Here we go...  Screenwriter Showdown

Quoted from bert Your topic is an internet feud gone bad.  Take it or leave it.  You want to set it during the holidays, knock yourself out. Any more name calling or d*ck-swinging and this thread gets locked up just as tight as the last one. Behave and you can post it here or start another thread. Anonymous submission is too much of a pain for me or Don to get involved, so if you do not want to do it out in the open, then don't.

Thanks bert.  

Alright Mr. Bowcott, let's keep it clean and may the best man win.  

http://www.dustinbowcott.com/writeoff-shizzle/NOVEMBER2013/Troll%20Finder.pdf


Logline: Dwarves search for trolls and find one.

Maybe you should have stuck a poll on it.

Quoted from DustinBowcot Maybe you should have stuck a poll on it.

I don't have the authority.

Just chill out and let ppl read the scripts.  They'll cast their votes when or if they get around to it.

All in all,  I liked your script.  You even managed to strike a slight emotional chord, i.e.: the kid in the coffin.  Just goes to show Internet bullying is no joke.  But to be completely honest, I liked my story a bit better.  Of course I'm biased though.  

Quoted from DustinBowcot I don't like yours at all. Very little creativity. Clichéd. Typo's. Juvenile jokes. Over-written. I was expecting more from you.

Ouch!    

After you read the scripts, vote.

Troll Finder

Mule Tide Greetings

Quoted from NickSedario I don't have the authority. Just chill out and let ppl read the scripts.  They'll cast their votes when and if they get around to it. All in all,  I liked your script.  You even managed to strike a slight emotional chord, i.e.: the kid in the coffin.  Just goes to show Internet bullying is no joke.  But to be completely honest, I liked my story a bit better.  Of course I'm biased though.

I don't like yours at all. Very little creativity. Clichéd. Typo's. Juvenile jokes. Over-written. I was expecting more from you.

^Sorry to disappoint ya, sport.  I still voted for myself.       I liked it.

Well I hope this settles the matter between you two.

Read both. For 24 hrs notice, both are good. Well done.

Mule - a few cliched elements, but well handled and the twist(s) pulls it off. The mule ending, played off with what the man typed, but felt a tad unlikely. Perhaps a better one would be to have him naked up against the mules backside and then photographed and put on Facebook? In general, decent clean writing, although in the rush I am sure we could find something in both.

Troll - creative, although the opening bit with the dwarf and the reply slightly confused me with what happened next. I assume a line was crossed and that's what sent the dwarf on his quest. INT. Under bridge - I couldn't care less with this was right or not, but it did jump out at me as the place I saw was outside, but under cover. The trolls life, being abandoned by mummy troll,  also was a tad cliched and it could be argued that aren't all trolls like that, so why the excuse? One is not born a troll, unless in a fairy tale, but rather it is a chosen path. This script seemed to waver between both ideas.

If there was a button for equal, a score draw, I would have gone for that.

However, I will need to reflect on which I prefer.

It was meant to cross between fairy tale and real life. The natural enemy of a troll is (ironically) the dwarf. They are Troll hunters in fantasy novels. I didn't know that until I googled it though, but I'm guessing that many fantasy fans will. My gf didn't get that bit either.

The bridge is meant to be outside... but it's a big bridge, with an electrical supply for a computer. Imagine it exactly as I've written it and you'll do fine. It's meant to be different.

Thanks for your thoughts, Reef Dreamer.

Nice work for both with such a short time to complete.

I felt the writing in Troll was a little better than Mule. Cleaner, more descriptive. But for me, Mule was a better story. I connected with the characters and their motives more than I did Troll.  And story is king.

Mule Tide Greetings.

Okay, I don’t know either one of you, so this is completely unbiased. And it would’ve been even if I knew one of you.

Like the title. Makes me want to take a peek just based on it.

Page 1.  Who is Norman? I assume it’s the dude in the car, but since you haven’t introduced him yet visually, I would stick to calling him man. That way we know for sure we don’t have the screaming man and Norman there.

