You give the bodybuilder-hero a name but refuse to do so with the woman, only two shots before. That's uneven.

I'm on page 5. This is challenging to follow. There are so many details, that I can't say which one is important, which one is not. You raise many questions and instead of paying us off and answer - you raise more questions. Okay, finally there's some payoff and explanation, good.

...though, never saw the melt woman again I think...

What can I say???

You clearly dived into this world and brought some stuff back to the pages of this script which felt passionate. There's just a lot of clearness missing. Too many topics make the reader insecure and lose trust in you. There was a constantly who? How? Did I miss this or that – switching back and forth through your script- of me.

Try to connect your fantasy with a more purist presentation and you'll do better imo. Get rid of some quantity and let us stay on eye-level with fewer subjects you handle in depth...

Not bad, different stuff.

Writer,

So I bailed on this initially, but since I have some time now I came back. Sorry to say that many of the same issues from before continue onward and through the rest of the script. It's way overwritten, and like I'd suggested, a LOT of stuff can be trimmed. You probably could have made the page count. Now aside from page count, you did follow the parameters as your superhero was original. But you're still lacking in the comedy department. I see your attempts at comedy, but they need work. Nothing edgy here, and a few funny line could have picked this up a bit. Still, good attempt. Just wasn't for me.

Steve

Lucas Larkin,

Found it hard to keep going with this one. Not funny and too long and unnecessary. Again, could easily have been trimmed down to meet the six page limit. Not for me.

Glenn.

I see you've tried to insert some humor at the end with the dialogue in the office, but it comes across as a large tonal shift from what has preceded it. Would work better if there was more consistency throughout.

The opening page is fairly confusing with the different characters and it was a struggle to really picture clearly what was going on. I'd suggest keeping it more focused on the antagonist and your hero and losing a lot of the extra stuff which is distracting from the story.

The writing is pretty good in parts, while in others there's a number of mistakes. I'm guessing this one was rushed, like many of the others.

I didn't think this was laugh out loud funny but I did like the idea behind it.

As a couple of others have said, not sure about the opening with all the villains, especially as they all disappear later.

But I did kinda enjoy it.