Quoted from leitskev My zombies aren't too bright. But some of my messianic gangsters might be able to pull it off.

Well, the script could've used some gangsters.
I bowed out around the end of act one.
Nothing was adding up and building the story.
The author didn't research a lot of simple things.
If you're using a military setting, you should spend a little time on Google.

Regards,
E.D.

Anybody got a copy of "sanctuary"? Scriptshadow touting it as the next Matrix. I like the high concept of mastering your demons to unleash hidden powers. sounds cool.

Sorry, I don't have that one.

Today's reviewed script on Scriptshadow, The Equalizer, has been given a top 25 rating by Carson. His full review will be out later.

I've read the first 30 so far. The writing is excellent, the character development is strong and vivid. The first bad guys offed are well enough drawn that it's cool when they get it. The hero has a mystery and mystique about him that makes you root for him and want to find out more about his history.

If I were to criticize this story, based on 30, it's that there aren't enough plot points. Not enough happens to movie the story forward in the first 30.

There are a couple of big things. I would just recommend normally pacing a story a little more.

There are probably going to be some that criticize some of the characters as cliche. I guess that's fair, but I'm not sure it hurts the story. It's hard to create characters that have not been done before, and still have us care about them.

I'll hopefully finish the story later, but I definitely recommend this as a read and as a script to learn from.

Quoted from leitskev Today's reviewed script on Scriptshadow, The Equalizer, has been given a top 25 rating by Carson. His full review will be out later. I've read the first 30 so far. The writing is excellent, the character development is strong and vivid. The first bad guys offed are well enough drawn that it's cool when they get it. The hero has a mystery and mystique about him that makes you root for him and want to find out more about his history. If I were to criticize this story, based on 30, it's that there aren't enough plot points. Not enough happens to movie the story forward in the first 30.

Hey KEv,

I agree the first act is well written.
And I can see Denzel getting into the role.
But I was also a little surprised how much time with spend at Home Depot.

I'll crack open the rest of it later.

E.D.

Yup, agree 100% Brett. That's what I meant by the slow pacing. I said more about this privately in an email to Dena, but I don't recommend we create stories that have so few plot points. By that I mean developments that propel the story.

The closest thing to a plot point we have early on is when the hooker sits at his table. That's a change of routine. Nothing of real importance happens until he finds out she is in the hospital. That takes a long time for that to happen.

I read the first 45 of this and I have to say that I love the writing style. It reads very fast and easy. The format and rules guys may turn red faced but I like the way the writing is handled.

I agree with the time spent in Home Depot...a lil overdone.

And one thing I din't like ...was ok..it is really cool when he does what he does for Teri. But then he keeps doing the same thing for other people so this thing turns into a bunch of small stories about a guy doing the same thing.

That is all that has bothered me so far reading it. I will finish it..not today. But I love the writing style and I love the way he describes and developes his characters.

I don't recall ever watching the TV show, but this script in some ways feels more like a TV show, or like Dena seems to be saying, a few TV shows strung together. To be sure, mote violent than a TV show, but other than that, it has that kind of feel and pacing.

Read the first act of the James Ellroy autobiography script.
The pages turn with ease, despite a contemplative narrative.
I like how the story dwells on the characters in between the big events.
We don't see the shocks, just how it effects the protag.
Solid characterization.

So, Scriptshadow is now sending out a fistful of amateur scripts every week.
This is supposed to help the blogger discover more amateur talent.
While also getting his followers do to a lot of work for him.

Anyone submitting?

Regards,
E.D.

Not me. Still learning how to write.

And I answer my own question an hour later.

One of the fistful of amateur candidates this week...
Is co-written by Ryan Lee!

This is a chance for us to support one of our own!
So , send Carson your thoughts and maybe Ryan will get a shot on the blog.

Regards,
E.D.

Where do we support? Don't know where you see this.

Quoted from leitskev Where do we support? Don't know where you see this.

Kev,

I forwarded you the link.
At the bottom there's script candidates for Amateur Friday.
One of them is called, "The High Life."

When I cracked it open, I discovered it's co-written by Ryan.
Blog members are welcome to e-mail their thoughts on the scripts to Carson.
Then based on that, he'll pick one to review on Scriptshadow.

Regards,
E.D.

Thanks. Yeah, I had not noticed that before. I don't usually crack open the amateur scripts he sends.

I did send an email to Carson endorsing the log. I would have even if it was crap, but to be honest, it sounds pretty high concept, so I am very happy to endorse it. Best of luck to Ryan.

Hey, thanks for the shout out boys.  Sent Carson the log and script just the day before he sent out that email, so it took us by surprise seeing it listed.  Maybe the fact that  it's a stoner com appealed to him.  It's kind of a risky move putting it out there on Front Street, but we liked how the script came together.  Not sure how he schedules his am-Friday reviews, so I don't know how far back in line we'd be if we ever do get chosen.  Anyway, we also have it entered in a couple contests so hopefully it gets some heat on that end.