Quoted from Max I could use feedback Glenn, lol. When I near the 10 mark tho, as i want to iron out niggles before the 10pg deadline.

Of course man. I'll take a look. All here to help, right?

Rough loglines are....


After a Mi6 agent is extracted from a failed mission suffering from amnesia and accused of treason by the CIA, she soon discovers her only hope is a mysterious clinic that helps people remember.

Or....

When a Mi6 agent suffering from amnesia is taken to a secret clinic to help her remember she soon discovers that she must deal with more than just the failed mission.

Never good at these things.

Titles - are WIP

Not sure whether to focus on the character, or the conundrum or the clinic.


Lots of work to do in this.

If you do 3 pages a day you will finish in a month, so don't feel that you have to have a high productivity rate. 5 pages a day is excellent and is a nice target to have, but even 2 pages will cut it.

Bill, stop worrying about which logline works best and start the story. The focus should fall into place as you write and will likely encompass all three of those things until the natural path is found.

Mo, the first 10 can be anonymous, if you want. I remember from past 7WCs that some people don't like to share ideas or their story while writing and others like to discuss every detail about their script. Whatever works for you. I personally don't see why being anonymous helps.

Bill, I'm with Dustin. Don't obsess about the logline at this stage. That's the last thing to polish before you start shopping it. I know at MP they spent a whole month just deciding which logline was best...  Just have something rough so you don't forget what the aim of the story is.

Quoted from DustinBowcot I don't care about the Macguffin, or any of the other parameters. I do have  a Macguffin though, I'm twenty pages in and it hasn't been mentioned yet, but it will come up in the next 20... hopefully. The story goes where the story goes, to hell with the 'rules'. The idea behind this contest is to get you to write a feature. If you miss one or two of the stipulations then it will not matter, because at the end, you've written a great story that hasn't been held back by some made-up-on-the-spot rules. The only thing you can win with this is a completed feature. The only thing you can lose is to not finish it. Leaving out the Macguffin doesn't make you a loser. Plus, I'd rather read proper well told stories than something that has a Macguffin levered in just to fit the rules.

I agree. I realized pretty quickly it would be tough building the entire concept starting from the MacGuffin. I mean, how do you exploit something whose definition is "useless and interchangeable". Plus MacGuffins have a way of popping up randomly and could just drive a particular act or sequence rather than the whole story. For instance Pulp Fiction has two MacGuffins. The briefcase of course, but also Butch's watch. Some might argue we know the importance of Butch's watch and therefor it's not a MacGuffin. But could it have easily been a ring or bracelet? Does he ever use it to tell the time? Sounds like a MacGuffin to me.

Hey Reef,

Is the clinic a place Mi6 brings her to, or does she have to get there herself against all opposition? The second way sounds a little more kinetic, IMO. The first way I'd worry they drive her there and either A) retrieve her memory, sending the story in an entirely different direction or B) they can't retrieve her memory, giving her an entirely different goal. So I guess my question is how much of the story will be driven by pursuit of the clinic? The more important it is in the story, the more important it is in the logline.

Hi folks

Logline - I agree there is more to get on with, but, I also feel that experience has shown me that if the Logline doesn't work your gonna have problems later.

Besides the idea IMO is to share thoughts and ideas, and that should be right at the beginning.

Which leads me to Eric's feedback.

That is a useful question, ie is she there of her own accord, or was she taken.

At the moment, the great game being played outside her story is a dispute between the USA and UK over Intel. The Brits are trying to protect their lead agent but need her to remember what happened otherwise time will run out and they will have to handl her over. A ticking clock.

On this basis they take her there but it's off the grid to avoid it being known, and a radical treatment - hopefully we are left are faced with the will it work? will it work in time? and of course what will be revealed?

Happy to give my thoughts on anybody else's idea, proposal, whether on line. Or off.

Cheers

I'm not good at loglines so I can't help you write a better one, but as far as peaking my interest in the story, I would say the first one works best for me. Has a better sense of mystery.

Five pages in.

Rough logline/ premise:

Kabul, Afghanistan. When a drug trafficker is shot dead in a field of opium the same night an American consul is killed in a suicide bombing, a disgraced FBI agent is brought in to work alongside the bigoted local police force to unravel the connection. But as her investigation leads her deep into the corrupt world of CIA-sanctioned heroin production, and an attempt on her life is made, she realises that more may be at stake than saving her career.

Logline needs some work, but the pages are flowing

Thank you SimplyScripts and all those involved in the organisation of this contest for giving me the kick up the arse I needed to get back to writing!

Thanks. You see this has made me think about it.

On reflection I like the idea of Her having to go on the run, or under cover, a tad like minority report, all ito prove her innocence. Got to be mindful of budget though.

As a lifelong fan of Le Carre's work, I'm a sucker for anything MI5/6 based. Looking forward to reading your entry, Reef!

Quoted from Toby_E Five pages in. Rough logline/ premise: Kabul, Afghanistan. When a drug trafficker is shot dead in a field of opium the same night an American consul is killed in a suicide bombing, a disgraced FBI agent is brought in to work alongside the bigoted local police force to unravel the connection. But as her investigation leads her deep into the corrupt world of CIA-sanctioned heroin production, and an attempt on her life is made, she realises that more may be at stake than saving her career. Logline needs some work, but the pages are flowing Thank you SimplyScripts and all those involved in the organisation of this contest for giving me the kick up the arse I needed to get back to writing!

Hi Toby

I'm no expert on loglines and. I'm not bothered by length - this would be considered to be too long for most loglines but who cares  - it does give a useful overview.

Things which come to mind are

Budget  - interesting to see if you can contain this, if you so desire

Disgraced FBI versus CIA sanctioned - inter agency clash seems sound turf, but this could be seen as an American story which could be set anywhere - need to make sure you make use of the circumstances

Agent - I appreciate they are 'disgraced' but I wonder if something like a recovering drug addict may add some tension and irony

Female agent - just don't call her starling. There will a good few angles to consider in terms of male domination, and role of women in an Islamic country

Best of luck

Reef:

The phrase 'radical treatment' creates intrigue with me. Has me wondering what exactly it is. Of course we're talking MacGuffins too, so I'm not sure I'd put it in the logline unless you plan to actually show the radical treatment and spend some time with it.

Toby:

Yeah, the logline is little long, but it sounds like a classic set-up. Plenty of real world inspiration to go on as well when it comes to allegations of CIA drug trafficking. With such a deep and wide ranging conspiracy, there may be a danger of overplotting leading to confusion, but that's all in the execution.

Good luck to both of you!

My script is called "Virtus Must Die"

That's all I'm revealing at the moment

Got an email Glenn? I'll send you what I've done.

I'll try and get another 10 done tonight. If I manage it, I will have written almost half a feature screenplay in 2 days (40 pages).

I have no idea what the logline will look like yet though. Which, from looking at the 'expert' advice on the internet, suggests that I'm not doing it properly. Ho-hum.

Quoted from DustinBowcot I'll try and get another 10 done tonight. If I manage it, I will have written almost half a feature screenplay in 2 days (40 pages). I have no idea what the logline will look like yet though. Which, from looking at the 'expert' advice on the internet, suggests that I'm not doing it properly. Ho-hum.

You're a beast Dustin, but still... I got Hollyoaks to watch bruh