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He discusses 3 or 4 scripts a week, mostly not yet produced pro scripts. Reading both the scripts and Carson's insights on them has been very useful.
But his blog is not really a discussion forum. And I know there are quite a few people from here that follow it, so I thought we should have a thread to discuss scripts he reviews or his articles and interviews.
To find out how to get the scripts, join his mailing list.
To discuss anything related to his blog, feel free to do it here.
Thanks for the update, Brett. That's great to see that happen twice in less than a year.
I have not sent any scripts myself to Carson. I don't feel I have one that I believe he would be thrilled about.
FLASH: He has announced that the script he will be reviewing today, Desperate Hours, is the first he has awarded "genius" grade in 3 years. If someone wants to know where to find the script, message me.
Hopefully it's better than the last BIG THING he raved about, The Disciple Program. That script, while certainly well written, turned out to be a real snoozefest.
Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
Disciple Program got sold and Marky Mark is attached to star in. As a writer, I'd be pretty happy with that. And I'm sure Carson is happy his blog made that happen.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Nope. The thing is, I don't like reading scripts. Books I love, scripts I don't. It's work for me, I don't enjoy it. I have great respect for those people who do it for a living. Great respect.
I read SS scripts, that's it: Scriptshadow and Simplyscripts.
Disciple Program got sold and Marky Mark is attached to star in. As a writer, I'd be pretty happy with that.
I would be too if I had just written an overly long, new-antagonist-every-ten-page knock off of The Manchurian Candidate. Okay, I could probably live without the Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch attachment - not exactly a stigma of quality.
My problem with his Carson's praise for The Disciple Program is that the script lacks the basic things that Carson keeps droning on about. GSU. Goal, stakes and urgency. Okay, it's got the goal nailed but there's zero stakes and zero urgency, and that - in my opinion - made it a fairly pedestrian read.
This is not to put the writer down cos' the dude can write. No question about that.
Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
I read "Desperate Hours." I don't know if it's genius, but it's really good. Extremely long setup for the action to start, but I think it's deliberate.
The payoffs are good in the end. Good mashup of a Western, Historical, Drama and action.
Actually, they did not say "mother f**ker" in 1918. There is a Boardwalk Empire episode where Nucky Thompson is confused when Chalky says mother f--.
Funny, he wasn't even going to originally review this one today. Another script fell through and this was the replacement.
Looking through it, it seems pretty great. I'm not sure if it's the messiah of screenplays he's hailing it as, but I haven't given it an in-depth read thus far.
Finished the script. Maybe will add more later after some thought, but for now: good read, will make a decent, modest budget film.
Genius? I don't know about that. But to be fair, I'm not sure I know what genius is in the world of scripts.
The story takes a familiar form, based on the old westerns where one man sticks up for good in the face of evil, in the hopes that the cowering townspeople will eventually find their courage.
I'm not sure it brings anything new, but it's an entertaining tale well told. The characters were well drawn though not all that interesting or memorable.
It takes a very long time for things to get going. The first half of the script is carried entirely by mystery, with no threat. The second half is carried mostly by threat.
Warning to Jeff: there are asides like you wouldn't believe! Even I thought it was a bit much, though it didn't effect my opinion of the script.
FLASH: He has announced that the script he will be reviewing today, Desperate Hours, is the first he has awarded "genius" grade in 3 years. If someone wants to know where to find the script, message me.
Hopefully it's better than the last BIG THING he raved about, The Disciple Program. That script, while certainly well written, turned out to be a real snoozefest.
From the comments, I doubt it is better. TDP was really overhyped and I think that's what ruined it for me.
One thing we have to keep in mind is how hard it is to write a really good script. I mean, how many have you read?
Carson reads a lot of scripts, so I think he has a sense of how inadequate most are. When I read the Disciple Club, I saw many flaws. But compared to the overwhelmingly majority of amateur scripts I've read(and the writer of TDC was amateur), it was very good work.
The last year I've finally gotten serious about watching movies. And most of them are pretty flawed too. So this is tough.
BTW, I recently read and carefully recorded the beats for The Wrestler. To me that's an example of a great script. The structure, which is decidedly not STC, is spot on.
BTW, I recently read and carefully recorded the beats for The Wrestler. To me that's an example of a great script. The structure, which is decidedly not STC, is spot on.
In recent years, a lot more movies don't follow the STC structure. Only in comedies and some thrillers or horror, you would see it but most of Aronofsky's movies, it isn't present. But I think with that, you get a dud ending where nothing really happens. The Wrestler's ending is very debatable.
Atonement is also a great example of this and is hands down the best screenplay I've ever read. If anything were to receive a genius, that would be it.
DESPERATE HOURS may be "technically" genius to some, but it's slow and miserable. I'm not one to endure forty bites of bread, lovely as it is, in a sandwich before I get to the meat and cheese.
If I was watching this on DVD I'd punch it before the 20min mark.
This was a solid read, but when you see that Genius rating attached to it, you expect more. Genius to me would be a script like Network. Something transcendent. This was more of a well-written yarn that grafted elements of classic Westerns, Gangster and War movies onto its narrative.
The first half had a glacial pace to it, but this writer does have a great economy with his words. You almost never see an action paragraph more than two lines. Almost. There is a tendency to over-explain images and situations. Such as this:
"This is a line in the sand moment for Frank Sullivan-- He was powerless to save his wife and daughter. He had no control over what happened to his son. But Frank can save this girl...even if it means risking his life."
Frank's loss of his family as well as his lost romance with Sue somehow never solidified with me. Probably because it was pretty much all expressed through dialogue. Same with the plight of Leonard Duschene. His subplot in particular felt like unexplored territory.
But, I liked the action at the end, which is basically gangsters versus cowboys in a wild free for all.
I'm going to see if I can read it for today. Liked Walker's Seven and 8mm. Might as well give this a shot.
I take back 8mm since I checked on imdb that he denounced it as his. But he did some uncredited rewrites for the Game which for some odd reason I thought he wrote. lol.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
The Game basically was his, Gabe. Yeah, Ferris and his partner were credited but it's just like The Rock which was Jonathan Hensleigh's but the credit isn't there.
That's the one I have, too. I didn't have it E-mailed to me but I've had it for a bit. Personally, if that's what he's reviewing, I was kind of disappointed in it...
I dug into Black Box today, which apparently sold for over a mil. It's a replotting of Three Days of the Condor it seems, though I have not seen that film in many years.
Starts slow, takes a while to get going. But then things crank up and stay cranked.
Mr. Blonde, I always had an inkling it was his eventhough they credited the movie to someone else.
Going to see if I can read Walker's work today. It was a bit confusing in the beginning. lol.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Next Wednesday Carson will review Outside the Wire, a Nicholl's finalist from 2011. I think this could be a good one for us to read and discuss because being a finalist, we can assume it did a lot of things right, and yet it's also an amateur script.
Since most of us here are amateurs, a script like this could be cool because it gives a sense of the next level we're trying to reach.
I have not read it yet.
If anyone wants the script, message me. Also, I recommend getting on Carson's email list.
How exactly do I get on that list? You told me about, it but I didn't see any instructions on the site. Also, I'm blind, so forgive me if it's right under my nose.
'Artist' is not a term you should use to refer to yourself. Let others, and your work, do it for you.
How exactly do I get on that list? You told me about, it but I didn't see any instructions on the site. Also, I'm blind, so forgive me if it's right under my nose.
E-mail Carson and tell him why he should add you to the list. That did the trick for me!
Just Finished Outside the Wire... It's well-written, but I'm surprised a story that doesn't involve starving kids in Sudan didn't win Nicholl's.
When I compare it to Tony Gilroy or Black Box, one can still see a world of a difference between working pros and someone who's still rather new. Gilroy's Bourne Ultimatum just pounds you in the face with non-stop action, especially the third act which I found to be one of the best examples of rising tension in Act 3.
Maybe the author of Outside the Wire didn't intend to have a full action script and wanted to play the drama more. But there are times where it just slows down and I skipped a few pages to get to the good stuff.
He also uses "We see/are" several times, even on the first pages. It's usually a no-no to use "we", but this shows that a good story trumps basic screenwriting rules/taboos.
Overall, it's worth a read for any amateur because winning Nicholl is still quite a feat.
Just finished it. I might have time later to give some more specific notes.
I can see why the script did well, and it does succeed in a lot of areas. It reads well, and the story is always clear. There's never any reason to double back and reread something.
It consistently succeeds in building a reasonable amount of tension, no easy task in a script.
It manages to make us care enough about the 2 main characters, and for an action script, these characters have sufficient depth.
I have to admit the plot formula is so played in Hollywood that it's hard to avoid thinking "here we go again".
We have the standard evil American company employing former American special forces types. We have the ending where the good guys testify before Congress. It's the Michael Moore vision of the world, one held by people who have absolutely no experience of the US military, so cling to these stereotypes of the evil, ignorant American soldier as being typical.
And the plot is simplistic to the point of it being impossible to buy into. An American woman, who hates computers, joins the Army for the perks and benefits, and becomes an expert in software; she discovers that friendly fire incidents in Iraq are due to a faulty program sold to the military by a private security company; the company doesn't want this information leaked out, so they have to have her killed.
It's just so hard to buy into any of this, so the players all become caricatures that make those in the A Team look serious by comparison.
Writing is hard, though, and I respect overall what the writer has achieved. Great work for an up and coming amateur. And with the cold war long gone, maybe it really is too hard now to come up with interesting and plausible plots of international intrigue, so we are just going to keep seeing more of this stuff.
It reads very well, despite the overly familiar tropes it covers. I'm never bored or confused. But I'm not super invested in the characters.
However, this script does do just about everything reasonably well. I suspect it's too conventional for a Haggis to consider... And not gun happy enough to get McG on board!
Regards, E.D.
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Just read his bash of "Looper". A film I very much enjoyed. There are flaws in some of the logic of this film, but I sometimes think we forget to just try and enjoy the movie experience after studying the craft of writing in this format.
I didn't side with his review and, just scanning the 220 plus comments, I see I am not alone. Carson says your character should never have to wait for the fight to come to them? It's boring? That was one of my favorite parts of the film. A little slow down, a little revelation about the characters before the climax (Btw he's talking about when Joseph Gordon-Levitt's young self waits for his old self to come so he can kill him)
I guess three guys sitting on a boat talking about their old battle scars, waiting for a shark to show up, is pretty boring too?
Not a fan of this cat or his blog, but I can see he has pull in the industry.
A huge thing for me was getting to see the scripts. I kept hearing what a script is supposed to look like, what the "rules" are, but I didn't have legit spec scripts to look at. Maybe I just didn't know how to find them. But getting several a week has really helped me.
As far as his reviews, I don't always agree, but he does bring up a lot of useful points. And what's cool is he does not seemed much influenced by film theory or conventional wisdom. He just talks plainly about what he thinks works.
Today Carson gave The Promised Land, co-written by Matt Damon, an impressive. Opinions seem to be running positive on his blog. I think the film is scheduled to come out soon, and I've heard Damon considers it Oscar material.
I don't get it. At all. Things like this really make me question if I'm barking up the wrong tree in this business.
Unless one has some personal interest in the fracking side of the natural gas industry, this is a character driven story. As such, the characters should either be likable, or interesting. They are overwhelmingly neither here.
Damon's character is established as the unlikely hero who is selfish and shallow, and must transform by the end in order to save the day. For that well established formula to work, the character has to be interesting. And, hey, that's hard to do in a script with no action.
So what they tried to do was make the character clever and witty. But it just comes off as obnoxious.
They establish the character's ambition and need to get ahead, to rise above his less than wealthy roots, but none of this intrigues us enough to want to follow him on his journey.
In the first half of the script, there is limited conflict, in fact nothing at all of interest happens. The story engines are weak, with no mystery, nothing compelling that makes us want to see what happens next.
There is a late twist, which maybe works, but also feels grafted on, like it was not how the writers initially saw the character. Maybe the studio asked for a twist as they were writing. Something feels off.
Then there is the fact this story is about fracking. I remember the 60 Minutes stories, with the burning tap water and all that stuff. I consider maintaining clean water supplies one of our biggest problems, so I was concerned when I saw these things.
But it turned out to be basically a hoax. Fracking has been under development for literally decades, and numerous government agencies have been studying and monitoring it, many no doubt eager to find issues. And they should continue to monitor it, as should the public, but so far it's turned out that the people burning water were frauds and environmentalist huxters.
The communities where these wells have been established are quite pleased with how things have gone. There has been no pollution or contamination, the money has helped, and the country benefits from energy independence and cheaper prices. It's one of the bigger positive stories of the decade, actually. It is now estimated that the US will largely achieve energy independence in many ways within 10 years, and it will be a huge boost to the economy.
Knowing this robs the movie of its premise, which makes an already weak movie even weaker.
I skipped out on today's script. The movie's coming out soon, seen the trailer already...
Eh, I'm not sold. Feels like they're trying to amp up something into an anti-establishment frenzy. For some reason these type of pictures seem to do better with chick protags...
Norma Rae. Silkwood. Erin Brockovich. Anyone?
E.D.
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I've glanced at a few, and they seem pretty darn good. But Phil's script was at least as good. He must have been close.
I have the feeling these things are all close. From the posts on Nicholl's website, you needed a score of 84 to qualify for a 3rd read. After the 3rd read, they take the top scores to get down to the quarter finalists.
And there was another post that said, I think, that this was the first time a script had 2 scores in the 90s from the quarter finals judges.
So it seems that all these scripts are bunched with scores in the high 80s. One point might make all the difference in the world.
When I see no difference in quality between Phil's script and the finalists, I know it's that close.
I think the best way is to enter 3 scripts, which is the max, and hope to get lucky. I'm shooting for that this year. Maybe. Too much else to do, so maybe 2 this year.
Only requirement: you have to post your thoughts here after reading!
JK, but we'd love to hear what you think.
Kev, I'll be honest, I was a bit underwhelmed by Outside the Wire? But who the hell am I to say that? I didn't actually get pulled in enough to read it all. While I think there's always room for more lead female characters, I couldn't get all that invested. As you and ED have said, there is a sense of familiarity with the many Hollywood products set in Iraq. I kind of thought the opening scene was a bit cheap -- oh she has a kid -- we must automatically love her. Maybe I'm just too damn cynical. Also, I think I've seen/read enough shoot outs behind vehicles on dusty desert roads to last a lifetime.
This is a personal opinion on story, however. Not a criticism of the writing style, which was fine. I can see why it did well, but a little surprised it did that well. Good luck to any writer who does well in that competition, because as you have pointed out it's an Everest to crack.
Outside the Wire didn't blow me away at all. In fact, I think some writers on this site can just as well write something of equal quality. I think it shows how luck does play into the Nicholl contest. I think if you can crank out three quality scripts. Enter it and pray to the gods you win the reader lottery.
On another note, if anyone was able to download the Nicholl scripts that were taken down, can someone send it to me? I remember I opened one with a fancy cover and blatant formatting no-nos in the first ten pages. Looked cool though.
Basket, you raise what I consider an interesting point, and something we should all think about. Maybe even think hard.
I understand your reaction to the opening scene. Totally. As people who read scripts, we understand what the writer is doing, which makes it feel predictable and routine.
However, I do think that it might be wise to do these kind things in your script. As writers we see through it, we know the writer is trying to quickly and cheaply make us sympathize with the character. But will the average film audience see it this way? And is there really a way around doing things this way?
For example, let's say we want to introduce the character, Ramirez I think, and we want the audience to like her. We only have a page or two to build this bond with the audience. What can we do that will not be overly familiar to other veteran writers or film buffs? It's tough.
Don't get me wrong, I hear what you're saying. And I really respect it on those rare occasions when the writer really can come up with something unique. I'm just saying it's pretty tough to do in limited space. I think when a writer can do that, it elevates his script to a higher level, perhaps to impressive. But if the writer uses a technique like this, I can still live with it, especially in an action thriller, where character depth is less priority.
Finished the "Outsider". I thought it's a perfect example of taking an overused concept (i.e. gangsters) and putting it in a different world - in this case post WW2 Japan. I'm sure there are thousands of "Godfather" knockoffs and with the Sopranos, it's almost impossible to create gangster movies about the Mafia. One would need to go the Outsider route (Yakuza) or something else like City of God (favelas).
Looks like the Yakuza/Triad/ Asian gangster thing is hot right now. I think they're making a series about Chinatown and kung fu over AMC. Outsider definitely worth a read - great example of taking tried/true/maybe cliche gangster storylines and putting a foreign spin on it.
Basket, you raise what I consider an interesting point, and something we should all think about. Maybe even think hard.
I understand your reaction to the opening scene. Totally. As people who read scripts, we understand what the writer is doing, which makes it feel predictable and routine.
However, I do think that it might be wise to do these kind things in your script. As writers we see through it, we know the writer is trying to quickly and cheaply make us sympathize with the character. But will the average film audience see it this way? And is there really a way around doing things this way?
For example, let's say we want to introduce the character, Ramirez I think, and we want the audience to like her. We only have a page or two to build this bond with the audience. What can we do that will not be overly familiar to other veteran writers or film buffs? It's tough.
