Writing is too poetic. Could be a book. I didn't laugh. The story was predictable and chivalrous.

Doesn’t seem to be much comedy here. The scene's played pretty straight forward. Unfortunately the scene is also pretty repetitive, and for a script that went over the page count, that’s not good.

I also don’t see a superhero in this thing. With no comedy, no superhero and going over the page count, this is a pretty odd entry.

The opening reads as if a very experienced drama writer is at work here.

The unnecessary back and forth between Verne and Carl was quite dragging. The following fight wasn't that precise either. The single comparisons to movie characters, which ended whole action paragraphs, somehow distracted me from what was actually happening.

That said: there were also a lot of good dialogues and authentic interactions between the characters. The core, to me, read more as a piece from the drama section. Superpowers were not convincing me. The greeting Batman was smart and funny. I tend to think you had more fun writing your story that skillful, as looking for an ambitious impact regarding the result--- which is completely fine.

Teddy Beer,

This definitely could have been shortened to fit the challenges parameters. On screen, I don't think this would be all that funny. The funny stuff was all stuffed into the action lines and didn't all work either. All that happened, really, was one guy threatening to fight the other for chatting up his bird. And that guy made smart comments back to him. Don't think that's enough for a story to interest most viewers. All in all, a bit forgettable.

Good luck,

Glenn.

I couldn't quite place if this was meant to be set in the US or not, at first I thought it was but then some of the dialogue seemed very British...

The action had some funny elements, made me smile and I liked Batman driving past in a crap old car (Only Fools & Horses reference?)

But there wasn;t enough comedy in the dialogue for me.

Good effort though.

Hey, I love how you manage to make me love Carl and hate Verne just in 7 pages. Nice characterization!