The Knock by MD Thompson - Horror, Psychological - A writer's Halloween story bleeds off the page and into her neighborhood, pulling her family into the horror she thought she'd invented. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Posted my first ten pages for The Knock, didnt think i'd make it in time. Feels good to get them out there. The story’s still finding its rhythm, but this first stretch locks in the family dynamic and the sense that something’s quietly building beneath the surface.

It’s weird bc the more I write, the more it feels like Moira’s story is telling itself. I started trying to control tone and atmosphere, but it keeps drifting into something more personal, almost psychological, but stick with me, once the hacksaw comes out, it will be earned

I’ll use this thread to log progress, stray thoughts, and any insights that come up as the pages build. Feedback’s welcome — good, bad, or weird. Always open to discussion.

Good job, man!!  Impressive.

Keep it going.  You'll find it will continue to write itself, shape itself.  That's progress.

Is this script based off the Halloween script, "The Knock?" I'll be happy to read the feature-length version of the screenplay and review it.

Sup Jeff! Glad to have you here, it’s definitely shaping up and killing me aha

@reg, hello Yeah, it started as a short inspired by that little Russellville mention in Halloween the throwaway line about Charles who murdered his family. I just always wondered what that story was. Merged with the curiosity of why neighbors refused Laurie’s knock even when in obvious danger.

Since then, it’s been morphing into its own thing. Same vibe, same eerie small-town energy, but less of a direct tie-in and more about this idea of creation bleeding into consequence.

Definitely planning to flesh out the feature more. Would love for you to check it out once it’s a bit further along.

Hi

Excuse me for the dumb question but where is the 10 pages posted?

Gabe

Quoted from Mr.Ripley Hi Excuse me for the dumb question but where is the 10 pages posted? Gabe

https://www.simplyscripts.com/unpro_short_exercise2025-11.html

They're not posted yet, Gabe.

Thanks. I was like…where is it posted…lol.

Gabe

Oh wow, that's quick.

Will read once it's posted. My ten are not ready yet. I mean I wrote something but it's "something" for 10 pages. I'll need to work on it some before posting.

Haha, same here, Gabe that was my first thought too. But after writing it, I just hit submit and tossed it to the writing heavens. Check it out once it lands if you’re curious. Appreciate it, man.

I wish I could post ten pages, but I'm working on a short script at the moment.

Quoted from khamanna Oh wow, that's quick. Will read once it's posted. My ten are not ready yet. I mean I wrote something but it's "something" for 10 pages. I'll need to work on it some before posting.

Lock it in 🙌�🔥you got this. Still some time left, I think? Either way, have fun with it and trust your gut. It’s not the final ten yet. Can’t wait to see what you’re putting together this round.

Quoted from Reg I wish I could post ten pages, but I'm working on a short script at the moment.

That sounds like a conflict of interest, my friend.

You guys can do this!!!  I have FAITH!

Quoted from Dreamscale That sounds like a conflict of interest, my friend. You guys can do this!!!  I have FAITH!

Hell yeah Reg, I’m with Jeff, I have faith too. Once you’re done, I’ll look for it.

happy to read once up

if you get the chance to provide/post a summary, synopsis, or general guide would be useful as we can then make comments on how the first 10 align with the 'master plan'

all the best

Quoted from Reef Dreamer happy to read once up if you get the chance to provide/post a summary, synopsis, or general guide would be useful as we can then make comments on how the first 10 align with the 'master plan' all the best

Appreciate that, Reef Dreamer — makes total sense. I’ll post a short summary soon so it’s easier to see where the first ten fit into the bigger picture. Still locking in a few story beats, but the “master plan� is definitely forming.

For now, this is the latest logline I’ve been working on: A writer’s Halloween story bleeds off the page and into her neighborhood, pulling her family into the horror she thought she’d invented.

Quoted from MDwriteOn For now, this is the latest logline I’ve been working on: A writer’s Halloween story bleeds off the page and into her neighborhood, pulling her family into the horror she thought she’d invented.