Typo. THEY lift

Since Norman is gagged, I would suggest you start with “A man’s muffled scream”.

Page 2.  Usually people that slip on ice and break their hip are old people. Since Norman is only 30, I don’t think Sanchez comment work here. It’s neither funny nor factual. Just MHO.

Page 3.  Typo. Man should man should

Norman’s son is 13. So, I guess Norman had him when he was 17? Not unheard of I guess, but seems to me Norman should be a tad older.

Kind of funny actually what’s going on here considering yesterdays pissing contest.

Page 5.  Who’s Marco? Where did he come from? Did I miss something?

Ditto that for Lois and the mule. If they were in the room, you should’ve let us know. Right now, it reads as if they showed up out of nowhere. You can’t have an older woman in a dominatrix outfit and a mule in a room and no one notices…

The ending wasn’t really much of a surprise after we see Lois and the mule. In fact, it ended exactly the way I thought it would.

I know you guys only had a few hours, so the story is okay for that. On its own, it didn’t really do much for me. I appreciated the FB/online insults and how it could lead to a real life bad situation, but it’s never explained why Norman wrote what he did on his son’s FB chat to begin with. I think that needs to be clear. Otherwise, Norman is just an asshole we don’t care about at all.  I also thought that you need to work on your dialogue. It’s a bit wooden right now, and the characters all sound the same. IMO. There’s aloso a lot of it. I liked the beginning of this script better than the middle and the end. The beginning had some mystery to it and I wanted to know who the guy in the trunk was and what was going to happen next. The ending was the weakest, but I understand why. My own OWC script took a turn like that too.  

Tidy this one up and replace the ending and who knows, maybe someone would shoot it. It’s definitely low budget…unless you keep the mule.  

Will read the other one after lunch.

Mule Tide Greetings

I actually really enjoyed this.  Quite funny in a sick, perverted way...black comedy?  Yeah, I'd say so.

Writing-wise, lots and lots of mistakes, including typos, incorrect Slug headings, a poorly structured Flashback (not the content, mind you, just the way you wrote it and ended it), a few easy to fix orphans, a few confusing intros, and some awkward action descriptions.

Hey, I realize it was written in 24 hours, so no biggie on anything above, but the Slug mistake out of the gate sends a big red flag, as that entire scene is not inside the trunk - I think you were trying to direct the shot and tell us that it's being shot from inside the trunk, but you don't want or need to do that and there's no reason to confuse your readers right out of the gate.

The dialogue is actualy pretty funny and well done, if you read it the way it's most likely intended - these goons are all funny hardasses, and I think you did well here.

The story is funny and rather well thought out, actually...especially for 24 hours of thought.  I'm impresssed.  The payoff worked for me completely and I rarely say that.  I'm not a comedy guy but this had the right tone and actually did make me laugh a few times.

Good work overall.

I'll read the other one ASAP and cast a vote.

Great work Nick and Dustin. You both should be happy with your work. Very impressive writing for one night with a few typos between the two scripts which is great considering I've seen more typos from peeps who enter the OWC and have the entire week to clean up their script.

Both scripts met the challenge straight on and both were entertaining which made it hard to vote but I ended up going with Mule Tide Greetings after all. Nothing against Dustin's script but I liked the plot of the gangsters seeking revenge than I did with the plot of the trolls and dwarves.

I find the title interesting and I’m sure it somehow connects with yesterday’s digital brawl.

Page 1.  So, both scripts have something to do with social networking sites. No doubt you were both still in the mood when you wrote this.  

Int under a bridge. Isn’t that EXT?

Both scripts having to do with false identities online…

Page 3.  I thought fugly came from fucking ugly.

I don’t really have a lot to say here.

I think this worked. It was sort of unpleasant. I hate bullying. This script did have more emotions written into it than the other script. There was a clear protagonist and antagonist. It was visually more interesting. This script did not rely on dialogue to tell the story. It showed us the story. I was not a great fan of the ending though.

