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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April 2016 OWC  ›  SuperMick - OWC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    SuperMick - OWC  (currently 4906 views)
AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 3:07pm Report to Moderator
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I liked this a lot and the characters seemed nice and real, like watching Calvary or The Guard.

Loved that no one knew who he really was, and that they liked Mick but had SuperMick, nice touch.

The Dragon was a little out of left field for me, but I'll forgive it based on the previous pages.

Very good effort


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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SKN
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 5:31pm Report to Moderator
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Agree with everyone said, at first I read it like "Chronicle" with a funny twist. The dragon is a little bit too much but I see its purpose.
One of the best.
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: April 26th, 2016, 3:28am Report to Moderator
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This was well handled.

I got a Little confused on the photo but that's me.

If anything I think you missed a few opportunities to explore the humour especially in the ending. For example, his wife could shout out 'save us Mick, he won't let us down' then we cut to the beach. Not sure they needed to die, just the village burned down, better tone.

But hell this is a OWC and some fine tuning free is always advised.

I would also see how you can cut the filming expense down to make it more achievable. It would be nice to see on screen.

Nice work.


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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RichardR
Posted: April 26th, 2016, 9:26am Report to Moderator
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fine as far as it goes.  I'm no fan of body jokes, so that didn't work so well.  And Mick not being a hero was certainly a let down.
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James McClung
Posted: April 26th, 2016, 8:21pm Report to Moderator
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Not bad. Given the title, I expected this to be a lot more stereotypical and possibly offensive... in ways which would potentially be lost on me, not being from Ireland (I got the heritage though and travelled the country last August). Not the case.

Clever premise, and the matter-of-factness of it all works to its benefit. You could've so easily forced this and ruined it. The dragon was a little out of left field, but I went with it, and the final line paid off for me. The Guinness farts did not (thought it was corny), but that's one gag amongst many.

Not LOL funny, but I'd be lying if I said the ideas didn't work. Could work much better onscreen with a couple of decent actors. Again... not bad.


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EWall433
Posted: April 27th, 2016, 4:53pm Report to Moderator
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I enjoyed this one. The fart jokes didn’t really work for me, but I can see how they’d work for others. I liked the gag where Anne is the only one who can see Mick and SuperMick are the same person, though I think that joke is repeated without enough variation to really justify the repetition. One thing that struck me is that this whole town is oblivious even though Mick and SuperMick basically have the same name. It could’ve been funny to see Anne desperately trying to convince these people of the obvious, but the script never really went there the way it could have.

I also like that SuperMick pusses out when given the chance to be heroic. Could’ve been funny if, in the wake of his cowardice, people finally recognize who he is. So there were some missed opportunities, but enough there to be enjoyable.

Pretty good entry, I thought.
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Blakkwolfe
Posted: April 27th, 2016, 8:06pm Report to Moderator
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I wish I was at Flannery's right now, drinking a pint of the black stuff with Anne, Jimmy and Mick before they got toasted by the dragon. Liked the found footage approach and the comic nature of his powers. Some minor grammar things (Son, did you see that fucking thing) is a question, but liked all the Irish slang and flavor. Cheers!


Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
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Gary in Houston
Posted: April 27th, 2016, 8:22pm Report to Moderator
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A bit sophomoric, but a lot of good humor is. Some grammatical stuff here and there, but that didn't really bother me. The only problem for me was it took the long way to get to the payoff, which was good. So mixed emotions about this one.  Still, good effort here.

Verdict: Consider, with reservations

All the best,
Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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Lightfoot
Posted: April 27th, 2016, 8:29pm Report to Moderator
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Well the dragon was a surprise but other than that I enjoyed this, using farts as propulsion seems a bit childish but is a good way to explain how he can fly.

As soon as the dragon entered I was hoping for a showdown between SuperMick's gas and the dragon's fire, but I liked the ending you chose.
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Nomad
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 10:37am Report to Moderator
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I'm not sure I read the same script as everyone else.

I enjoyed the found footage aspect of it, but overall it was a bunch of dialogue and a fart joke.

It was a little confusing that SuperMick looked exactly like Mick, but I eventually figured it out.

For the most part it was well written, it's just not my cup o'tea.

Congrats.

Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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Abe from LA
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 2:47pm Report to Moderator
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Not as big a fan as others on this entry.
The ending took a dump on my head, because everything seemed to be set up for the showdown:  the much-reviled hero uses his gas-powered ability to fly into the belly of the beast. Saves the village and such.
Instead, Supermick lives up to his label as a sorry bloke.  I kind of get it, but I wanted to smile at the end. I guess I wanted to happy Irish ending. Don't mind me, I'm full of it. Still, a good, solid effort.  
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PrussianMosby
Posted: April 29th, 2016, 9:16am Report to Moderator
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Not bad imo, although too long for what it is. The whole script shows talks about the guy everybody in town dislikes – then the payoff only proves what they said. The slight sarcastic tone was funny. Everything is just too slow and dragging in its presentation. Anyway, others seem to like it more than me, so what...



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khamanna
Posted: April 29th, 2016, 11:28am Report to Moderator
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I read it again since it's my favorite - but can't understand how's that people don't get that SuperMick and Mick are the same person. Don't know why. I wish the author explains that when the names are out.
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MarkItZero
Posted: May 2nd, 2016, 10:43pm Report to Moderator
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The only problem I had with this is it combines a lot of different types of humor, which can be jarring at times. The interviews with townspeople and the whole idea of no one can see through his terrible disguise leans towards tongue-in-cheek humor (which IMO is the way to go). But then you have him flying around propelled by his own farts.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for raunchy fart joke comedy but it seems out of place here. Then it ends with dark/morbid humor where he basically lets the entire town get murdered. Admittedly, I can think of plenty of raunchy comedy films that had elements of dark humor mixed in. But for a six page short it's hard to run the full gamut of comedic styles.  

The writing overall is good though. The dialogue in particular is probably the best in the contest. I'm just being extra picky cuz this has a lot of potential.  


That rug really tied the room together.
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Trojan
Posted: May 3rd, 2016, 8:38am Report to Moderator
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Was okay, could have been stronger with a better finish. You set it up where he had the chance to be a hero but then confirmed what people thought of him, even though the regular version of him is supposed to be a top bloke. Felt like a let down.
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