Don't get me wrong, I hear what you're saying. And I really respect it on those rare occasions when the writer really can come up with something unique. I'm just saying it's pretty tough to do in limited space. I think when a writer can do that, it elevates his script to a higher level, perhaps to impressive. But if the writer uses a technique like this, I can still live with it, especially in an action thriller, where character depth is less priority.
Curious what you think of this.
Kev, to be honest, it's not the actual scene that's a problem -- more the placement of it. It was the fact that it was the opening scene that kind of made me roll-eye slightly. I agree though, these things should be used were appropriate if it gives the character a semblance of depth in the shortest time possible. I didn't finish the script, but do hope that the kid in question does become a part of the plot.
It did not become a part of the plot really. But this is how he used it. Later, when she is on the run from the bad guys, whenever she gets a chance to use a phone, she makes a quick call home. Basically the writer uses it increase the stakes of her death and make sure we care what happens to her.
It's a cheap writers trick, but writers have to consider using them. Every pro in every profession uses tricks. Especially in entertainment. Whether you're in a rock band, or you're a director, a DJ, a comic on stage...you use tricks that work with the audience.
The risk with tricks is that the audience will see through them. The more astute the audience, the more they'll see through. Writers will see through things like this in film pretty easy. I think the key is to keep it so the general audience does not see it as a trick.
Zombie Resurrection Horror/Comedy When an experimental male-enhancement drug turns all the men in town into sex-crazed zombies, it's up to a rag-tag band of women to survive the assault and stop the epidemic from spreading.
I saw this log on the blog and couldn't help wondering if Stevie wrote it.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Zombie Resurrection Horror/Comedy When an experimental male-enhancement drug turns all the men in town into sex-crazed zombies, it's up to a rag-tag band of women to survive the assault and stop the epidemic from spreading.
I saw this log on the blog and couldn't help wondering if Stevie wrote it.
I like the idea. Are there any Simply Scripts loglines there?
Judging by this thoughts on this logline... I doubt I could get him to read Zombie Playground. Oh, well. LOL. I've got more.
Regards, E.D.
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I don't recognize any SS scripts in there. Last time he did this there were 3 I think.
No, Bill, I don't. I've actually never sent him a log or script. My work isn't good enough, so I don't think the 'wasn't for me' will help my career.
Brett, Carson has said often that he does not care for comedy scripts. And I guess the truth is even really funny movies probably have not so funny scripts. Comedy really depends on what the actors do with it. Though Zombie Playground is more situational and should be less dependent on the actors interpretations.
I didn't like any of the logs he listed, except maybe the zombie one. That sounds like it could be a funny film. I think it could work with a feminist audience. That's how they see the male world anyway, zombies with permanent erections! And now they'd get see some b!tches kill them!
Zombie ResErection. Gotta spell that title right, lol. Just read this and its actually not bad. Writer has a sharp sense of humor and knows his format and structure. It's kind of a one-trick pony with its visual gag of zombies with raging boners. And the story began to run out of steam in the second half. But I did laugh at quite a few of the lines. I could picture this as a Troma vehicle.
Tired of the same old zombies movies....I say if you are going to write a zombie script...don't have 'em chase us around screaming brains! Give 'em someone their own size to pick on: gangsters, drug lords, vampires, werewolves, or aliens! lol
Read the first ten of that Pocket Dial script. Couldn't figure out what all the small talk dialogue was about. Kinda surprised some thought this was pick worthy. Did anyone else give it a shot?
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Apparently tomorrow's script called Fascination 127 is going to get a very good review from Carson. I'm gonna crack it open tonight, although the log didn't really appeal to me.
The log did not appeal to me, but after the email, I decided to take a look. I got about 25 pages.
I will definitely give it this: it's a very easy read. It flies. And that usually is the big difference I find between pro scripts and even quality amateur scripts. Now, that's an amateur script, I'm just saying it has that pro readability.
The story...I don't know. He uses simple, maybe too simple techniques in building a powerful antagonist; in creating the circumstances which force the hero to action. I don't want to use the word cliche...
I'd say he's not winning points on originality or depth(through 25 pages) but he shows he's a technician who knows his game.
Yeah, I'm pretty much in agreement with you on this one, Kev. I'm 40 pages in and on the verge of bailing. Very poorly paced, also a couple examples of sloppy writing in this first section. Didn't find the lead interesting and the sick kid ploy is painfully cliche.
Morrison isn't even mentioned in the first act except for the half page VO expo dump at the beginning. And frankly, the big plan to steal a coffin just isn't very interesting. Maybe there's something in the coffin that none of us expect, but with a "heist" type plot like this, the object in question has to be of incredible value. Diamonds, cash, zip drive with names of all spies in the world, etc. I just don't think tunneling into a cemetery is edge of your seat entertainment. Anyway, maybe I'll try and read a bit more tonight.
I only read the review of Fascination 127, and if any of you have seen Woody Allen's Small Time Crooks, you will have seen some similarities. In Small Time Crooks, Woody and his partners open up a Cookie Shop three doors down from a bank, in order to tunnel under and rob the bank. On the first day of digging, Woody breaks a water main. During the digging, a policeman, who has fallen in love with the cookies, becomes suspicious. Also, the digging and robbery go horribly wrong, and the cop winds up catching them in the act -- of robbing the boutique next door, because they tunneled the wrong way. Of course, for Woody it is comic wrongness, but the similarlties in the set up are striking.
The log did not appeal to me, but after the email, I decided to take a look. I got about 25 pages.
I will definitely give it this: it's a very easy read. It flies. And that usually is the big difference I find between pro scripts and even quality amateur scripts. Now, that's an amateur script, I'm just saying it has that pro readability.
The story...I don't know. He uses simple, maybe too simple techniques in building a powerful antagonist; in creating the circumstances which force the hero to action. I don't want to use the word cliche...
I'd say he's not winning points on originality or depth(through 25 pages) but he shows he's a technician who knows his game.
I got 25 pages into it last night and felt the same way. Very easy to read and to visualize the scenes. But, I also don't feel there's a whole lot going on. I guess this would be one of those long takes kinda films.
But the wordsmith keeps me turning pages. So, I'll pick this up again this morning.
Regards, E.D.
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Yeah, I started it thinking I would read a few pages, and I zipped right through. I love it when a script does that, and it's very rare.
Pretty much the same here. I barreled through pages 27 - 113 pretty darn fast. That being said, I didn't care too much for the story.
But it's very well put together and that's what gets you noticed when you're a nobody. If you can craft pages like a pro, the agencies that be will call you.
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I got about halfway through, then just started scanning through pages. The bakery setup was the deal breaker for me. It's beyond ridiculous that, given the fact these guys were only there for one month, they would assemble a working bakery. That was laughable. The tunneling heist scheme using a distraction has been around at least since the Sherlock Holmes story The Red Headed League. Surprised so many reviews said how original the idea was. Considering what they were trying to steal, I couldn't help thinking this would've worked better as a flat out comedy.
Anyway, I look forward to Carson's review of the zombie boner script.
I think there is a certain pressure on Carson to not always be negative. What makes it difficult is the simple fact that 99.8 % of amateur scripts are seriously flawed. And the pros don't do all that much better with spec scripts. It's freaking hard to create a really good script.
So I think Carson is eager to find something he can give a positive review. And this script at least has the components: easy read, powerful antagonist, strong urgency and stakes, and even some mystery.
These are spec scripts, so readability is essential. How many eyes will that script have to sell itself to as a spec in order to survive?
I didn't read the whole script, but from what I read, narrative was not the problem. Cliches are a separate issue from narrative, IMO. The narrative is well set up here: strong antagonist, clear and compelling stakes, urgency, mystery.
As I've said, it's just a little too formulaic. The antagonist is a little much to swallow, and the kid needing the organ transplant feels so familiar it feels like a cheap trick.
But I've read a fair amount of amateur scripts, and they all have issues. It think we can afford to be generous once in while. Karma, my friend, karma! It's not been good to me in the past, but some day...
Anyone read the bonus script, Subdivision? Universal attached Justin Lin of Fast Five fame to the project. Someone was throwing around Close Encounters and Super 8 vibes on this one. So, naturally I dived in.
It's slickly written for the most part... But the kids are snoozy. And the refs to movies like WarGames are kinda smarmy. In the opener the kid's a 17 year old rebel that bemoans college. And then he's all summer job comedy relief with his whiz kid bud. And then the pair are even using walkie talkies for late night chats. *eye roll*
That kinda took me out of the story in early act two. Anyone else give it a go? This one sold last week.
Regards, E.D.
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My zombies aren't too bright. But some of my messianic gangsters might be able to pull it off.
Well, the script could've used some gangsters. I bowed out around the end of act one. Nothing was adding up and building the story. The author didn't research a lot of simple things. If you're using a military setting, you should spend a little time on Google.
Regards, E.D.
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Anybody got a copy of "sanctuary"? Scriptshadow touting it as the next Matrix. I like the high concept of mastering your demons to unleash hidden powers. sounds cool.
Today's reviewed script on Scriptshadow, The Equalizer, has been given a top 25 rating by Carson. His full review will be out later.
I've read the first 30 so far. The writing is excellent, the character development is strong and vivid. The first bad guys offed are well enough drawn that it's cool when they get it. The hero has a mystery and mystique about him that makes you root for him and want to find out more about his history.
If I were to criticize this story, based on 30, it's that there aren't enough plot points. Not enough happens to movie the story forward in the first 30.
There are a couple of big things. I would just recommend normally pacing a story a little more.
There are probably going to be some that criticize some of the characters as cliche. I guess that's fair, but I'm not sure it hurts the story. It's hard to create characters that have not been done before, and still have us care about them.
I'll hopefully finish the story later, but I definitely recommend this as a read and as a script to learn from.
Today's reviewed script on Scriptshadow, The Equalizer, has been given a top 25 rating by Carson. His full review will be out later.
I've read the first 30 so far. The writing is excellent, the character development is strong and vivid. The first bad guys offed are well enough drawn that it's cool when they get it. The hero has a mystery and mystique about him that makes you root for him and want to find out more about his history.
If I were to criticize this story, based on 30, it's that there aren't enough plot points. Not enough happens to movie the story forward in the first 30.
Hey KEv,
I agree the first act is well written. And I can see Denzel getting into the role. But I was also a little surprised how much time with spend at Home Depot.
I'll crack open the rest of it later.
E.D.
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Yup, agree 100% Brett. That's what I meant by the slow pacing. I said more about this privately in an email to Dena, but I don't recommend we create stories that have so few plot points. By that I mean developments that propel the story.
The closest thing to a plot point we have early on is when the hooker sits at his table. That's a change of routine. Nothing of real importance happens until he finds out she is in the hospital. That takes a long time for that to happen.
I read the first 45 of this and I have to say that I love the writing style. It reads very fast and easy. The format and rules guys may turn red faced but I like the way the writing is handled.
I agree with the time spent in Home Depot...a lil overdone.
And one thing I din't like ...was ok..it is really cool when he does what he does for Teri. But then he keeps doing the same thing for other people so this thing turns into a bunch of small stories about a guy doing the same thing.
That is all that has bothered me so far reading it. I will finish it..not today. But I love the writing style and I love the way he describes and developes his characters.
I don't recall ever watching the TV show, but this script in some ways feels more like a TV show, or like Dena seems to be saying, a few TV shows strung together. To be sure, mote violent than a TV show, but other than that, it has that kind of feel and pacing.
Read the first act of the James Ellroy autobiography script. The pages turn with ease, despite a contemplative narrative. I like how the story dwells on the characters in between the big events. We don't see the shocks, just how it effects the protag. Solid characterization.
So, Scriptshadow is now sending out a fistful of amateur scripts every week. This is supposed to help the blogger discover more amateur talent. While also getting his followers do to a lot of work for him.
Anyone submitting?
Regards, E.D.
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Where do we support? Don't know where you see this.
Kev,
I forwarded you the link. At the bottom there's script candidates for Amateur Friday. One of them is called, "The High Life."
When I cracked it open, I discovered it's co-written by Ryan. Blog members are welcome to e-mail their thoughts on the scripts to Carson. Then based on that, he'll pick one to review on Scriptshadow.
Regards, E.D.
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Thanks. Yeah, I had not noticed that before. I don't usually crack open the amateur scripts he sends.
I did send an email to Carson endorsing the log. I would have even if it was crap, but to be honest, it sounds pretty high concept, so I am very happy to endorse it. Best of luck to Ryan.
Hey, thanks for the shout out boys. Sent Carson the log and script just the day before he sent out that email, so it took us by surprise seeing it listed. Maybe the fact that it's a stoner com appealed to him. It's kind of a risky move putting it out there on Front Street, but we liked how the script came together. Not sure how he schedules his am-Friday reviews, so I don't know how far back in line we'd be if we ever do get chosen. Anyway, we also have it entered in a couple contests so hopefully it gets some heat on that end.
Not sure how he schedules his am-Friday reviews, so I don't know how far back in line we'd be if we ever do get chosen. Anyway, we also have it entered in a couple contests so hopefully it gets some heat on that end.
Hey Ryan,
Congrats on the shout out. I too endorsed your project over the others. It had the clearest premise and cleanest logline.
We do have an amateur script picked out for this Friday. So, I suspect that the winner here will be for next week. Good luck!
Regards, E.D.
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I thought it was an interesting topic. I had mentioned to someone last week that Chris Nolan came to mind for me because Dark Night was very plot complicated and filled with characters, similar to some of the Star Wars series.
But I also had to be honest that I don't know much more about the world of directors and writers than I do about European soccer. So I can't bring much to the conversation.
I will venture this: no matter who writes and directs it, it will make a ton of money, and no matter how the story is written, people will pan it. Nature of the beast. I'd still take the job if they'll take my name in the hat! Hope they like gangsters!
One of the fistful of amateur candidates this week... Is co-written by Ryan Lee!
This is a chance for us to support one of our own! So , send Carson your thoughts and maybe Ryan will get a shot on the blog.
Regards, E.D.
Bummer you guys didn't get picked. I pleased my case, but the ScriptShadow masses have spoken. And it looks like the kids American Revolution time travel thingy won out. :/
Best wishes for the contest entries.
Regards, E.D.
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Out of the five listed, I thought people would gravitate toward the Monster Mash logline. Seemed to have the most broad appeal. I read the first 30 of Defender's Day, but it wasn't my bag. I'll resubmit next month just to keep the title in Carson's head.
I couldn't stand the Monster's Mash script. There was one posted here that it reminded me of. But the script here at least had masturbating werewolf humor.
Defender's Day kinda turned me off as well. The kid was a jerkwad and the villain had a lisp and an eye for dark meat. *shiver* Well, at least it isn't a pirate script, I hope.
E.D.
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I gave Somnia a read the other day, pretty average script even though the logline says otherwise. You'll probably find a better horror on SS. Some parts are incredibly cliched and it follows the classic Blade Snyder beat method, so most of the time it's really predictable. Wondering what Carson will give it.
I actually liked Somnia. A new take on the creepy little kid genre. Some parts were definitely reminiscent of other films, but it took this concept of the unleashed power of the boy's mind and created a very distinctive world with it. There were no wasted pages or irrelevant description in this. Even some of the elements I thought were random in the early part of the script(i.e. the Four Square) were woven tightly into the story's fabric by the end. The writers didn't wait too long to display the kid's power. When the image of the dead son first shows up, it was a powerful moment and then the stakes kept escalating from there. I can see why this one made the Blood List.
Gonna read Somnia this morning. But I did check out the Kaiju script from yesterday. I liked the idea but a 130 pages on making fun of Godzilla seemed a bit much.
I keep trying to get through that Defender's Day script. Three tries just to get to page 60. Too many devices and coincidences for my taste.
Also checked out the hyped amateur script, A Rose in the Darkness. Very non structured read. More like an indie drama with cannibalism. Couldn't get past the half way point, even though the pages read clean. Anyone else check it out?
Regards, E.D.
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And I read Somnia all the way through this morning...
This is a solid script.
I dig the high concept of... What if a good kid is capable of Bad Seed mojo?
And once the astute authors brought genuine conscience into the script, it shines. Carson nailed all the things I liked and one of the things I didn't care for...
The overabundance of explanation at the end felt like way overdone. Like three times as much back data than was needed. An odd misstep for an other understated story.
The other one was Jessie's culpability on the page. I felt it was a big missed opportunity to have her outright lie to Mark.
I wanted a big fat lie delivered to the husband, face to face. She pledges to stop trying to live in the past and be there for Cody.
Why did I want the lie? It's the theme... Of living in the past so much, it turns you into a present day monster.
Had Jessie been more actively deceiving her husband, the ending pays off way better. Then both Jessie and Cody are victims of their own flaws. The obsession consuming everything around them... literally!
I think that arc would've launched this script into orbit. As is, this is some seriously fine work!
Regards, E.D.
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Hey, thanks for the shout out boys. Sent Carson the log and script just the day before he sent out that email, so it took us by surprise seeing it listed. Maybe the fact that it's a stoner com appealed to him. It's kind of a risky move putting it out there on Front Street, but we liked how the script came together. Not sure how he schedules his am-Friday reviews, so I don't know how far back in line we'd be if we ever do get chosen. Anyway, we also have it entered in a couple contests so hopefully it gets some heat on that end.
Hey Ryan,
Dunno if Pia is still getting the InkTip e-mails... So, I'm gonna post this notice here.
