Fantastic job!

Yes, there is horror. Both the monster father sexually abusing a child and the tractor.

Not much to add. Not sure if the moving vehicle requirement was met. The main character is never in that vehicle...well, briefly the car.

So maybe doesn't qualify, but still bravo on the work.

Is this titled 'Reap what you sow' or 'Sowing' like the title card? Hmmm.... Gotcha, chapter titles.

Well written and, farm equipment for vehicles, meets the challenge. Never a pleasant topic or subject, it is horrifying.

Well done, writer.

Great work, writer.  A lot happens explicitly and behind the scenes in this.  Lean action/description, but has voice and nice pace. I can see all your characters. They're alive.  Nothing to rip, I'd only be nitpicking.  In the end, a story just has to work, and this does.  JMHO.  This is high up on my list.

One very small note.  based on the ending.  I could be wrong, but... I get the sense you may have been racing against the clock to get this in. -Andrea

It started out as horror with the 'monsters' in the field, but then you take that away. Even though this is really well written, you're relying too much on what one perceives as horror. The machines are monsters to the kid and in her eyes, this is a horror moment. The actions the father takes on his child are indeed horrific and again, in her eyes this is her horror story.

As others have said, this leans heavily into drama and despite having some of the requirements, it's walking a fine line.

If this were a non-horror challenge, this would be really good.

Hmm...

A very loose interpretation of the challenge parameters imho.

That 'hmm' above means I must confess to being heavily biased against sexual molestation/incest and child abuse tales. The only exception: Little Children & The Woodsman. Sorry, I've just reached saturation point with (viewing) this theme. As mentioned elsewhere OWC audiences seem to love this stuff - You and Reef (Bill) should get together. No offence to either of you btw, purely personal choice. Elevator Named Alice won him awards, I think, so what do I know.

A few notes/ suggestions:

Love the V.O. It works here, it's Abigail's voice, and it's not overdone.
A quite distinct American Gothic feel to the description of the photo.


I feel you have a passive way of writing (prose/verging on static) with some of your action lines. It suits the sombre vibe of the subject matter but beware of it detracting from pace. Contrasting highly dramatic points end up being inadvertently played down.

Example: His flat palm shuts her up. (that's so passive I think you distance the reader)
What we'd see: He slaps her across the face.
He raises his hand, slaps her hard across the face.

draws on some paper
Draws is enough, with textas, crayons, paint, perhaps? Perhaps have her brush dip in red paint for the beast's glowing red eyes?

pulls open the sheets,
pulls down the bedsheets

The fear on her face is evident.
Abigail’s pace has slowed significantly. She’s tired, her
eyelids weigh heavy.

Make us feel it:

Abigail, eyes wide (with fear,) races through the field, wheat whipping at her face
She pants, running out of breath,
she slows,

This section below could really be ramped up too. It's your high point of dramatic tension:

For a little girl she moves at quite a pace, the wheat whips
her face as she passes, then --
Suggestion: She's small, but she moves fast
She trips, falls hard, and cracks her head on the ground. Her
world goes black.
She trips, falls, cracks her head (on what?)
Everything goes black.
Blood runs from a large open gash on Abigail’s forehead.
I'd have her come to, put a hand or finger to the gash on her head, blood coming away on her fingers.
She lies motionless.
She lies still.
Holds her breath.
After a moment, her eyes gradually flutter open.
Her eyelids flutter. Or: She opens her eyes.
Daren't move -
The sound of the beast in the distance, gaining on her -
Her ears ring, but this slowly clears and is replaced with...
Her ears ringing.
the ferocious growl once again, it's closer still.
The ferocious growl again -
Getting closer-
Abigail tries to get up. Dazed, she falls back down. ( The world around her spins) She
tries again, but --
It’s too late, the beast is upon her.
Too late -
The beast is upon her
She turns, comes face to face with a combine harvester
She turns -
Comes face to face with -
The Combine Harvester
Its blades turning -
(describe from her POV the threshing of those rotating teeth/blades)
Drawing closer -
Abigail, rooted to the spot.
She screams -
Or:
She opens her mouth to scream.
No sound.


