1 - Story: Fair. Nothing new or unique.
2 - Filmable & Budget: Easily filmable with light budget.
3 - Horror & Audience: It's about to graduate from heavy drama to horror when the story ends. PG-13 for subject and frightening images. Audience is going to be p!ssed if this is all they see. They're going to want to see more of a story, making this more of a half sequence rather than a short story. Audience like a good ghost story. Pirate's Code for challenge guidelines - Pass, with forgiveness.
4 - Technicals & Format: Turn off the (MORE) and dialog (CONT'D) features. Typos scattered. To denote dialog interruptions use double dashes rather than ellipses.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/12721428/Professional-Screenplay-Formatting-Guide  Page 52
5 - Title & Logline: Title's a little cryptic. Log is fine, although "the secret" isn't revealed until the last page of story and isn't really "discovered" by the detective.
General Comments:
A - This would be a nice opening sequence. A full story would be well received.