Supachav, innit by Jaunty Angle - Short, Comedy - An ignorant chav doles out his own brand of justice. 6 pages - pdf, format

Not sure what kind of slang is being used here or what country it's from, but it completely destroys the read for me.  The main character's name is also something I'm not familiar with and is very grating.

I'm out on Page 2, as this thang ain't my cup, bro.  Word out.

there's a Character Label on page four that I'm pretty sure is supposed to be MOTHER but it reads SUPACHAV.
That's as far as I got. No simpathy for Supachav. What ever he is.

Sorry. Not my thing.

I get what you were going for, and I'm guessing a Brit. What's the fam thing, I'm not sure I've herd that before.

A delusional superhero, not a bad idea. Does it count? Oh who cares.

I quite like the setting and concept just needs some more on delivery

Ta

Definitely Brit.. and fam is short for family, in youth speak... my kids hate me using it as I'm too old apparently!

I think this will resonate with the Brits, a fair few bits that made me laugh in here and well written too.

Good effort

I liked it, I know the US audience won't understand a lot of it, but coming from Scotland I know the Chav thing all too well (Neds/Minks where I'm from). Again the US guys won't get it, but he kinda reminded me of a young Rab C Nesbitt.

My only issue is whether he's a super hero or not? He doesn't have any powers, apart from the power of dillusion, so not sure it works in that way. But I'm prepared to let is pass as it's good fun

Lol, I liked the start of this but thought it would fizzle out. But kudos to the writer, it kept going well and I enjoyed it.  Ironically touches on mankind's greatest threat which is overpopulation - it causes all the problems we have...sigh.

7 laughs out of 10

I noticed Rab C Nesbitt in the reviews and i was thinking the same thing.

It had funny moments, placing his finger on their lips to silence them.

Overall not a bad comedy.

Good job on entering

Quoted from Dreamscale   The main character's name is also something I'm not familiar with and is very grating.

Chav = Council Housed and Violent.  Basically, a punk from the projects.  

I actually liked this numbskull's incredibly misinformed concern for the environment, but the joke started wearing thin when the young mother showed up.  And I wasn't quite sure what was going on with the shoulder barge scene.  This might have worked better if you placed the Chav in a setting where he would be more out of place like a nice neighborhood or some upscale party.  Better yet, team Supachav up with Supermick and let the stereotypes rumble.

This one is quite good. An absurd satire. I doubt that anyone from the US, or probably anywhere else but the UK, will get it. But it works well enough to get the intention of the idea across. Perhaps work on some of the jokes, add more irony.

Nice work.

Jaunty Angle,

Being from Ireland, I too get this. Yay! And I liked it. Funny and I think it'd work well on screen. Always a gamble trying something only people of a certain geographic region will understand, so kudos for giving it a go. For me, at least, it paid off.

Nice one.

Glenn.

Quoted from Ryan1 Chav = Council Housed and Violent.  Basically, a punk from the projects.

So, "Supachav" isn't even a character name?  As in, this main character doesn't have a name?

Quoted from Dreamscale So, "Supachav" isn't even a character name?  As in, this main character doesn't have a name?

The hero's name is SupaChav, as in Super Chav.

This had it's moments.

The "fam" thing was beat to death for me. Maybe it works for Brits and Aussies, but it would be like writing and American script where every line ended with buddy or pal. Same with the innit.

A hiccup - twice - when discussing the environment. e.g.,

Quoted Text One of the biggest abusers of the environment is population control.

Population Control is not the problem - over population is and population control is the solution. Had this error twice.

Quoted from eldave1 This had it's moments. The "fam" thing was beat to death for me. Maybe it works for Brits and Aussies, but it would be like writing and American script where every line ended with buddy or pal. Same with the innit. A hiccup - twice - when discussing the environment. e.g., Population Control is not the problem - over population is and population control is the solution. Had this error twice.

Dave, I believe the errors were intentional for the sake of comedy. I could be wrong.

Writer,

I actually liked the innits. Thought they were used to good effect and just became funny after a while. Best thing about this one is he slipped in the poop at the end, but this guy otherwise makes no sense. Just part of his charm. Not bad, but not for me.

