Not bad but could have been better.  The entire first five pages felt like setup for the horndog scene.  I just didn't laugh during those first five, although the payoff was pretty good.

I’m old enough and British enough to remember Animal Magic and Jonny Morris. I thought this was going to be a spoof of that show but sadly it wasn’t.

A decent idea but I echo what others have said. Johnny needs to demonstrate his command over animals more than just asking them for a banana. With swearing being an essential part of his powers, there was loads of comedy potential here which you could have fitted in as flashbacks when he’s discussing animal army options with the milf. This could have been an R-Rated Ace Ventura. As it is, there seems to be more effort into placing comedy in the asides we’d never see on screen than the stuff we would.  

I think there’s potential here though and you did well in such a short timeframe so I’d consider fleshing it out more outside the owc.

-Mark

It starts strong. At p3 your dialogue gets boring when they list animals and refer to books and movies etc. In the end, an absurd idea which didn't work for me. Nonetheless, the last page made me smile. I think it could be better when executed short, 2 or 3 p, as a quick and complete sketch.

This one’s got a good, humorous concept, but it’s not fully taken advantage of in my opinion. The debate about whether talking to animals can be useful didn’t go anywhere, and it seemed kind of strange really. I mean, we’ve got seeing eye dogs, search and rescue dogs, military dolphins. It doesn’t seem like much of a debate to be honest, and it would’ve been nice to see him interact with (and swear at) a greater variety of animals before getting to the final punchline.

Also, it just occurred to me that the logline sounds more interesting then the script turned out. I think it would’ve been better to watch this guy attempt a series of “get-laid-quick” schemes with his powers. As it was he seemed oddly apathetic toward his abilities.

Did I really just read a script about a guy who gets fucked by a dog?  Hold on...let me read it again.
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Yep.  He got fucked by a dog.

Well...it's a script, and...there were people in it, and...uh...did I mention it was a script?

I can't stand cute little asides that sound oh so clever in the writer's mind but never translate well on the page.

I did have some hope for this one but then it took a left turn at Albuquerque and shot itself in the head with a howitzer.

Pass.

Congratulations on finishing a script though.  That's 90% of the work.  
The other 90% is perspiration or something like that.  

And yes.  I can do maths.

Jordan

This one felt really forced. Max seems so disinterested in his own powers. Paula seems *overly* interested and drags him back to her house for seemingly no other reason other than the plot needs it. The banana gag seemed so easy to miss by a passerby. Paula hones right in on it, where I think a more rational person might've shrugged it off in disbelief, perhaps with some kind of rationalization to explain it away.

The punchline doesn't work IMO based on how mean-spirited it is, not to mention violent and traumatic (for Max). "Oh fuck it." - Yeah, right, dude. Hope you're ready to put in several years, perhaps decades, of therapy. Not sure he deserves what he gets, nor does Paula have any plausible reason to want it. Even if she did... a boy (or perhaps girl) who talks to animals... what an amazingly specific yet futile thing to look for.

Even if this weren't the case (let's say Max ran away or something), still very little comedy or even sense on display here. The superpower is squandered, very few laughs on display for me, inside or outside the prose, and just a really rushed feel overall that doesn't hold together. I'd revisit the central premise of talking to animals and see if you can't come up with something better.

Thanks to all for their comments... this was kinda out of my normal ballpark but wanted to give it a go for the OWC.

Have had a more outrageous (and potentially more logical) idea for the ending so may re-write this one at some point.

Again congrats to all that entered.

A dark one for you Anthony, me thinks. Hence why I thought it was Dustin's. And then he thought it was mine !

Rather liked it.

It would be a curious one to watch though

I had Anthony pegged for this one a couple days after I'd read it. But then, when Reef said he thought it was mine, I thought he may be bluffing to throw people off the scent and that it was really his.

An excellent idea and with some work it could be an excellent story too. So much room for comedy with talking animals, especially if they can relate the protag's thoughts to the viewer. No need for exposition. Sounds like it should be easy.