Likewise here:

Donald stares down in horror as he tries to slow the machine.

This is the high point of horror.
Donald's horror stricken face -
Describe the whine of the machine, the grind of gears as Donald, frantic, tries to stop, not slow it.

she makes eye contact with the driver --
With the driver?
This is her daddy at the wheel, right? Donald driving? So call him who he is to her at this moment.
Makes eye contact with her Daddy

I'm being picky obviously.
Minor pacing suggestions for suspense.

You write very well and evoked time and place and characters very nicely. I just think at certain points it calls for picking up the pace of what already is a cut above with the writing. Pun intended.

P.S. I had the same comments as others re a few other phrases which (I won't repeat) you'll probably iron out in the next draft.

Your spelling of: Mom, and pajamas, suggests U.S. origin.

I dunno about that...

Just want to comment that those are really excellent notes by LC.

Hailing from Birmingham in the West Midlands, I've always used 'mom'.

Take two...

So this is my… um… horror? It's clearly a drama and I know that, but this is what I came up with and I really liked it so I went with it.

I still think it's one of the better things I've ever written.

The whole sow, grow, harvest, reap follows not only the wheat’s cycle, but also the theme and cycle of the story.

Going back to something her father says about fear being a good thing that keeps her safe. In the end it's the fear of her father (the true monster) that drives her outside directly into the danger (the made up monsters) he was trying to protect her from. Then it all ties into him potentially commiting suicide because of the figurative monsters in his head ‘making’ him an abuser.

I also didn't go with one vehicle, I went with 3. The tractor, the biplane, and the combine harvester. These are the 3 monsters.

My suspense scene was meant to be at the end where Abigail is running from the harvester, but I was really hoping that the opening scene would cause the entire script to be somewhat suspenseful in anticipation of why she lost her hand.

I've made a few very minor changes to an updated draft that I've submitted to SS. I won't be making any more changes as this will clearly never be produced because of the budget.

Anyway, thanks for the reads and reviews, it seemed to be a mostly positive reaction despite this not really meeting the criteria of the OWC

I never posted my review of this but I did read and enjoy it to some extent.  And voted of course.  It feels like a Stephen King kind of vibe.  Maybe expand into a feature?  

Nicely done, Warren. You're really cranking lately.

Maybe consider withholding the prosthetic arm as a reveal later. Showing it to us early really telegraphs the ending. If it's revealed in the final scenes, it might pack a pretty good punch.

That telegraphing was the only thing that held me back in my final eval. With that one change, I think you'd still have the foreboding that Rene pointed out, yet, there'd be some mystery as to how things play out.

Two cents.

Good luck with the script!

Quoted from DustinBowcot Hailing from Birmingham in the West Midlands, I've always used 'mom'.

Really, that's your spelling? Interesting... I thought Mom was intrinsically U.S.
Learn something new every day.

What about pyjamas, though?  

We say mom in South Africa as well, so it's quite natural for me to type mom without thinking about it. Mum still just doesn't sound right to me.

Good Job Warren - I really liked this one.

Very clever and well written. You got talent.

Matt

Quoted from Matthew Taylor Good Job Warren - I really liked this one. Very clever and well written. You got talent. Matt

Thanks, I appreciate it. I enjoy yours as well and thought it was going to be up the top near the end.

You're a good writer, you need to stop with the disclaimers about your ability, I think you know more than enough to be an asset to other writers on SS.

Quoted from Warren Thanks, I appreciate it. I enjoy yours as well and thought it was going to be up the top near the end. You're a good writer, you need to stop with the disclaimers about your ability, I think you know more than enough to be an asset to other writers on SS.

That's kind of you to say. I guess it's because I haven't sold anything or had anything produced, feel a bit like a fraud giving advice to others lol the disclaimer is more of a warning to new writers who don't know me and may take what I say as gospel.