This is pretty good.  Stretching it out over two days makes it longer than it needs to be, maybe, but if you go that route consider putting the days into a SUPER instead of the slug.

I would also say "Lander screams" instead of spelling it out like a comic book -- but that's just a choice and it's not really wrong. I like to spell out goofy sound effects that probably don't amuse anyone but myself.

And it ends well. And maybe I spotted a Rocky Horror Easter egg, which is funny if it was intentional. Pretty solid for a OWC script.

edit:  Looking at the comments now I see a few folks busting on your first slug and the description that follows. I didn't get that at all, and even now I don't see it as problematic.  Just saying.

Nice writing, but the story is lacking in suspense and horror. And the twist where the bear shows up is pretty predictable. And the characters are not particularly likable. You could throw in a rumor that the wild animals in the area are acting strange and aggressive, and Cody and Lander stop being gun hicks and become soldiers in a new battle of survival against nature.

This one wasn't for me.  I found it a bit plodding and fairly predictable. Basically just an escalating series of injuries, pain and death.

I'm not sure about it meeting the parameters of the challenge - not really a horror.

Holy cow there's a bunch of exclamation points in the dialogue. For some reason, it stands out to me, and I'm oddly distracted by it. (That may be the most odd note I've ever given.) Do these guys really exclaim nearly every thing they say?

"breaks his lower back on impact" Show, don't tell. How can I know this? Same for "paralyzed and can't fell his crushed femers"

"Landers calls for help until his voice is almost gone"... how much time do you expect this particular line to fill in the finished short?

"he's not surprised there's no service" Again, how do we know he's not surprised? Every line needs to be a visual or dialogue.

"He begins to frown." Most uses of "begins" can be eliminated. It's awkward and unnecessary.

I'm not sure this is a horror script. But, it was a "fun" little story, complete with a beginning, middle and a definitive end.

All in all, a good effort. Thanks for sharing.

~Love the title. It just says TENSION. And I like the logline in question form. Interestingly pulling me in.
~Must not use Final Draft because spacing is off (personal pet peeve sorry)
~The first two pages are mostly banter that goes on too long. They are drunk, give us a laugh then set the tone of the story. End of page 1...they are gonna do something illegal.
~ok I love this story. The only beef I have with it is that it takes too long to get going IMO. I love the hunters become the hunted.. been done a bunch ... but I love it. I would have liked to see them shoot the bear before it all went wrong and then the bear show up at the end... so that we know he's gonna eat the very thing that almost killed him.. instead of the elk I guess. Really good writing on display. Enjoyed this story once it got moving.
~Great job writer.

The satisfaction I got from this one was due to the fact that
the characters sounded so darn juvenile and were dislikable
to the point where I was happy to see them killed off.

Normally, I would expect myself to be writing I'm out
with that and move on, but you did a good job with
the opening depiction of setting and the logline; so I
think that told the story for me, subconsciously.

You didn't waste any time on those two idiots
so good on you. You drew them as you needed to
and gave them what they deserved.

I only have a few complaints:
The title. Hmmm... See below...

>Cody, never having put on his seatbelt gets ejected...

Poorly worded, but more importantly, you should foreshadow him refusing (the idiot he is) to buckle up.

>Lander throws the knife...

He's an idiot, but that puts him in the Darwin Award category.  

Would "Two Idiots" be a good title? Just a stab in the dark without a knife.

That's it. Nicely done.  

This is my entry. I wrote this the day before deadline after failing on rewrites of a woman in the World Trade Center elevator on 9/11. In my head it was terrifying but couldn't factor in the horror aspect. An elevator would have been a great vehicle, I thought....

As far as A Pinch, I regret making them such redneck-dimwits. I was also going to have the wolves gnaw on the guy's legs without him knowing but couldn't really work it in. That would've amped up the horror.

Thanks everybody for your reads and reviews. Appreciate all the positive comments.
~John

John,

I don't know if you caught it on the main thread... so, I'll share it again here: I apologize for my stupid joke regarding the weinermobile early in the challenge. I didn't even consider the thought that I might accidentally ruin someone's real idea.

It won't happen again.

Best,
Paul

This one got four stars from me. Nice work.

Don't sweat it, Paul. Just like advice on SS, people are free to express thoughts and ideas. I'm just glad it was still in the idea muddling stage!

Quoted from DustinBowcot This one got four stars from me. Nice work.

Thanks, Dustin. That means a lot.

If we were allowed decimal places then this was actually my number one pick. I couldn't give it 5 because I only scored it 4.2. If I had scored it as 4.6 then I would have rounded up.

The scores are a little annoying from an individual basis, but I can see how it works out once 25 of us have voted. I also see that allowing decimal places in the individual votes would over complicate things. Just saying.