Comparing the two scripts, I will vote for Troll Hunter. Mostly because it had more emotion in it. It made me feel something, which is a must in a story. The characters were better developed as well. IMHO, the writing in both scripts was fine. I have no favorites in the writers here. Simply just telling you how your stories affected me.

Troll Finder

Well, I'm sure Dustin will cry foul since both entries have the writer's names on them, but in all honesty, I say what I feel regardless of who the writer is - most SS peeps realize this, so...

I can honestly and easily say I did not enjoy this...at all.  I got nothing from it and the payoff was nonexistent.

Writing-wise, I didn't like it either, and that's probably the biggest issue.  Obviously, Dustin is attempting to write in a different style with Character Slugs, but the reality is that they add nothing here, add a bunch of unnecessary lines, don't read well, and caused this to go over the agreed on 5 page max.

Slugs were all pretty poorly done.  Abbreviating something without first writing it out is a mistake (HQ).  UNDER A BRIDGE is not an INT scene.  No clue what "TUBE" is supposed to mean, but I have to asume it's some sort of train or transport.  Finally, all the "ON THE SCREEN" mini SLugs are very offputting, IMO.  Especially since the majority of them are repeating what we literally just saw.

Many passages aren't properly broken up, either - if they were, this would be alot longer.

This style of writing adds white space at the expense of the read and length of the script.  There's very little going on here and probably close to 20% of this takes place on a computer screen, which isn't anything most will want to watch.

Doesn't work for me in any way, sorry to say.  My voting decision is quite easy here.

Quoted from Dreamscale Troll Finder Well, I'm sure Dustin will cry foul since both entries have the writer's names on them, but in all honesty, I say what I feel regardless of who the writer is - most SS peeps realize this, so... I can honestly and easily say I did not enjoy this...at all.  I got nothing from it and the payoff was nonexistent. Writing-wise, I didn't like it either, and that's probably the biggest issue.  Obviously, Dustin is attempting to write in a different style with Character Slugs, but the reality is that they add nothing here, add a bunch of unnecessary lines, don't read well, and caused this to go over the agreed on 5 page max. Slugs were all pretty poorly done.  Abbreviating something without first writing it out is a mistake (HQ).  UNDER A BRIDGE is not an INT scene.  No clue what "TUBE" is supposed to mean, but I have to asume it's some sort of train or transport.  Finally, all the "ON THE SCREEN" mini SLugs are very offputting, IMO.  Especially since the majority of them are repeating what we literally just saw. Many passages aren't properly broken up, either - if they were, this would be alot longer. This style of writing adds white space at the expense of the read and length of the script.  There's very little going on here and probably close to 20% of this takes place on a computer screen, which isn't anything most will want to watch. Doesn't work for me in any way, sorry to say.  My voting decision is quite easy here.

I will read these tonight.

And Jeff- the new Nightcrawler script I'm reading at the moment has the same styled character slugs. Maybe he drew inspiration from that, but I'm not sure. I don't mind the slugs done that way, personally, but maybe not the greatest idea for a 5 page challenge. I can't say this with any surety since I haven't actually given either scripts an in depth read yet.

Quoted from Grandma Bear I find the title interesting and I’m sure it somehow connects with yesterday’s digital brawl. Page 1.  So, both scripts have something to do with social networking sites. No doubt you were both still in the mood when you wrote this.   Int under a bridge. Isn’t that EXT? Both scripts having to do with false identities online… Page 3.  I thought fugly came from fucking ugly. I don’t really have a lot to say here. I think this worked. It was sort of unpleasant. I hate bullying. This script did have more emotions written into it than the other script. There was a clear protagonist and antagonist. It was visually more interesting. This script did not rely on dialogue to tell the story. It showed us the story. I was not a great fan of the ending though. Comparing the two scripts, I will vote for Troll Hunter. Mostly because it had more emotion in it. It made me feel something, which is a must in a story. The characters were better developed as well. IMHO, the writing in both scripts was fine. I have no favorites in the writers here. Simply just telling you how your stories affected me.

