The multiple flashbacks at the beginning didn't help.  Once the story actually got going, it turned into this dark, bizarre tale about elder abuse.  The attempt to mix lighthearted humor with such serious subject matter fell flat.  

A nice job on this one.  Liked it pretty much all the way through.  Any problems are small.  Enjoyable.

Funny author name.

Quoted Text Eileen Over

Structure/format et al were fine. Based on the beginning I thought the humor would ramp up - but for me it kind of plateaued. This share's the same fate as many others - on the writing scale - well done. On the comedy scale - fairly average.

Just like pretty much everyone above, really well written but not enough of the funnies. Sitting back and thinking about old pleople fighting muscle men is actually quite a funny visual, which makes it even more confusing as to why the laughs didn't come.

Anyway, good effort but just not for myself

A senior superhero is a good idea. Otherwise, the story had too many characters and with that felt complicated. The detective in the end reminded me a bit of a Poirot when he develops his theories about the "true" happenings. The whole concept shows potential but somehow nothing really grabbed me. Too much happened, too many characters... Could be very good if you once can find precision.

The comedy could have been ramped up in this one. They elderly in line at the beginning was the perfect place to start -- Instead they all have bandages on their hands from the rolling pin abuse.

I think some dialogue was meant to be sarcastic but the context wasn't clear. Also, a villain is better humiliated than killed. And please don't tell us a person is dead "(for now)" in the narrative. It immediately gives away the ending.

Just realised I have one more.

I like the title and loved the logline.

Perhaps for this to pull off we needed a little more slapstick, after all it's an elderly wrestler...err...superhero in an old persons home.

I think the fight scene could,  on screen, be much much funnier than in print. Think any airplane film etc

Needs work, but I love this premise. Almost feel like there is a feature potential in this.

Best of luck

The humor in this one is pretty absurd. But not a snappy, non-sequitur type of absurd. More the type of absurd where completely ridiculous things play out with complete seriousness and it’s not always easy to tell how I'm supposed to interpret the events I'm watching. I’ve seen this tone work for others, but it’s not really my thing, and it probably wouldn’t be fair or relevant to say more. This type of absurd humor sort of makes itself immune to criticism in that way.

Huh, I really enjoyed it.
It reads like noir meets Kill Bill.

And it's about the elderly - kudos for finding unique angle to all this superheroes theme.

And there's a lot of twists and turns in it. I wish we learned a bit more about the Red Wasp. And I wish the story was told from her Point of View. Like it's in Kill Bill - why she does what she does. Roscoe could tell us maybe.

Anyway, great job I think.

Talking about finding a germ in those that I haven't yet read...)

Eileen Over,

This was well written, but not funny and I began to skim the last two pages. It wasn't really holding my attention. I do like the Red Wasp character though and think with a bit more work this could me something pretty decent. As it is though, it failed to make me laugh and really hold my attention.

Good luck.

Glenn.

So, from what I gather the Red Wasp is a little old lady who was once a pro-wrestler, then decided to fight crime as a superhero, protecting fellow seniors from the Samoan Chef, a mean spirited and abusive fellow who torments them "by rolling out the dough" because they didn't care for his movie. Roscoe resurrects her in the end by (assumedly) giving the mask back. Really liked the action sequence; kung fu flowed nicely. Would have thought the detective to sound more hard-boiled, 1920's, though. Enjoyed it, but thought it might be something else given the title...

After all these years I finally come across something by Abe!  This was a treat.

Don't you got any features, man?