Thanks for reading, Abe and good to see you around the boards.

Yeah, this was just for fun.  It was fun for me and I was hoping it would be fun for everyone else as well, but looks like that's not going to be the case.

The version I thought I submitted had alot more of the whale, as well as an actual horror ending.

Take care!

Jeff bringing up the rear of the OWC train. No surprise, since you like sticking it to the guys in front of you and your asshole's so tight you couldn't fit a toothpick in it.

Just so you know, I read this five minutes ago. Was gonna sleep on it since you're such a good guy. But, I'm hammered.

Onto script...

PG 1
"JAEL, 20's, smoking hot south of the border babe," How do we know this?? There's plenty of latinos in my neighborhood. North of the border. Minus one for an unfilmable. Bad start bro.

Josh tossing Jael his toupee?? Okay, back to even. I laughed.

pg. 2
"Jael tosses a martini into the air. The liquid pours directly
down his mouth." - woopsie, his?? Is this your coming out party? Minus one.

Uhp, It's LindsAy. Not Lindsey Lohan. minus two.

"Two brightly colored cocktails with tiny umbrellas sit
next to them." - Jael just pounded a whole fifth, toked a bong several times, and now she/he's drinking a cocktail with an umbrella in it? Don't buy it. Bad character development. minus three.

Toupee cam??? Back up to minus two.


JOSH
Oh, sorry...I like that chalet story
though.
(beat)
(beat)
(beat)
Yeah, so Old Man Pomeroy's great,
great, great grand daddy... - Love it! You know I'm a fan of (beat). only minus one now!!!

JAEL
I bet you'd be a great, great, great
daddy. You wanna be my daddy? I'll
be your little school girl
cheerleader. - Almost got a point... Almost

"A dead fish jumps out of his
mouth, flops on the floor." - how does a dead fish jump and flop??? Minus 2 again.

"Pomeroy looks away from Jael to his legs...back to Jael...back
to the bones." - Okay, that was funny. Minus 1

Yeah, I laughed couldn't help it going in. Maybe just cuz I'm a bit pissard, but that was one of your better pissers. Still, minus 1, sorry to say...

Cheers, always, from the drunk.

James

Thanks for reading, Cleveland.

I'll take minus 1 point with a smile.

The line about the martini flying through the air...it lands in Josh's mouth, thus the "his".  May not have set that one up properly.

Glad you got a few laughs.  That was the goal.

Take care.

'The stairway is too narrow. Get on all fours, and I'll climb over you'...

That line is pure fucking(perhaps Colombian gold!!!

Now I have to build another stoery to my house, insert a staricase and try this line on my missus...

I haven't a clue about the show you ref here, bro, but it still came over funny. Actually, Jael has to be a real name - its too silly to makeup!!!

Sure its a pisstake, but other ones were allowed so no one should be complaining about it.

Good entertainment Jeff!!

Thanks for the read, Stevie.

Glad you found some humor in it.

I think you should try that line on the missus whether or not you have a 2nd floor!  You never know...go for it!  Or just have her dress up like a schoolgirl cheerleader.

Take care.

Hey Ryan, thanks for reading. Your post came up when I was responding to another, but I just caught it…sorry for the oversight.

Yeah, I stuck to my guns and used my whale after all.  Sorry you didn’t find it funny.  Actually, I’m surprised people aren’t finding it funnier.  I guess I have a strange sense of humor?

Oh well, as Balt said, at least I tried…and I did.  Take care.

I think this has clever moments but I wish there had been more of a story.  

Thanks for the read, Catherine.

I, too, wish there was more story here.  There was supposed to be, but it got buried in jokes and sight gags.  I think it's the old runaway train syndrome...once I got going, there was no stopping me.

Glad you found some clever moments.

This was pretty bad, dude. I mean... No Meat was bad but of course, you knew that and you intended it to be. You went all out with that one. This one seemed halfway between a pisser and an actual attempt at the challenge.

None of the jokes worked. Jael's dialogue was particularly abysmal. Seemed like stuff ripped from Snakes on a Plane or something. Absolute cliche, filler sex talk. The pet names. The cheerleader references. Honestly, people could be more creative with their roleplaying. But what really made it fall flat was the fact that it actually wasn't as bad as it could've been... as it should've been. If it had been even more cringeworthy, I would've been sold that it was a pisstake. But that wasn't the case. If I hadn't read your other stuff, I would've assumed this was a genuine attempt at dialogue.

The story was alright. Needless to say, it was completely bogged down by awful characters. The whale, somehow, worked. "Slithers" was a good word choice. The ghost was a little goofy but in a good way. I liked the seaweed vomiting and all that. It was fun.

The ending was the worst. For a moment, I was kinda hoping Old Man Pomeroy would nail Jael with the harpoon and the two guys would get munched by the whale. No such luck. And the slow motion of the legs flying through the air... dude.

In all fairness, I can't tell what you wanted this to be. So you'd had a few when you submitted this. You still must've had some idea. It actually doesn't break any rules as far as I can tell, despite all the official thread shenanigans. This could actually have been a real entry. Contrary-wise, it could've been a real pisser.