Very well executed horror with a concept that really stands out. There are a lot of great things you could do with the premise, and the writers did a good job.
I thought maybe they could have done a little less four square/school/bully stuff because it was taking a long time to reestablish the horror tone. But I'm not knocking it, they did fine work. This should make a much better movie than Sinister, which I recently saw at the movies, and which makes me reluctant to see horror again any time soon.
would appreciate if someone would be kind enough to email me Somnia... pretty please. Really intrigued to read a 'horror' that is apparently above the norm. Need some inspiration.
I read the script before it got taken down over the weekend. All it takes is a long holiday weekend and a good review by Carson. Then WHAM-O! Instead industry interest.
Never heard anymore about Nathan Zoebl since he signed with WME. Though I wouldn't be surprised if that Keeping Time develops.
So, who will be the first Simply Scripts/Scriptshadow crossover?
E.D.
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One of the bonus scripts this week was a Blake Snyder script called Ringers. I read act one. Some very strange choices in that story.
Based on the first act, there is kind of no protagonist, no character that we remotely care about, or is in any way interesting.
The story is about a villain planning a bank heist by enlisting a group of strangers chosen because they look like employees of the bank. The villain himself looks like the manager.
Through the first act, we learn nothing of this guy. We don't even know if he's a real thief, or just someone who discovered he looked like the manager and hatched a scheme.
Then we follow the teammates he has chosen as they shadow their counterparts in the bank in order to learn their daily habits. There is some potential with this part of the script, as it gives us a window into each would be bank robber as they possibly develop personal insights based on watching their doppelganger.
But through the first act anyway, the character development is extremely shallow, and there is no compelling reason to want to see them succeed in the robbery, or even to fail in it. We just don't care.
There is some appeal to the concept, I suppose. As with any heist, we're curious how it will play out.
Perhaps the character development that is missing in the first act takes place in the second. If so, the concept might have merit. I do think it's a major handicap to not make any of these characters appealing or interesting in the first 25 pages.
I also looked at one of the amateur entries. I'm not going to mention it here by name. But it didn't work for me, and I gave it 10 pages. Let me explain what went wrong.
Our main character is a teenage girl. Care is taken in the early pages to show her doing some nice things(STC?) which makes her likable. I thought that was reasonably effective, and thinking the concept was potentially interesting, I was encouraged.
It was when she began talking a few pages into it that this script lost me. I actually don't mind swearing in a script, and I'm sure high school girls swear all the time. But should a high school chick who has been set up as an All American type, good at sports, nice to those less popular, and so on...be using the F word every other line?
It just didn't fit the way the character was set up. It's like she was written in the first draft as a b!tch, one who sounded like an inner city whore, and then someone told the writer you need to make your character more likable. So he went back and added stuff at the beginning to make her seem nice. It just didn't fit.
I read the first 20 or so pages of Rose in the darkness. I was not as impressed as CR was. I didn't like the writing for starters and I thought the going was slow. Btw, was that supposed to be human meat they're eating in the beginning? If so, I'm really tired of cannibalistic films, but I'm also tired of vampires.
I wasn't as impressed either. And yeah, I did find the writing a bit clunky at times. Felt as though the author way over-telegraphed the character's every move.
And you and I have talked about how important page flow is. I pushed through the first half before putting it down. Then after the flurry of activity, I finished it off.
As with most amateur scripts, the second half didn't feel as polished as the first. Most spend far more time on the first act than the rest of the story. And I think that shows here too, some downright gaping logic holes at times.
But if the concept gets attention, apparently that's enough. Plenty of good writers out there, but we all need that hooky premise!
E.D.
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The more I read what's selling and who's breaking in with what... the common denominator is a stellar premise. As long as the execution is decent, it'll get attention from agents, directors, producers, etc.
I have to disagree here. I actually thought Rose in the Darkness was pretty good for an amateur script. I think it's 90% better than the things posted on SS these days, including non members who are pretty new to screenwriting. But it had this really creepy feel to it which I really liked, SEMI-SPOILERS especially that flashback where Father stands over the bodies, smiling.
So, who will be the first Simply Scripts/Scriptshadow crossover?
I'm also wondering that, somebody should really send their script over and the SS crew can email Carson, telling him it's good .
What I've noticed now is that he doesn't go past the first page on his email and picks the top 5 from there, based on mostly the logline unless you get someone who wrote a good request, which I doubt happens a lot.
Guest review today at the blog was very well done.
Noir is a difficult way to build a protagonist. Strong character goal? Noir characters are cynical, jaded, guarded. If they have a goal, they are likely to hide it from us, perhaps even from themselves. If noir characters have a goal, it is more likely to be an obsession, usually a forbidden one. And the writers do seem to understand that here, attempt to tap into it.
Noir films are style over substance. Gritty reality should not be confused for depth and dimension.
And that's why noir films are often something we convince ourselves we are a fan of, but when we go back and revisit them we discover we are not. We love the harsh tones, the biting dialogue, the violence which lurks in every shadow.
But there is generally something missing. And it's missing here as well, as the reviewer points out with precise insight. The noir protagonist is difficult to connect to, to bond with, and that is the case with Slidell, who is perfectly noir as the writers intended. And perfectly lacking as the result.
Rose...the writing to me wasn't great...but I think it was the WTF moments...I mean people eating while something/someone is screaming in the basement or attic(I cannot remember) and then the Mother comes back with blood smears...and it was just weird.
I didn't really like the whole human tooth thing. Infact, I think it was way too early a reveal probably but the script is getting bites. *no pun intended*
I didn't read too far into it. The writing was clunky but it was different and I liked the characters ...the way they acted...I may read the rest....time is limited.
Rose...the writing to me wasn't great...but I think it was the WTF moments...I mean people eating while something/someone is screaming in the basement or attic(I cannot remember) and then the Mother comes back with blood smears...and it was just weird.
That was actually one of the reasons I liked it. It was those WTF moments which made me read on. They were strange and kinda made you sick but I liked them, this family is eating dinner while some woman is screaming upstairs. It gave it a creepy feel which made me keep on reading.
Also, congratz to Joe with his script. It just got attached to a somewhat known producer.
Dug into the St. Vincent de Van Nuys yesterday. Any script Bill Murray attaches himself to, I'm interested.
And this one didn't disappoint. The writing's top notch and I dig the crusty old protag. Have I seen stories like this before? Yup. Would l like to see a little more originality? Sure. Despite that, did I feel compelled to read to the end? You betcha! The character turns were just real enough to keep me engaged.
Always seems to help me get through a script once I know who's attached to star!
E.D.
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Dug into the St. Vincent de Van Nuys yesterday. Any script Bill Murray attaches himself to, I'm interested.
And this one didn't disappoint. The writing's top notch and I dig the crusty old protag. Have I seen stories like this before? Yup. Would l like to see a little more originality? Sure. Despite that, did I feel compelled to read to the end? You betcha! The character turns were just real enough to keep me engaged.
Always seems to help me get through a script once I know who's attached to star!
Dug into the St. Vincent de Van Nuys yesterday. Any script Bill Murray attaches himself to, I'm interested.
And this one didn't disappoint. The writing's top notch and I dig the crusty old protag. Have I seen stories like this before? Yup. Would l like to see a little more originality? Sure. Despite that, did I feel compelled to read to the end? You betcha! The character turns were just real enough to keep me engaged.
Always seems to help me get through a script once I know who's attached to star!
Agreed. I thought the story was kind of cute really, this old man who's just fallen out of life meets this lonely kid who becomes his neighbour.
One thing about the writing though, to me it was trying too hard to be "cool" and "groovy". It felt that the writer saw this style on another spec and decided he should try it himself and this is the result. I didn't mind it but some parts just made no sense because of it.
I cracked open this week's Amateur Friday script this morning...
Congrats to the Kiwis for getting a nod on Scriptshadow! I am a fan of "Eagle vs. Shark." And Lee Tamahori's "Once Were Warriors." So, I'm rocking the int'l vibe when I crack this open.
However, the quirkiness of the script felt more like frosting than cake. I didn't understand why at all these funky attributes were hung on the characters.
But the biggest problem for me in the first 20 pages is: NO CONFLICT.
When the fiance was indifferent about the ring. I was pretty much done with this story. According to the logline, the ring is crux of the plot! What gives?
That fiance better be TEN KINDS OF LIVID when the family heirloom takes a walk! Our mousy hero should become a Mexican jumping bean of nerves to fix the mess!
But any semblance of contention is deflated before it ever begins.
In the first ten, I couldn't quite figure out who the protag was. There was a bunch of folks intro'd that I couldn't keep straight.
Since I was confused who this story was about... Couldn't latch onto a thread of conflict... And felt the fiance completely hamstringed the stakes... I bowed out at 20.
I feel that perhaps the author knows why these characters are a bucket of quirks. But I don't get that from the page. And I need to in order to stay focused.
If there's no sparks on the page, you're pretty much done if no one knows you. Gotta have the marketable concept rife with conflict nailed to get noticed!
Best of luck and keep writing and rewriting!
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I read the first 30 pages. No problem with the writing, but I am shocked someone is producing this script. I mean stunned.
The premise is that a young guy wakes up 300 years in the future, finds the Earth is now run by a species of aliens. And humans survive only as alien pets.
What is strange is that I have no idea what tone this story wants. There is absolutely no tension or horror. It's not a thriller. Which really only leaves comedy. Except it's not that either, as there is not even attempt at humor.
I am completely baffled. Even bad scripts usually know that they want to be. This script doesn't. I don't understand what happened. I'm not even sure if it's the writer's fault, because it sounds like he has been guided in the development of this script.
Again, the writing itself was fine. It reads very easy. The writer knows what he's doing in that regard.
If I could ask you, what is it you don't like about the writing?
Sometimes a script is unclear or reads clunky, and that's a reason to be bothered as a reader.
But I also find there are a lot of writers who are troubled by scripts simply because the script doesn't adhere to their understanding of the rules of screenwriting.
Curious which is the case here, or some other reason. I found the script very easy to follow.
I haven't read 300 Years, specifically, but I usually get turned off by flowery prose. I usually want it to be as sparse as humanly possible. I'm sure that because it involves the future and aliens, that's not a possibility. But, that could be one of the reasons.
But I also find there are a lot of writers who are troubled by scripts simply because the script doesn't adhere to their understanding of the rules of screenwriting.
I wouldn't exactly say that but I really do think this script could use a good clean up. It's the writer's style and I dig that this is just the way he writes but reading "He ran away from home five minutes ago. It's a decision that he now greatly regrets" and something similar every few pages really doesn't sound good.
It's not clunky or unclear but over written in once sense. I never said the writing was bad, I've seen a lot worse. I don't hate asides either, I use them in my scripts but not so often that it feels like the writer is basically assuming the reader can't use common sense. That dog paragraph literally made me go "What?".
Like Blonde mentioned, it's just what the reader prefers.
I also just finished it. It gets better later on but TBH, the first act needs a rewrite and the characters need to be fleshed out more. Jack doesn't really have a back story, we know nothing about his past except that he was a drop out. His obsession with being free really seems to come out of the blue.
Genghis seems to be just thrown in there because the story needed an antagonist and his character has been seen a million times before. It was predictable and that was my biggest problem with it.
I read the first 30 pages. No problem with the writing, but I am shocked someone is producing this script. I mean stunned.
The premise is that a young guy wakes up 300 years in the future, finds the Earth is now run by a species of aliens. And humans survive only as alien pets.
What is strange is that I have no idea what tone this story wants. There is absolutely no tension or horror. It's not a thriller. Which really only leaves comedy. Except it's not that either, as there is not even attempt at humor.
I am completely baffled. Even bad scripts usually know that they want to be. This script doesn't. I don't understand what happened. I'm not even sure if it's the writer's fault, because it sounds like he has been guided in the development of this script.
Again, the writing itself was fine. It reads very easy. The writer knows what he's doing in that regard.
Hey Kev,
What we got is the writer's submitted draft from earlier this year. Did you read Carson's original review? I did not. Perhaps there's some explanation there as to why he got excited by the script.
I'm intrigued to dive into it. Of the amateur scripts sent out last week, Scion was the only one that engaged me. Anyone else check out those six entries?
Regards, E.D.
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I am trying to pick one amateur script a week from his list to glance at. I chose The Lost Majesties.
It was a pass for me, but that doesn't mean it can't be fixed.
The protagonist is a teenage girl. He spends the first 2 pages effectively showing us that she is an athlete, one of the cool kids in high school, but yet she's nice to those on the bottom of the social order. Perhaps a Snyder inspired attempt to make her likable.
I had no problem with that set up.
But then she started talking. And her voice did not match the set up. She talked more like a street whore, F words every line, obnoxious.
I am not opposed to F words at all. And I'm sure many high school kids speak exactly like this. But not the characters in movies that we are supposed to like. It was so inconsistent that it was a script killer to me.
As for Three Hundred Years, I actually don't recall a review. I'm at a complete loss to explain the appeal of this script, and I can only assume that it was the premise that drew attention.
The writing was fine. I'll even say good. We can quibble over style and the use of asides, but the bottom line, it reads clear and easy. If a script does that, I really don't care what style or writing rules the writer employs. We all have our preferences, but if I can zip through a script, I'm grateful.
But the tone is so off, I don't get it. A guy wakes up 300 years in the future to find the world is now run by aliens, and humans are pets. This either has to be a sci fi thriller with plenty of adrenaline and tension, or a comedy.
It's not even close to either. The aliens are nice and friendly. But there is not even an attempt at humor. I kept waiting for jokes or gags...nothing.
So I guess it's supposed to be serious. But the aliens look like something from a cheesy 50s drive in movie, or maybe an episode of Lost in Space.
I don't get it at all. I stopped at page 30, and I guess the story gets better. But tone should be established in the first scene. If 30 pages into it it's impossible to tell if the story is serious or some kind of light hearted farce, that's trouble.
I just find it strange how somebody would latch on to this type of script. It's easily got a 100 million budget. There are better scripts out there with barely any budget and they chose this... It just doesn't make any sense.
I am trying to pick one amateur script a week from his list to glance at. I chose The Lost Majesties.
It was a pass for me, but that doesn't mean it can't be fixed.
The protagonist is a teenage girl. He spends the first 2 pages effectively showing us that she is an athlete, one of the cool kids in high school, but yet she's nice to those on the bottom of the social order. Perhaps a Snyder inspired attempt to make her likable.
I had no problem with that set up.
But then she started talking. And her voice did not match the set up. She talked more like a street whore, F words every line, obnoxious.
I am not opposed to F words at all. And I'm sure many high school kids speak exactly like this. But not the characters in movies that we are supposed to like. It was so inconsistent that it was a script killer to me.
Cracked this one open too and pretty much second your thoughts. Started out all Disney Channel enough and then WHAM-O! Welcome to Vulgarville. Population: This script. Sailors start running out of my office... and I don't have sailors in my office!
That was enough to get me to put it down. The only one that really held my interest on the page of those six was Scion.
E.D.
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I don't know if I am too harsh, but I am really surprised at how bad 9 out of 10 of the amateur logs he posts are. It's possibly some of them have decent concepts but the log is poorly worded.
It actually seems in most cases, however, that the concept AND the description of it are surprisingly weak. I'm not sure what it means. He gets sent so many emails on scripts that I guess it's hard to pick through and find those with potential.
Maybe it's me, though. I might not be cut out for this work. I am reading deeper into Three Hundred Years as we speak, and I'm still baffled at what this is supposed to be. Is it supposed to be animation? There is no tension, almost no conflict, no character goal yet(escape seems impossible to him); and definitely no humor.
Even from the perspective of exploring this philosophically...man. They could explore what would happen to humans if they no longer existed in the "wild" and only as pets. Maybe that could be interesting. But there is NOTHING different about these pet humans!
And there are SO many other problems, too. If someone sent me this script for notes it would suck, because it would take forever. There are so many problems to point out. Not with the writing, but literally everything else.
Like I said, I really wonder if I'm in the right business. I feel like the guy that doesn't get the joke sometimes.
I haven't really liked any of the scripts he rates high. Maybe that's why my script emails come so sporadically.
Some of his choices are questionable but I remember reading The Dogs of Babel a while back, which was number 1 on his original list and I loved it. Just a really good script and it deserved to be there.
I just find it strange how somebody would latch on to this type of script. It's easily got a 100 million budget. There are better scripts out there with barely any budget and they chose this... It just doesn't make any sense.
I agree that this would be a big budget. I found it a bit of a hit and miss to be honest. I think the main characters whole obsession over Opera was weak; the scene where they meet in the adoption centre needed more to give them a better connection for me to relate to. I did there was some nice moments between Norman and Jack though.
There was a lot of exposition but it was needed to be fair, a lot to cover and explain. It did move up a gear as expected in the last act with a gladiator type scenario which I thought was a good addition. I wasn’t completely thrilled with the ending but that’s merely just my high expectations for these characters to do the impossible in this story.
Got to read this. Skipped alot of it though since I was able to get where the story was heading in around pg 40. lol. I saw this as disney sci fi/ comedy animation. If this is not so, I have no idea then. They would need to involve more interaction btw Oprah and Pixar.
