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Six pages and so far not much has happened aside from a rocket going into space. Seems to me you could have started this story at page 7.
The ending fell flat for me. I did enjoy the alien scene but that didn't make the previous six pages worth it. Too long. This story could actually be told without a space ship at all. Just 4 astronauts sitting on a porch with flashbacks to the abduction.
I see you wrote one of your character's dialogue in the vein of Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast.
It was a bit pedestrian to begin with. Characters could have done with a little more defining to show their contrasting personalities more, (a jokester at least amongst them,) but I liked your choice of vehicle (I really thought we were going to see many more cars in this challenge), glad we didn't.
I liked the choice they made not to become 'lab rats'. The debriefing on the porch in the final scene didn't really work for me. What, so they're going back?
I would have liked a more disturbing, vague ending similar to The Astronaut's Wife where we're not quite sure how they've been affected but we are left knowing it's not good.
Good effort, just a bit too much spelling it all out in graphic detail for me.
What's your story... and what elements are absolutely essential to telling that story? in this case, the launch sequence... while excellent... was completely unnecessary to the story. Which, sadly broke the whole script. Why? Because you really needed more pages to finish the story you were actually telling... and, you had to cut the ending short because of the wasted pages upfront.
Again, it was all good. Just, unfortunately, not needed.
In the end, I was left unsatisfied. With no explanation of the event and no consequences as a result of the event, there is no story.
Good writing, though.
PaulKWrites.com
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You should start the story with them already in space, Lose the launch build-up and add more context to the happenings. I have no idea why this happened and can only assume cliched Alien stuff.
No real suspense for me and the horror aspect was extremely minimal. Space Horror is ripe for literally ANYTHING to happen and you go with a basic alien abduction story with no real pay-off. Felt very much like SPHERE to me, where the encounter something alien-like and "decide" to forget. Or in this case....allude to it.
Very visually written though, I had no issues picturing where I was or what was happening. I guess I just wanted more.