy I think this would be one of the better ones.  The thing is, this could also have worked well as a horror.  Say they go back in time, kill Einstein, come back to present day, and the Nazis rule the world or something.  Even though this was a piss script the concept is still intriguing.  

So...a job done.

Greg


Be excellent to each other
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Coding Herman
Posted: October 20th, 2010, 3:03pm Report to Moderator
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LOL, I had a great time reading this. This was fun, good horror comedy. You're always good at comedy, Tim.

I think what works is the tone you set and keep consistently throughout the entire script. You never took the haunted house thing too seriously and it shows that you had fun writing it, too.

The characters are so well-defined and goofy that I have to like all of them, despite all the killings, which are comedic in nature as well.

I didn't get why Mandy got back to like an hour ago when Hawking said the chair will transport them back to 1879. But whatever, it just did, just like how the knife and ax appear out of nowhere. Haha.

I really enjoyed it.

Herman


FEATURE:

Memwipe
- Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.
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Trojan
Posted: October 27th, 2010, 10:10am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Coding Herman
I didn't get why Mandy got back to like an hour ago when Hawking said the chair will transport them back to 1879. But whatever, it just did, just like how the knife and ax appear out of nowhere. Haha.


Thanks for the comments Herman, glad you enjoyed it.

As for your question above, I mentioned that Mandy was playing with some dials or something on the chair. This was meant to be the setting for the time to travel to, but I might not have made it clear enough. But at the same time I didn't want to show it explicitly because I wanted it to be a bit of a surprise when she turned up back at the start of the story.

Cheers,
Tim.

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jayrex
Posted: November 10th, 2010, 6:04pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Hello Tim,

I didn't really like this piss take.  I prefer Zombotard to this one.

It went on longer than it should and this is why I think the jokes didn't work for me.  I think it would be funnier to have the rollercoaster as part of the house like those rides on top of skyscrapers.

The last word of dialogue should be Stephen.

You'd get more points if you wrote Doole instead of McDooley as it's my second surname, my irish name at that.

All the best,


Javier


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mojomccann
Posted: November 21st, 2010, 4:58pm Report to Moderator
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Awesome mate, absolutely loved it.
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