I presume the author is a pet lover since he made this as a message towards animal cruelty. lol.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
I think there is more to the story about this script, and I have my suspicion, but I'm not going to speculate in public since I don't really know. Watch, this will go on the be the next Alien!
Well, the aborted review is disappointing. I read the entire script and agree with the lion's share of substantial criticisms.
There are two things going in this script's favor.
1) Peter is a stout writer. Even though I was turned off by the content, his pages read very well.
2) The concept is very high and easily conveyed to the thickest of industry folk. However... I'm surprised no one's made the comparison here to a well known film. So, I guess I'll be the one...
I *think* it's the only animated film to win at Cannes? Anyway, this one's done this concept so well. All that I see here in Peter's script is a thin reworking with a Disney veneer. The Fantastic Planet is swapped out for the oh so not fantastic Earth dome deal.
I strongly recommend all those involved in the projects get familiar with it rather soon. I'm a big believer in being "movie aware" when polishing up my high concepts. I hope there's something in that film that will help elevate this script's content.
The comment has a Vote Up of 3. Whatever that means. LOL.
Regards, E.D.
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I think I liked the wrong comment then, control-f wouldn't work with disqus so I just skimmed the page until I saw the first one with your id. Which was less than one sentence. Found it this time around though.
I just upped ya both. And I tend to agree with the voluminous story issues that have been brought up. The guy has an enjoyable, highly readable style, but the script seems many drafts away from being ready to go. And the budget for this thing would be a daunting prospect for producers.
Some great and insightful comments by Kev on the script :
I enjoyed the relationship between Norman and Jake, thought it was the best in story but your ideas for it were really good on how to improve it.
And of course I agree with your comment about Oprah, this really stuck out to me when finished. It lacked something and needs more to show why Jack is so devoted.
Great input though, Kev. I really hope that the author is listening and takes some of it on board.
As I’m pretty new to Scriptshadow – how do you actually comment? Do you have to sign up or something? I recently joined the mailing list but does that mean I can comment?
I think just sign in there, Steve. That's how I ended up on the mailing list. I commented a couple times and got added. I didn't even know there was a mailing list until I got my first email.
The Norman/Jake relationship is key. And I can understand they might not want to mess with it. I was just thinking that this script needs to be thriller or comedy, and it doesn't seem to be comedy. So I was looking for ways to increase the tension.
I've had some suspicion about who the real writer of that script is, but just a theory. And how things went yesterday in the comments section only reinforced that notion. Probably just a crazy theory.
Carson feels adamant about the project like he did with Disciple Program so he's still going to support this script. I think that's one thing we writers got to do with our scripts. Find that person who's adamant about our project like Carson.
I just got bogged down the descriptions. At times, I was like wtf?
Congrats to the author and Carson.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Great input though, Kev. I really hope that the author is listening and takes some of it on board.
As I’m pretty new to Scriptshadow – how do you actually comment? Do you have to sign up or something? I recently joined the mailing list but does that mean I can comment?
I agree Kev knocked the stuffing out of that script in the coverage. No reason for me to examine the guts after that! So, I tried to contribute in another way. I'm glad eventually others chimed in on that movie.
As to comments, there's two ways you can do it. You can post on your own with your e-mail addy. Or... You can sign up with Disqus, which a lot of blogs use.
I signed up because it makes it easier to use my 'lil devil of an avatar.
Regards, E.D.
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Anyone SS'rs brave enough to submit something yet?
I think Ryan's script was up there once?
I remember seeing Stevie's script as well for the AF competition where he picked the twenty recent scripts sent to him.
I think the trick to get on the five that he sends out each week is to send your submission a day before he sends out the email. I remember Carson mentioned once that he only goes through the first page and picks the best loglines from there.
Thanks for the info. I'm new to that site so I really dont know the in's and outs about how it works. But I'll look for those two scripts over there.
So its kind of like a lottery then eh? I suppose it's best to keep "re-sending" your logline again and again to have a chance to catch his eye. (Not that I have anything to send, just wondered if anyone here has ever done it lol).
I think just sign in there, Steve. That's how I ended up on the mailing list. I commented a couple times and got added. I didn't even know there was a mailing list until I got my first email.
I know a lot of writers here are horror writers so might be good for some to check out today's script. I think today's script Dracula Year Zero is pretty good. Only up to page 34, but the writers' style is crisp and clean for a historical piece on dracula - doesn't get dragged down by the details. A good read imo.
I know a lot of writers here are horror writers so might be good for some to check out today's script. I think today's script Dracula Year Zero is pretty good. Only up to page 34, but the writers' style is crisp and clean for a historical piece on dracula - doesn't get dragged down by the details. A good read imo.
I'm definitely a horror fan, but this script didn't work for me at all. I thought it was a chore to read and I quit after five pages.
I thought it felt like a first draft. Not because the writing was a problem, but because the story feels very mechanical and on the nose. Like the writers are just laying everything out.
Dracula himself feels very two dimensional. It's all too straightforward. He is the ideal noble, cares for his wife, son and people. If he has a flaw, it's that he cares too much for his family. He's a good man.
And then sh!t happens.
I think the Dracula character would be more interesting if he were a maelstrom of conflicting impulses, good and bad, when we meet him. The balance would be in favor of the nobler and kinder impulses at this point, but we know the balance can be tipped. That would make him a dimensional and compelling character especially since we know the future he faces and what he'll become.
And then sh!t happens!
note: Turkey was not called Turkey at that time, and the writers should know that. It was called the Ottoman Empire, which replaced the Byzantine when it was conquered by the Seljuk Turks. So yes, it was the Turks Dracula was fighting, but not Turkey. Just like there were Germans at the time, but no Germany.
I actually liked Dracula Year Zero, it was a fun read. The writing was some of the best I've ever seen, imaginative, I thought the writer did a great job with this.
For the first 40 pages or so though, it felt like the major plot points were forced into the story and I nearly quit reading because of that.
Went through the batch of amateur hopefuls this week. Here's the notes I sent to Carson...
Scion:
Right off the bat the script hooks me with crisp pages. I’m fearful of Overbearing Parents Syndrome (OPS) every three pages though. Seems to be a staple of “repressed kid with amazing secret” story structure.
BUT the author gives us a twist that OPS dad is also “touched”. That's in addition to the chip on his shoulder. And I bet that feeds into the mother’s mysterious death somehow... If the author is on their game. A detail to be mined later.
Alas... dad gets an early flashy exit. No final words with his son before his passes on. Bad call. No dramatic tension added to the tale by this act. Why bother with dad at all then? Stopping at page 20. First ten were a lot better than the next ten.
Back in Black:
Good concept. But needs a personal push for the protag that’s missing from the storyline. I want to know the personal stake as well as the main goal. But still, good enough to warrant a look...
Thought about it for a minute... Honestly, I think the concept would make a better script *IF* The teacher thought he was equipped to handle the situation. He’s a 21st century guy, slavery’s no match for this modern man. Right?
And... here’s the kicker... He’s always thought playing “the black card” was a cop out! Now’s *THAT’S* a PERSONAL FLAW you can hang the ENTIRE MOVIE on. And yeah, I also think that “The Black Card” is a better title too.
Now the teacher needs to overcome flaw over slavery to save George Washington. Hell yeah. To me, that plays way better as a broad comedy than the slavery hater.
I can see the prologue... Set the scene in a bar... Where the teacher berates his African Americans friends for playing the black card. It's a crutch for when it suits them. I dig the personal duality.
Only, in the end to find genuine strength in racial pride will save the day in the past. And it will help his modern day rocky girlfriend fall for our protag all over again. Now, that’s a movie.
Pardon my idea-gasm. Back to the pages...
Got up to page ten before I lost interest. The writing’s decent after the opener. But the terrorist angle and tacked on jokes really hinder the concept. We’re already in jokey gov’t agency deal with mission briefings by page eight? Meh. That’s great for an action flick. Not so much for comedies. If the author loses all the yuck-yuck attempts AND... Establishes the protag in modern context with a relatable personal flaw... I think this concept could spark interest.
Reverse the Curse:
The concept feels like half of an idea. Much like “Back in Black”, this concept needs that PERSONAL FLAW. A hook to sink the proverbial three pointer here.
What is it about this sportscaster that’s going to hook us into caring about him? Has he lost his zeal for the sport? Has this translated into a lackluster personal life? Does the curse threaten his job? What’s the personal motivator here?
Four pages in... the dialogue feels half baked at best. There’s even FONT CHANGES within dialogue chains. Hello author, edit much? And there’s a dialogue call back that’s supposed to condemn the protag. But it doesn’t make any sense. So, I’m already feeling lost on the page.
The father-in-law gets intro’d with a heaping helping of expositional dialogue... “Is that my no good son-in-law?” Ugh. Not getting a good vibe about this curse. I’m out.
The Plea:
Okay. I’m going to get this out of the way. I’m from Boston, born and raised. And right from the get go, I can tell this author don’t know squat about Boston. Every cliche in the Southie book on display in the opening pages.
The inaccuracy of this geographically specialized tale is pretty graphic and generic. That’s just not going to fly. This unease is compounded by some gramatically choppy prose. Chunky read.
And the square-on-the-kisser dialogue is the final nail in the coffin for me. This script is not wicked pisser. I’m out on page four. Learn the neighborhood you’re writing about, author.
Forsaken Realms:
Okay, genre mash up. Found footage and fantasy. I haven’t seen that before. Potentially nifty. First impression...
The author doesn’t know how to demonstrate POV on the page. That’s a real problem in a FOUND FOOTAGE tale. Slugs and prose are confusing to me. Is this Mazes and Monsters on Betamax?
The opening dialogue was hokey. I assumed it was the tabletop game via fantasy sequence... Only to cut to the kids actually sitting around a table. Nope, the dialogue’s just that bad during the grisly demise of someone we don’t know. The author doesn’t differentiate time periods on the page. So... I don’t know who’s POV is going on or what time period we’re in. Found footage scripts don’t need help being confusing on the page. They can be a format conundrum even when done well. But this one isn’t even close to a fluid read. Out at five pages.
Done. I finally bit the bullet and submitted a feature script for Amateur Friday. And some shorts too. So, I should do my part for other hopefuls here. Hope these notes help.
Anyone else look at these scripts?
Regards, E.D.
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The writing was often close to solid, but with a few issues that revealed the writer as not quite pro yet. I didn't send any reviews on these to Carson. I don't want to be the one to damage an amateur writer's chances at discovery. I don't want that responsibility and don't feel qualified.
I found the same POV issue in the found footage. The story did not engage me either. At all. And I read about 15 pages into it.
The Boston one was the closest to pro quality, but yes, needs the on the nose dialogue cleaned up. And the simplified stereotyping. Not that the stereotypes were way off, but that's risky. My guess is that this could be a good writer or writers in the making, though. I saw some talent in the work. Those early scripts are often more on the nose, that can be fixed..
I didn't open the Curse because THE curse was lifted in 2004. That curse was so famous that to give any other team the curse association is confusing. It's be like calling some team in the current NBA Showtime. That's the 80s Lakers and always will be.
I "found" the same issues with Forgotten Realms. It can't decide whether it should be found footage or not. Either shoot it found footage all the way through or don't do it at all.
The writing was often close to solid, but with a few issues that revealed the writer as not quite pro yet. I didn't send any reviews on these to Carson. I don't want to be the one to damage an amateur writer's chances at discovery. I don't want that responsibility and don't feel qualified.
I disagree with damaging someone's chances. Quite the opposite for me. If there's even just a concept in there that gets me excited, I want to write about it. And I think that's what Carson is after in the end. It also helps establish me on the blog, should I choose to submit.
As to your qualifications, Kevin... If my script was a candidate, I'd want you to voice your opinion on it, regardless. And that's not Simply Scripts solidarity talking.
You give better notes than a lot of what I see passing for development around town. So, get in there and legitimize your presence on the blog with your insights!
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I always give honest feedback on the pro scripts. If the feedback is negative, it doesn't hurt them. I just don't want to go negative on amateur scripts. That's part of the reason I don't do public reviews of members here anymore.
I've been writing for 2 years, and basically been only watching movies for less than a year. I didn't see too many before. So yeah, pretty unqualified. I call things how I see them, though, as everyone knows, so I don't want to hurt an amateur writer with my amateur remarks. So notes are sent privately.
If I find an amateur script I like, though, I'll talk it up to Carson. I usually get a good response from him on private notes, so if I found a good amateur script, it might help the writer a little. They're hard to find, though. Like impossibly hard. I really appreciate now how hard it is to write a really good script. My hat off to those folks that can.
You write more than well enough, that won't be an issue. And one never knows what a reader is going to like, and Carson is just another reader when you boil it down.
But if a script by an unknown writer does not score an "impressive", the review is really just more script notes and won't help your career. It's pretty hard to write an impressive script.
And we have to master structure, despite what others here say. I'm not saying paint by the numbers. But a veteran reader can feel when a script is tightly structured and when it isn't. Carson doesn't usually talk much about structure, and he might not even think much about it, I don't know, but any script I've seen him rate as impressive was very tightly structured, IMO.
You can send the second draft any time! Those are private notes anyway. You can skip over my long winded theories and convoluted advice, and no one will ever know!
For some reason I'm having a hard time finding em over there. Kev helped me put with 'Three hundred Years'. I'll have to sit down and figure out what I'm doing wrong. Maybe one has to regester?
For some reason I'm having a hard time finding em over there. Kev helped me put with 'Three hundred Years'. I'll have to sit down and figure out what I'm doing wrong. Maybe one has to regester?
The first 10 of this amateur script are posted on the blog. Excellent work!
The concept intrigues, makes you want to read on. It reads faster than a forty yard dash. You open it and reach page ten in a blink, and you want more!
Best amateur first ten pages I've seen in a while. No idea whether the rest of the script will hold up, but it has the potential.
The first 10 of this amateur script are posted on the blog. Excellent work!
The concept intrigues, makes you want to read on. It reads faster than a forty yard dash. You open it and reach page ten in a blink, and you want more!
Best amateur first ten pages I've seen in a while. No idea whether the rest of the script will hold up, but it has the potential.
That's quite an endorsement, so I cracked that one open too.
And I have the say... the pages flow great, save for some Pre-Lap/VO confusion. The author has an eye for sparse but effective visual detail.
However, the narrative didn't grab me as well as the prose. The was a line about "the moment that changed my life forever", yikes. That was pretty amazingly clunky chunk of dialogue.
This feels like a stripped down and truncated re-imagining of "Mr. Brooks", so far. That being said... I do want to know what happens at that meeting.
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
"Serial killer stories always get my attention. I read the first 9 1/4 pages of SK Apprentice, but it did not intrigue me. Sorry to say.
Nice start with the bloody hands in the sink, but the rest failed to grab my attention. Ethan seemed like a nice enough guy, but Cooper was a big miss for me. He did not seem like a distinguished psychiatrist at all. Unprofessional to say the least. The scene with Connie rang false and was wasted space. I didn't see anything Cooper said to her that would make her see everything in a new light. Also, I never sensed anything ominous or mysterious or anything of that nature to make this a thriller or horror."
This actually brings up a question for me: should we assume the audience knows something of a film going into it, from the trailer or a synopsis?
I had read the log of this script, and this gave things meaning that otherwise would not have had any. I could see the set ups for the pay offs. But I would have read things very differently if I had not read the log. I wonder what we should assume an audience might know going into a film?
Maybe we should only assume the know the title. So Jaws is about a shark. Or some chick Jeff paid for last weekend.
Just read the first ten of serial killers apprentice and I have to agree with E.D. about the 'life changed forever' line. Ouch. The introduction of Cooper and the woman with all the (O.S.) dialogue when we're already in the room with them held this back. You know this is a fellow amateur script when you see stuff like that. It's not a big deal for me, cos' I'm a nice guy, but the more scripts I read I can't help but wonder if little details like this are the difference between somebody passing the ten page test or not. EDIT -- Thinking about it, I guess if the concept is superb, stuff like that only brings the red flag halfway up?
I would like to read more though, see where it goes up to say, 30 pages.
Just read through the first ten of Amateur Friday script, The Great War. Oh, boy. Talk about your front loaded overstuffed openers. Did anyone else have a tough time chugging through this one?
A snap shot alt reality 20th century Earth to start. Fate of the world rests with a clueless little girl. As her daddy gets nabbed by the Minority Report Bad Thought Police. Right into World War I? Hmm. I don't mind detailed highly choreographed action... So long if it's some MAIN CHARACTERS going through the chaos. Oh yeah, did I mention it's all about time travel too? I was completely lost by page 15.
Same bloke that recommended "Rose in the Darkness" touted this one. Oh, well. .500 is still a great batting average. I have to admit the Black Hawks giving Hitler a missile enema was pretty sweet!
Regards, E.D.
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I only read the review. I have to admit the plot was intriguing. Starting in 2000 with flying cars was clever(though it reminded me of that Simpsons episode when they want back in time and Al Gore had been elected in 2000, so we all had flying cars within a few years).
Then reversing normal time game scenarios by having to SAVE Hitler was really smart, and I think the replacement dictator idea could be entertaining. I did wonder if this was all more appropriate for a novel. In any case, the review suggests there were many issues with the execution of the story, so I'm going to avoid dipping in.
From one of the comments it seems this story has been around and in process for years. Hopefully having so many people comment on it will help him get it where it needs.
