This is what I'm going with for now.


When a child killer is sentenced to death, the investigating detective finds himself embroiled in the dark world of online snuff and gore. Soon it becomes apparent; the very man being executed holds the keys that can solve the crime
Any thoughts?

Shawn.....>,

Definitely on the right tracks here, Shawn. These last examples definitely give a truer representation of your script. I just think that this previous one read a slight bit too convaluted.

How about something like this?

When a child killer is sentenced to death under dubious circumstances, the investigating detective discovers that the very man being executed holds the keys that can solve the crime.

Brother, that's tight!!!

Mind if I use it?

Shawn.....><

Yeah, toby's logline sounds precise and to the point.

It does, doesn't it?

I love it!!

Shawn.....><

Quoted from Ledbetter Brother, that's tight!!! Mind if I use it? Shawn.....><

Of course not, man! Glad I could help

Is it only me who finds it easier writing/ working on loglines for scripts written by other writers? I always want to include loads of unnecessary information, trying to get everything cool from the idea into the logline.

I'm looking forward to seeing the reception this gets over at Ink Tip, brother.

Toby.

Shawn,

read this one a while back -- apologies for not commenting at the time as you'd submitted it to a comp or two so I held off posting what little notes I made.  I will say I liked it, and I'm not surprised you're having a hard time with the log as it's a pretty twisted (though darkly engaging) story.

Anyways, thought i'd throw my tuppence into the hat.

'As a skeptical detective searches for truth in the murder of three young girls, the man he convicted finds himself facing more than just the death penalty for his crimes.'

Far from solid, but I thought it might highlight the Derek angle a touch more.

All the best with it,

Steve.