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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April 2016 OWC  ›  Johnny Come Lately - OWC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Johnny Come Lately - OWC  (currently 4205 views)
Don
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 9:17am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Johnny Come Lately by I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you… hurt you really bad. - Short, Comedy - The only thing stopping a low level Hero from helping his fellow man is his arch-nemesis, punctuality. 6 pages - pdf, format


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eldave1
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 12:27pm Report to Moderator
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Nice effort on this one in all phases. Met the requirements and had some nice comedic moments.

SPOILER

That's not what my names mean was my favorite.

I do think there was one hero too many - it risks become tedious by the time we got to the end - I think I would delete the quarter guy.

Anyway - one of my favorites so far.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Wes
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 12:33pm Report to Moderator
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This one was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed all the other superheros -- Aqua-Duct, The Gold Coin, Handy Girl -- fun ideas.

But then I got to thinking about Johnny. His only super power is strength? He can't fly, he can't see into the future. Of course he's going to be late to every crime.

Really nicely done but I think Johnny is at a serious disadvantage as a superhero.


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Reef Dreamer
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 12:47pm Report to Moderator
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Nice effort.

Also some good visuals in there which can be missed, since they are not punch lines, but would work on screen.

I liked them man in the pisser, The sign my tits, and handy girl's line.

It did have the feel of the incredibles, actually quite similar in parts, but I enjoyed.

Suggestions - the 'too late' part was a bit over played, after a couple we got it, however a montage of these could work to reinforce the message. I would almost have this earlier and then see what he could do about it.

All the best


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 3:16pm Report to Moderator
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This felt like a dark spin-off from The Incredibles, no bad thing there...

Well written, though maybe a scene too many, with some very funny lines... Handy Girl's name confusion was a highlight.

Very good effort.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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IamGlenn
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
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:)

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Writer,

Good job with this one. Quite funny in parts and the ending was good. Think this is my favourite so far.

Good job!

Glenn.


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Vlade-B
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 5:14pm Report to Moderator
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So far... this is the best one for me. Really like the way you write. And it was funny. At least for me it was.


Caleb
You tore up her picture.

Nathan

I'm gonna tear up the fucking dance floor, dude. Check it out.
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stevie
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 5:15pm Report to Moderator
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Excellent writing and visual stuff. But it was more...amusing and cute than funny. And there is a difference. Well, in my world anyway.

1 laugh out of 10 (ducks for cover)



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MarkItZero
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 9:13pm Report to Moderator
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A great read. Nice visuals, breezy dialogue, overall pretty clever. Maybe not any laugh-out-loud moments but still definitely one of my favorites.


That rug really tied the room together.
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irish eyes
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 10:17pm Report to Moderator
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There`s too much blood in my alcohol

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My last one.

Had a few laughs. I like the 'that's not what my name means" and few others.

It read pretty easy and was enjoyable.

Good job on entering.


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SKN
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 4:20am Report to Moderator
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I found it very funny and well written, also the script shows the sophistication of the author, best one so far imo.
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 4:41am Report to Moderator
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My favourite so far. Well written, creative and funny. I love the idea of a world where there are too many heroes.

Great job.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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DustinBowcot
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 4:42am Report to Moderator
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I knew this one would be good from the title and logline. Impressive writing and very smart storytelling. This one is a rec.
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Cameron
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 5:48am Report to Moderator
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Liked it. A lot of amusing moments, rather than full blown hilarious, but it ticks all the boxes. I did laugh out loud (rather childishly) at the pissing scene, and you can never have enough Bonnie Tyler so two mentions is two thumbs up from me.
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khamanna
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 8:27am Report to Moderator
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Very nice!!! Thanks for the read.
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