Altered Egos by 0 - Short, Comedy - The fragile alter egos of Superheroes are challenged by a new arrival to their group. 6 pages - pdf, format

The first one ...woohoo

Had a few giggles here and there. Nice concept in a limited page count.
Easy to read with a strange creative  superpower.

Not bad. Good job on entering

It's quite funny, but uses existing heroes which isn't by the rules, really. Anyways, funny read.

That was a funny read.

Good effort.

My first idea for this OWC was a on similar vein, a therapy group of sidekicks, but that idea lost steam by about Tuesday.

Good stuff. Great interaction between the superheros.
Gave me a few laughs.

Not entirely sure it fits the rules... but it had some nice snappy dialogue and his superpower was genuinely funny.

Though if the funny reveal is that he's JJ Abrams then surely he'd be LENS FLARE MAN

Good effort

0,

CHEATER! You used existing superheroes!

This was ok. Funny in places. It's basically just a bicker-fest between the heroes though, and it wears a bit thin by the end. The end itself is ok, but surely the audience would know JJ Abrams without his glasses.

Not bad.

Glenn.

I found this one to be quite funny, dialogue wise. Though I wish it was more about the main protagonist, than about the celebrity roster.

Plot twist: This entry was actually submitted by J.J. Abrams

Witty idea and well written.  Minimal laughs though

2 laughs out of 10

This is very clever and funny, I really enjoyed how a different pair of superheros stand up to each other after a jive. Laughed at many places.

the final reveal may have flew over my head a bit, but i enjoyed the banter.  "I'm Batman" is a joke with a ton of mileage on it, but i guess it still makes me smile.  Solid short.  I don't know if it broke the rules, but I personally don't mind.

Totally unfilmable of course and using established superheroes may be against the rules, but the idea of superheroes in group therapy is great source for comedy. Also Superimpose man is a nice touch.  The JJ reveal at the end was good, but I didn’t get the last line, however it’s apparent you were running out of room and had to even scratch the FADE OUT, so I get it that you had to end quickly.

Some funny moments. Works well as spoof fanfiction.

-Mark

The first dust up was funny the ones after that felt like the story was in a do loop. The Batman joke exploded in my stomach - my first belly laugh of this OWC. The superimposed ending with JJ was okay and fit the story but could be better.

A great line in the story occurred when Doc Q Mentary loses his cool and yells  "I volunteer for these sessions to help you with your alter egos and all of you are acting like little children!"  Alter ego = child. Maybe I'm reaching.

Thanks!

Kudos for actually writing a comedy and for some funny lines, but shame for not following the OWC rules.

I read the whole thing and smiled several times.  Nothing hilarious here, but it shows that you tried and that's always appreciated.

As for the ending? Some may find it funny...I did not.

Writer,

I liked this. You had some pretty funny lines in there among the superheroes. I thought Barman proclaiming I'm Batman several times was hilarious. Good stuff. But the end reveal arghh.  Just wasn't crazy about it. But we'll written yes, and a few chuckles from me. Good job!

Steve

It was funny, but, I didn't get the power, and I'm not sure you followed the rules.  

I agree with what everyone else said.

7/10

Dan

Agree with the rules comments, I had to ditch my first idea because of it...that being said it was a good read! Really liked Batman, turns out it's pretty easy to laugh at him saying his own name over and over again.

Liked it, well done, but the rules break is a bit contentious so may have to rule it out

Some good lines in this. Enjoyed the read.

Not sure what I think in the rules as that was a whole of options not open to me.

But, it made me laugh. Nice use of repetition with batman

Great title, and a couple funny lines.  I was hoping the new guy would have a funnier power, but whatever.  Solid.

It's a sketch. Reads funny but the ending is kind of bland for me. I'd prefer a funny line or maybe they could do something funny. Or not funny but do something that would give the whole thing a better ending.

It doesn't have one protagonist and that's fine with me.
As a stand alone entry - I don't know. Probably you should tell us from the very beginning that these do look like superheroes. Did you - maybe you did and I missed it.