Thanks Pia... I didn't have much time with the ending. At first I was going to have them talk it out, but I didn't have enough pages for that... unless I cut straight to the showdown in the Troll's lair. But I don't really like that idea as it would come down to dialogue driving the plot. I really would have liked the troll to learn something though. I think he did... just had to be the hard way.

Thanks for the review.

Quoted from Dreamscale Mule Tide Greetings I actually really enjoyed this.  Quite funny in a sick, perverted way...black comedy?  Yeah, I'd say so. Writing-wise, lots and lots of mistakes, including typos, incorrect Slug headings, a poorly structured Flashback (not the content, mind you, just the way you wrote it and ended it), a few easy to fix orphans, a few confusing intros, and some awkward action descriptions. Hey, I realize it was written in 24 hours, so no biggie on anything above, but the Slug mistake out of the gate sends a big red flag, as that entire scene is not inside the trunk - I think you were trying to direct the shot and tell us that it's being shot from inside the trunk, but you don't want or need to do that and there's no reason to confuse your readers right out of the gate. The dialogue is actualy pretty funny and well done, if you read it the way it's most likely intended - these goons are all funny hardasses, and I think you did well here. The story is funny and rather well thought out, actually...especially for 24 hours of thought.  I'm impresssed.  The payoff worked for me completely and I rarely say that.  I'm not a comedy guy but this had the right tone and actually did make me laugh a few times. Good work overall. I'll read the other one ASAP and cast a vote.

Quoted from Dreamscale Troll Finder Well, I'm sure Dustin will cry foul since both entries have the writer's names on them, but in all honesty, I say what I feel regardless of who the writer is - most SS peeps realize this, so... I can honestly and easily say I did not enjoy this...at all.  I got nothing from it and the payoff was nonexistent. Writing-wise, I didn't like it either, and that's probably the biggest issue.  Obviously, Dustin is attempting to write in a different style with Character Slugs, but the reality is that they add nothing here, add a bunch of unnecessary lines, don't read well, and caused this to go over the agreed on 5 page max. Slugs were all pretty poorly done.  Abbreviating something without first writing it out is a mistake (HQ).  UNDER A BRIDGE is not an INT scene.  No clue what "TUBE" is supposed to mean, but I have to asume it's some sort of train or transport.  Finally, all the "ON THE SCREEN" mini SLugs are very offputting, IMO.  Especially since the majority of them are repeating what we literally just saw. Many passages aren't properly broken up, either - if they were, this would be alot longer. This style of writing adds white space at the expense of the read and length of the script.  There's very little going on here and probably close to 20% of this takes place on a computer screen, which isn't anything most will want to watch. Doesn't work for me in any way, sorry to say.  My voting decision is quite easy here.

Just placing your completely unbiased reviews side by side so that everyone can clearly see how impartial you actually are.

Quoted from Neighbour I will read these tonight. And Jeff- the new Nightcrawler script I'm reading at the moment has the same styled character slugs. Maybe he drew inspiration from that, but I'm not sure. I don't mind the slugs done that way, personally, but maybe not the greatest idea for a 5 page challenge. I can't say this with any surety since I haven't actually given either scripts an in depth read yet.

I drew inspiration from correct screenplay format. The slugs are correct. It is far simpler to use a character slug than it is to use BACK TO SCENE and then use another line for action anyway. Back to scene, actually doesn't add anything to the story. Using character slugs negates the need for them.

Hmm. Both these stories were pretty decent.

Bowcott:

Wasnt thrilled with the dwarves and troll at first. Fantasy not my thing, I guess, but this grew on me. I think this story relayed a very important message about bullying that we should all take to heart. The writing was descriptive, visual, and the dialogue was sparse but effective. I never would have thought dwarves an trolls could send a message like this, but I think it works.

Silverback:

Your story was good, as well. Your ending line made me chuckle. Liked that. And like Bowcott, your action was descriptive and visual. Your dialogue was good, but only so so in a few spots. Didnt detract from the story though. Good job.