That's tidy.

could the protagonist have a specific challenge that would make this difficult ?

I get the stakes are her family so that works

how about she hadn't finished the story? or hadn't worked out how her creation gets slain etc

so we could have a real life challenge - real creature - and a creative writing challenge working in parallel. but can she find safety to write the ending etc

If you wanted to go rounder, it could a creature she created as a way of getting over an old family trauma - eg step father abuse - which she has projected into the creature, thereby her resolution is to overcome the trauma or come to terms with it or perhaps realise that the creature was there to protect her, but only if you approach it in the right way etc

anyway, a few rambles for you - best of luck.

The first ten are up.  

- Don

MD

I'm liking what you have so far. Although and this is just me but the first page is a lot of descriptions.  Plus the camera following holding on Halloween decorations, etc.

I'm in no way saying it's right or wrong just feel it's a lot and we understand it's Halloween. But could you use Ariel view instead?

After that it flows nicely though.

On page 4 I was confused with this dialogue. Did you mean Sew?

                                            JULIA
I hope he sow you to the table last, that way you can see what death really is.


Other than that looking forward to reading more.

Dear MD,
nice opening page with weather and locations set up.
Loved this line : "just an autumn postcard that forgot to smile."
This pulled me up  (not just the widow!!) A faint metallic clack... clack... DING rises from
inside.
The sound lingers in the air, almost mistaken for thunder.  -- for me DING is not thunderous.
Enter (Parents) MOIRA and WALT - ...
so true -- "This is what happens when you treat a coat and gloves like accessories."
I'm unsure about this -- Somewhere deep in the house, the typewriter CLACKS once,
sharp enough to cut through the conversation.
No one reacts. -- Meaning it has happened before and they are used to it??

Howsabout "Maybe it does." for
JULIA
(deadpan)
Maybe it did.
Walt blinks- doesn't quite know what to do  with that. . . .
typo our -
WALT
Help how? You write about murder
and madness in the same house out
kid's trying to dream in.

to the end reveal. Spooky stuff - keep it coming . All best --

Quoted from Reef Dreamer That's tidy. could the protagonist have a specific challenge that would make this difficult ? I get the stakes are her family so that works how about she hadn't finished the story? or hadn't worked out how her creation gets slain etc so we could have a real life challenge - real creature - and a creative writing challenge working in parallel. but can she find safety to write the ending etc If you wanted to go rounder, it could a creature she created as a way of getting over an old family trauma - eg step father abuse - which she has projected into the creature, thereby her resolution is to overcome the trauma or come to terms with it or perhaps realise that the creature was there to protect her, but only if you approach it in the right way etc anyway, a few rambles for you - best of luck. Love the thoughts, keep rambling on you damn near touched on an idea that’s been brewing at the back of my mind regarding Moira’s family lineage. Been toying with how her family history might be tied to what’s happening, something generational that bleeds into her writing without her realizing it. You’re definitely circling close. I’ve been getting some help with creating a logline, I’m horrible at them, I’ll keep up at it throughout the process.

Quoted from JCB71 MD I'm liking what you have so far. Although and this is just me but the first page is a lot of descriptions.  Plus the camera following holding on Halloween decorations, etc. I'm in no way saying it's right or wrong just feel it's a lot and we understand it's Halloween. But could you use Ariel view instead? After that it flows nicely though. On page 4 I was confused with this dialogue. Did you mean Sew?                                             JULIA I hope he sow you to the table last, that way you can see what death really is. Other than that looking forward to reading more.

Thanks for giving it a read, appreciate you catching that! You’re right about the opening, I was going for a bit of a Halloween 4 homage with that quiet, fall atmosphere before the tension creeps in. I just love that eerie calm and small-town stillness.

And yeah, sow or sew? I guess so, haha. Glad to have you on board so far it only gets whackier from here.

