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Wish i read this one earlier, b/c at this point i'm sick of the AI cabs. I get tired of the robotic character repeating the person's name and the company policies.
There wasn't too much to this one, but i think i liked it more than the others I mentioned. The ending was a pretty clever way to spin this type of story, imo.
this is a possible pick.
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I like this. An obvious and enjoyable homage to the one and only part of 2001 I understood and enjoyed! I know, I know, it's a classic but when I watched it as a kid it was too weird for me and I had to read the book to figure out the rest of the story.
Anyway, Hal is perfect. A logical AI that's impossible to argue with. Dave needs some work. He's very annoying and unnatural sounding in parts, the telephone call in particular.
I would think an automatic car in the future would be programmed to deal with common obstacles like flooding, but as you only had a week to come up with this scenario I'll buy it.
It does need something a bit more, I'm not quite sure what but it feels like something is missing which would enhance it. I'd encourage working on this outside the OWC.
I think this could be done low budget if you got creative. It ticks all the boxes for me and would get a rec if I was eligible to vote, which I'm not!
-Mark
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3 more to go, including this. I will attempt to provide detailed feedback.
Page 1 - How does a silhouette sit alone? A perfect example of a writer trying to be cutesy and failing.
I have to assume Hal is the Driver, so why isn't the Driver intro'd as Hal?
"The taxi slips into the gear as the wipers sweep back and forth. They drive into the continuing rain." - Very awkwardly written.
Page 2 - 32 point two minutes? .2 minutes? Should be seconds given here.
20 dollars and one cents? Should be "cent", but you should be writing out these numbers, not using actual numbers, and why you're using both is beyond me.
These numbers are getting very irritating, and the crazy thing is sometimes you spell out the numbers right next to an actual number. Not good at all.
Very dull so far, I'm sorry today. The Hal 2001 stuff is not humorous to me at all.
Page 5 - A wall of water? Like, just hanging there? LOL...not working...not working at all. Like Dave has never come across a cab like this? I honestly don't get it, but I'll slog on, as I'm almost done.
The end. Sorry, didn't work for me at all. Dull, unrealistic, annoying, even.
Hey Richard, nice job. I hope you fix the errors and issues with the story. This was one of my fav ones and I think you have a solid little story here.
I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good. I enjoy writing the same. Looking to team with anyone!
Congrats. I was able to visualize this and it fit the bill with the OWC criteria. I would probably suggest noting during Daves dialogue that this is a prototype taxi. I will suspect the company will have better emergency measures.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/