Good for you completing an OWC.
The word "hoary" felt like something stuck in my throat. Consider the sound when writing. Sometimes simpler is better.
Was the little girl related to the old guy? I didn't read to the end.
He gave her a dime? So this is in another time period?
This has a lot of issues, but I would start off by working on giving the script direction at the get-go.
For instance, ask:
Is the little girl crying over the gum important to the story? Does it reveal something to do with character that you want to show? How much does the scene contribute? etc...