Quoted from JtF Dear MD, nice opening page with weather and locations set up. Loved this line : "just an autumn postcard that forgot to smile." This pulled me up  (not just the widow!!) A faint metallic clack... clack... DING rises from inside. The sound lingers in the air, almost mistaken for thunder.  -- for me DING is not thunderous. Enter (Parents) MOIRA and WALT - ... so true -- "This is what happens when you treat a coat and gloves like accessories." I'm unsure about this -- Somewhere deep in the house, the typewriter CLACKS once, sharp enough to cut through the conversation. No one reacts. -- Meaning it has happened before and they are used to it?? Howsabout "Maybe it does." for JULIA (deadpan) Maybe it did. Walt blinks- doesn't quite know what to do  with that. . . . typo our - WALT Help how? You write about murder and madness in the same house out kid's trying to dream in. to the end reveal. Spooky stuff - keep it coming . All best --

Really appreciate you diving in like that glad the “postcard that forgot to smile� line landed. That opening tone was important to me. And yeah, I see what you mean about that “Maybe it does� beat I’ll play with the rhythm there.

Also, yes the typewriter’s a janky old family heirloom that occasionally functions on its own. Not possessed, just ancient and temperamental. It’ll clank and dink on its own from time to time, like it’s reminding everyone it’s still alive.

Thanks again for the thoughtful notes, really encouraging stuff.

Thanks for reading the first ten pages. I really wanted to give life to Orchard Street while setting the overall vibe. Originally, when we came through the window into the Fox residence, it went straight into the dinner table scene — but it felt too stale and bleak.

I went back and added the living room moment beforehand to show the family in a lighter, more united tone. That change gave me more dialogue to play with during the dinner scene and helped contrast the unease that follows.

Julia’s not just sick or slightly punished for neglecting her coat and gloves, she’s haunted by the pages from her mother’s story, The Lady and the Bell. That’s actually what she’s quoting to her neighbor.

I’ll make that all clearer soonjust writing out loud here and tracking the progress as it unfolds.



I did not write much this weekend, had work and story fatigue. I did however type out the pages Julia read from Moira’s typewriter.

THE LADY AND THE BELL – CHAPTER 7: “The Collector’s Supper�

(Read through Julia eyes)

They were seated as if for dinner.

The man had dressed them all,wife, son, daughter—in their Sunday clothes. His hands were clean except for what had seeped under the nails. He moved with care, not frenzy. Each head tilted toward him, waiting for the prayer he would not give.

He spoke softly while he worked, like a father reading bedtime stories:
“We stay together now. No more leaving. No more noise.�

He stitched their wrists to the tablecloth so the family would not drift apart again. Thread through flesh, looped neat as embroidery. When one arm slipped, he whispered an apology and tied it tighter.

The bell outside the window began to toll, slow and deliberate. Once for each of them. The sound shook dust from the rafters.

He smiled as if he’d earned applause.

The woman at the end of the table—the mother—was still breathing when he began to serve her. Her eyes fluttered. She tried to say a word, but her jaw only clicked. The man touched her hair with the tenderness of habit.

“Shh,� he said. “You’ll wake the children.�

The bell rang again. Louder.

By the twelfth toll, the house was full of silence.

He stayed seated among them until the ringing stopped. Until the bodies cooled enough to look like rest.

Just read it and forgot to take notes, sorry.

Very nice work.

You didn't introdue Moira and Walt - that I remember. I didn't even know if they were parents at first.

Good family dinamics, conversations and all. The read sucked me in.

Julia sounds a bit old at first (when she says accessories) - those are all my thoughts.

Nice, very nice. I don't like horrors, but this one I'll be waiting for. Definitely.

Hi MD -

It’s hard to really critique just the first ten pages of a script, because you don't know how they relate to the rest of the script, but I will say this, you've done a great job of setting the mood and showing the kind of story this is going to be.

