From Babbet With Love by Bad Boy Santa - A Xmas card comes to life when one of the characters portrayed on the card suddenly dies.  Short, Drama, Scifi

I love the characters coming to life in this, but I came away thinking you needed to do more with actually showing us that via your writing.

Starting with this:

SOUNDS (V.O.)
Umph! Ouch. Hurry up, will you?
It’s been a year already!

I'd have that box move around in Betty's hands so that she drops it even, and looks perplexed, even spooked. Then they become quiet for a while they're being arranged on the shelves.

I really think have them pop out from their cards and be fully animated, (in miniature) but dressed directly from their depicted scenes, straight away. Perhaps they have a short shelf-life, especially if they're purchased.

Here's a thought: make them pop-up Christmas cards.

The banter between the characters and different scenarios is very good and entertaining.

SANTA
Right after new years, another
company company bought them out and
replaced the Xmas card line with
all religious cards.

Perhaps have the card company have gone under (folded)    (& Babbette's demise) to make way for online/digital cards?

BABBET’S VOICE (V.O.)
And the second thing I want you to
do is take on human form. See if
you like it? If you don’t, you can
always come back to the Xmas cards.

Here:
INT. TREVOR’S HOUSE - NIGHT
They all appear to have come to life, already...

Okay, bit confusing for me. The order of them coming to life, I mean.
I loved the musical card.

I just felt the whole thing needed more elucidation as to what we would actually see on film.

I really loved the row of blank cards on the shop stands.
I think you missed a comedic opportunity there for Betty to walk past and see that, and be puzzled again at that sight of it.

I don't know about this fitting SciFi.
Another where I read it strictly as Fantasy/Drama.

Anyway, this is a mixed bag for me, mainly to do with the construction of the narrative but I think the basic idea of characters coming to life from Christmas cards is a solid premise and I enjoyed it a lot.

Typo: chase lounge.
Chaise lounge?

I really like the idea of Christmas cards chatting and having lives. It's like the paintings in Hogwarts. The execution didn't quite work for me though and I think it was down to two things. The first was there were rather a lot of characters for a 6 page short so I never got to know any for long enough to know or care about them. They just chatted about random things which had nothing to do with the story. If you want the audience to care about Babbet's demise we need to know about that character - see Babbet in the card one year and gone the next, for example.

The second thing was the wishes which went way out there without any explanation. So the drawings can just choose to become real if they want? Wow! Why would they stay locked up in a box (which they all complained about) if they have so much magic?

A really neat idea that just needs combing through to find the right story. Well done for entering.  

Hi Writer


A cool idea but in my opinion, it needs more of an actual story behind it, most of it seems random. Babbet and Trevor should be introduced much earlier, their relationship built up, at the moment there is not enough to care about them

L.C has great suggestions on improving the visual writing of this, nothing I say will be better so I will just say that I agree.

The rules of the world also left me slightly confused, they complain about being in a box for a year but are all in new designs? and out of the blue they can just poof into human form?

Anyway, good effort

I enjoyed this Interesting idea.  Could have done without the, Baby it's Cold outside, ME TOO movement reference. Didn't think it was needed.   I'm guessing there would be options on how you'd film this.   Maybe a fun challenge.
Pg 2 Basile should be Billy in a rewrite, I think.  I thought your heartfelt approach to an ending was noble; just missed, perhaps.

Yeah, I love the concept! I didn't really understand the character vignettes but I liked where their story ended up. I think the big change I'd suggest here is getting to the Babbet reveal as soon as possible. That way we can learn about the characters by watching them react to this new situation, rather than listening to them having conversations that we don't really understand the context for.

The references to the cultural debate around Baby It's Cold Outside are very odd and not well-handled, in my opinion.

This is a really creative idea, probably the best of the bunch in that regard. I think I saw something like this on Saturday Night Live a couple of weeks ago, but that skit was focused on the personalized cards people make, not the kind bought in stores. I chuckled at the scenes involving Santa. I also appreciate the weirdness at the end where the characters materialize into the real world.

Having said that, there was a lot that left me confused or lukewarm. It started initially when Charles asked Ginny "How was your year?" This is a confusing question because they are pictured on the same card, aren't they? Charles should know exactly how the year has gone because he's been stuck with Ginny for so long. It seemed kind of random for them to discuss the Me Too movement. The missing Babbet part also didn't resonate because I don't know much about this character.

I think this could be a winning idea with a little revision.

Ahoy Bad Boy Santa,

I luv rum in my eggnog. Lots of rum. Sometimes with lemonade. Yummy.   Too much good advice already, nothing more for me to add. Storywise -- It's got a lot of charm - it brought a smile to my face. The idea rocks, but  this just felt a bit off-kilter, like an ice cream truck with three flat tires. A lot crammed into six pages. Consider dialing back on dialogue.. and focus more on Babbet. I'd say Heretic&Libby pretty much nailed it. Good job.

Writer,

Very creative premise you came up with here. As is, it’s a miss for me because I think you could have done so much more with this. The ending doesn’t leave me satisfied. I feel you could have done without the early dialogue of the other cards and just focused on Babbet and Trevor and built the story around that. Again, that’s just me. Good effort.

Steve