Read the first 10 pages of Great War. It would have been better without the Flashback. The Dad could have rushed in with police after him. Then he tells daughter about time travel. Cops come in, kill Dad and girl escapes.
I think this would have been better. Could have avoided the flashback. Also, keeps the mystery going about the time travel. Flashback could have been inserted later in Act 2 where any flashback should be placed just to keep it flowing in Act 1.
Didn't bother with the rest after Carson's review.
I like reading the comments because it does help get insight on what readers are looking for, and what bothers them. It all has to be put in perspective, but when you see certain comments repeated a lot, it helps you look at your own work in a certain way.
I had an idea about how to re-approach the concept of The Great War. Disqus ate my first attempt to comment. So, I'm posting the rewrite here first to make sure I don't lose it again!
I dig the concept, but the execution left me baffled. It was overstuffed with characters. No outstanding traits. And I was completely lost by page fifteen.
That being said, I think there's a good story or two in this idea... The original stream of consciousness spitball of this is lost in the bowels of Disqus.
Forgive me, if my summation seems abrupt...
I say go all Kyle Reese on the story. One person can go back and save Hitler. That's it. They need to restore Hitler's timeline at all costs.
Here's where you FLIP the Kyle Reese/Sarah Connor dynamic... The protag has to protect someone he HATES.
Do they start to sympathize with young Hitler? Can a perceived monster actually be humanized in his youth? That human story within that concept interests me.
I think there's a lot of nifty ways that narrative could go.
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
If I may steal a little thunder from the OWC for a moment.
I wanted to let all you SS vets know something I couldn't have done without you... The new draft of Clone Wife made the Scriptshadow Amateur Friday candidate list.
I'm humbled and proud to have learned through your generosity. And I hope to continue to hone my craft and always have fun.
I re-engineered the bulk of the story. Reshaping the indie dramedy into a studio sized Rom/Com.
Never would I had the courage to get this far on my own. So, I thank you from the bottom of my newly oversized heart. It's gonna be a bumpy week for me.
Back to your regularly unscheduled OWCness.
Toasty Regards, Brett
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Going to read this first. Yes, it's bias so what. lol.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
It seems like you made the right decision to as you said “bite the bullet” and submit a script.
Good luck with it.
Hey Coop!
Thanks for the kind thoughts. Well "bite the bullet" happens when your partner gets laid off for Christmas. Necessity is a great motivator. And so is paying the rent! So, out the door that script went!
And I'm writing on another one all weekend. Shining up a holiday nugget for eager feature producers to devour. So, I've got sugar plums and ScriptShadows boucing around my brain 24/7.
No time for love, Dr. Jones. I gotta write THE END and fast!
Cheers, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Congrats Brett!! Reads a lot more fun now. You've done a great job with it!!
Thanks, Pia! Without your honest criticisms, I wouldn't have been so tough on myself. You were among the first to tell me here, that I didn,t totally suck. And you know what? I think I'm starting to believe you. Nutty Swede.
BTW, did you get my note about our meeting for today? Gotta push off until Monday. Hope that's OK. I'm all about the candy canes and sugar plums until I write THE END again. And trying to not let my brain melt with yayness over that Shadowy nomination.
So, thanks for being a tough broad!
Regards, Brett
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Much gratitude and gooey hearts to all well wishers!!!
I'd been writing most of the night. About to go to bed... But I checked e-mail one last time... And then I saw it.
That Scriptshadow e-mail kept me bouncing around for another three hours! Figured when that list of ten hopefuls hit the blog on Thursday that it wasn't my time. Surprise. Clone Wife slid right in there... along with a cage fighting script. Talk about your narrative diversity! LOL.
My eyes are watering up, you guys really get me in the heart with your generosity. Or, I'm allergic to my neighbor's new cat.
Time to crack open Final Draft and kill some brain cells! You guys are top shelf. I'm lucky to be here.
Regards, Brett
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Sent in a good word on Clone wife to Carson. Hopefully it gets the call next week. Anyone read Ryan Gosling's script "How to Catch a Monster?" Strange piece of work. Interested to see what Carson thinks of that one.
Finished Gosling's script, a fast read. Very strange script but I really enjoyed it. Just love that final confrontation towards the end between the characters. I'd give it an impressive.
Gosling's script does have nice dialogue. I'm finding actors really know how to craft dialogue. It's probably because it's what they do and / or they wanna put cool lines for themselves.
I sent Carson an e-mail (tried the contact page, didn't seem to work), so hopefully I'll be signed up soon and give your script a nod to. Steve helped on that as well.
I think I'd have to give the Gosling script a wasn't for me. I give him credit for creating an uneasy, broken dream atmosphere with the dying town, but nothing else about the story stood out for me. I would call it a character study but I don't think Gos really dug into any of these characters enough to expose who they really were. Also found it difficult to believe that Bones had never heard of the Lost River town.
And those character names...Billy, Bully, Rat, Face. Lol naming the bully Bully.
To me, the story had quirk and ambience, but lacked depth. However, if Gosling proves to be a stylish director, there could be some memorable images in this flick.
I just read an amazing script called Devils at Play by James Dilapo. The script was a Nicholl's finalist this year and is now on the Black List. I sent Carson a review encouraging him to review this on the blog.
Once I started reading this script I couldn't stop, and I really don't like reading scripts. So it's rare I say that.
The story is powerful because it puts us in the strange position of rooting for the protagonist to succeed in his goal despite the fact that this goal is reprehensible. That's a pretty good trick for the writer to pull off.
That makes this script very different, very unique.
I'll comment more on this script if someone else reads it so we can discuss. I'm not sure what kind of film this would make, and there are a few plot points I'm not too sure make sense. But they weren't enough to bother me. Part of the writer's goal is to show us what rather normal humans are capable of in the right circumstances, which has been done before but never in the way presented here. It's effective and original.
Often I've read Black List scripts are have difficulty chasing away the letters WTF.
Not this time. This script is a proud achievement.
By the way, I noticed there is a writer that had 2 scripts reach the semi's at Nicholl's this year. Man, that would be tough to do that and then not be a finalist. Still, that's a pretty good achievement in itself.
I didn't download the script. Send it on if you'd like.
It sounds almost like the issue I'm having with Breaking Bad. I actually really really like it now, even though I'm rooting for a guy doing reprehensible things.
So, it turns out I actually had that script... Thanks Kevin!
I can see how the story would make a great film even though I only read the first 15. I wasn't blown away by the writing itself, that's for sure. "In the distance the huge garage door begins to open, revealing a storming raining night".
The story seems gritty and serious enough for me to enjoy, but not enough to continue to read the whole thing unless I had nothing else to do that is.
There are a few writing mistakes, even spots where a word is missing. Which shows Nicholl's judges don't care about that stuff much.
But there is nothing to trip over.
A few times he took what seemed to be a series of shots and just combined them into one action paragraph a few lines long. I think some of the rules people would throw up their hands at that, but it didn't slow the read or make it any less clear.
In fact, one of the reasons I kept reading through the early parts was because it was so easy, and then I got to the more interesting parts.
I think the other reason I kept reading was that I was intrigued by the idea of having the main character be an old veteran of the secret police whose job is to arrest those suspected of treason, which during the Stalin purges, were mostly innocent people. That certainly ain't your Save the Cat type hero!(though there is an STC moment).
Thanks so much for all the notes and well wishes. It hasn't sunk in yet. The butterflies in my stomach won't knock it off. I think I need a beer. A really good beer.
You guys just rock my world. Without this site, I'd never have made it Carson.
Think I'm gonna go spaz for a bit.
Think Huge and Dream Endless! E.D.
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The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
And i don't mean stevie in his denims - haven't had the privilege of that sight.
As a newbie to Script Shadow i noticed he is doing an amateur short opportunity - entry by 3rd Jan. Must appeal to a few around here.
I was thinking of entering Inner Journey but have been working on that for Page so will pass, but should be an opportunity for someone.
Just thought i would point it out.
For example, would love to see something like Bert's, Somewhere Nice and Dark (think thats the title) get reviewed.
Ps fingers crossed for you Brett - had a look at the first pages of CW and saw major changes even since the second draft. Had a good feel about it.
Hey Bill!
Yup, I sure did throw a few shorts at that event. Even a new one that's not available here on SS. And I know of at least two other SS vets that have submitted shorts too. So go for it!
Appreciate the kind words about Clone Wife. Yes, the script wen through another page one rewrite since last posted here. That included re-engineering the tone, some characters and the plot. I steered it all more towards a studio friendly Rom/Com package.
Much gratitude and joy to all the well wishes. It's been great to get this far with the script. And I hope that my effort will represent Simply Scripts well on the site.
Happy Holidays!
Think Huge & Dream Endless, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
It's all of 2012's Black List Scripts and it's probably going to get taken down within the next few days or so. Better get them before they're gone, some of these ideas sound really, really good.
Well, I did check out Carson's review, still debating whether or not I should go back over and leave a comment. I can't validate his points, because I've only read the earlier version of "CLONE WIFE," the first fifteen, so all I'll say is, it's only one person's opinion, but hopefully there's some gold nuggets in there, somewhere, Brett.
This question has probably been asked a hundred times before. I've read the review, now I want to read the script. How do you access it from the website??
I think Carson's suggestions are all sound. I've tried to plant the idea that maybe he could review the script again after some of them are implemented by Brett. That's a lot to ask, but since Carson likes the premise and the writing, then it might be doable.
I'm sure this review will be seen as disappointing at first, but in the long run it could be just the thing this script needed. And the review did not hurt the reputation of the writer at all, as Carson was impressed in many ways. Considering that Brett has not written very many scripts, this was still a pretty impressive review.
Hey, just getting someone that's somewhat important to pick your script for a review is an achievement in and of itself. CONGRATULATIONS BRETT!!!
Carson gave some good feedback. And there will be plenty of comments that help as well. I'm sure Brett will take it all as constructive criticism and upon a rewrite or two, make a completely kick-ass script.
Clone Wife is out there! People know the name now. That's a huge first step. I'm proud. Way to go, Brett!
You did it, 'Clone Wife' got reviewed on Scriptshadow! Like Steex mentioned above, thats an achievement in itself.
So it "wasnt" his thing? Okay BUT he did say it was VERY WELL WRITTEN. Thats a big deal IMO. And I happen to agree with him. With what I've read it is very well written and has that "easy read" thing to it.
This script, has a "Zombie Playground" flavor story wise. When I read that one I got a "goonie" vibe out of it, a sort of 80's Spielberg family story (mixed with your own stle of course).
Now this one may be more adult in theme, but it seems to have a lot of the same thing going for it as that one did. And like I said about ZP, there is a market for that out there IMO. So dont be suprised if this doesnt get some serious looks. Not saying for sure it will get made by Paramount or something, but ya never know!
Made a comment at ScriptShadow. I haven't read this latest version of CW, only the first ten pages and of course the early draft when it was posted here.
I'm sure Brett was disappointed at first, but I have a feeling that Brett is the kind of person that will take all the comments from not just Carson, but everyone else there too to heart and whip this one into something awesome, just to show he can do it! And that's the attiyude that will win in the end.
Another thing I feel I want to comment on is Carson's comments at the end about great writing vs great story telling. I have made the same comment on scripts many times here at SS especially. I often read scripts that are very much enjoyable to read because of the writer's style, but somehow in the end when I sit back to think about what to comment on, I realize that I liked the writing itself better than I liked the story. Anyone have any thoughts on that?
It's much harder to learn how to craft story than it is writing.
I think that there are those that have a gift for pure story telling, but it takes tons of experience to apply that to a feature. The odds of writing an impressive feature after writing only a few scripts are likely impossible. I haven't seen it happen.
Brett has not failed here, because I don't think any other writer with only a few scripts under his belt has been able to do it either. It takes a lot of scripts to really master this.
I don't think anyone thought of this as failiur. Disappointing, but not faileur. (I can't spell that word) I think it would take balls the size of an elephant just to submit a script to Carson for a review by him in the open like that.
Since we and so many other writers and industry professionals put so much weight on his IMPRESSIVE and GENIUS rated scripts, we must also respect his comments when a script gets a WASN'T FOR ME. No? I mean everyone likes different stories/genre/style whatever, but I don't agree with the attitude that Carson's review was "just one person's view". Carson is not just another reader. We have already established that...
Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate all the constructive sentiments.
As to the review... I can take criticisms leveled at my work. But saying that I fabricated the positive feedback to get the read stunk. You can call my script junk. But... I'd appreciate the personal slander being left out of it though. Oh well.
For whatever reason, Carson chose NOT to link my script with the review. It would've been nice if the script could've gotten some exposure that way. At least then some curious industry folks could check it out. Oh well.
So, I sent a note into Don with the new draft to update the script thread. Hopefully he can get that up for everyone ASAP.
Thanks for the kind words from everyone. You've all been great in putting up with me. I'm very lucky to have been accepted here on Simply Scripts. We'll see how things go from here.
Think I'm going to crawl into a hole until next year.
Regards, Brett
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Brett, I did not read Carson's remarks the same way. I don't think he was implying you did that, it was just poorly worded on his part. He follows that comment by saying he could see where someone would recommend the script, so I don't think he is suggesting that you fabricated anything.
If a friend was over strong in his recommendation of the script, I doubt that's the first time that happened.
I'm not sure why he didn't link the script. You could message him on that. You could also post a link in the comments section.
I'm kind of with Keven and Pia as I dont really think thats what he was trying to overtly imply. He tends to make off hand comments like that (usually in his opening remarks). Its his "shtick" so to speak. I wouldnt take it to seriously. But it can be an indicator of how he's leaning in his review from the ones I've read so far.
This question has probably been asked a hundred times before. I've read the review, now I want to read the script. How do you access it from the website??
Hey Dan,
I asked Carson to add the link onto the review. It's there now. Also I updated the thread here and linked the review in my signature. So, that should cover having access to the draft. Thanks for your support, your recent contributions to SS are greatly appreciated.
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
On the verge of a brand new year. So, that helps me to take stock of this year's accomplishments for me. And no matter how I felt about the review at first... I still linked it proudly to my signature here.
You're all right, it is a big accomplishment to get that far. And I'll use my experience and the review to hone my craft. Clone Wife is only the second original feature I wrote. It's been page one rewritten twice already!
So, I'll take that review and the comments (60 and counting) to build on. Thanks a truck load for all the support and empathy. it really does help take the bite out of the initial sting of the review.
This entire experience will serve me well in the new year. Also debating uploading two other features I wrote this year.
Happy New Year everyone! Keep writing and rewriting!
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Well, you have my respect for what you have acheieved. Yeah, shame the outcome wasn't what you wanted but you can't tell me that it hasn't helped and that there isn't more to come.
The comments section seemed to be full of, "great concept and well written". Gosh I'd take those two.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
On the verge of a brand new year. So, that helps me to take stock of this year's accomplishments for me. And no matter how I felt about the review at first... I still linked it proudly to my signature here.
You're all right, it is a big accomplishment to get that far. And I'll use my experience and the review to hone my craft. Clone Wife is only the second original feature I wrote. It's been page one rewritten twice already!
So, I'll take that review and the comments (60 and counting) to build on. Thanks a truck load for all the support and empathy. it really does help take the bite out of the initial sting of the review.
This entire experience will serve me well in the new year. Also debating uploading two other features I wrote this year.
Happy New Year everyone! Keep writing and rewriting!
E.D.
That's how a true writer sounds.
Another layer of skin to hone the craft brother.
We all knew you would come out of this on the other side with this perspective.
Well, you have my respect for what you have acheieved. Yeah, shame the outcome wasn't what you wanted but you can't tell me that it hasn't helped and that there isn't more to come.
The comments section seemed to be full of, "great concept and well written". Gosh I'd take those two.
Keep going bud and have a good new year.
Hey Bill!
Thanks for the encouragement. And you're right on the nose... Unlike with screenwriting, that's a good thing with thick skins.
So yeah, like Meatloaf says, two out of three ain't bad!
And a Happy Birthday to you, good sir!
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Great you see the other helpful side of Carson's review. I've looked into past entries and some AF writers bitch and moan when their script is reviewed.
I recently gave Devils at Play a read. Enjoyable script, haven't seen anything like it. One of the most original concepts out there and very simple if you think about it. I wasn't amazed like everyone else but this is definitely a fine piece of work.
Has anybody read The Survivalist yet? Confronting script, I was a little disgusted at some parts but I assume that's the reason it made the Black List.
Devil's at Play was good. My only knock is the language. I'm sure some parts of it doesn't fit with 1930's Soviet lingo. I liked how the protag is anti-hero.
A simple set-up of veteran cop and rookie cop, but the Soviet angle made it unique. What I learned is that you can take a cliche setup (Veteran cop being replaced with rookie cop) and make it unique by just putting it in a different setting.
From the Black List list, I've heard Seuss is good. I read it and really liked it. Great setups/payoffs and the characters are memorable.
Glad you guys read Devil's. Mo, I think I was the only one raving about it. Everyone else seems pretty lukewarm at best. So you are safely within the majority!
What was cool and original was that the story gets you rooting for the hero to achieve a goal which is both terrible and wrong. Can anyone think of another movie that did that? I mean there are films where you root for the bad guy just because he is so compelling, like Hannibal Lector. But this was the protagonist doing the awful thing. I thought that was unique, and I thought it was used with incredible effect to lay out the theme.