Overall, I give the edge to Bowcott. The only reason being was that he took a serious matter, bullying, and kept it serious. Having a little fun with it is okay, don't get me wrong, but I think the message in Bowcott's story was strong.

Story wise, both pieces are good. Nice job, fellas.

Now shake.

Steve

I'll read these tomorrow, comment and cast my vote. Hopefully they'll still be up. (it's late here where I am now)

Quoted from SAC Hmm. Both these stories were pretty decent. Bowcott: Wasnt thrilled with the dwarves and troll at first. Fantasy not my thing, I guess, but this grew on me. I think this story relayed a very important message about bullying that we should all take to heart. The writing was descriptive, visual, and the dialogue was sparse but effective. I never would have thought dwarves an trolls could send a message like this, but I think it works. Silverback: Your story was good, as well. Your ending line made me chuckle. Liked that. And like Bowcott, your action was descriptive and visual. Your dialogue was good, but only so so in a few spots. Didnt detract from the story though. Good job. Overall, I give the edge to Bowcott. The only reason being was that he took a serious matter, bullying, and kept it serious. Having a little fun with it is okay, don't get me wrong, but I think the message in Bowcott's story was strong. Story wise, both pieces are good. Nice job, fellas. Now shake. Steve

Thanks Steve. I'm not a fan of fantasy either, at least not since the age of (I think) 18 or so. I read a lot prior to that though... but I had forgotten about Dwarves being a Troll's natural enemy. Once I'd made that connection the story pretty much wrote itself and I had little choice but to follow along.

Gave both of these a read - been following all the antics, which has been an amusing distraction.

Writing's pretty good on both to be honest, constraints taken into account.

Dustin edges it for me, partially because I found Mull a tad difficult to swallow - the boy dobbing his dad in like that, so it wasn't really a complete story in that sense.

I liked the bullying references in Troll, and the way it played on those issues - and I'm also guessing it took some of it's story elements from 'Billy Goats Gruff', and if so, that gives it a grounding that I liked. Mini's were okay, a little off-putting now and again but no major issue.

Well done both, I guess.

Quoted from Dreamscale I say what I feel regardless of who the writer is

...so maybe you just feel biased.

Honestly Jeff, you have not given an objective review. The scripts are not that far apart.

I'll review Dustin's first:

I personally am a fan of the character slugs written that way and the formatting style. Earlier you said that is just proper formatting, but I don't usually see that on too many pro scripts. But I still like it, it gives it a fast pace and quick flow that I like, so in a way I agree with you. It should be considered proper formatting.

Call me an idiot, but I reread over this part few times...I'm confused about the part with the small boy in the coffin.

But other than that, the writing was clear and crisp. Very well done for a short period of time. You've managed to fit a lot of story into a small confine. Like others have mentioned, I've never been a fan of fantasy, but I still respect your writing and the story.

Good job, Dustin. I may not be your biggest fan on a personal level, but you have a pretty solid grasp on how to write a good story.

P.S. I don't know if you've ever seen the Norwegian film, Troll Hunter, but it's pretty awesome

Quoted from Forgive ...so maybe you just feel biased. Honestly Jeff, you have not given an objective review. The scripts are not that far apart.

Not that far apart from what?  Really?  They're night and day - and I'm not saying night and day in quality of writing, because as I did say, quite clearly, as a matter of fact, that Mule had many writing mistakes, which is obviously does.

Mule is funny and enjoyable.

Troll, to me, is meaningless, juvenile, and not enjoyable, but we all have our own opinions, and it appears that so far the jury is split.

Quoted from Forgive Gave both of these a read - been following all the antics, which has been an amusing distraction. Writing's pretty good on both to be honest, constraints taken into account. Dustin edges it for me, partially because I found Mull a tad difficult to swallow - the boy dobbing his dad in like that, so it wasn't really a complete story in that sense. I liked the bullying references in Troll, and the way it played on those issues - and I'm also guessing it took some of it's story elements from 'Billy Goats Gruff', and if so, that gives it a grounding that I liked. Mini's were okay, a little off-putting now and again but no major issue. Well done both, I guess.