So what can I say? Great setting. Decent story. Characters that make me want to stop reading...

Is it safe to say this is what it is?

Hey James, thanks for reading.  Sorry you hated it.

I'm actually really surprised so few are finding this funny.  I laugh out loud to numerous lines still to this day.  As I said earlier, I guess I have a very strange sense of humor.

Both characters are real people, and star on Syfy's Destination Truth, which is a MonsterQuest-like show. Maybe that's why I find it so funny, cause I see them on the show, and it makes me crack up.

It's supposed to be a parody/comedy so if that makes it a pisser, so be it, if not, I'm cool with that as well.  It started out all pisser, but I decided not to go that route.  The triple "beat" was obviously a joke.  In my wastedness, I sent in the wrong draft.  The final draft had alot more of the whale in it, as well as an actual horror ending.  But if you hated this, you'd hate that as well.

I found Jael's dialogue hysterical.  My favorite is when she says, "My God...no!" when Pomeroy gets ready to throw the harpoon.  Then, as she turns to run, the whale's at the door, and she says, "My God...no!" again, then, Josh tells her to get on all fours, and she says, "My God...yes!"  Glad I can humor myself.  Also like the line she says about, Scare me, rebel."  Or how about when she plays the cassette recorder and "Let's Get it On" starts up?

Oh well, guess it didn't work.  I apologize.

Thanks for checking it out, though.

Quoted from Dreamscale I'm actually really surprised so few are finding this funny.  I laugh out loud to numerous lines still to this day.

So did Arsenio Hall...

Sorry. I plan on reading all of these, but the ones that read me first get precedence. Barring any setbacks, this one'll be first tonight. =)

Quoted from Dreamscale I'm actually really surprised...

You say this a lot, usually in regards to popular opinion.

Quoted from Dreamscale As I said earlier, I guess I have a very strange sense of humor.

Case in point. Honestly, your taste in just about everything eludes me, even when it comes to things we both like.

Quoted from Dreamscale Both characters are real people, and star on Syfy's Destination Truth, which is a MonsterQuest-like show. Maybe that's why I find it so funny, cause I see them on the show, and it makes me crack up.

Had no idea this was the case. I did thing the SyFy namedrop was odd. Figured you made up a show or something. So do these two drink, do drugs and have sex in real life too or is that your personal contribution?

Quoted from Dreamscale Or how about when she plays the cassette recorder and "Let's Get it On" starts up?

I will give you that once that started up, I wondered "what's going on here?" But it was just a gag, I guess. Still, maybe a little pizazz here.

James, no they don't drink, do drugs, and have sex.  It's a normal TV show, on Thursday nights.  This was a parody/comedy...at least it was supposed to be.

I had a few people read it before I submitted it and they were rolling on the floor...literally.  Maybe it wasn't taken in the vein it was intended, or maybe I hang with whackos?

So you're saying my taste in everything is off, or weird? Damn, maybe that's why everything is in the shitter for me of late?

Did I not read yours yet, Blonde?  I think I've read 39 of the 45.  I'll get to it soon, if I haven't.

Quoted from Dreamscale So you're saying my taste in everything is off, or weird? Damn, maybe that's why everything is in the shitter for me of late?

Not off. Not weird. Just very, very, very specific. Is it not? Think you might've said it yourself. What I was getting at was I have a very hard time figuring out why you like or dislike what you do. Whatever logic I can apply to your taste, you always manage to surprise me somehow, even after you've explained yourself.

For example, you love Avatar and yet you also love Eyes Wide Shut. Polar opposites. Further more, you like Eyes Wide Shut and yet don't like The Shining. LOL wut? I think whatever's there to turn people off from The Shining is even more so in EWS.

Also (forget where I read this) putting Iron Maiden and Helloween as equals or Hostel on a top 10 list. Not that I hate any of those things but how you would arrive at some of these conclusions is lost on me.

Not gonna debate your taste. Meant nothing by the first comment. I think we dig a lot of the same stuff and agree on a lot of things most people don't. I just can't seem to figure out where you're coming from.

Getting back to your script, I also don't get how you could be dying from laughter from your own script after stating time and time again you're not even a comedy guy.

James, good points, all!  I am bizarre for sure...and specific.  That's a great catch...come to think of it, others have used that word about me before.

I loved the novel, The Shining, but was disappointed by the movie.  Thought it was dull and not very scary.  I don't hate it or anything like that, but IMO, it's far from a great movie.  Eyes Wide Shut, IMO, is just a great flick because it thumbs its nose at just about every convention in film making...it meanders from place to place, plotpoint to plotpoint.  It has insanely long dialogue exchanges that seemingly have little to do with anything.  But for me, it was just very entertaining and filled with fantastic acting and characters.

Funny about the Maiden/Helloween comment.  When I decided to write a script for this challenge, Friday morning, I wanted to base it on either a song by Maiden or Helloween (of all things!).  I started searching lyrics and couldn't come up with anything that was going to work within the limitations we were up against.  So, at least I used an old Helloween song title, which I'm sure no one caught or is even aware of.

They are 2 of my favorite bands of all time, any way you look at it, and still rock to this day.

Thanks for playing along, James.  Always appreciated.