Mixed feelings about this one. The central concept is clever, and the superimpose device was genuinely surprising and a pretty impressive meta move. I'm kinda shocked at how effective it was and how it still made us of the alter egos concept. It seems like such a likely device to fail miserably. The writing was decent too, so I'd propose the overarching themes were well-done.

That said, while the twist nearly saved it for me, I think the majority of script relied too much on corny puns and one-liners and neglected to dig deeper into the alter egos concept, which frankly had a lot of potential. I'm also not sure you needed to use preexisting characters. Some of the puns make use of their respective personas, but many don't. I'm not sure the ones that did were worth it anyway. Batman voice gags have been done to death at this point.

High highs and mediocre lows on this one. I wish it had been a little more cohesive, especially since the bits that worked worked fantastically. One of the better entries for me though.

I really enjoyed this one. The banter between the superheroes was the best part. It seems like you know their personalities well. The only thing holding this one back is the page length and Superimpose Man. The script isn’t really about him and the meta-humor felt tacked on, even though I liked the joke. This could probably benefit from an expansion and more of an actual story. What’s here is good, it whet my appetite for more, but it feels too open ended.

And PS for those saying this script broke the rules. The original post said you could use established heroes for cameos, but not as the main guy. This one kind of rides that line, as Superimpose Man isn’t as front and center as he could be, but I don’t believe the presence of known superheroes was intended to be automatically disqualifying.

I can see some liking this, although it's a little too cutesy for me. I can also see the production costs of this being very high if you want things to look realistic. The Hulk and chair scene would be difficult to film. You'd have to find a really big guy, else you'll have to use nifty edits that will look obviously fake. It's fun to take part in these challenges, but I believe a part of that challenge is writing a script that can be produced. Does it stand up outside of this OWC? To my mind, the answer to that is, no. Not without a rewrite.

The idea of a superhero self help session has been done in numerous sketches over the years and is always worth a laugh. I agree that Superimpose Man actually spoils this and for this to work correctly it needs to be more current with the popular culture surrounding superheroes today. Perhaps Batman's issue could be that he is always portrayed with an excessively deep voice, when in real life, his voice is fairly squeaky. Stuff like that.

So, that's why it doesn't work for me. It isn't current enough. The Superman dick joke would be a good opener, but things have to ramp up and get smart quickly from the common dick joke.

First page is a super intro into your world. Then the prot gets active a little late.

Hard to judge: I think boys would love such a superhero parody, but only if you do it in an extra-class performance of punch line after punch line of gags who work exactly with that specific target audience. So, all dragging and too intellectual, like the whole Superimpose Man stuff, would have to leave imo. Just think about the impatience of the viewers you address your material to. Good concept and definitely not unfunny for my taste.

I liked this, personally I would have added a "hulk smash" line. But overall a great read. I think this could work as a animated cartoon.

Thanks - appreciate the read

Nothing like reading a genuinely funny short on a laborious train journey to work. I really enjoyed this, and not just because I grew up as a big comic book nerd.  It’s a great male ensemble. There are some nice interactions. Liked the Michael Keaton “I’m Batman” gag. I like the way some the heroes were played against their type, e.g. Spider-man being a foul mouth asshole.
When I first started reading, I presumed this was actual mental patients that thought they were superheroes, then realised they’re the real thing. Spider-man’s webshooters and other stuff would be hard to do. I think this make an unconventional quaint animation.
The idea of Superimpose Man was quite clever; I wish I thought of something like that.
Nice work.

Quoted from HyperMatt Nothing like reading a genuinely funny short on a laborious train journey to work. I really enjoyed this, and not just because I grew up as a big comic book nerd.  It’s a great male ensemble. There are some nice interactions. Liked the Michael Keaton “I’m Batman” gag. I like the way some the heroes were played against their type, e.g. Spider-man being a foul mouth asshole. When I first started reading, I presumed this was actual mental patients that thought they were superheroes, then realised they’re the real thing. Spider-man’s webshooters and other stuff would be hard to do. I think this make an unconventional quaint animation. The idea of Superimpose Man was quite clever; I wish I thought of something like that. Nice work.

A blast from the past - thanks, mate - glad you enjoyed it.