The family feels real. There’s already a quiet tension under everything. It hints that something deeper is going on. You set up some interesting ideas about stories having power and the line between what’s real and what isn’t. It already feels like there’s something connected to Moira’s writing or Julia’s mind that’s starting to seep through. It’s a slow kind of dread, more psychological than slasher, and I like that.

The inciting incident isn't there, but might come in the next few pages, and that would be totally fine. Either way, this is a really great first draft. These 10 pages are doing a lot of the heavy lifting for the rest of the script.

Thanks so much for reading and for the thoughtful words. Means a lot.

Khamanna, I really appreciate that note on Moira and Walt’s intro. I’ll make sure their dynamic is clearer earlier on. And yeah, I’ve been toying with aging Julia up just a touch. I think it’ll make some of her moments land more naturally.

Pop Noodle, that’s exactly the balance I’ve been chasing—a slow creep of psychological dread instead of straight slasher energy. Glad that came through. You nailed it with the comment about Moira’s writing and Julia’s mind starting to blur together. That line between imagination and inheritance is kind of the spine of it.

Thanks again for taking the time. These early reads have really helped me figure out where to push and where to hold back for the next stretch.

Hi, MD. I started to read your write up of the story and saw this:

"He stitched their wrists to the tablecloth so the family would not drift apart again. Thread through flesh, looped neat as embroidery. When one arm slipped, he whispered an apology and tied it tighter."

is it with the little girl included? I know it's in the Lady and The Bell story, so you don't have to have children in there, right?

I'd avoid having anything heavy done to a child. Unless it's a cartoon like Caroline. But again, I haven't seen many horrors. Just my thinking - that I spread around)

Marcus, wow!  This is beautifully written, so much so that it flows almost like prose.  Your scene setups are so vivid that I get a perfect picture in my mind of what you are trying to portray.  You pack alot of imagery into a few pages.  Great job on that.  As for the characters, I was initially confused as to who Moira and Walt were - you might go back and introduce them as Julia's parents in their first scene to clear that up.  Also, to me, Julia reads as much older and wiser than a seven year old - but maybe that's your intent for something that comes later?  Anyway, you have my highest praise so far for this.  Beautiful writing. Amazing.  You are off to a great start here.  Can't wait to read what comes next!  

Quoted from khamanna Hi, MD. I started to read your write up of the story and saw this: "He stitched their wrists to the tablecloth so the family would not drift apart again. Thread through flesh, looped neat as embroidery. When one arm slipped, he whispered an apology and tied it tighter." is it with the little girl included? I know it's in the Lady and The Bell story, so you don't have to have children in there, right? I'd avoid having anything heavy done to a child. Unless it's a cartoon like Caroline. But again, I haven't seen many horrors. Just my thinking - that I spread around)

Thanks for the note, Khamanna. I completely get where you’re coming from. Anything along those lines will be handled with care and in good taste, nothing gratuitous or meant for shock value.

I’ll give a heads-up beforehand if something like that ends up being part of the story. I’m not going for gore for gore sake or exploitation, it’s more about atmosphere and the inevitability that comes with Charlie’s lore. And he will be knocking soon.🪚

Quoted from kcranford Marcus, wow!  This is beautifully written, so much so that it flows almost like prose.  Your scene setups are so vivid that I get a perfect picture in my mind of what you are trying to portray.  You pack alot of imagery into a few pages.  Great job on that.  As for the characters, I was initially confused as to who Moira and Walt were - you might go back and introduce them as Julia's parents in their first scene to clear that up.  Also, to me, Julia reads as much older and wiser than a seven year old - but maybe that's your intent for something that comes later?  Anyway, you have my highest praise so far for this.  Beautiful writing. Amazing.  You are off to a great start here.  Can't wait to read what comes next!

Kathy, thank you so much for the kind words. I really appreciate you taking the time to read it and share your thoughts. I’m glad the imagery and tone came through the way I hoped. You’re right about clarifying Moira and Walt’s introduction, and I’ve been thinking about aging Julia up a bit as well to better fit how she’s reading on the page.