Writers can also take encouragement from the fact that this must be an amateur writer, as it was a Nicholl's winner this year.
I actually watched the speeches on the Nicholl website and James genuinely seemed like a nice guy. I'm glad he wasn't as stuck up as some of the other entrants.
On another topic, has anyone sent their shorts in?
I did not send any of my shorts. That's like a lottery, as he will get thousands, and what do you win? Unless the short is something that could be a high concept feature, I don't see a heck of a lot of value in getting it read. But I'm not a good judge on these things.
I did not send any of my shorts. That's like a lottery, as he will get thousands, and what do you win? Unless the short is something that could be a high concept feature, I don't see a heck of a lot of value in getting it read. But I'm not a good judge on these things.
But you're not losing anything either. I assume it's like sending a logline for the twit pitch he held earlier in the year. Maybe there's actually a reason he suddenly decided he wants to hold a shorts week.
People shouldn't expect much if they send a script in, they'd be disappointed but at least there's something to gain, even if it is very little.
Great you see the other helpful side of Carson's review. I've looked into past entries and some AF writers bitch and moan when their script is reviewed.
Hope your rewrites go well.
LOL yeah, seen some real special sore winners on the blog!
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I actually watched the speeches on the Nicholl website and James genuinely seemed like a nice guy. I'm glad he wasn't as stuck up as some of the other entrants.
On another topic, has anyone sent their shorts in?
I was in a Sherwood Oaks class with a Nicholls winner. Man, was she full of herself. Bragging to me how Coppola was going to film her script. Saw her again six months later at another event. She was still banging the same drum... but with another star director. Right down to the same schtick. Broadcasting stuff like that really doesn't help your script.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I did not send any of my shorts. That's like a lottery, as he will get thousands, and what do you win? Unless the short is something that could be a high concept feature, I don't see a heck of a lot of value in getting it read. But I'm not a good judge on these things.
I sent in three. I figured why the heck not? Seems harmless enough.
Don't really expect anything from it. But you never know... Someone looking for a short to produce could be lurking. Why not? It happens here all the time!
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Yeah, it makes sense. Just not for me, because all of my shorts would require a ridiculous budget. My best short would require a Nazi concentration camp!
Yeah, it makes sense. Just not for me, because all of my shorts would require a ridiculous budget. My best short would require a Nazi concentration camp!
Hey chin up and send it in! I submitted the dual supermarket love story.
Come on, Kev. Just one? Remember, you're not working hard enough in this industry... Unless you're getting at least two rejections a day!
Lie Detector got bought to be developed into a feature. I genuinely think the same could happen to your work!
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Did anyone receive a newsletter this week from Carson or got that script he reviewed?
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
You're right about the script, but I always like to learn.
Thanks E.D.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
I e-mailed Carson to be added to his mailing list but never was.
I'm in the process of reading his book right now since the price went down. It's mostly recycled, but there are some good pointers in there. He sure could use an editor though... So many typos and some character names are wrong.
Probably saved a lot of money not having it proofread...
'Artist' is not a term you should use to refer to yourself. Let others, and your work, do it for you.
Just as an update, I just finished his book. It was worth the 5 buvks I paid for it, but I'm glad it didn't cost me any more than that.
He says there are 500 screenwriting secrets but so many of them at the exact same thing...
As an example:
One of the "secrets" says that every character in your script should be motivated (as opposed to being evil just for the sake of being evil).
Then at the end of the book, there is another secret that says to make sure your villain has good motivation...
Some would call that cheating. The tips themselves have way too much overlap. Overall there were probably 20 tips that I would consider to be unique and new (to me).
Probably not a terrible waste of money for a beginner, but I think there are better options out there.
'Artist' is not a term you should use to refer to yourself. Let others, and your work, do it for you.
I still havent got any e-mails yet after sending in two request to be on the list. I'm not going to take it personal and assume there's some sort of web/e-mail bug going on lol.
50 pages into Smash and Grab and man, am I loving this script.
It's feels like a Snatch remake, stakes keep escalating more and more as the story progresses.
Ugh. went to download this one and the link's already dead. What gives? Seems since the Salughter debacle on Monday started a new annoying trend. Coicidence?
Guess you gotta grab them before he reviews them now. Yay.
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
So, was there an actual script review today? Just checked and now there's this letter from Carson regarding the future of the site. That furor over Slaughter must have really rattled him. I know that people over at Done Deal Pro were really tearing into him, so I have to wonder if he finally tired of battling these critics. I'm not quite sure what the "Scriptshadow Labs" or the "Social Experiment" are. Gonna miss those spec reviews though and I hope this doesn't affect Amateur Fridays.
I knew this would happen at some point. Posting scripts against writers wishes is bound to cause controversy. The heat was really building as the site got big, and especially after the NYT article.
I am grateful I had found this blog a year and a half ago as it helped me immensely.
I think part of the criticism is understandable, certainly it can be unfair when early drafts of unproduced scripts are posted. That could damage the projects's chances.
I also suspect, however, that the small core of pros guard their secrets jealously, and they don't like Carson spreading around what works in this field. Anyone who followed this blog and regularly read the pro scripts is bound to improve their work. That's why I started this thread. Hopefully SS writers took advantage while it lasted, because it looks to be winding down.
Hopefully the amateur friday won't get chopped since it was not doing any one harm.
Other than that, I'm curious to what Carson has in store.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
It's kinda of disappointing for newer peeps like myself who just joined the Scriptshadow site, that he won't be reviewing spec scripts anymore. I guess I joined the party too late.
It will be interesting to see where the site goes now with this labs thing and the social experiment.
At least there is the chance of more amateur script reviews now - gives writers a better chance of getting their work read.
So, was there an actual script review today? Just checked and now there's this letter from Carson regarding the future of the site. That furor over Slaughter must have really rattled him. I know that people over at Done Deal Pro were really tearing into him, so I have to wonder if he finally tired of battling these critics. I'm not quite sure what the "Scriptshadow Labs" or the "Social Experiment" are. Gonna miss those spec reviews though and I hope this doesn't affect Amateur Fridays.
Yeah, I was reading all the fall out from slaughter. If anyone hasn't, or want to check it out just skip on over to the DoneDealPro site and take a gander. It's long though.
Bottom of page 8 - plot twist! Quite laughable how everyone starts bashing him and then find out he was telling the truth.
As for Nathan sending him an email, I doubt Reeves actually reads every single one of his emails. Which I suppose isn't really an excuse but it's worth considering that he's a busy person.
If you keep picking at scabs in gray areas... Only a matter of time before it starts to bleed and no one will do anything to help you.
Gray areas that Carson was trying to explore made it easy to pick on him. I'm not siding with the guy, but I think some folks just joined in on an easy target.
Seems like he'll regroup. I hope he taps into his amateur readers much more. Now, we'll really find out what his guy's made of. Curious to see how he handles the correction to his long term plans.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Funny thread. Got even funnier, as nawazm11 pointed out, how a lot of folks over there suddenly backed Carson once the emails were published.
I'm sure that LIMAMA broad is pissed off that she got hit with a lawsuit and Carson didn't - even though he's doing exactly what she claimed she did with her mediafire account...educating peeps (which she wasn't - as opposed to Carson).
I'm also pretty sure most of the Carson-haters over there would happily rinse their throats with Carson's cum if he'd give their script a "worth the read". But I'm only specualting of course.
Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
I thought the MMA script was clean, fast read. However, I stopped after 12 pages because it didn't offer much that was different to Rocky. It's kinda unfair to compare it to a classic, but when the story is set in Philly and the setup is very similar, then it's hard not to compare it to Rocky.
I don't think there is a dry spell. I think he gets hundreds every week and he just kind of selects some randomly. He doesn't really have time to look too closely at them is my guess. He's mentioned that in the past. That's why he suggests submitting every couple of weeks, because his inbox is flooded, and odds are against being opened in the first place. Luck of the draw. That's why some of the logs were really bad.
I didn't read this week's, but he did say it was a Nicholl's semifinalist I think. Something like that. It must have had some merit. Maybe it just doesn't start well. I don't know. Nicholls judges have to read the whole script, so it can survive a slow build.
I didn't read this week's, but he did say it was a Nicholl's semifinalist I think. Something like that. It must have had some merit. Maybe it just doesn't start well. I don't know. Nicholls judges have to read the whole script, so it can survive a slow build.
From the mailing list:
Way To The Cage placed in the 2nd Round of the Austin Film Festival Competition 2012 (Top 10% out of 6,500).
Not quite Nicholls. But Austin's cool too.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Has anyone been having trouble accessing the site? Got on this a.m. but then it went down again. And what about emails from Carson? Now that he has this new format I'm not sure if he ditched the weekly 'what's coming up'?
According to him, he said he stopped sending scripts. You have to find them. But I haven't gotten an email from him. I just watch on the sidelines now.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
The site went down for awhile yesterday, but now it's back up. Got the email from him last Friday with the script links and the amateur offerings. Tomorrow is something called "Crash Course" which is described as Animal House at MIT. Haven't read it yet, though.
I haven't been hanging out on the site much since the Slaughter slaughter. I did get one mailer, with a review of the #1 Black List 2012 script enclosed.
He pushed off the Amateur Friday review today. Re-scheduled Crash Course to next Friday for some reason. But there's quite an interesting article about story density and scene micro construction.
I dig looking at the small pieces like that, suits my puzzle brain!
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Strange, haven't got any emails for the past few weeks. If anyone could forward this week's email with Kevin and Philip's script, it would be appreciated.
"from Kevin: thanks for support. I want to correct the info in Carson's post. This script was written a couple months ago so has not been a Nicholl's quarterfinalist. I mentioned to Carson that I was a quarterfinalist last year, but that was a different script. Got lost in translation. Thanks."
It's a real treat to see Philip AND Kevin on the amateur candidate list this week. I've read Phil's script and gave him notes a little ways back. So, it'll be interesting to see where he took that narrative from there! And I'm super stoked read a brand new script from Kev
Almost a shame to have you guys go against each other. Maybe we, as a site, should coordinate that a little better? LOL!
You guys were all so great about Clone Wife. Let's dive in and show the same support this week for our comrades in screenwriting!
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Like mo, I don't seem to get the newsletters now. Humm.
Anyway great news to hear Kevin's in the mix. I felt bad that my post on the "lets talk about Kevin thred" was mistaken as negative about him, I meant just the opposite. A bit of late night humour not working out!!
Keep going bud, and fingers crossed for you.
As I haven't got the newsletter I don't know which Philip has also been selected.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Like mo, I don't seem to get the newsletters now. Humm.
As I haven't got the newsletter I don't know which Philip has also been selected.
It's Phil Whitcroft with his nifty script, A Halloween Carol. Kev's is the 1979 deal! And it's a good way to go. Perks of Being a Wallflower was a big indie hit that's a high school period piece.
I've got both scripts, if anyone needs them, give me a shout. My Dropbox-fu is very low. Maybe that would be easier for someone else to set up? Regardless, I'll send them to everyone that wants them. Let's get our guys in the spotlight for some big boy pants reviews!
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Congrats to all. I don't know anything about scriptshadow, don't even understand what these weeks mean but seems like it's a desired place to be and very few scripts get there (still have a very vague idea about "there"). Anyway, congrats and best of luck to ED, Kevin and Philip!
Like mo, I don't seem to get the newsletters now. Humm.
The newsletter has been a funny one in recent weeks. I did receive one this week and Carson said something about being sick so I don’t know how much of an impact that had? On the same note, I didn’t receive one last week so who knows…
Haven't gotten anything yet, either. Between the tail end of the flu, and the upcoming shorts week, my guess is that Carson's just overwhelmed right now.
BTW - CONGRATS to both Kev and Phil for getting their scripts up there! I can personally say I've read Kev's script back when it was called Goon - and it's a neat twist on High Noon (incorporating a number of quirky kid subcultures back in the 70s.)
Well, I guess we'll have to wait to the end of the week about our AF candidates. Carson's revealing his fave short on Friday. So I guess there's no amateur feature review this week. Looks like Kev and Phil have to keep holding their breath!
I hope everyone voiced their thoughts on the scripts. If not, looks like there's still time to chime in.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Looking through the shorts articles so far this week. I've noticed two days in a row, Carson's complained about "taking heads" shorts.
He speaks of them with such disdain, but I think he's forgetting something... Production Feasibility. Futuristic time travel steampunk silent shorts - expensive. Zombie tiger hordes attacking - expensive.
I hope his readers don't get the wrong idea here. That they have to write mega budget shorts to get noticed.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
I hope his readers don't get the wrong idea here. That they have to write mega budget shorts to get noticed.
I'm leaning the other way.
I hope his readers take his word as gospel and write nothing but 3D Sci-Fi Period Pieces about underwater towns full of kids that ride small, French speaking animals.
I hope his readers take his word as gospel and write nothing but 3D Sci-Fi Period Pieces about underwater towns full of kids that ride small, French speaking animals.
Jordan
LOL! Sounds like a Jean-Pierre Juenet film to me! A humorous, but not very sporting sentiment there, pal!
Then again... Writing a big budget thingy could trap lightning in a bottle. Or at the very least... Perhaps intrigue someone enough to want to collab & expand it into a feature.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
It comes across as if this is tailored to big ticket shorts, but maybe the next ones will be different.
Glad I'm not the only one that picked up on this. Here's my comment on the blog, it was stuck in moderation for a while...
I think the "frequency" that shorts have lead to industry work has grown exponentially. There are many famous examples splattered over the internet in recent years. But to say that shorts were pretty pointless prior to YouTube is a bit shark jumpy for my taste.
Two days in a row, Carson has complained about the static choices of shorts authors. There are a ton of "talking head' style shorts out there, that's true. But I believe it has less to do with unimaginative writers and much more to do with... Production Feasibility.
If you're a writer without talented pals to pull off a big show, feasibility is a huge issue. So, a lot of writers will create something that's much less expensive to produce. In the hopes of attracting talent that can reasonably produce the script into a quality short.
For example, today's short has got some solid genre tropes. But I don't know any director that will take on this project as a short. It would be extremely expensive to produce. Shorts don't make money. Period.
And it would be a shot in the dark, at best, of catching big industry/film festival attention. Budget concerns is the first thing I hear from 95% of the directors looking for shorts.
Last year, I wrote and sold a short to two prodcos. Nine pages. One room. Two characters. Add gun play and some fight choreography. And just a touch of post-production CG for a laptop screen. That's it. Easy, right? But even that's a Herculean task to get done when no one's getting paid.
Limited location means you can shoot in a weekend before everyone goes back to work. And that really helps give a short script viability for hungry talent.
I think it's critical to address the issue of feasibility for amateur writers. You greatly increase your chances of gaining interest. Sure, zombie tiger hordes look cool. As do time-travel steampunk silent film style shorts. But if you're a writer on your own, it puts you in a much deeper hole to get to production.
There's something to be said for thinking INSIDE the box, with shorts. Just make sure what you put into that cheap, easy-to-produce box, stands out. I don't think amateur writers should be discouraged from creating simplistic productions. Quite the opposite. Feasibility plays a much bigger factor in shorts.
And I hope there's at least one short on this week's list that emulates this concept. It's not enough to write a flashy short, you need to optimize it for efficient production too.
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Screenwriters will listen to ANYTHING that Carson preaches. Like Nomad said, you'll soon be seeing something outrageous like people riding speaking animals under the sea. It really gives off a bad view.
Hopefully we do have a 'normal' short in there as Brett suggested. If this keeps on, it would seem like Carson skipped through every second short sent and if it didn't feature something unusual, put it down after a few pages.
I think the time travel script can be made low budget. From what I read, it involves a guy with a pack on his bag. lol.
But I haven't read the talking animals. And that sounds like it has a chance only if it's animation.
There's times when i agree with Carson and other times I disagree. It's a person's opinion.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
I kinda jumped the gun on his newsletter trivia thinking there was no way I'd win and now I don't even have anything I want him to read. Not done with my current script.
'Artist' is not a term you should use to refer to yourself. Let others, and your work, do it for you.
I kinda jumped the gun on his newsletter trivia thinking there was no way I'd win and now I don't even have anything I want him to read. Not done with my current script.
LOL. I did the same thing for craps and laughs a half an hour ago. But I got no reply. So, I guess you got the last one.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I hope his readers take his word as gospel and write nothing but 3D Sci-Fi Period Pieces about underwater towns full of kids that ride small, French speaking animals.
Jordan
If they're cheetah warthogs, then I think we have a winner.
Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
Yeah, I got this same note a little while ago too. Guess I assumed too soon!
Hmmm. Pondering mischief.
E.D.
And I'm pondering mischief no more. Well... About that subject, anyway.
Went ahead and bought the half price service. Since the script I'm submitting is a collab... It's only gonna cost me 25% of Carson's usual fee!
