The writing was good and was an interesting take on the challenge.  Easy to film and some of it had me laughing, but some didn't.  Again, not a problem with some touch up.  You went "deep" with the theme "butt" with a rewrite might even make it better.  The writing flowed and I liked the ending line.  Good job.

More or less perfect. Be difficult for a low budget team to do those effects justice, but that'd be my only complaint regarding the challenge. Fun, funny, unexpected. Probably my favourite of the bunch.

Pg5 dialogue at the top wasn't good, redundant. It was flowing well up to this point.

Oh, I see, big switch of tone.

Not bad. Questions I asked myself: Is the twist of tone too late? And, is it funny enough?

It could need a better title that represents the madness happening.

Anyway: I'm in for different. It's non-linear and somehow creative in a wacky way.

Finally, a comedy that's actually funny!

I thought this was gonna be a porno, until that sharp left you took.

Nice twist on A Christmas Carol.

Not too many issues or niggles. Recommend. A+

Thanks all, for reading and commenting. Glad it was mostly well received. I did a quick rewrite, as you can tell by the giant FAIR'S FARE on my sig. Took DanC's advice and named her Becky right from the get go. She's Floyd's girl and deserves a name right off the bat. Also took Jeff's advice and corrected the subject less lines, and threw an INSERT PHONE in there just in case anyone else might have had an issue with that.

However, my favorite comment on this belonged to Libby, when after Guy the mechanic got strapped in, LC remarked, "I thought this was going to take a sophisticated turn." Hahaha. Not on your life!

Steve

It was a great script. I'm impressed you've got the range to do insanely raunchy comedy and moving, serious dramas like Silence, Eventually.

Thanks, Mark.  The "F Yeah" in Fair's Fare was a direct shout out to one in your toilet script! Although the scene where you used it had me on the floor!

Steven,
     Thanks for taking my advice.  It means a lot.  You're range is something that I'm trying to do.  That's why I wrote (mostly) a drama this time.  

I think the best writers can handle any genre, sure they can have their favs and their best ones, but, you never know what a producer might want...

This was really funny and kinda disturbing.  Some of the jokes bordered on insanity and disgust.  

You really pushed us, and that's fine.  

I'd love to read the rewrite and whatever you choose to do with it, or take us somewhere else.  I can see this as a movie, or even a tv series.  

So, was this based on Christine or Herbie?  Or even Knight Rider?

Really nice job.  This was one of my top 2 picks with the zombie one from Anthony.  

Best of luck with it.  Go sell this baby now!!

Dan

Quoted from SAC ... However, my favorite comment on this belonged to Libby, when after Guy the mechanic got strapped in, LC remarked, "I thought this was going to take a sophisticated turn." Hahaha. Not on your life!

Glad I could give u a laugh! I originally had Stevie pegged for this one. Didn't you like my other comment? Black bile and boobs. Alt, porn and puke, as a tagline... Hmm, I'll stop now except to say, yes that title in your SIG is bloody huge!   Good luck with this.

Will comment on mine later which I'm sure you're dying to know is in rewrite, and JC wants for STS. Sorry for the self promo on your thread.  

P.S. I should review yours for STS, that'd get ya!

Quoted from LC Glad I could give u a laugh! I originally had Stevie pegged for this one. Didn't you like my other comment? Black bile and boobs. Alt, porn and puke, as a tagline... Hmm, I'll stop now except to say, yes that title in your SIG is bloody huge!   Good luck with this. Will comment on mine later which I'm sure you're dying to know is in rewrite, and JC wants for STS. Sorry for the self promo on your thread.   P.S. I should review yours for STS, that'd get ya!

I'm not sure where my mind is LC, but, I almost thought you said
PS, I should review yours for STD, that'd get ya...

Yep, where am I??

Dan

I didn't realize this was for the OWC until I had to start searching for the script thread!

I think your idea here is good with the woman being the car kind of thing. Quite clever even with the cause and effect of the lack of maintenance. However, if you're looking to get this produced, I'm not sure a hot actress like that would agree to fart and vomit like that. At least not without a hefty paycheck. Other than that, I thought the farting and vomiting were well done as explanations to a car's well being.  

Pia,

Thanks for taking a look. This one was fun to write for the OWC after I had scrapped a thriller that was going nowhere.

Re: hot actress farting and vomiting. I don't know. If I was a hot actress looking for work, I'd probably jump at the chance! A director suggested to me that most peeps looking to make films are searching for more "women forward" type of roles. I don't know how you get more "women forward" than this!    There's the in-your-face analogy to the car, but it also speaks to the mindlessness of us men. Okay, maybe I'm reaching on that last one.

Quoted from SAC Pia, Thanks for taking a look. This one was fun to write for the OWC after I had scrapped a thriller that was going nowhere. Re: hot actress farting and vomiting. I don't know. If I was a hot actress looking for work, I'd probably jump at the chance! A director suggested to me that most peeps looking to make films are searching for more "women forward" type of roles. I don't know how you get more "women forward" than this!    There's the in-your-face analogy to the car, but it also speaks to the mindlessness of us men. Okay, maybe I'm reaching on that last one.

You would think that it might be hard to get a "hottie" to do that, but, look at some of the horror movies that are done today.  Human Centipede for one.  Why would anyone ever want to do that?  Or how about a Serbian story (I think that's the title, about the porn star hired to do one more movie).  

The actors are being asked (forced) to do more and more.  And some actors in big movies have had to barf.  Actually, actors barfing are fairly common (in terms of blood coming out of their mouths etc) so, having a fake fart and fake barf wouldn't be too hard to do.  Now, if you are talking about the real thing, well, then I agree...

Most won't wade into the gore subgenres like the vomit films.  However, I don't think the writer wants to take it that far...

Dan

It's fun, it's spicy and has a good burlesque type from the very beginning.
i liked and i got fun reading it, whenever you publish something else let me know about it. my scrips belongs to the horror 'Curst.' and thriller 'On the road'
Thanks Steven.

Pablo,

Thanks for digging this up. I’m glad you liked it. This is probably one of my favorite shorts that I’ve written, with it’s gross out humor. The environmental angle was completely unintentional, but I’m glad some peeps saw it that way. Cheers!

Steve