Anyone have Where Angels Die from today's review? It was in the newsletter last week but last week's links are all dead.

I have some connections that could lead to good things for the writer.

There's a link at the end of the blog.  

Nevermind... The e-mail links were dead, but not on the site:

http://www.mediafire.com/view/1bsyrs8n3my1lgq/Where_Angels_Die.pdf

Thanks, Pia!

Any of you guys cracked it open yet? Thoughts?

I took a crack, and may try to read further later. I was disappointed. We don't get pro scripts from Carson any more, so when I saw the impressive on an amateur, I was looking forward to some great stuff.

The NPR on the radio in the opening was a warning sign. Unless I was in store for some good satire, it suggested I was about to get rammed by a double dose of preachy mush, perhaps overlayed with a veneer of grit to give it some realism, but predictable mush nonetheless.

That lingered in my mind, but the writing was very solid, so I remained optimistic.

But then we get to the ending of the opening sequence. The main character is a social worker who visits a troubled house. The door is answered by a 7 year old boy, who thinks his father is asleep, when in reality he has died from a heroin overdose, leaving 2 kids and a baby to fend for themselves.

Now at 7, I would think the kid would understand death enough to know, and I would think he would be smart enough to call for help. My 6 year old niece would be more than fit for the task. But maybe this kid's slow or in denial, so I'm willing to suspend disbelief.

But let's get to the end of this sequence, where I was really turned off. The scene jumps to a bit later, where the first responders have all arrived to deal with the body and so forth. The main character takes a jacket from the father and gives it to the shivering kid outside. This is how it plays:

Tavarus looks over at his father’s coat, which lies crumpled
on the ground, and lets out an angry YELL. He picks up a
stick and begins beating his father’s jacket as he CRIES.
WHOOMPH! WHOOMPH! WHOOMPH! WHOOPH!
6.
Parker watches silently, shivering. After what seems like
forever, Tavarus, with nothing left, turns to face him.
His SOBBING hasn’t completely subsided but it’s slowing
down. He wipes his cheeks with the heel of his hand and
stares at Parker with big, glinting eyes. Parker rests a
hand on his shoulder.
TAVARUS
(sniffling)
I hate him Mr. Jode. I hate him.
A beat.
PARKER
I know.
TAVARUS
Will it ever go away?
Parker squats so that they’re eye level. He hesitates for a
moment.
PARKER
It didn’t for me. Maybe it will
for you.

Again, I was willing to suspend some disbelief and buy into the anger, though I suspect in reality this kind of anger would not emerge in a frightened and confused child.

But where I check out is when this kid, who was too young to understand his father was dead when he would not respond to the boy's yelling at him, is somehow precocious enough to ask "will it ever go away?"

Come on! Please. Talk about 'overly melodramatic'.

So I suspect this script will go where the NPR reference hinted it would: over sentimentalized and over simplified emotional displays.

I won't post this on Carson's site because I don't want to post anything negative about the script. I'm thrilled for the writer, and I have not given the script a fair enough shot. It's awesome to see these success stories, and I think Scriptshadow has really proven it's value in getting exposure for good writers.

I agree, Kev.  The problem is for me -- reading this script after Shadow's put this on a pedestal.  Comparing at with Drive and Equalizer, it's just human nature to think...really? (I've read those scripts -- both oozing with pro-talent and experience). This doesn't come anywhere near to the reads those are.  I literally could not stop reading the Equalizer script.  

I read to page 30.  The writer is clearly talented and competent. But... it still has the problems that all amateur scripts have, and those as amateurs we have to strive to overcome.

The main bug bear for me, is well...dare i say the cliched 'poverty-porn' setting. (I hate that phrase but I'll go with it). Miserable people.  Little hope.  Crack heads.  All those basis covered.  I see this in specs all the time.  And I've written four features in that kind of world. Maybe it's my fault I'm bored with 'da street'.

Anyway -- The OCD thing here needs work.  It will take a hugely talented and sensitive writer/director combo to pull this off in cinematic terms.  If we are talking about 'inciting incidents' -- anyone else think an office based stationary meltdown is going to be hard to pull off? I'm just not sure about it. I wasn't sure if it supposed to be comedic.  And OCD isn't a joke for people that have it.  To be as sensitive as I can -- it's not really something I want to see in a mainstream movie unless it's handled with extreme skill.

I didn't read past the first act so maybe I'm being a little harsh.  But, whatever you think about Scriptshadow, he's read alot of scripts, and this goes into his top ten.  I can't help but feel that the fact he read at 4am may have had something to do with it.

Well done to the writer, though.

Bottom line is it's very, very hard to write a script that gets a reaction from a reader. And this writer succeeded with quite a few people, so it's a great accomplishment.

I agree with you, excellent call with the poverty porn description. I did not think of those adjectives at the time, but they sum up my impression as well. It's way, way over the top.

The writer is pouring it on, working overtime to give everything an edge, and it's too much. Same with the character flaw...he has OCD and alcoholism, two flaws that are not generally very compatible.

It's hard to know where the line is. I don't find that most readers are very good at grasping subtlety in scripts, so I sympathize with writers who feel the need to pour it on heavy. I hope the guy sells the script and moves on to big things!

I don't know if any of you saw the movie Precious but this script reminded me of that type movie. I did not read the whole thing. I liked it, but I wasn't blown away by it....I'm glad though that it seems to be finding a home. Lucky guy.

And another SS alum crashes the gate of... SS.
Scriptshadow that is.

Congrats to Kev, that script's been around for a while.
Remember kids...

No flooding their thread with generic praise for just Kev's script.
That has hurt some recent AF candidates.

So, try and check out all the lucky candidates!

Back to ShriekFest and pimping The Devil's Jokebook for me!
Hope I see a few of you there!

Regards,
E.D.

Thanks, Brett, I was trying to find a polite way to say that. Everything I wrote came out with my usual salt. So...what he said!

I haven't bothered with SS in a while, but I'll look for the Zombie script and try to post something. Congrats! People I know who've "made it" on that list do get some "heat" from it so I hope the same goes for you.

Thanks, Cooky, and please bear in mind what Brett said. If people post that don't normally post there it looks like I am trying to stack the deck. So anyone that does not regularly post at Scriptshadow...please consider limiting any remarks to here on Simplyscripts.

Hey Guys!

Just wanted to add a little thunder to the OWC frenzy...

Thrilled to say that Phil is now a Scriptshadow AF review candidate.
Very proud of the work we did this summer on -- The Devil's Jokebook.

Please check out all the candidates and be heard over there!

Regards,
Brett

Three weeks in a row for SS! Good job, Phil.

---> CALLING ALL FEMALE WRITERS! <---

Carson posted this addendum to his latest blog entry this morning...

UPDATE: Calling all female screenwriters – we want YOU to submit your best work
for an upcoming Amateur Offerings Weekend that will showcase scripts written
exclusively by women! Send a PDF of your script along with the title, genre, logline,
and a ‘why you should read’ section in an email to carsonreeves3@gmail.com ASAP!

I know some women that better get busy with the submissions!
Between OWC reads, submit a script for Ladies Week!

Regards,
E.D.