Good writing. The opening scene where Travis is talking with Control lends a nice air of foreboding to the script. And all the action that follows is handled very well. The twist at the end reminds me of the guy who paints himself into a corner. He doesn't get credit for accomplishing most of the job, but is derided for not thinking ahead. Of course, Travis never stood a chance of getting off the pylon, and that's a problem if the writer ever decides to turn this story into a full script.

Ok, writer... another one. Yes, full of captivating images, excitement and action... good dialogue too, but it got hard to follow at times. But like in my previous post, I should add: it is a tired premises, and you didn’t turn anything on its head either.  Second: I'm sure I've seen a version of this scene before.  That said, it's still had good pacing. Great mood. Not much of a plot to this though, but maybe I've seen too many zombies.  When all is said and done, I wouldn't be surprised if this was right up there in scoring. -Andrea.

Very inventive use of an alternative type of vehicle so I applaud your choice there.
The choice inherently sets up the suspense imho, and then you have the double whammy with the marauding munchers.  

I won't pick holes as you've already a lot of good advice.
I do encourage you to redraft a more satisfying ending.
I enjoyed it nonetheless.

P.S. Did you see Frozen?  Did it inspire the idea? This one, (below) not the other Frozen.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1323045/

Hi Writer,

Tense and suspenseful, with an original take on the vehicle.

Not a fan of the zombie stuff, but the story works for what it is.

I think that you did a great job with the action. It's a complex location, but it flows really well.

I expected the ending, but wasn't disappointed.

Overall, a solid effort. I enjoyed the read.

Good job,
David

Both zombie entries I've read are very well written and this one has the edge of being bold with the unique "vehicle" choice.

The zombie hoard checks off the horror aspect and this script is probably one of the few that is almost all suspense. You manage to weave that very well for 10 pages.

I wanted to get a little bit more sense of character from Travis. He's put in this situation, but I have no sense of character. Maybe have a bit more back and forth dialogue at the beginning so we get to know him better.

Thanks for all the thoughts and comments, appreciated as always and some will make their way into the re-write.

The ending - had this in mind before I started, I didn't run out of time or ideas, I wanted to leave it hanging - literally. I'm quite happy with stories that don't tie things up with a neat bow, like life really.

Feels like a scene from a zombie film/show, phew thank god for that.

Libby - I've seen that Frozen, good film, but this was inspired by me seeing a gondola in action and the little voice in my head saying "wonder if you could survive a zombie outbreak in one of them?"

Jeff - you read scripts in a unique way, it's like Jeffovision or something, fortunately most others read the script in a normal fashion.

Staats - what sort of zombies... I wanted the audience to be in Travis's position, i.e. knowing very little.

Rene - fair cop, maybe throwing the carabiner was a little ott

kev - I tried to balance the humour and reduce it as the script played out, don't think more would fit his desperate situation... and no cats needed - the emergency services need their power back.

Warren - this may be the first time you've agreed with Jeff

James - what do they call pylons in Washington?

matthew - there's a subtle difference between the meaning of preternatural and unnatural which is why I made the word choice but unnatural would have sufficed.

Glad most of you liked it. Hopefullythose who didn;t will like the next one

Quoted from AnthonyCawood matthew - there's a subtle difference between the meaning of preternatural and unnatural which is why I made the word choice but unnatural would have sufficed.

Ignore me - it was more a comment to use the more common word so dumbasses like me don't have to Google preternatural to know what the hell it means lol

This was my favourite entry and would genuinely terrify me

Quoted from AnthonyCawood Warren - this may be the first time you've agreed with Jeff

For the love of God, noooooooooo!

Congrats on the runner up section, I would never have picked you for this.

It's really just the zombie angle, it's been done to absolute saturation point, but from the way the zombie scripts placed there is still obviously an audience for it at SS. Good job catering to that.

Still love to know where the hordes of zombies came from, as you just have the single decker bus. My one suggestion would be to clear that up. But then again I'm clearly not the person you want to be listening to when it comes to zombies :p