Hi,

Quite a few errors in this one that took me out of the story.

I like the setting, but the shark attack didn't draw me in. A horror tale in a sunken submarine has so much potential. I'd try rework this one after the OWC if I was you.

Good luck.

The first slugline tells us it's morning. Question: Was the sun shining in through one of the submarine's windows? And in the hallway, was a Roomba bumping around? When the shark broke into the sub -- instead of coming in through the screen door -- and chased Cora out into the water, and bit off part of her pants' leg, was she terribly traumatized? Of course not, it was just a dream. If I racked my brain enough, I might be able to come up with some constructive criticism, but it's obvious this script was not meant to be taken seriously, so I won't.

Having read everyone else's comments, I don't really have anything to add that hasn't already been said; but aside from the issues, it feels like you are feeling your way through things and that's all right.  For the record I would rethink the shark.   You missed a golden opportunity here.  The tight,  claustrophobic atmosphere inside a sub lends itself to unlimited possiblilites.

I suspect you have a good story to tell, and you just got off to a rough start. Don't be discouraged. Just go back and rework some things. Oh, research.  Kudos for entering.  Good Luck.

I think this was someone writing their first proper script to be viewed? Just a hunch but we’ve all been in that place.

Had some good ideas and the choice of a sub as a vehicle was different. But as Bert pointed you need to research your subject matter so that the story is more real. I did a hell of a lot of research on mine but couldn’t use most of it due to the page limit lol

SEA LEVEL THREAT

The writing needs a lot of work. As writers we will always be the hardest to please, so you have that. Perhaps some producer somewhere could get through this but I can't. This script shows such a disregard for the craft, it seems deliberate. Poor grammar, poor writing, and a distinct lack of research. You need to bring way more than this.