Have heard of Lovecraft (did he have a brother called Loveboat? Aha ha oops) but never read any of it so I only have a vague sense of what this is all about   Its well written but still needs some type of super   It could be set in any number of country’s oceans I guess.

I skimmed I have to admit  Didn’t really float my boat (lol)

A nice homage to Lovecraft but as it was such an obvious homage I could see where this was going so there were no surprise and I felt myself skimming.  Nice writing, a bit overwritten in parts but that’s just personal taste. The dialogue in the opening pages reads like exposition. The dialogue in general is awkward and unnatural throughout, it’s more like a stage play in parts.

Meets the criteria though for me, good job.

Hello Writer

Mr Phillips - "dis, dat" - I can't imagine what kind of accent you are going for here, to me it doesn't fit his character or description - I'm getting more of a young council estate vibe from him - Know what I'm sayin' bruv?

Unneeded (shouting) especially coupled with the CAPS in dialogue.

You miss a few slugs - you move to another boat while under the slug of the other boat. You move to the surface while under the slug of underwater.

How does the tentacle destroy the cabin? must be big - but the other was smaller because it wrapped around someone's neck - two creatures? or an inconsistency

Quoted Text How...ard....help....me...

I don't know what is normal when writing broken dialogue - but I personally find this way to be messy. I'd go with how-ard help-me - that's just my preference.

Howard is on the fishing boat, but climbs a damaged mast - the fishing boat has an engine and so, no mast - the other boat has the mast, I think you got him in the wrong location.

Ok Finished.

The writing was just OK for me - room for improvement, I was jarred by the action a bit.

Love the story, old school horror at it's best. Confused about the sacrifice part - that creature at the end was there the whole time right? so why take Howard from the wreckage that the creature caused, to then present him to the creature?

Didn't get a sense of prolonged suspense as per the requirements, so a point lost there. plenty of horror though, good use of a prominent vehicle, so added points there.

Good job

Matt

Quoted from Matthew Taylor Howard is on the fishing boat, but climbs a damaged mast - the fishing boat has an engine and so, no mast - the other boat has the mast, I think you got him in the wrong location.

Boats can have both and in this case I would assume the mast helps with the large nets to catch fish. Maybe it's called something else though?

Good suspense in my books and the horror is the best part. The writing is bland in some areas but visually cool in others.

Heavy on the Lovecraft and it appears some people just don't get it.

I enjoyed it, room for improvement though.

This was decent.

In response to the other readers' thoughts on Mr. Philips accent, he is clearly a drunk Jamaican.

Some typos here and there and a few descriptions are a little clunky and lacking any flair. Example:

Quoted Text IN THE FOG The fog is dense.

Suspense is good. Checks the horror box. With another draft or two, polishing the action and dialogue this would be a neat script.

Last but not least.

Sorry, not up to speed on this "Lovecraft" vibe, but I was intrigued to learn.  Unfortunately, I don't have much feedback to give you. I scanned some of the comments and largely agree with what's been said, so some of this may sound repetitive; some of it is just my take. I ended up enjoying the premise here, and your writing has a nice flow/readability to it.  Good use of the fog.   All the dialogue seems like something I would hear in a movie.  But also,  in a couple of instances it seemed liked if the characters said less, it would amp up the tension.  The ending was just ok for me.  

Not sure I got the Lovecraft thing, but overall, nice job.

I just wanted to point out that there is no spider in this Dreamscale, she does a spider like crawl along the boat.

Sorry Warren was so anti this script. I have a few ideas to turn this into a feature. Which would obviously dive deeper into mythology and explain a few things.

Quoted from TheUsualSuspect I just wanted to point out that there is no spider in this Dreamscale, she does a spider like crawl along the boat. .

Yes, I see that now.  My bad.  Sorry.

Quoted from TheUsualSuspect Sorry Warren was so anti this script. I have a few ideas to turn this into a feature. Which would obviously dive deeper into mythology and explain a few things.

I wasn't anti your script at all. It just got dragged into a discussion about prior knowledge of Lovecraft's work and how it affects the read for certain people.

It was a well written script, but I don't know the backstory and that did affect the read for me. I still think that's an acceptable response.

This script impressed a fair few people who did and didn't have knowledge of Lovecraft. You are never going to please everyone all of the time, especially if you draw on work that people don't know.

I'm not your audience, so my comments should be the ones that you worry about the least.

In another OWC with a topic I enjoy, and your writing chops I might love what you do.

Take the good with the bad and move on.