Steve

Eh,  I don't think it met the superhero qualifier.  He wasn't drawn to be a superhero like Batman or even on Super (thanks to Mr. Blonde for making me watch that, Ellen Page was really hot in that movie)...

I didn't find it funny.  It did flow fast.

5/10

Dan

Writing itself was decent and the dialogue was realistic for the chav character, at least from what I remember of them.

I guess it's hard in only 6 pages, but I was wondering what the inspiration was for SupaChav to have this mission to save the environment. Not typical chav behavior, so having a reason for this motivation may have helped.

sorry, didn't get through this one.  Not my cup of tea.

I thought I was going to hate this with the name Supachav but I ended up liking it a lot. I echo what a few have said, if you are not from the UK and/or familiar with Ali G or the movie Defend the Block (which was called Attack the Block in some countries) then you will struggle with this.

As it was I am very familiar with all of the above and found Supachav to be a very enjoyable character. He isn’t a superhero at all, he just sees himself as a Youtube/Environment superhero which is stretching the parameters of this OWC beyond snapping point. So on that basis, I couldn’t recommend this but I would consider it and I did enjoy it immensely. I would recommend pursuing this character and developing it further, see if you can get any UK filmmakers interested in filming a few sketches. I think it may be quite popular.

-Mark

I too caught the Ali G vibe from this right away. I like Ali G a lot. This screenplay, not so much. Honestly I found the protag to be insufferable. Plus the story just went in circles for me.

Maybe this was just lost in translation. However, I simply wasn't feeling it.

I actually liked this one as well, it will probably go right over the head of most of the U.S. audience. Spent a bit of time in UK and Ireland myself, so have a decent handle on who a ' chav' is.

Not really a superhero though, so pushing the OWC boundaries right there.

I thought this was okay. Indeed, similar to Ali G. Maybe a little too similar. At the same time, I'm not familiar with the "chav" stereotype, if that's even one it is, so perhaps that's not fair of me to say.

I think this one suffered from the page length a bit. It could've done with a few more gags, and the ones that there are are over a little too quick. Also might be at a little disadvantage on the page. I'm positive it'd be funnier to *see* this guy act like an idiot and the respective reactions from the people he interviews, as opposed to reading it.

Honestly didn't make much of an impression on me. Nothing stands out as particularly bad though. The humor wasn't for me per se, but it's there, and clearly the character thinks he's making a difference in his own buffoonish way so I'll accept the superhero angel as well. Fit the parameters, I suppose. I'll say nice try.

Constantly waiting for a prole story here, one of my favorite subjects in comedy. So, plus points from the start. Now bring it on:
lol, it's funny. A modern prole having weird ecology theories, wtf. I like the self-irony and the goofy social punch lines like that last one about pensioners. No real superhero with "real" superpowers detected though - it's only what he thinks about himself I believe (hmm, then maybe his entertaining arrogance is an extraordinary power on its own )... Otherwise, very good work from my sight on things... Probably my favorite script--

That was loonie. Don't get a superhero angle. Straight jacket maybe.

I liked the character you’ve created. Reminds me of Ali G. Maybe a bit too much, but it’s hard to say as I’m only passingly familiar with Ali G.

Pretty good overall. Nothing struck me as laugh out loud funny, but the humor is very character dependent. Based on who played Supachav, he could either be hilarious or just annoying as f***. It also feels like the subject matter was maybe only half delved into. There’s a lot of idiosyncrasies of environmentalism that were left on the table, some potentially more biting than the ones you included.

I set out to create an idiot-like character that, if you delved deep enough, actually made a little sense.

The thing with the dog poop. No matter how disgusting , it is a part of the food chain and necessary for human survival.

The 'population control' joke is also one with a slightly deeper meaning. At first it sounds like he's just made an ignorant mistake, but, upon looking deeper, what does 'population control' actually mean? It means finding ways to make it so there are less people. This delves into conspiracy theory territory.

As well as the political statements - albeit, I agree, those could have been done better, and perhaps more of them. The climate is another big one I could have tackled, for example - I wanted to tackle a social aspect, in the shoulder barge and stare down. Both are common occurrences on the street, often as a prelude to violence.