Truly appreciate the encouragement. It means a lot coming from you, and I’m excited to keep building from here.

Catching up on some The Knock progress. I’ve been fleshing out Sasha Bowles, Charlie’s wife, and her dynamic with Moira Fox.

This scene’s set on Moira’s back patio, late evening, beers and cigarettes in hand. Sasha opens up about her failing marriage and the business that’s sinking their family. What makes it hit harder is the year, 1963, when women didn’t just leave. Divorce carried real stigma back then, especially in a small Midwestern town like Russellville. Even saying the word was scandalous. So when Sasha admits she’s planning to run off on Halloween night, it’s not just desperate, it’s defiant.

I’ll have character bios for The Knock crew up soon, but for now here’s a glimpse of the tone and tension driving Sasha’s story.


EXT. FOX HOUSE – BACK PATIO – NIGHT

Rain earlier, air heavy. Two women under the porch light: Sasha, shaking smoke off her fingers, and Moira, nursing a beer like it’s medicine.

SASHA
He’s drowning us, Moira. The shop’s going under, the house too. And Leland’s been running his mouth—feeding the fire for months.

MOIRA
You think that justifies it?

SASHA
Of course it doesn’t, but Jesus—

MOIRA
Then make it make sense.

SASHA
That’s it! That’s the only way I can make sense of it!
(beat, voice cracking)
I wish I could wrap it up neat—nice—comfortable enough for me and my boys, and for Charlie too. Tie it up in a bow like one of your damn books.
(leans forward)
But this is real life. And it’s ugly. And it’s scary.

MOIRA
You think running fixes that?

SASHA
No. But staying sure as hell doesn’t.
(beat)
I wish I had your superpower, Moira. To turn it into words and survive it that way.
(her voice drops)
If I did, I’d wield it just as hard as you do now. But I can’t.
(pulls on her cigarette)
So I’m leaving. Before it kills me.

These are the folks at the center of The Knock. Just a straightforward rundown of who’s in this story and the headspace they’re coming from. Helps put faces to the names as the pages build.


THE KNOCK CREW

MOIRA FOX
Early 30s. Writer running on caffeine and bad sleep. Smart, stubborn, and usually two steps ahead until she isn’t. Loves her kid even when she’s emotionally drifting. Her book bleeds into the night and she carries more guilt than she’ll ever say out loud. Half the horror is what she won’t deal with.

WALT FOX
Mid 30s. Sheriff. Solid, dad-jokey, trying too hard to keep the peace by staying steady. Good man, but blind to half the danger sitting right across the street. The town trusts him which makes the truth hit harder when things go wrong.

JULIA FOX
Seven. Feverish, sharp, too aware for her age. Reads what she shouldn’t. Keeps masks on her wall like warnings. There is something off about the way she looks at the world and the final window shot makes it all land.

CHARLIE BOWLES (30s)
Family man with a teddy bear frame and eyes that don’t match the smile. Runs the hardware store. Creator of the Russellville Reds candy with that sweet cherry hit and a quiet chemical hum underneath. His plan started as something almost gentle, one last dinner before the truth. Then he put on Julia’s mask and whatever was fraying inside him finally gave way. It only gets worse from there.

SASHA BOWLES (30s)
Beautiful, sharp, tired. Wanted a life that wasn’t hardware-store aisles and walking on eggshells. Plays the perfect-wife act for neighbors but it’s slipping. Charlie’s secrets and temper have taken their toll. She and Moira planned a Halloween escape route that should have taken her and the kids right to Leland’s car. Clean in theory. Never clean in practice.

GORDO BOWLES (11)
Quiet, observant, trying too hard to be the “man of the house.� He sees everything and doesn’t have the language yet to name any of it.

FALCON BOWLES (9)
Goofy, talkative, pure heart. Obsessed with Halloween. Still believes the world is fair which makes everything that follows hit harder.