Speaking of that... For those wondering souls... Here's his current price structure --
3 pages of notes ($600) – I break down the 2-3 main issues with the script and offer solutions to those problems. I also take a look at the main characters, breaking down each and offering ideas on how to improve them. I finish with line-by-line notes for more specific scene and dialogue related problems. (total words ~2000)
5 pages of notes ($850) – I break down the 4-6 main issues with the script and offer solutions to those problems. I take a look at the main as well as the key supporting characters, and break them down, looking for ways to improve them. I finish with line-by-line notes tackling specific scene and dialogue related problems. The big difference with the 5 pager is that I have more room to offer creative ideas and solutions. This is the option you want if you *really* want me to dig in deep to every aspect of your script. (total words ~3300).
Turnaround time – Turnaround time runs about 7 days at the moment, give or take a couple of days.
Rush rates – 72 hr/$100, 48 hr/$250, 24 hr/$400.
Phone call – Phone consultations are $60/˝ hr.
Payment – Payment is through credit card or Paypal.
Contacts – I have contacts at Universal, Silver Productions, ICM, WME, UTA, ATA, Verve, Benderspink, Anonymous, Kaplan/Perrone, Energy, Filmengine, The Gotham Group, as well as dozens of other mid-level and lower level producers and managers. If a consult script I read earns a “double worth the read,” I will push it to my lower and mid-level contacts. If it receives an “impressive,” I will push it to my higher level contacts (which is how I helped Tyler Marceca get a WME agent and sell “The Disciple Program” to Universal). Also, anything "double worth the read" or higher, I give you the option to have it reviewed on the site. The average number of consulting scripts I pass up to people is about 7%.
At the very least, you get some awesome notes that will give you a better script and make you a better writer. I hope to read your script but even if I don’t, keep writing and keep fighting the good fight!
Best, Carson
So, I'll take those $600 notes for only $150 out of my pocket! And of course I'll let the SS faithful know my feelings on his services.
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I thought those prices were the half price. It's actually half of the prices he sent?
Taken directly from the e-mail Carson sent me...
Correct! So far, nobody's claimed the number 2 spot. So if you're interested, you got it. Here are my rates, which are, of course, half off for you. You can send the script whenever you want. It's just that the payment needs to be sent within 7 days.
I think I interpreted this right. My writing partner agreed with my interpretation. So that was enough for me to sign on at that price.
Did you get a different e-mail there?
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
No, I got the same thing, but since everyone has always said he charges thousands of dollars for reads, I figured the price he gave was the half price.
'Artist' is not a term you should use to refer to yourself. Let others, and your work, do it for you.
No, I got the same thing, but since everyone has always said he charges thousands of dollars for reads, I figured the price he gave was the half price.
I see where you're coming from, pal. Well, if Carson asks for another $300 when I pay, I'll let you know. Cuz I ain't paying no $600. LOL. So, you can have my slot then, if you wish.
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Thanks for all your support on this. It looks like it hasn’t worked out for Kev or me.
There’s something poetically appropriate about two screenwriting friends competing for an opportunity that turns out to not exist. The best scene in the story would be the bit where they both find out their prize has been given to a small dog!
Does anyone know why the werewolves script got the AF slot? I haven't even heard of it. What the heckfire happened to the list of candidates he had us read last week?
Why did I spend a couple hours reading them and providing notes for then?
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
My first short was actually just so bad that it would be torture for someone to read it again. If someone brand new to screenwriting bangs out a feature in 3 weeks, I really cannot see it being good. It really took me at least a few months to learn how to tell a coherent story.
Strange that Kev and Phil's script just seemed to disappear. Maybe Carson forgot about it?
On a side note, has anyone read Seuss? Really do think that's going to be the next big classic when produced, a special script.
Cranking a tv pilot in 7 weeks? This feature of mine has taken more than 7 weeks. lol. Screenwriting is so effing crazy. What the hell?! lol.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
He actually claims to have banged it out in 48 hours. That has been done, but not by a first time screenwriter. Not with proper formatting and all that good stuff.
'Artist' is not a term you should use to refer to yourself. Let others, and your work, do it for you.
I checked out the "17" script. I actually wasn't that all impressed with it. I found it overwritten for the first 8 pages (where i stopped). With 91 pages total, I doubt there's much story there, but all fluffy descriptions. With that said, it's still decent for a "48 hour" script from a first timer.
Hopefully 48 hours meant all the hours spent on working on the script and not just two days.
I read the first page, could've been worse for a brand new writer but still over written.
Well, his claim got me to open the script. But I didn't read it for long. It's thickly written, that's immediately evident. Paragraphs were like quicksand to me.
Folks won't read for long based on that claim. In the end, it could likely be a disservice to himself for bragging about it.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Maybe he's a long time writer who just now decided to pick up screenwriting?
Sure, that's plausible. I got nothing against the guy or his script.
But it's selection for AF, that's what puzzles me. Doesn't fit the hoops he's made other amateur candidates jump through. And that makes me question (a little) why are we giving notes then.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Did he totally ignore the list of scripts that Kevin and Phil's scripts were on?
I've noticed that there are a LOT fewer comments on his site since the shit storm hit.
The new e-mail I just got seems to answer your question. The new AF selection, EMMA, came from last week's candidates.
So, it would appear that the batch Kev & Phil were part of was overlooked. Part of me kinda wants to say something... Maybe Carson skipped a list by accident?
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I don't think he skipped the list. Apparently he only picks AF scripts that get a resounding response when they're listed. And even then it's not a sure thing. That Precipice script keeps appearing on the list, based on positive reviews. I get the feeling if the genre or subject matter don't grab him, he'll look for something else.
It's based on his tastes or if he knows you. For instance, the script he has posted up.
"David has been a Scriptshadow reader pretty much from the beginning. He posts under the name “Astral American.”...David’s always been extremely cool to me and is one of the most dedicated screenwriters I know, so I’m excited to finally be reviewing one of his scripts."
I cut some bits out but, that's pretty much the gist of it.
It also goes by the group of people over there, but he decides what scripts gets a chance for a read.
It sucks but, apparently that's how life works.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
When I emailed Carson my feedback on last week's scripts, I thanked him for including my script. I politely noted that he hadn't mentioned any of that week's scripts again and his reply to me seemed to confirm that he "missed" them. Of course that's a bit irritating, but I guess the cookie crumbles that way sometimes.
It seems that going forward he's going to have these discussions out in public on a Saturday blog post, so that should make the process a bit more transparent.
When I emailed Carson my feedback on last week's scripts, I thanked him for including my script. I politely noted that he hadn't mentioned any of that week's scripts again and his reply to me seemed to confirm that he "missed" them. Of course that's a bit irritating, but I guess the cookie crumbles that way sometimes.
This is what I was afraid of.
Using a repped writer for AF instead just adds insult to injury. And that thread was a dud until the author showed up and acted douchey.
Dunno about other folks, but I've been frequenting the blog less as of late. Since the Slaughter blow up, his entries haven't been as educational for me. Not to mention all those "insider" scripts in your inbox every week. Guess I miss that a bit. I suspect others are feeling the same?
I hope you and Kev get another shot, Phil. Hang in there.
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
The Equalizer remake script is an awesome read. The movie could well end up being a mediocre borefest, but that Richard Wenk can write. He can also direct Vampire movies with Grace Jones, but it's not 1985 anymore. Shame.
I'm guessing it's the same guy, anyway. Couldn't stop reading that script, made me wanna buy the boxset of the old Woodward show. The title music used to creep me out when I head it late at night when I was kid.
So, Carson let loose with the "everyone's my readers" blog post. Honestly, I wasn't thrilled about the prospect for some reason. Was it cuz I already had my 15 minutes on Scriptshadow? Nope. I couldn't put my finger what disenchanted me about the process.
And then I read this post on the thread. It made a lot of sense to me. So, I'm re-posting here for thoughts...
I was really disappointed in the fact that Carson pretty much offered all of us opportunities one day and had us send in resumes to be script readers, only to have the whole thing turn out to be a volunteer effort with no credible experience to benefit from. I love everything Carson has done for the community, and I still love his website and I read almost everyday, but this sucked for me. It's the only reason I can't get into reading these amateur scripts for learning purposes. Part of me really thinks that if he didn't grant us such an opportunity, I'd be way more open to reading these and giving my opinions. I realize that I can benefit as a writer by reading these, but considering my income, I can't. I wish I could. I wish I had the time. I feel like a puppy who was offered a cookie & realized that cookie never existed. Shitty metaphor. But true. Anyone feel the same way?
Does this theory ring anyone's bell? Kinda might explain the bad taste I have about this new format.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I think some patience might be in order for what Carson is trying to do. There will be missteps, but the blog is free, and since it CAN get a script important exposure, there is nothing else I know of like it.
My defense of Carson is not personal, I don't know him personally. I just think it's worth pursuing what he is trying.
The challenge is to sift out those diamond in the rough scripts that exist in a vast sea of work that falls short of being special. Black List and Tracking B have their own method for trying to do that, but it's not free.
If Carson just more or less picks out 50 random scripts a year, as he has in the past, the odds are against finding too many special scripts. But if he gets other writers to provide some feedback, that really expands the number of scripts he can at least get some sense of. The process will never be perfect or fair, but I think it makes the best of a difficult situation.
If we remember that it's just a blog basically run by one guy, not a business, then maybe it's easier to appreciate it despite its flaws.
Man, did anyone check out the open critique blog for the amateur candidates? Yikes, lotta spammy nonsense being flung about. I see Phil tried to get some notice on the neglected batch of scripts. I hope that catches some attention, but with all these flame sessions, I dunno. :\
The new format didn't inspire me to contribute. It was a zoo over there. Did anyone else check it out?
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I saw it. Only contributed to Gideon since that won the grand prize. Other than that, the sites not as great. I think it's a result from not reading the professional screenplays.
That spammer is projecting a bad name for Simplyscripts. IMO.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
I read part of Gideon. The writer has some talent, and seems like a good guy. The story would benefit from being more tightly focused in a future draft. Nothing in the log is present in the first 20 pages. No boy(just an infant at this point) and no miraculous powers.
Scribbler is the guy who took the whole topic thing off track. I don't know who he is, but he seems to be someone from here based on his comments. Also seems like a very bitter and immature writer.
I don't know how long the blog will last without the pro scripts. In fact, the only reason I sent my script a few weeks ago was because I feared the recent change would ultimately result in the blog fading away. And that seems to be happening. Hopefully he will find a way to maintain what he has built with so much hard work.
It's not worth wasting time on, Bert. Scribbler is obviously someone from here, but like others that go over there, the name is changed so I have no idea who. The only ones that have kept their names recognizable are me and Brett.
But generally everything is positive there when it comes to this site, and Carson has also been positive. Scribbler was an exception and he was obviously trolling. He did not have one ally there.
It's not worth wasting time on, Bert. Scribbler is obviously someone from here, but like others that go over there, the name is changed so I have no idea who.
Ha...I won't mention here, but looking at the posts that remain, I am pretty darn sure I know who.
But generally everything is positive there when it comes to this site, and Carson has also been positive.
I think what he was doing was pretty great, actually -- but my opinion is pretty uninformed. I always thought (as I do with MP) that there was room for everyone, and even better with shared members between sites.
I guess he ticked some people off, but I still do not quite understand what happened over there. Looked like a mountain out of a molehill from my perspective.
I have benefited tremendously from Carson's site. The two SS's were the twin pillars of learning for me.
The problem with Shadow is that he was distributing scripts, for educational reasons, without permission. It didn't become a problem until his blog became so influential. One can understand why writers don't want drafts distributed and reviewed without their ok.
I hope he can find a way to make it work under the new format. He takes a practical approach to scripts that is refreshing. All that matters to him is whether he thinks they work or not, whether they would be the basis for a good film. I appreciate the approach.
I read part of Gideon. The writer has some talent, and seems like a good guy. The story would benefit from being more tightly focused in a future draft. Nothing in the log is present in the first 20 pages. No boy(just an infant at this point) and no miraculous powers.
I know Randall (through email, other sites, etc.) and glad Gideon won the Kairos Prize (I was a Semi-Finalist). He has been working on Gideon for some time and has received a lot of good feedback to help him get it to that point. He is currently talking to Hallmark to make it. Didn't know it was on Scriptshadow.
My Scripts: SHORTS Bed Bugs I Got The Shaft No Clowning Around Fool's Gold Five Days for Redemption
Man, did anyone check out the open critique blog for the amateur candidates? Yikes, lotta spammy nonsense being flung about. I see Phil tried to get some notice on the neglected batch of scripts. I hope that catches some attention, but with all these flame sessions, I dunno. :\
The new format didn't inspire me to contribute. It was a zoo over there. Did anyone else check it out?
E.D.
I was watching this over the weekend - was interested to see how this new format played out.
There always has to be one! It was completely unnecessary and definitely will turn a few peeps off which is a shame. I never saw any mention of SS on there or do I recognize Scribbler from the boards.
Will this amateur script open discussion be happening every week now?
I only browsed a few of the scripts that I recognized from TV where they have done quite well.
Brett,
I have to ask as someone who just had a script reviewed by Carson. Would you have liked Clone Wife to go through this open discussion or prefer it like before where it was all behind close doors so to speak, and all feedback went directly to Carson?
Just wondering? I guess it's no different than throwing your script up here on Simply.
The idea behind the open reviews is pretty simple: It helps Carson cast a wider net.
Before, he'd get however many scripts he got and had to more or less pick one blindly. If he can get some feedback from other readers, it makes it a little more likely that his net will catch the better scripts. Wider net, better results.
There are 2 ways of getting this help. Either having people send feedback by email, or by having some public discussion like he tried Saturday.
I would imagine it's a chore to have to sift through a bunch of emails. And this way allows a little bit of debate on a script.
But there is no perfect method. To rehash, there are 3 ways he has chosen amateur scripts.
1) he just picks them more or less randomly from his email based on log appeal. This is what he did until recent months. It's tougher for a good script to crack that if he is getting a lot of scripts. 2) send out amateur scripts on his newsletter and let people email him their opinion. This was how Clone was selected as it had positive feedback in the emails. or 3) try as he did this week, and post them where people can discuss.
The downside to 3 might be the public nature of negative reviews, but I don't know if that will really hurt an amateur script, since I doubt anyone important remembers amateur stuff unless it's that rare positive find.
So I think it's worth giving this method a shot. But if he doesn't get better quality feedback than he did this time, it might have to be abandoned.
It's a free blog, and it provides an opportunity for writers to break a script through. That's what's most important.
I have to ask as someone who just had a script reviewed by Carson. Would you have liked Clone Wife to go through this open discussion or prefer it like before where it was all behind close doors so to speak, and all feedback went directly to Carson?
Just wondering? I guess it's no different than throwing your script up here on Simply.
Hey Coop!
Hmm, good question... Here's what I liked about the old method -- Privacy filtered out the static and spamtards. The reader doesn't get any publicity out of their notes. No platform for attention grabbing comments or self promotion.
That and this batch wasn't helped by a bunch of so-so loglines.
Oh, I DO think it's much different than SS. Over there, we KNOW there's folks watching with industry ties. That kind of agenda tends to bring out a contentious crowd and front loaded agendas.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Maybe he ought to create a website for amateur scripts and let people debate it there. And only people signed up to his newsletter can access it. If it gets enough attention, then post it on his main website (where there is a lot more prying eyes from industry people). I think he mentioned this before when he stopped sending pro scripts.
His site's definitely in transition and traffic is a lot less than before. I still find his newsletters helpful with all the script links and the reviews (i.e. Equalizer).
Oh, I DO think it's much different than SS. Over there, we KNOW there's folks watching with industry ties. That kind of agenda tends to bring out a contentious crowd and front loaded agendas.
E.D.
Hey Brett,
Thanks for coming back and giving your thoughts.
This is one of the problems I have with it, although I do agree with Kev that this method does help to give more writers a chance to get their scripts read.
The fact that there probably is some folks with industry ties keeping tabs, won't this kind of nonsense that hardly looks good or professional just bring the blog down - lose respect with them.
I don't know - guess we'll see how this plays out over time.
If he sticks to it, we're talking one batch of amateur scripts a week, on a day that he used to post nothing anyway.
This is just a guess on my part, but to the extent that the industry even looks at those posts, I think they just glance at the logs in the chance one really grabs them. They don't follow the posts below. Would be a waste of valuable time.
If Carson finds one and reviews it with an impressive, they take some notice.
If a script was being already circulated around town, circulated where there was a little buzz, then it might be slightly risky to subject it to the opinions on there. But I doubt he gets amateur scripts like that.
In the end, it has to be something that works for Carson, too. I mean it is a free site, and really there is nothing comparable.
Again, I do not know Carson personally, so I am not defending. I'm saying the blog gives writers another avenue, so we should be happy it's there.
If he sticks to it, we're talking one batch of amateur scripts a week, on a day that he used to post nothing anyway.
Is this actually good for the amateur script that gets reviewed on Friday? Last weeks one "Emma" didn't get as much attention and was kind of second fiddle to Thursday's batch of scripts.
Maybe it had nothing to do with it? I never actually looked at the script so I couldn't comment on whether is good or bad. Maybe it would work better if the next batch were thrown out after Friday's amateur script review like before.
This is just a guess on my part, but to the extent that the industry even looks at those posts, I think they just glance at the logs in the chance one really grabs them. They don't follow the posts below. Would be a waste of valuable time.
I mean it is a free site, and really there is nothing comparable.
I'm saying the blog gives writers another avenue, so we should be happy it's there.
