Quoted from Gum Good lord you're fast, Libby! lol. I tweaked that post just a bit after I put it up, but you managed to catch my initial draft. Good thing I didn't say something dumb(er)... than I usually do. In this case, I was just being facetious for the sake of pointing it out.

Oh yeah, I'm on it.   Nuthin,' dumb about it either, Rick. Loved the 'denim' comment btw. And not laboring the point, there's a little error in mine too, had I not been up against it I would have checked. The writer here may have similarly been under the gun. OWCs with typos, mistakes etc. can often make us appear like we don't know what we're on about. Now I'll stop cluttering this thread.  

I agree with everyone else.  There is a story here.  2 couples who know the world is ending, soon, who want to get back to their loved ones, but, alas, can't.  

The dialog INTERCUT was hard to follow.  I guess if we are to believe that they are finishing each other's sentences then perhaps it works, but, is that something that can be said in the script?  

Overall, ambitious.  Told a complete story.  Was trapped in a cab, 2 actually, so that works.

As for special effects, shooting in a cab is cheap enough, clogged up streets not so much.  I'm pretty sure that stock footage can be used on the cheap since the writer says it fades to white.  That was their way of saving the budget???

It was okay, kinda.  6/10

Dan

Lose the scene numbers lol

It's a good little romantic story although at times hard to keep up with and it has potential, needs to be skimmed down for the sake of a budget.

Good job on entering

Is this a shooting script?

Storywise, not. bad. Everything else... needs major work.

Consider, but it definitely needs a rewrite: formatting, dialogue, etc. B+ 6.5/10

Hey guys,
    So, you all know that I wrote this one.  I really tried hard to write something totally different.

I think I did some things okay, others no so much.

Basically, what confused everyone is that the intercut dialog was supposed to be the idea that certain conversations are the same.  Boy meets girl, flirting happens, they can almost finish each other's sentences.  That's what I went for.

I was inspired by LC's Sympatico (I never get that spelling right) and wanted to write a straight drama.  However, Janet is correct in that this isn't low budget b/c of the fact that the street would have to be closed down (permits), lots of extras, cabs from 2 companies etc.

She did agree that stock footage could be used for the meteor hitting the earth, then a fade to white (out) with screams, then, screams fade, then fade to black.  

I do think that ending would be very powerful on film.

Oh, for those wondering, it was NOT inspired by that contest called "The Impact."  Actually, how I came up was I wanted a reason for the 2 couples to want to get back to their loved ones.  Then, I had to come up with a reason why traffic was so bad.  And then, I had to have a reason for them to stop and see each other for the first time.

The end of the world seemed to make sense.  So, that was the last step.  Then, I had to figure out how the end would happen.  Meteor, missile, Godzilla, Galactus, black hole, big bang slamming into the sun etc...

I chose meteor/missile because the stock footage would be the same...

Oh, and the title "The Last Cab" was prophetic because that was the last cab ride, ever...

Let me know if you have any questions, also, let me know if you need anything read.

To all who read and commented, thank you very much.  It means a lot.

This site is awesome (should we sing the lego song from the movie

And lastly, a big big Thank You for Don.  Without him, none of this would happen.

Sincerely,
Dan Campisi