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Some ideas are a complete hit or miss and just down to personal taste. You can tell this by the diversity of reviews. Shock factor is also often all it takes. I'm neither btw, shocked or offended but it's a 'miss' for me unfortunately. Black bile and boobs just ain't up my alley.
I'm not convinced there's enough to the story either for the screen, then again after the challenge you'll tell me it got snapped up. I enjoyed it up until just after he got strapped in. Mind you, I imagined it might go in a more sophisticated direction. That said, easy to read, flowed well and met the challenge.
Ah, that title takes me back to Ken Livingstone's GLC. A smooth read, a pro job yet a tad overworked for me, e.g. "swelling wonders".
Not sure where he came from but I think Floyd would be in the opening scene before Guy? I stopped reading to google '88 Caprice in case I needed that information. Took a while to come back...
With the dipstick, Guy says "Thing's almost full. Stupid old man" and I thought you meant the stupid man had overfilled it, you mean it's nearly at Max.
"Felat-a-what?" isn't my kind of humor, as things take a left turn I can sense that he's going to get some kind of come-uppance for trying to rip that kindly old man and I'm itching to move on. I'm sure this will do well, I may come back to it. I read as far as the eye roll on page 4.
Not for me - could be because I am post 60 - but the humor just fell flat for me - not one for dildo and fart jokes so - not fair to the writer because my filter for humor is different that others. I cringed where other people laughed so you are probably on the right track and it's just not for me.
A couple of nit issues.
Quoted Text
EXT. TAXI - DAY Guy pulls the car into the privacy of the shop.
I think the slug here is wrong. Shouldn't it be INT. SHOP?
Quoted Text
GUY Whoa! You know my name. Must be some kinda interactive holograph
This reaction seems a little understated - I mean a stranger knows his name? would he really shrug that off?
That was definitely worth the read. It started out touching the bases and ended up a grand slam. Someone commented before about a dildo and I wondered how that got in to the cab. And now I know. You may have some porn in your writer's DNA. Instead of a fart joke, I'd go for the brown nose.
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Having read the comments through above, I can't really add much. It was OK, didn't really make me laugh - the writing sometimes seemed a bit flat ("stupid old man" at first made me think you didn't like swearing, then you have Guy swearing away happily, which seemed a bit odd).
The fellatio joke actually reminded me of one in "Frasier" (where Daphne describes being approached by an old man and given a note and her reaction - "that's not how you spell fellatio").
I have no problem with this kind of humour but certainly on the page it was rather bland - visually it would probably work better and be funnier (comedy scripts are generally supposed to read flat - it's in the acting and the visuals that comedy works).
Page 3 - Huh? WHere is Becky? She's in the car or on the phone screen? It makes a difference how it's written.
Page 4 - I just don't understand where Becky is...or where the phone is. Something isn't working here at all.
Oh wait...there she is...in the flesh! OK, here we go...
Page 5 - "scared blowfish" - Ha! Funny shit. But...is this a comedy? A pisser, by chance? Tone is all over the place, but the writing seems to suggest the writer is fucking around with us.
Page 6 - WTF? Now she's blowing farts in his face? K, we are taking a big old piss now, huh?
OH boy...now we have a giant dildo? OMG...not sure whether to laugh or stop reading...
Page 7 - Here's exactly what I'm talking about with the lack of subjects in your lines. You have Becky talking, then the next line is, "Nods like his life depended on it." - Sure, it's gotta be Guy doing this, but you need to tell us..even with "He".
OK, the end.
I have to say I like it. Smart concept you came up with. Funny stuff. Writing could be better and I hope you understand my points.
A good concept for this OWC and if handled well could be fun on screen.
A woman acting like a misfiring car.
Kind of reminded me of a script, then filmed, by writer on these boards - not saying it's the same, just a reminder.
The one thing that bothered me was the guy. I suppose we have to remove ourselves from reality but I think he could be set up a bit more to accept the somewhat unusual situation of a person emerging in front of them. Just like that. Minor issue. For example, some spiritual folk believe in a spiritual return, that type of thing, that could persuade us why he buys into a phone talking to him etc
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
That was insane. And I loved it. Even the descriptions were written to great comedic effect like the description of the fart vapors moving through the car.
None of it made me laugh out loud... but that's okay, it's gross out humor. With the right actors, this could be pulled off in a way that would have me in stitches.
Man, I couldn't stop laughing. The ending was classic, and you almost have to believe it - Floyd gets the good stuff. My favorite part was when it cuts to cab shaking and smoking, knowing it's from coming her butthole. Dildo was pushing it. Very effective luring guy in... and I can't believe I'm thinking about this, but what if he treated her right? Now the ending's really weird! Great job, I really liked this.
This had me laughing hardcore for a few pages, however, you lost me somewhere between the black vomit and her ass stack. Still, it was good enough to see this writer has serious talent.
I'm gonna let this fester a bit before I decide whether or not it's a consider... well done, funny stuff, dude.