|
Author |
Flying High Again - OWC (currently 2796 views) |
Don |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 10:04am |
|
|
AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16381 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
Flying High Again by Obadiah Stane - Short, Comedy - When a frustrated sidekick decides he can't take his arrogant superhero boss anymore, he resorts to desperate measures to get out of their one-sided relationship. 6 pages - pdf, format |
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
|
|
|
|
|
Reef Dreamer |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:55pm |
|
|
Old Timer Part time writer
LocationThe Island of Jersey Posts2612 Posts Per Day 0.57 |
Not bad.
I quite like the annoyed sidekick bit, but I suppose the muscle ripped hero and disgruntled sidekick is well trodden. Didn't jump out as anything new, but then again how many will? Mine won't.
I liked parts but could there have been a clever face off than the court. Rock Paper Scissors anyone? |
| My scripts HERE
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 1 - 21 |
|
|
SAC |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 3:14pm |
|
|
Of The Ancients … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3201 Posts Per Day 0.79 |
Writer,
Another good one. Smart and original. Not laugh out loud funny but I don't feel that's necessary. It's humorous, and gave me a few chuckles. Goods story and writing. Another fav so far.
Steve |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 2 - 21 |
|
|
Cameron |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 3:16pm |
|
|
Guest User
|
Possibly with more pages at your disposal you could have really extended and used the court scene. I like the concept of super heroes leaving their powers at the door, and going at it through legal parlance.
Had a couple of laughs, pretty good |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 3 - 21 |
|
|
stevie |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:41pm |
|
|
Of The Ancients
LocationDown Under Posts3441 Posts Per Day 0.61 |
Yeah liked this. Good ideas going and some pretty good lines.
7 laughs out of 10 |
|
|
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 4 - 21 |
|
|
irish eyes |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:49pm |
|
|
January Project Group There`s too much blood in my alcohol
LocationUpstate New York Posts1865 Posts Per Day 0.37 |
Funny and interesting premise with the sidekick being the protag.
It flowed very easily and one of the better scripts in this OWC.
Good job no entering |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 5 - 21 |
|
|
Trojan |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 9:33pm |
|
|
LocationAustralia Posts393 Posts Per Day 0.07 |
I've only read a few but this is the best one so far.
Well written and has some funny lines in there.
Feels a bit rushed at the end and like the page count worked against you.
Not sure the title is really the best fit for the story. |
|
|
|
Reply: 6 - 21 |
|
|
Ryan1 |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 10:56pm |
|
|
Old Timer
Posts1098 Posts Per Day 0.22 |
Interesting, this is yet another script that uses bold scene headings. The majority of owc scripts I've read use this technique. Guess it's the new normal.
I liked the class warfare going on here. Sidekicks always get the short end of the stick. Took a humorous turn when it went into the courtroom, but when I saw it was already page 6, I knew the scene was going to be rushed. This script definitely suffered for the page count. Maybe if it got the courtroom sooner.
Also, I agree with Trojan on the title. Doesn't fit the story. Although I do love that old Ozzy song. |
|
|
|
Reply: 7 - 21 |
|
|
MarkRenshaw |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 4:57am |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationUK Posts2335 Posts Per Day 0.59 |
I liked the disgruntled sidekick angle. It gives this one an original edge to it and tied in nicely to a lot of parallels with famous comic superhero duos. The opening scene had a lot of comedy in it but as the script moved on you sacrificed comedy for story. I actually think that sacrifice worked and is understandable given the page length restriction. Like others have said, if you extend this out a few pages the ending wouldn’t feel rushed and you could add some more comedy elements in.
This is a great effort though, well written and smart.
-Mark |
| For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK |
|
|
|
Reply: 8 - 21 |
|
|
IamGlenn |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 11:05am |
|
|
January Project Group :)
LocationDublin, Ireland, Europe, The World. Posts692 Posts Per Day 0.20 |
Obadiah Stane,
Pretty good. Don't think there's anything very funny here, but it sure is a humourous tale. I like the idea of a team of sidekicks vs superheroes. More of that would have been welcome. But with the six pages you had to work with, this is good stuff.
Best of luck.
Glenn. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 9 - 21 |
|
|
Dreamscale |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 11:37am |
|
|
Guest User
|
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 10 - 21 |
|
|
eldave1 |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 12:44pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.95 |
The premise is killer - always great to read something from a different angle. Pretty sure this will be the only sidekick rebellion-themed script.
Not sure about the title.
The court room scene seemed under-described and truncated - guess a victim of the page limit.
Overall a pretty solid effort. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 11 - 21 |
|
|
AnthonyCawood |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 3:27pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4319 Posts Per Day 1.14 |
Spectaculo - awesome!
Lots to like in this, well written and funny as well.
Great effort |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 12 - 21 |
|
|
DanC |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 9:43pm |
|
|
Old Timer Killing villains since 1980!
LocationBuffalo NY Posts1131 Posts Per Day 0.34 |
It was okay. Got the superhero down pat. I didn't find it really funny. kinda sad really.
It was a story that needed more then 6 pages, for sure.
7.5/10 one of the better ones, just wish it was funnier.
Dan |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 13 - 21 |
|
|
RichardR |
Posted: April 26th, 2016, 10:16am |
|
|
Posts889 Posts Per Day 0.26 |
Worked on several levels. Not as funny as some but funny enough. The opening scene could have been shortened which would leave room for the court scene. |
|
|
|
Reply: 14 - 21 |
|
|