LELAND GRANT (30s)
Pharmacist. Charming in a restless way. Talks when he shouldn’t. Shares a wall with the hardware store and too many secrets with Sasha. Loves her in a way that makes him reckless. Says the wrong thing at the wrong time while Charlie is making the Reds and that’s pretty much all she wrote.

MEREDITH KLIEN (40s)
Neighbor who swears she hates gossip while knowing every scrap of it. Polished on the outside and anxious underneath. Keeps her life tidy so she doesn’t have to look at the mess she’s part of. Fear makes her controlling and her smile does most of the hiding.

TEDDY KLIEN (40s)
Straightforward, loyal, a little rough around the edges. The quiet one in the marriage but the first to sense when something’s off. Good-hearted and more perceptive than people give him credit for.

Hello!  Enjoyed the first 10 of this, especially the building tension. Got me interested in what happened in the house before and how it might blur into what's happening now with this little family.  

Q: is the manuscript under Julia's pillow the same scary work by her mom that she admitted to reading even though she wasn't supposed to? -  or is it something else?

Also - small note:  would be helpful to say that Moira's parents are her parents when you first introduce them.  I got it eventually from context but when I read their names without ages or other identifiers, I thought at first they might be other kids.  

Good luck with it. You're off to an intriguing start!
Brigid

MD,

I read your intro post where you say you’re building up neighborhood aesthetic or something like that, which is good, but not if it’s over done. I think it is. Your page one is very dense — I’m not sure what describing everything, including three houses, does to move the story along. Not trying to be too critical, mind you, but there’s a lot of reading before we get to what really interest us.

Clarity is king. Again, you spend a lot of time with descriptions — faucets dripping, lights humming, the writing on the pizza box.  Here I think the script would be better if you give us more dialogue — quick, snappy. In and out. Descriptions clear and concise. What we really need to know here is that Julia is sick and couldn’t go out for Halloween, that Moira is a writer and Walt is uspet that Julia’s been reading his wife’s novel. That’s a good set up, but it just seems to get a little lost because it seems that you’re trying to do just a little too much with this. I’d say cut down on some of the exposition, and get us to what your story is really about.

Hope this makes sense!

Steve

Quoted from 143 Hello!  Enjoyed the first 10 of this, especially the building tension. Got me interested in what happened in the house before and how it might blur into what's happening now with this little family.   Q: is the manuscript under Julia's pillow the same scary work by her mom that she admitted to reading even though she wasn't supposed to? -  or is it something else? Also - small note:  would be helpful to say that Moira's parents are her parents when you first introduce them.  I got it eventually from context but when I read their names without ages or other identifiers, I thought at first they might be other kids.   Good luck with it. You're off to an intriguing start! Brigid

Thanks for reading and for the thoughtful notes, Brigid. Yes, the pages Julia got into are from Moira’s own book. She wasn’t supposed to get her hands on it, and I’ll make that clearer in the next pass. Good call on identifying Moira and Walt as her parents earlier too. I can see how that might read confusing on a first go. Really appreciate you taking the time.

Quoted from SAC MD, I read your intro post where you say you’re building up neighborhood aesthetic or something like that, which is good, but not if it’s over done. I think it is. Your page one is very dense — I’m not sure what describing everything, including three houses, does to move the story along. Not trying to be too critical, mind you, but there’s a lot of reading before we get to what really interest us. Clarity is king. Again, you spend a lot of time with descriptions — faucets dripping, lights humming, the writing on the pizza box.  Here I think the script would be better if you give us more dialogue — quick, snappy. In and out. Descriptions clear and concise. What we really need to know here is that Julia is sick and couldn’t go out for Halloween, that Moira is a writer and Walt is uspet that Julia’s been reading his wife’s novel. That’s a good set up, but it just seems to get a little lost because it seems that you’re trying to do just a little too much with this. I’d say cut down on some of the exposition, and get us to what your story is really about. Hope this makes sense! Steve

Thanks for the read, Steve. Really appreciate you taking the time. I get what you mean about the density. I’m leaning into a Halloween 4–style opener, that cozy lived-in neighborhood atmosphere with a quiet eeriness under it, so a lot of the early weight sits on mood.

