Just Another Frustrated Observer by Yet Another Frustrated Observer - A Christmas legend about Mister Mistletoe, and his observations on kissing fails  Short, Comedy, Animation

Rudy and Holly suspend their reality and suffer through a Christmas tale offered up by their uncle MICK. But Uncle Mick doesn't seem to respect their immaturity as he spins a take with subtle innuendo, or maybe not so subtle.

The mating rituals of reindeers, snowmen (and snow-women) are explored in a poem. Told from the Mistletoe's point of view, Uncle Mick discovers he hasn't told the children the name of the story.

I would liked to have seen more character development of the children as the story progresses. As it is, the parents are only peripherally involved. You could tell that when the kids rush to eat dinner instead of watching video games. Or listening to Uncle Mick's Christmas story.        

Kind of cool that this is told in a poem.. but the story wasn't for me. I didn't find it that funny. Lots of typos.
Good job for finishing and entering.

Ahoy writer,

I hate to nitpick, but I would be remiss in not pointing out that you too - have exceeded the page count, but not gonna hold it against you. Nods of agreement to what's been said above. Some thoughts. Tell me to rot in hell or bless me to Mary, or ignore me with the pigeons...just my opinion. I personally have not, kissed anyone under it and I kinda find it cringy. It’s poisonous lol but the meaning of it is good I guess.

I wasn’t allergic to this in principle, it reads OK,  didn't exactly tickle my funny bone, but it lacks punch for want of a better word. Luv your concept. It's wonderful. We  thought of a mistletoe, too. Good effort here. Best of Irish luck!

I don't normally moan about typos as OWC's are rushed and first drafts, but this one had a lot that could have been easily found with one click of a spellchecker. Plus it was longer than the 6 page limit! Scandalous!

I love the idea of Mister Toe being mispronounced Mistletoe but I couldn't quite work out why this Mistletoe was cursed and every kiss turned to disaster. Was there a reason?

Mister Toe sometimes tells his tale in rhyme and sometimes doesn't. I'd suggest making it consistent.

Wasn't quite sure of the ending and what it meant or why Uncle Mick forced the kids to hear this tale. With the title of the script and the fact that Gary makes an appearance at the end, I'm guessing Mick fancies Gary's wife and is frustrated about it, hence this weird, dark tale? If I'm right then you need to bring this out more in the story as it had me scratching my head.

A little "all over the place". for me.  Some cute interesting stabs at humor.   Did I miss something with ANDY (VO) on page 3?   Found the ending a bit loose.

Left me confused, but I thought some of the jokes were quite funny. The reveal with the reindeer was definitely my favourite.

My understanding is that Mick is tasked with reading to the kids so Claire and Gary can have some Christmas fun. But if so, wouldn't video games work just as well?

The rhyming was often awkward but I appreciated the choice.

It's cool that this script was set in the Kegmaster House. That's the place where I'd want to live, for sure. I really liked the line "Except for Commander Carnage" in response to the plea to play video games. I also got a kick out of the Uncle Mick/Santa mix-up on the names, a good running gag. I appreciate also your efforts to write in verse.

I just had a hard time following what was going on with the characters under the mistletoe. All of that needs to be sharpened and clarified.

This was very strange and difficult to read due to the typos, BOLD names then no bold names, the changing of Rudy to Andy then back again, DAD in quotes...

I think I understand the story, but the execution needs a lot of work.

Good job finishing a script.

Writer,

I liked the idea that you went with an old stop motion animation sequence. Pretty cool. But, well, aside from that I really couldn’t tell what that story was about at all. Maybe just me, but I was lost.

Steve