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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    August 2016 One Week Challenge  ›  Bangkok, U.S.A. - OWC
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  Author    Bangkok, U.S.A. - OWC  (currently 4053 views)
NW3
Posted: August 16th, 2016, 3:38am Report to Moderator
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Van Gogh was undiscovered in his lifetime. Trippy visuals, like a graphic novel, I loved everything about it. RECOMMEND.
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SimonM
Posted: August 16th, 2016, 5:22am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from NW3
Van Gogh was undiscovered in his lifetime. Trippy visuals, like a graphic novel, I loved everything about it. RECOMMEND.


Sorry - are you comparing the author of this script (you by any chance?) with Van Gogh?

Well, there you go. Not a lot that can be said in response to that.
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NW3
Posted: August 16th, 2016, 7:42am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from SimonM
are you comparing the author of this script     with Van Gogh?


Yes.


Quoted from SimonM
(you by any chance?)


Sadly, no. I would love to have written this. My script (at the time of writing) has the reviews it deserves.
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Stumpzian
Posted: August 16th, 2016, 8:17am Report to Moderator
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For me, this one's a guilty pleasure. Sort of a Blade Runner-Roger Rabbit-Fear & Loathing dream in 7 pages. I have to give the writer his due. Five electric goldfish.



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RichardR
Posted: August 16th, 2016, 11:18am Report to Moderator
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Some notes

This one reads like an inside joke that I'm not privy to, and frankly I don't care to be.  It reminds me of incoherent acid trip and just as entertaining, man.  Not my cup of drugs.

Best
Richard
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SimonM
Posted: August 16th, 2016, 11:23am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from NW3


Yes.






I am gobsmacked.
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DanC
Posted: August 16th, 2016, 12:00pm Report to Moderator
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Killing villains since 1980!

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Ummmm,
    This was bizarre.  I didn't follow half of what I read.  And I've read and seen some pretty trippy stuff (Naked Lunch anyone.

I couldn't follow this.  

I guess he was trapped in a cab....

Was just too odd for me.  

5/10

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Wes
Posted: August 16th, 2016, 2:40pm Report to Moderator
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Didn't get some of the descriptions.
Didn't like other descriptions.
Looks like we've introduced the characters.
Just waiting for something to happen.


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eldave1
Posted: August 16th, 2016, 5:27pm Report to Moderator
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Too over the top for my tastes and 3 references to real people as descriptions (Pacino, Lee, Danza) left me wondering why the short cuts given the extraordinary descriptions everywhere else. It's a script on steroids without a story on steroids. Not sure if that makes sense or not - anyway - not for me.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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SteveC
Posted: August 16th, 2016, 8:29pm Report to Moderator
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Wow, great writing until, IMO, Sal got in the cab. I totally didn't get it, but was -mostly- entertained anyway. Would love to see coherent works from this writer!
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grademan
Posted: August 17th, 2016, 8:53am Report to Moderator
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This one confuses me. It did have an attitude and flowed like a music video. Not necessarily a bad thing. I just couldn't figure it out.
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PrussianMosby
Posted: August 17th, 2016, 6:06pm Report to Moderator
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In short, it feels too wanted and enforced.



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Conz
Posted: August 17th, 2016, 6:10pm Report to Moderator
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Your logline horrifies me.  I can't imagine what type of despair would come over me if i realized i was done with pizza.

This is already overwritten.  I appreciate what you are attempted, b/c the writing is fun and you're trying to break the mold from the usual boring prose... but it's still overwritten.  Sometimes confusing.

I can't get into the way these people speak.

I don't like to do this, but I'm bailing.  I've had to read back a bunch of lines and I'm just not into this stylized, manic world you're building.  Not my cup of tea, sorry.


I'd list my "work" here, but I don't know how to hyperlink.  

"Career" Highlights
-2, count em, 2 credits on my IMDB page.  
-One time a fairly prominent producer e-mailed me back.  
-I have made more than $1000 with my writing!
-I've won 2 mugs... and a thong.  (polaroids of me in thong available for $10 through PM)

@vc_wg - because I crave attention
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MarkItZero
Posted: August 17th, 2016, 7:24pm Report to Moderator
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Points for originality. Points for having the guts to even write this and put it out there knowing some people are gonna hate it. I honestly couldn't get through it. But if someone filmed this and I watched it on ecstasy I'd probably think it was the greatest thing ever.


That rug really tied the room together.
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: August 19th, 2016, 9:14am Report to Moderator
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I rarely do this but I bailed on page 4 when the animated character appeared. It reads like a pisser but it can't be, as the document filename says this is revision 4 of the script, who would do 4 drafts of a pisser? I suspect this may be an existing script you added a taxi to, as it's so bonkers adding a taxi would make no difference to the story.

There's wonderful imagination and literary skills on display but it seems more suited to prose than screenplay. Totally unfilmable in my opinion, even as an animation this would cost a small fortune.

-Mark    


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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