Anyway, I had a lot of fun writing this one, a huge thanks to the organisers of the contest is in order.

Oops, missed this one. Going to read it tonight.

Well done Dustin, made my top 3. Were myself and Irish Eyes correct with the Rab C Nesbitt influence, or was it just a happy coincidence?

Well this was exceedingly funny for me. I seriously laughed outloud.
Loved his character.
His superpowers were a bit much - you combined the two - he can detect a crying baby on large distances and he can detect bullshit. I would stick with only bullshit detection and bring up that phrase a couple of times more for the sakes of the challenge. Otherwise, as a stand alone entry - it doesn't matter.
But I would still drop his crying baby detection skills, I think the story will be leaner without it. I think you could continue with this and make it into web series or something. Would be very funny to watch on screen one day.

Chav was my No 1 vote. It was kind of a complete draw with Flying High, so I had to mull over a lot. Googleman was also close behind. The both runners-up were shinier, kind of high concept scripts - Chav felt funny, also clear and doable, what decided.

Good "speech" in the Mother Nature's thread as well, Dustin. The personal dilemma is, the more one takes such things to heart or has empathy with those who suffer the consequences, and gets involved, it can bring massive bad feelings and negativity into life… and that can be a dangerous path, while ignorance is not an alternative same time. So, I hope we writers can balance it out. Right now, I feel writers, musicians, and also comedians are the most effective catalyst to the true progress in "responsible humanism" or whatever this is we want. Although I think it should be the work and task of others, principally. Enough of this...

Definitely a quality script. The character gives lots of space to run wild even more.

Nice one, Dustin. Enjoyed this one quite a bit, and as I said in my earlier post, it'd work well on screen.

Good job.

Quoted from Cameron Well done Dustin, made my top 3. Were myself and Irish Eyes correct with the Rab C Nesbitt influence, or was it just a happy coincidence?

Certainly influenced by Rab C Nesbitt, Ali G and Lee Nelson. A mash up of those three characters. They all help reveal our own ignorances in a very clever way. It often takes looking deeper into their jokes to fully appreciate them. That's what I tried to achieve here.

Thanks, mate.

Quoted from khamanna Well this was exceedingly funny for me. I seriously laughed outloud. Loved his character. His superpowers were a bit much - you combined the two - he can detect a crying baby on large distances and he can detect bullshit. I would stick with only bullshit detection and bring up that phrase a couple of times more for the sakes of the challenge. Otherwise, as a stand alone entry - it doesn't matter. But I would still drop his crying baby detection skills, I think the story will be leaner without it. I think you could continue with this and make it into web series or something. Would be very funny to watch on screen one day.

Thank you Khamanna, all good points and I'll bear them in mind on the rewrite.

Frankly, I'm surprised to find an audience with this that resides outside of the UK. I knew that I would be alienating a good deal of the forum, but I am keeping one eye on production so wanted to do something that could be made.

Thanks again, Khamanna, much appreciated.

Well done Dustin! As you can see from my comment I did like this one and it would have gotten a recommend for me if this had been the normal voting system.

Quoted from PrussianMosby Chav was my No 1 vote. It was kind of a complete draw with Flying High, so I had to mull over a lot. Googleman was also close behind. The both runners-up were shinier, kind of high concept scripts - Chav felt funny, also clear and doable, what decided. Good "speech" in the Mother Nature's thread as well, Dustin. The personal dilemma is, the more one takes such things to heart or has empathy with those who suffer the consequences, and gets involved, it can bring massive bad feelings and negativity into life… and that can be a dangerous path, while ignorance is not an alternative same time. So, I hope we writers can balance it out. Right now, I feel writers, musicians, and also comedians are the most effective catalyst to the true progress in "responsible humanism" or whatever this is we want. Although I think it should be the work and task of others, principally. Enough of this... Definitely a quality script. The character gives lots of space to run wild even more.

Germans are stereotyped in my country as lacking a sense of humour but that clearly isn't true.

I think this is the first script you've ever liked of mine, so I'm really pleased about that. I may even have a look around for potential producers.

Thanks for letting me know.