Apparently tomorrow's script called Fascination 127 is going to get a very good review from Carson.  I'm gonna crack it open tonight, although the log didn't really appeal to me.

The log did not appeal to me, but after the email, I decided to take a look. I got about 25 pages.

I will definitely give it this: it's a very easy read. It flies. And that usually is the big difference I find between pro scripts and even quality amateur scripts. Now, that's an amateur script, I'm just saying it has that pro readability.

The story...I don't know. He uses simple, maybe too simple techniques in building a powerful antagonist; in creating the circumstances which force the hero to action. I don't want to use the word cliche...

I'd say he's not winning points on originality or depth(through 25 pages) but he shows he's a technician who knows his game.

Yeah, I'm pretty much in agreement with you on this one, Kev.  I'm 40 pages in and on the verge of bailing.  Very poorly paced, also a couple examples of sloppy writing in this first section.  Didn't find the lead interesting and the sick kid ploy is painfully cliche.

Morrison isn't even mentioned in the first act except for the half page VO expo dump at the beginning.  And frankly, the big plan to steal a coffin just isn't very interesting.  Maybe there's something in the coffin that none of us expect, but with a "heist" type plot like this, the object in question has to be of incredible value.  Diamonds, cash, zip drive with names of all spies in the world, etc.  I just don't think tunneling into a cemetery is edge of your seat entertainment.  Anyway, maybe I'll try and read a bit more tonight.  

I only read the review of Fascination 127, and if any of you have seen Woody Allen's Small Time Crooks, you will have seen some similarities.  In Small Time Crooks, Woody and his partners open up a Cookie Shop three doors down from a bank, in order to tunnel under and rob the bank.  On the first day of digging, Woody breaks a water main.  During the digging, a policeman, who has fallen in love with the cookies, becomes suspicious.  Also, the digging and robbery go horribly wrong, and the cop winds up catching them in the act -- of robbing the boutique next door, because they tunneled the wrong way.  Of course, for Woody it is comic wrongness, but the similarlties in the set up are striking.

Quoted from leitskev The log did not appeal to me, but after the email, I decided to take a look. I got about 25 pages. I will definitely give it this: it's a very easy read. It flies. And that usually is the big difference I find between pro scripts and even quality amateur scripts. Now, that's an amateur script, I'm just saying it has that pro readability. The story...I don't know. He uses simple, maybe too simple techniques in building a powerful antagonist; in creating the circumstances which force the hero to action. I don't want to use the word cliche... I'd say he's not winning points on originality or depth(through 25 pages) but he shows he's a technician who knows his game.

I got 25 pages into it last night and felt the same way.
Very easy to read and to visualize the scenes.
But, I also don't feel there's a whole lot going on.
I guess this would be one of those long takes kinda films.

But the wordsmith keeps me turning pages.
So, I'll pick this up again this morning.

Regards,
E.D.

Yeah, I started it thinking I would read a few pages, and I zipped right through. I love it when a script does that, and it's very rare.

Quoted from leitskev Yeah, I started it thinking I would read a few pages, and I zipped right through. I love it when a script does that, and it's very rare.

Pretty much the same here.
I barreled through pages 27 - 113 pretty darn fast.
That being said, I didn't care too much for the story.

But it's very well put together and that's what gets you noticed when you're a nobody.
If you can craft pages like a pro, the agencies that be will call you.

Regards,
E.D.

I got about halfway through, then just started scanning through pages.  The bakery setup was the deal breaker for me.  It's beyond ridiculous that, given the fact these guys were only there for one month, they would assemble a working bakery.  That was laughable.  The tunneling heist scheme using a distraction has been around at least since the Sherlock Holmes story The Red Headed League.  Surprised so many reviews said how original the idea was.  Considering what they were trying to steal, I couldn't help thinking this would've worked better as a flat out comedy.

Anyway, I look forward to Carson's review of the zombie boner script.  

I think there is a certain pressure on Carson to not always be negative. What makes it difficult is the simple fact that 99.8 % of amateur scripts are seriously flawed. And the pros don't do all that much better with spec scripts. It's freaking hard to create a really good script.

So I think Carson is eager to find something he can give a positive review. And this script at least has the components: easy read, powerful antagonist, strong urgency and stakes, and even some mystery.

That said, I totally agree with you guys.

Reviews like today give me pause to question my value system...

Sometimes I think readability is prized over narrative with amateurs.
I suppose a spoonful of sugar makes the cliches go down better.

E.D.

These are spec scripts, so readability is essential. How many eyes will that script have to sell itself to as a spec in order to survive?

I didn't read the whole script, but from what I read, narrative was not the problem. Cliches are a separate issue from narrative, IMO. The narrative is well set up here: strong antagonist, clear and compelling stakes, urgency, mystery.

As I've said, it's just a little too formulaic. The antagonist is a little much to swallow, and the kid needing the organ transplant feels so familiar it feels like a cheap trick.

But I've read a fair amount of amateur scripts, and they all have issues. It think we can afford to be generous once in while. Karma, my friend, karma! It's not been good to me in the past, but some day...

Anyone read the bonus script, Subdivision?
Universal attached Justin Lin of Fast Five fame to the project.
Someone was throwing around Close Encounters and Super 8 vibes on this one.
So, naturally I dived in.

It's slickly written for the most part...
But the kids are snoozy.
And the refs to movies like WarGames are kinda smarmy.
In the opener the kid's a 17 year old rebel that bemoans college.
And then he's all summer job comedy relief with his whiz kid bud.
And then the pair are even using walkie talkies for late night chats. *eye roll*

That kinda took me out of the story in early act two.
Anyone else give it a go? This one sold last week.

Regards,
E.D.

Is anyone cracking open Zombie ResErection?
In the mood for some Troma schlock after Halloween.

E.D.

Quoted from Grandma Bear I didn't think it was that funny to be honest.

Yeah, I got forty pages in and felt the story deflated from the first twenty.
Big time case of second act blues.

And it wasn't even the script for today's blog.
This one's next Friday! D'oh.

Tomorrow is the adventures of the U.S.S. Nikola Tesla.
I wonder if any of Kev's zombies sabotage the ship and make it disappear!!!

Regards,
E.D.

My zombies aren't too bright. But some of my messianic gangsters might be able to pull it off.