Solid writing but it could have evolved into something more. I'm fine with mean-spirited or dark humor... but at least mix in some nice or just slightly odd thought reads instead of all mean/evil so it's more unpredictable.

Especially with the teacher, makes no sense why she'd have so much hatred for this one kid. If he was more a Denise the Menace type then I could see it, but there's no indication of that.

  

Had the makings of something, but it didn't pay off.  I'm not sure Oliver qualified as a superhero since he didn't do anything with his newfound ability.  If he could recognize what he has and then act...

I really like dark comedy, but this was just a bit too dark. Not enough proper laughs, well written though

Code MR. DAVIS (V.O.) Come over here and let me suck on your balls!

This would be hilarious on film.

Code MR. DAVIS Have a dandy day at school!

Mr Davis should probably frown after this, wondering wtf is up with Oliver.


This one is excellent and with some work could be quite genius. I'm wavering between a rec and a consider with this one. Great stuff.

The presentation is good. Although, I don't know who George is – Don't you mean Roger in the second last scene? Anyway, the gutter language alone didn't qualify it as a comedy.

For my taste, completely off the genre. But I respect that since that's what you found in this challenge, and so be it…

Bottom line: Wrong story executed in a very good way.

Far, far away from comedy.  Some may laugh at a few lines, but comedy, this is not.

As Dave said, you obviously have a problem with dialogue when a character's name is involved, as there must be at least 10 mistakes here.  You also need to learn the difference between lay and lie.

Writing for me wasn't all that good.

No comedy.  No superhero.  But I did read the entire script.

That's pretty dark, more of a drama with dark humour as opposed to a comedy, however I think it still fits in the parameters of the challenge.  The writing was good and a compelling storyline, and potential to develop into something of substance away from this OWC

This is the first script so far where I actually laughed out loud a couple times.  The first was this:

Quoted Text DAD (V.O.) You cunt. You don’t deserve that bacon. That’s my fucking bacon.

Ah, dear old dad.  LMAO, I had to re-read that line to make sure I read it right.  And the neighbor's ball-sucking line after that had me thinking this was going to be some kind of demented masterpiece.  Unfortunately, this script goes off the rails in the second half, and the ending really casts a dark cloud over the whole thing.

Kudos on some hilarious lines.  I just wish that tone and humor was sustained through the entirety of the piece.

I didn't see much of a superhero angle, but I did like the special power Oliver was zapped with. Just wished he could have used the power in an interesting way. Such as if people put him down in one thought, and then exposed/revealed themselves in another.

Then Oliver could counter with some embarrassing revelations. Such as informing the class that the cow teacher was knocked up by the janitor, or something that would really shake her world.

The spot comedy wasn't too bad.

A pretty good read, no true superhero and some potential for funnier payoffs. I can't complain, too much, as this is better than what I wrote.

It has it's funny moments, but I wouldn't classify it as comedy, but that applies to about 50% of the entries. However, I like the writing style a lot, especially the action lines which are clear and visual. The story works well too (putting the fact aside, it's not a comedy). With so many non-comedy entries, I guess at least one of my votes will probably go to a non-comedy script, and this is among the contenders.

I started to think it was funny but it became too dark and weird

I like a lot of the humor in this, but for me, everyone in Oliver’s life having horrible thoughts can only be funny if it’s in his head. When I thought it was in his head I liked it. When it turned out to be real, and showed his friend getting ready to shoot up the school, all the humor was erased and it became very dark and a little weird.

Weird because everyone having these horrible thoughts about him seems unlikely and odd. Also, when he starts confronting people about their thoughts, nothing in these people’s reaction reads as though they actually had these thoughts. It would be surprising to have a kid tell you your thoughts in this manner, but no one seemed that taken aback. Roger in particular should’ve been gobsmacked that Oliver knew he was going to shoot up the school.

So this was good to a point, but works more as a horror comedy than a superhero comedy.

I thought it was funny at places.

It reads like its neen missing a set up. If you have Roger stuffing his dad's gun into his backpack - we need to know why and Roger needs morr syory space.

Same thing about your main guy - seems like a problematic kod if everyone hates him. We better know why I think otherwise it starts and ends way too abruptly for me.

But reads well, kept me engaged actually and a funny story too.

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to thank you all for the reads and accompanying notes. I came up with the concept and wrote it in two days so I'm quite happy with the feedback. As for the humor, comedy comes in many shapes and forms. So I decided to go dark since I thought it would have a broader appeal. I guess I was wrong. That being said, I'll definitely revisit this and work on it some more. So these remarks are super helpful.

Anyways, just wanted to say thanks!

Hey, Will.  How's it going?  Been a while.  

I liked this.  It's dark, but I found it funny.  Laughed a lot.