And honestly, when I first wrote these pages I only had a gist of where the story was heading. I was working on instinct and letting the vibe lead. Now that the bigger picture is clearer, I’m already spotting a few places to tighten things up for clarity without changing the approach.

Julia’s situation and Moira’s writing start lining up more directly as the next stretch of pages builds. Appreciate you taking the time to look it over.

THE KNOCK


Logline - something punchy about this, the kind I could see on a poster


As we go, random thoughts etc…

Russelvile - how would we know?
dying holiday: ??
feels ike an ‘establishing shot’ could be useful of getting a vibe of the district?
Inside, warm light… I assume from the inside, rather  than we are inside
You introduce two houses quite specifically before the one we enter - I assume this will be important but if it could wait I wonder whether more focus could be on the Fox home
Clack for thunder etc - I couldn’t get this in my head
quilt fortress, ?? What’s that
Enter MOIRA and WALT-costumes half hearted - ages? Kids/ adults?
Pertussin. ??

utensils-too
loud, too human. - not sure what image ive got here
Moira Kneels - kneels


Ok finished

Lots of mood, images and sounds. Sometimes of let I had heard this before, so just double check whether everything is required.

Mum is a writer, and the young sick daughter reads her manuscript on halloween, of all nights.

At the moment the story os focused on mum/dad and Julia in their house. I wonder if we could get more of an idea of mum and dad - I didn’t have much image or character sense. Tension arises over whether the daughter should read the pages, perhaps the father disagrees with his wife’s stories/career?

The girl is arty, creative, does masks - that could almost be an opening image

Part almost thinks you could start inside, get a vibe of the family, then drift outside to see how its different to others. Just a thought.

Iff we are to go into a world which starts to reassemble her story then ia assume there is a trigger moment, something which projects them in that direction  p we shall see

A final reflection is that you have a strong idea but it is going to be quite a challenge to pull it off

Ramble over

All the best

Quoted from Reef Dreamer THE KNOCK Logline - something punchy about this, the kind I could see on a poster As we go, random thoughts etc… Russelvile - how would we know? dying holiday: ?? feels ike an ‘establishing shot’ could be useful of getting a vibe of the district? Inside, warm light… I assume from the inside, rather  than we are inside You introduce two houses quite specifically before the one we enter - I assume this will be important but if it could wait I wonder whether more focus could be on the Fox home Clack for thunder etc - I couldn’t get this in my head quilt fortress, ?? What’s that Enter MOIRA and WALT-costumes half hearted - ages? Kids/ adults? Pertussin. ?? utensils-too loud, too human. - not sure what image ive got here Moira Kneels - kneels Ok finished Lots of mood, images and sounds. Sometimes of let I had heard this before, so just double check whether everything is required. Mum is a writer, and the young sick daughter reads her manuscript on halloween, of all nights. At the moment the story os focused on mum/dad and Julia in their house. I wonder if we could get more of an idea of mum and dad - I didn’t have much image or character sense. Tension arises over whether the daughter should read the pages, perhaps the father disagrees with his wife’s stories/career? The girl is arty, creative, does masks - that could almost be an opening image Part almost thinks you could start inside, get a vibe of the family, then drift outside to see how its different to others. Just a thought. Iff we are to go into a world which starts to reassemble her story then ia assume there is a trigger moment, something which projects them in that direction  p we shall see A final reflection is that you have a strong idea but it is going to be quite a challenge to pull it off Ramble over All the best

Thanks for taking the time to go through it. You pointed out a few things that actually helped me see what needed tightening, especially the early family setup and some of the repeating sound cues. Funny enough, a lot of what you mentioned ended up getting addressed in my newest pass once the bigger shape of the story clicked into place.

Really appreciate the read and the thoughts.