Can't argue with you here, I do appreciate the blog and all it offers so don't think I'm bashing it here. I only wish I had taken your advice when I first joined SS and had joined the mailing list back then.
It's just a shame that as soon as I did, all those specs were taken away and if I'm honest, that does take away some of the appeal.
Yeah, the blog has definitely lost much of its power without the pro scripts. I don't know if it will last. That's why traffic is down.
The only reason I sent him my script a month ago is because I sensed the blog would fade without the pro scripts. Probably a hasty decision on my part since that script was literally written in 2 weeks. I felt there wasn't much to lose, though.
Steve, if you need any scripts from the last couple years of the blog, I'm sure we can find them for you. Just message.
I remember reading Psycho Killer at ScriptShadow a while back. Carson didn't like it. I thought it was decent. Looks like Eli Roth will produce it. I'm looking forward to that.
Seems like his website has lost some members lately. Too bad, I did enjoy reading some of those pro scripts.
Yeah, it does seem he's on the slow road to obscurity with the blog. I don't even know why he still maintains the same banner on his page. Because he's not reviewing the latest scripts in Hollywood anymore.
Average AF threads used to get to 150 - 200 posts, on a regular basis. But now, there's about 50. The heat's gone out of the blog.
Not a single AF candidate logline has stood out to me in weeks.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
He should eliminate the newsletters. Their pointless now. I consider them spam. lol.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
You would have though this could be a good outlet for black listed scripts that have been looked over., or other professional scripts for that matter.
If I were the writer and my script had been liked but gone nowhere, and I wanted some fresh exposure, this could be a good thing to try, especially as you could provide the latest script rather than some old draft.
Shame, this doesn't seem to happen.
Maybe he should put the offer out there are see what happens.
Or another option would be to offer a read for scripts with a coverage rating of recommend.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
I recognize that Carson's trying to shake it up some. But the AF candidate weekend critique and jamboree is problematic. At the start, certain haters were giving the thread a bad taste.
Now, it's the AF candidate authors THEMSELVES causing static. One writer's posting critiques of the readers that don't get his vision. Ugh. It's like they're going through some growing pains and being ungraceful about it. Gotta love it when the reader MUST be the reason why the script's being held back. LOL.
Frankly, our fights here are way more interesting!
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Now, it's the AF candidate authors THEMSELVES causing static. One writer's posting critiques of the readers that don't get his vision. Ugh.
You wouldn't happen to be talking about Rob "Hey, That's clever shit! That's a double pun, Goddamn it! You didn't think of it!" Ross, would you, Brett? Lol.
On a more serious note, there's defending what you've written and completely dismissing every critique a reader offers you. What's that expression: sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all?
You wouldn't happen to be talking about Rob "Hey, That's clever shit! That's a double pun, Goddamn it! You didn't think of it!" Ross, would you, Brett? Lol.
On a more serious note, there's defending what you've written and completely dismissing every critique a reader offers you. What's that expression: sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all?
For sure. Which is why I kept my trap shut when I got my review. Kept my emotional little digits away from the keyboard.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I think this latest article is one of the poorest things Carson has written. Half of it basically talks about how much he hated Flight -- which IMHO, was one of the best films of last year, if not the best. Maybe I'm a little upset since most of my features are Drama but this article wasn't in any way informative.
I think this latest article is one of the poorest things Carson has written. Half of it basically talks about how much he hated Flight -- which IMHO, was one of the best films of last year, if not the best. Maybe I'm a little upset since most of my features are Drama but this article wasn't in any way informative.
No wonder paragraphs in that article felt "familiar". It's taken from an earlier review of the script. Slightly recycled. :/
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Was anyone here one of the half dozen that downloaded the Orbit script? It got yanked the from AF candidate list due to a SALE. So, naturally, I'd like to see what the hub bub's about.
Shout out if you got, me want please.
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I read on the latest newsletter than Matthew Cruz just sold his script Guest. Read that one and thought it was in really rough shape at the time. Anyone have the details of the sale?
I read on the latest newsletter than Matthew Cruz just sold his script Guest. Read that one and thought it was in really rough shape at the time. Anyone have the details of the sale?
Did Keeping Time sell because of Scriptshadow? I remember reading the script and liking it, not sure if the writer was already repped before he sent it to Carson though.
Did Keeping Time sell because of Scriptshadow? I remember reading the script and liking it, not sure if the writer was already repped before he sent it to Carson though.
The script got all it's attention from the blog.
Keeping Time led to the author getting a manager late 2012. Now the producer that optioned it, got a prodco on board. It's a big official step closer to a sale though.
I hope the HIGHLY recommendations don't put Morphine on a pedestal.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Thanks for the support guys... I am nervous though about that review... to paraphrase E.D, I really hope the highly recommend reference sent to Carson doesn't set the script up for a shitty review and ruin the the guy's credibility (the gentleman who recommended it)... the overall feedback has been quite positive for Morphine (on this site and others) but the gentleman who recommended it was REALLY high on the script... I mean REALLY high... he said it was the best amateur script he's read in years, which kind of worries me. But at worst, I get some great constructive criticism to improve the script, which is fine by me. And I'm privileged and humbled to receive the exposure.
And, to be honest, I'm embarrassed to say I had never really heard of Script Shadow until yesterday when the script was recommended... well I heard OF it, but really wasn't sure what the site was all about until recently.
The high recommendation won't make you a target with Carson, he WANTS to find good amateur scripts. Watch out for other writers, though. Envy can be nasty in the writer world. They'll be coming for you, no matter what Carson thinks of it. So put on your armor and take it all in stride! You've done well to get someone to love your script, so you're heading in the right direction.
Thanks KevinL... the recommendation actually came from another writer who recently picked up representation from Energy Entertainment (produced Out of the Furnace - Christian Bale, Woody Harrelson, Casey Afflect) through Script Shadow.
I've developed thick skin over the years, so believe me, I'm ready to get my ass handed to me
I took a crack, and may try to read further later. I was disappointed. We don't get pro scripts from Carson any more, so when I saw the impressive on an amateur, I was looking forward to some great stuff.
The NPR on the radio in the opening was a warning sign. Unless I was in store for some good satire, it suggested I was about to get rammed by a double dose of preachy mush, perhaps overlayed with a veneer of grit to give it some realism, but predictable mush nonetheless.
That lingered in my mind, but the writing was very solid, so I remained optimistic.
But then we get to the ending of the opening sequence. The main character is a social worker who visits a troubled house. The door is answered by a 7 year old boy, who thinks his father is asleep, when in reality he has died from a heroin overdose, leaving 2 kids and a baby to fend for themselves.
Now at 7, I would think the kid would understand death enough to know, and I would think he would be smart enough to call for help. My 6 year old niece would be more than fit for the task. But maybe this kid's slow or in denial, so I'm willing to suspend disbelief.
But let's get to the end of this sequence, where I was really turned off. The scene jumps to a bit later, where the first responders have all arrived to deal with the body and so forth. The main character takes a jacket from the father and gives it to the shivering kid outside. This is how it plays:
Tavarus looks over at his father’s coat, which lies crumpled on the ground, and lets out an angry YELL. He picks up a stick and begins beating his father’s jacket as he CRIES. WHOOMPH! WHOOMPH! WHOOMPH! WHOOPH! 6. Parker watches silently, shivering. After what seems like forever, Tavarus, with nothing left, turns to face him. His SOBBING hasn’t completely subsided but it’s slowing down. He wipes his cheeks with the heel of his hand and stares at Parker with big, glinting eyes. Parker rests a hand on his shoulder. TAVARUS (sniffling) I hate him Mr. Jode. I hate him. A beat. PARKER I know. TAVARUS Will it ever go away? Parker squats so that they’re eye level. He hesitates for a moment. PARKER It didn’t for me. Maybe it will for you.
Again, I was willing to suspend some disbelief and buy into the anger, though I suspect in reality this kind of anger would not emerge in a frightened and confused child.
But where I check out is when this kid, who was too young to understand his father was dead when he would not respond to the boy's yelling at him, is somehow precocious enough to ask "will it ever go away?"
Come on! Please. Talk about 'overly melodramatic'.
So I suspect this script will go where the NPR reference hinted it would: over sentimentalized and over simplified emotional displays.
I won't post this on Carson's site because I don't want to post anything negative about the script. I'm thrilled for the writer, and I have not given the script a fair enough shot. It's awesome to see these success stories, and I think Scriptshadow has really proven it's value in getting exposure for good writers.
I agree, Kev. The problem is for me -- reading this script after Shadow's put this on a pedestal. Comparing at with Drive and Equalizer, it's just human nature to think...really? (I've read those scripts -- both oozing with pro-talent and experience). This doesn't come anywhere near to the reads those are. I literally could not stop reading the Equalizer script.
I read to page 30. The writer is clearly talented and competent. But... it still has the problems that all amateur scripts have, and those as amateurs we have to strive to overcome.
The main bug bear for me, is well...dare i say the cliched 'poverty-porn' setting. (I hate that phrase but I'll go with it). Miserable people. Little hope. Crack heads. All those basis covered. I see this in specs all the time. And I've written four features in that kind of world. Maybe it's my fault I'm bored with 'da street'.
Anyway -- The OCD thing here needs work. It will take a hugely talented and sensitive writer/director combo to pull this off in cinematic terms. If we are talking about 'inciting incidents' -- anyone else think an office based stationary meltdown is going to be hard to pull off? I'm just not sure about it. I wasn't sure if it supposed to be comedic. And OCD isn't a joke for people that have it. To be as sensitive as I can -- it's not really something I want to see in a mainstream movie unless it's handled with extreme skill.
I didn't read past the first act so maybe I'm being a little harsh. But, whatever you think about Scriptshadow, he's read alot of scripts, and this goes into his top ten. I can't help but feel that the fact he read at 4am may have had something to do with it.
Bottom line is it's very, very hard to write a script that gets a reaction from a reader. And this writer succeeded with quite a few people, so it's a great accomplishment.
I agree with you, excellent call with the poverty porn description. I did not think of those adjectives at the time, but they sum up my impression as well. It's way, way over the top.
The writer is pouring it on, working overtime to give everything an edge, and it's too much. Same with the character flaw...he has OCD and alcoholism, two flaws that are not generally very compatible.
It's hard to know where the line is. I don't find that most readers are very good at grasping subtlety in scripts, so I sympathize with writers who feel the need to pour it on heavy. I hope the guy sells the script and moves on to big things!
I don't know if any of you saw the movie Precious but this script reminded me of that type movie. I did not read the whole thing. I liked it, but I wasn't blown away by it....I'm glad though that it seems to be finding a home. Lucky guy.
I haven't bothered with SS in a while, but I'll look for the Zombie script and try to post something. Congrats! People I know who've "made it" on that list do get some "heat" from it so I hope the same goes for you.
Thanks, Cooky, and please bear in mind what Brett said. If people post that don't normally post there it looks like I am trying to stack the deck. So anyone that does not regularly post at Scriptshadow...please consider limiting any remarks to here on Simplyscripts.
Carson posted this addendum to his latest blog entry this morning...
UPDATE: Calling all female screenwriters – we want YOU to submit your best work for an upcoming Amateur Offerings Weekend that will showcase scripts written exclusively by women! Send a PDF of your script along with the title, genre, logline, and a ‘why you should read’ section in an email to carsonreeves3@gmail.com ASAP!
I know some women that better get busy with the submissions! Between OWC reads, submit a script for Ladies Week!
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
...and good luck Janet - the household will be a lot calmer once the reviewing is done, I bet.
And, isn't that Shawn's that's in the running for the following week's AF with What Doesn't Kill You? Great stuff seeing so many SS people giving it a shot.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Proud and thrilled to return to the Scriptshadow arena with Phil & TDJ. I hope the good news offers you some comfort from your ailments, pal.
I am amazed that Simply Scripters have been AF candidates FOUR WEEKS in a row. We're making more noise on the net all the time! Best wishes to Shawn! Be sure to weigh in on this weeks' AF nominees.
Let's take over Carson's site for two weeks in a row!
Regards, Brett
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Great work guys! Best of luck for the review, and best of luck with the Amateur Friday voting, Shawn! You know that I really digged that script. Nice log-line as well
And well done Shawn, great to see "What Doesn't Kill You" in the running, and the (mostly) positive feedback it's been receiving.
Really happy to see this, remember reading it at a very early stage and I'm very impressed with how you've developed this story since then -- good stuff.
I have no idea how the grading system works but I think Carson grades on geniune votes and feedback.
So get over and vote people!
Shawn.....><
Hey Shawn!
Took a look at the AOW thread again this morning...
Even the criticisms mostly came from folks that got deep into your script. That's rare. Your script divided people and got them talking! And you've got at least as much good feedback as TDJ had.
Seriously, I think you're in Shawn! Assuming the newsletter goes out, you'll know by Thursday night or Friday.
Regards, Brett
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Took a look at the AOW thread again this morning...
Even the criticisms mostly came from folks that got deep into your script. That's rare. Your script divided people and got them talking! And you've got at least as much good feedback as TDJ had.
Seriously, I think you're in Shawn! Assuming the newsletter goes out, you'll know by Thursday night or Friday.
Thanks for the vote of confidence bro. I signed up for the newsletter this weekend. Does it go out every week? Phil's review is this Friday, right? I can't wait to see it. Fingers crossed for you guys!
Shawn.....><
The newsletter is supposed to go out every week. Sometimes, that doesn't happen. Typically it's available between Thursday & Friday night.
And yes. The Devil's Jokebook takes center stage on Scriptshadow in two days!
Regards, Brett
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Ryan Lee's Brother Cody is up for review at ScriptShadow - http://scriptshadow.net/amateur-offerings-weekend-36/ If you have a chance, give it and the other's a read and plug as you see fit. You may know Ryan as one who consistently is a top writer's choice in the OWC's.
Hey, appreciate the support everyone. Gotta admit I was surprised when I saw this listed on AOW. I just submitted it last Friday, so I thought it would sit on Carson's shelf for awhile. Anyway, if you're a regular over at scriptshadow and want to give it a read and review, please go for it. All I ask is if you're not a regular, it's better not to leave a review as the people on that site frown on posters that suddenly show up out of the blue and leave a good review for one script. I've actually seen some decent scripts get bounced from contention that way. Anyway, thanks for the shout out Brett and everyone else.
Haha that's cool, I submitted mine twice recently and nothing at all happened.
Ryan is an excellent writer....
I downloaded it today. Will give it a quick read this week and write a glowing review including how I remember you when you were just a lad starting out.
Thanks to everyone who gave Brother Cody a read, but it looks like the nod went to the Procurist. I'm gonna have to read that one myself to see what the buzz is. Main issue I noticed in the reviews for my script is their dislike of the main character, which is something I will tinker with. I wanted to present him as an entitled little a-hole that goes through this transformative process, but I didn't count on him being quite so despised from the get go, lol. I'll get back to it and change his intro and motivations for wanting to change.
Read the first 15, Ryan. You have the formula right, with the spoiled and irresponsible rich kid. It's been done successfully many times, and the one that comes to mind first for me is Tommy Boy. In that film, Tommy is equally clueless, but everyone at the company likes him, which probably helps us like and root for him.
There's more of an arc with Cody. Cody has to learn compassion for others, which is a lot tougher. Tommy has to learn to believe in himself. I'm not suggesting that way is better, but it's an option for you.
Yeah, you nailed it, Kev. Tommy boy was the exact movie I had in mind when writing it. As you mentioned, one of the differences is, if you watch the first 15 of Tommy Boy, they go out of their way to make him bumbling and loveable(everyone at the factory loves him, etc). My first version of Cody was just like that, then I realized he was just TOO much like Tommy. So, I changed the character. Quite possibly too much. One thing I've learned from writing this script, first impressions of main characters are incredibly important and very difficult to overcome if they come off wrong.
Time to drag this one back into the lab for a little surgery.
Thanks to everyone who gave Brother Cody a read, but it looks like the nod went to the Procurist. I'm gonna have to read that one myself to see what the buzz is. Main issue I noticed in the reviews for my script is their dislike of the main character, which is something I will tinker with. I wanted to present him as an entitled little a-hole that goes through this transformative process, but I didn't count on him being quite so despised from the get go, lol. I'll get back to it and change his intro and motivations for wanting to change.
I think you should look at the AOW comments again. You got eleventh hour votes from regulars.
I'm putting some touches on a flawed fallen rich protag comedy myself. Perhaps we can help each other keep our protags interesting.
Good luck!
Regards, Brett
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
As I said on Skype, RL, I loved it. And I liked Cody from the start! The perps who despised him, well, not sure where they are coming from.
Americans and comedy has always been an uneasy mix. The yanks seems to have problems getting a grip on true comedy, whether on TV or films. And then they find shows funny that the rest of the world doesn't! I tried to watch Friends once. I laughed once. And my sense of humour is excellent.
One commenter said he read the first 15 of Brother Cody and didn't find it funny. Well, get a fucking life mate, cos there was some good lines in there! Trust me, if if wasn't funny, ol' Ryan woulda been copping it from me, I'll give you the drum!
Anyway, I read it in one hit. I like it as is. Don't fiddle with it too much.
The script that is....
Ps - you've inspired me to get back to work on my comedy 'Survival Dude'. Cheers bro
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