DRANK

Ew... a crappy poster. It's not even half decent. The way you've cut the glass out of the original pic has left some shaky edges. It looks terrible. If you're no good at art, or stealing other people's art, then it's best to leave that sort of thing to people that are.

Code The sound of the shower echoes a picture of four wet girl friends partying.

echoes is a poor word choice. I get what you're trying to do here. Perhaps 'complements' would be better?

Code KATE (the girl in the middle of the pictures), fifteen years old, is staring at her reflection.

Your action lines should be as active as possible. Your line would read better like so:

KATE (the girl in the middle of the pictures), fifteen-years-old, stares at her reflection.

Code Confident, she has nothing to do with the girl she was ten minutes ago.

I take it you mean that she feels like a new woman/girl now she has make-up on. However, I shouldn't have to decipher it. Your action lines should flow seamlessly, not trip readers up. If a sentence is great I'll often read it several times just to appreciate its beauty... however, when the sentence is bad and needs to be read over and over, it's just annoying.

What's with the extra space before a question mark?

The writing is very passive in this so I'm guessing you're quite new. Best of luck.

This is a DQ for my scoring

How much ink is that title page using when printed? - Personal choice but I'd rather the creativity was put into the actual script, rather than the title page.

I'm not a fan of how this is formatted at all.

Matt

Quoted from LC This does not appear to have been written for the OWC, doesn't measure up to any of the parameters.

Totally agree, 1 trillion percent.

Dunno, you may be a  young writer and if you are new to this, then do yourself a favor and read some produced screenplays from some pros and compare. It all takes time; when we first started to write our stuff it was major league ****... Now it's just ****.

Cool title page. DQ for me as well.   Sorry.  Good luck with this, writer.... -Andrea

I've not read any of the other reviews, yet I'm sure this will be very similar so I'll be brief. The formatting is off and the scene numbers unnecessary. The action is overwritten and in the wrong tense. And, most important for the OWC, what did you interpret as the vehicle?

It might help the reader feel for Kate if we had a clue why she was so sad. Obviously it had something to do with her parents but it was only eluded to when her expression changed when they were mentioned.

Very 'Saw-ish'. Not for me but kudos for entering.

This public service announcement was brought to you by MADD.

I was uncomfortable at the start with so much underage drinking, and then it took a rapey vibe, and then it was practically Jigsaw, and then...a quiz show? With pretty tame consequences? The tone strongly suggested someone was going to die but that was never going to happen.

The whole game portion is repetitive and boring. The only motivation is "Jigsaw" to teach the girl a lesson, but why? This might have been interesting if it was entirely from his point of view. As it is, the protagonist is passive throughout, a victim and nothing more.

Good effort, the writing itself shows promise.

This is the reason I have yet to submit anything on this site.  A person, whom we do not know, has submitted their script, and like vultures, you all pounce on this person, disrespect them, and bash their efforts.  There is something called, "corrective criticism", but I don't believe that is being done here.  If you don't care for someone's work, fine, but don't bash them and disrespect their efforts.

The question that comes to mind is, "Who gives you the right to judge?"  I feel bashing someone's work is not the way in helping them achieve their goal as a script writer.  All you're doing is making them feel less about their writing skills.  Next time you read someone's script on here, think about how you felt the first time you submitted a script on here and what kind of feedback you received.  Corrective criticism with a little more respect.  Quit thinking all of you are better than the next person.

Quoted from MikeCashman This is the reason I have yet to submit anything on this site.  A person, whom we do not know, has submitted their script, and like vultures, you all pounce on this person, disrespect them, and bash their efforts.  There is something called, "corrective criticism", but I don't believe that is being done here.  If you don't care for someone's work, fine, but don't bash them and disrespect their efforts. The question that comes to mind is, "Who gives you the right to judge?"  I feel bashing someone's work is not the way in helping them achieve their goal as a script writer.  All you're doing is making them feel less about their writing skills.  Next time you read someone's script on here, think about how you felt the first time you submitted a script on here and what kind of feedback you received.  Corrective criticism with a little more respect.  Quit thinking all of you are better than the next person.

If you're gonna be a writer you HAVE to have thick skin. Simplyscripts isn't a back-patting club.

BTW, having gone back through this thread, I don't see anyone being disrespectful in any way. The only person being disrespectful is the author who, as far as I can tell, didn't read and review their share of the OWC scripts.

This was also a OWC entry. Normal submissions are not treated the same way.

If you are sensitive to negative feedback, I don't recommend entering a OWC.