Stuck by 0 - Short, Comedy - A business woman gets stuck in a cab with a couple characters that push her over the edge. - pdf, format

Great story, and I love how that song got quoted near the end, that was great. This was very funny, and it was a great concept.

The only issue I had with it was that Daisy was nice to Teri at the beginning, and not annoying, but then she got annoying. Teri is supposed to be annoyed by both of these characters, but one is significantly worse.

I stopped on page 4.  This just isn't for me, I'm afraid.

It's dull, and overwritten, making the 4 pages seem like much more.  I didn't find anythign funny, and although I am not familiar with cabs, I highly doubt anyone would be riding with 2 other riders, as it just doesn't make any sense.

As for the theme, being stuck in a cab, I don't see it, but then again, I didn't finish, so who knows.

No grade.

Nope, just didn't work for me, visually it was odd but to that doesn't make it a comedy, needed some more laughs. Also not really sure that Teri's really stuck in the cab, so it missed the brief.

Well written, didn't spot any typos, but it just wasn't for me.

Strangers sharing cabs like this, is that a thing?

By page 5 I was struggling, no one seemed trapped. except maybe Teri but i wasn't feeling any real narrative drive.

The constant barrage of chatup lines didn't strike my funny bone and the ending... was that it?

Sorry didn't work for me.

Trappd - a cab full of annoying characters and a Driver with no name. There is a clown who acts like a mime, and Bob who has one too any sexist pick up lines. Trei quotes Steeler's Wheel.

Script was entertaining at forst, but it seemed to wander as I went on.
Not horrible, but just not for me.

It was hard for me to buy into Daisy's gig - she's in the character, I know but so what.
So they one by one get into the cab and I'm many pages in but still don't see whats it about.

You separate every lone of dialog with an action line - I know that how you want to pace your story, but it spoils the read somehow. Also, there are a lot of looks and smiles and such. Maybe you could cut on some.

Well, every character was a lot more annoying than they should have been. Joke was a little tired, punchline with the uber didn't work well either. Bob gave me a few chuckles, but besides that, there's not much here unfortunately. Could do with a rewrite.

Not for me.

Pass.

I'm afraid I have to agree with (nearly) everyone else - didn't find this funny, or believable. It had no point to it - it just meanders along and really, it doesn't fit the challenge as when Teri wants to get out the Driver stops and lets her off (and doesn't ask for a fare...)

When Teri opens the door and sees a clown she says nothing - she gets in. Why? Why not at least ask what's going on and why the taxi is being shared?

It just didn't make any sense and even the ending isn't anything special - she gets out and phones Uber. That's it?

0 out of 5 for me.

That song must have been playing in your head when you wrote this.  That's quite an effort to put all of that into a script just so it fits the song.  Too bad it didn't quite work out.  Funny though, now that songs playing in my head...

Quoted from Jeremiah Johnson That song must have been playing in your head when you wrote this.  That's quite an effort to put all of that into a script just so it fits the song.  Too bad it didn't quite work out.  Funny though, now that songs playing in my head...

It was the only bit of the script that made me laugh (well, smile).

Some notes.

I found the man to be a one-trick pony and the clown more than annoying and cliche.  Some work on Daisy is necessary to give her something different and provocative.  

Best
Richard

Okay...  I *do* think the script was worth reading - mainly for that song punchline towards the end.  

A few notes on it, though:

- I'm sure it could be a lot shorter... it drags out a bit too much for the payoff

- Since when do cabs pick up more than one fare?  At least in NYC, it doesn't happen anymore, that I've experienced.

- Teri is waaaaaaaay too understanding, IMHO, re: the annoyances.  I'd be cheesed off by the company a lot faster and demanding to get out (i.e.: up the conflict and emotions more.)

- One of the other commenters was right.  Bob's too much of a one-joke guy.  Give him more annoying traits.

- Why not have Teri stay stuck in the car, rather than escape?  Maybe - they're in traffic that's so jammed she can't even open the side doors.  Or any other excuse would be good, too.  That'd give you more of a punch at the end.  IE: no matter what she does, she's stuck there!  

My five cents!  I do love that one song reference, though!  )

A clever tie in of a song. Now, I know why the clown had to be in the cab.  Instead of an actual clown it might have been cool to have a person who acted clownish or an off-duty clown.  That way, when the song plays you make the connection as an "ah ha!" moment rather than a "gee that's cute" moment. Kind of like you did with Bob, only not so obvious. The more desperate  Teri is to get away the better the trapped part will be. Also, find  4 lines in the script to trim so you get rid of the 4 line overhang on page 10. And name your DRIVER.