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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April 2016 OWC  ›  SuperMick - OWC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    SuperMick - OWC  (currently 4851 views)
Don
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 10:03am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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SuperMick by 0 - Short, Comedy - A film crew travel to a small town in Ireland to unravel the truth behind local unpopular superhero, SuperMick.  6 pages - pdf, format


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irish eyes
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 12:49pm Report to Moderator
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As soon as saw the Title it had to be Irish and written by an Irishman, just not this one.

Pretty funny, I was wondering where you going with it and that's a typical Irish humor answer at the end... It works for me, but then again I get it.

Good job on entering


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Ryan1
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 12:50pm Report to Moderator
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I always wondered why Ireland never had a national superhero.  Well, now we know.  I liked how everyone in town was utterly oblivious to the obvious identity of Supermick, even his wife.  Guinness as flying fuel was a clever touch.  The dragon came out of absolute nowhere, but I think it worked as it gave Supermick the push he needed to get the hell out of Ireland.

This had to have been written by an Irishman over some pints of the black stuff.  Good script.
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khamanna
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 1:01pm Report to Moderator
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It's very funny. Reads well and a great little story. Funny and all. Very nice job. I liked it a lot.
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Wes
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 3:01pm Report to Moderator
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Good one. Although I have to admit I didn't get the Irish humor at the end. That kinda fell flat for me.
Nice work though.


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stevie
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:45pm Report to Moderator
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NO, NO,NO! This was really good  - heading towards an 8 perhaps - but I felt letdown by the ending! Keep up the comedy to the very last full stop please!


6 laughs out of 10



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SAC
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 10:23pm Report to Moderator
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Writer,

Well done. I'm a sucker for fart jokes so when SuperMick bends his knees slightly and let's out a squeaky one I was on the floor! Pretty good story all around. One of my favs.

Steve


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Cameron
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 11:25pm Report to Moderator
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Right then, this is genius, absolute bloody genius, head and shoulders above anything I've read so far.

It's kinda like Spinal Tap, spliced with Father Ted somehow starring Superman. Mate this is fecking good, come the end of the day give it to Waterford Whispers and see if they can do anything to it, right up their street. Well in
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 4:28am Report to Moderator
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A found footage style superhero lark. Very inventive, Supermick has a funny character and funny powers. I did feel the joke about no-one recognising Mick was overplayed. It was funny the first time (and a very apt Superman/Clark Kent joke) but then you repeated it a few more times. The dragon came literally out of left field but I suspect you needed to wrap this up quickly due to the page count.

A very worth entry. I’d recommend playing around with this some more once the OWC is over.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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DustinBowcot
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 4:51am Report to Moderator
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I smiled all the way through this one... maybe even chuckled once or twice. Not sure about the punchline, but the premise and Supermick character are both excellent. With some work, this could be great. A consider.
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cbead
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 5:10am Report to Moderator
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Clever writing and very busy for a six pager.  Kept me enthralled.
I enjoyed it, brought back some fond memories from my 5 previous visits to the Emerald Isle.
A farting Superhero... That's a gas!


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grademan
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 7:05am Report to Moderator
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Good one! The dialog is snappy. The story is clever. The dragon was a perfect foil for Super Mick's power to fly and to provided an ending that Mick wasn't very super. The ending line would play well in a pub. I  haven't found a true belly laugher yet but this is almost there.
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Dreamscale
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 11:22am Report to Moderator
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It's a comedy about a superhero and it's a unique take in a unique setting.  It's well done.

May be a tad slow and not overly laugh out loud hilarious, and I don't understand the final joke, but it's well done and a solid entry.

Good job.
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eldave1
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 12:36pm Report to Moderator
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Well set up and a great premise - I very much liked the aspect of the - in search of a superhero documentary.

The gags related to no one recognizing him as the superhero worked - but were a bit over done.

The dragon thing lost me entirely. I thought this was rolling pretty smoothly up to that point and then it just fell off the cliff for me.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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DanC
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 12:45pm Report to Moderator
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It was good until the end.  That was a bit of a let down.  I guess I missed the joke.  Which is always bad.

Written from the other side of the pond, I'm sure...

7.0/10

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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