Thanks and yeah Billy Goat's Gruff was very much in my mind when I chose the Troll's hideout. They're also similar in that they tackle bullying to one degree or another.

A softer, children's version of this is also possible. An alternative ending with the troll learning something and the armoured Dwarves go home... a lucky escape for the troll would work well for kids. Of course I'd have to cut down the language too. Would work especially well as animation. I chose not to go that route as adults here would be reading it.

Thanks for your review.

Quoted from Neighbour I'll review Dustin's first: I personally am a fan of the character slugs written that way and the formatting style. Earlier you said that is just proper formatting, but I don't usually see that on too many pro scripts. But I still like it, it gives it a fast pace and quick flow that I like, so in a way I agree with you. It should be considered proper formatting. Call me an idiot, but I reread over this part few times...I'm confused about the part with the small boy in the coffin. But other than that, the writing was clear and crisp. Very well done for a short period of time. You've managed to fit a lot of story into a small confine. Like others have mentioned, I've never been a fan of fantasy, but I still respect your writing and the story. Good job, Dustin. I may not be your biggest fan on a personal level, but you have a pretty solid grasp on how to write a good story. P.S. I don't know if you've ever seen the Norwegian film, Troll Hunter, but it's pretty awesome

Thank you very much. That is especially appreciated after our recent misunderstanding. For which I am sorry. I felt like your motives were dishonest and I called it. You kinda convinced me afterwards that I may have been wrong about that. It is what it is.

Troll Hunter was going to be the title, until I googled it and saw that there's a recent film. It also gets a 7 rating so I'll definitely check it out soon.

Glad to see this is a close horse race.  Defnitely increases the fun.  

Much thanks to marnieml, DV44, Dreamscale and anybody else who voted for my script.  

Nick:

Gripping intro, reminds me of Reservoir Dogs due to the trunk scene and the two guys opening it and their banter.

VINCE
That sounded like a yelp. Think he
needs our help?

Not a fan of that line, since it rhymes and in turn makes it seem ridiculous. It may just be me though.

That was pretty entertaining. The action paragraph writing was pretty good. Also pretty clean and crisp. The dialogue was a little iffy in some parts, but pretty good in others. Such as the characters saying "you're welcome". I feel that is pretty unnecessary in a script. But hey, I suck balls at script writing and in some parts I found the dialogue humorous, such as the sweater lines.

Reminds me a bit of Tarantino. But I felt more time could have been spent on the ending instead of the beginning. But the ending was hilarious as was the idea.

Very entertaining story, but I don't know...I'll have to think for a while on who to vote for.

It's hard because both of you brought two completely different things to the table here. If it was based solely on technical writing style, it would be Dustin. On entertainment value, you.

I've read both. And both are pretty decent creative efforts for overnight work. I really can't find a reason to pick one over the other, so no vote out of me.

Silver's is written fairly well. The dialogue is very wooden, but it is a first draft, so easily fixed.

The donkey angle is humorous. The stuff with the gun running from the trunk is not humorous...yet. It could be with improved dialogue...and I don't know about that running into the pole thing. I mean if he doesn't, he gets away...or creates pain in the arse chase for the gangsters.

Dustin's script has a creative and interesting premise, the idea of dwarfs patrolling for trolls. Internet trolls. I wasn't thrilled about the execution of the story at this point, but with a bit more work it will improve...and the concept is memorable.

I told myself I wouldn't bother reading any of this because I thought the whole reason for this thread was pretty juvenile to begin with... and because it kind of ruined another great thread that had to be closed and re-created... but anyway, I folded, and here are my comments... not that they matter.

Mule Tide Greetings

An amusing read which made me snicker and chuckle... very reminiscent of Tarantino (trunk scene) and Fargo (victim trying to run away while the kidnappers watch amusingly).  I didn't have a problem with the flashbacks... they could have been written slightly better, but overall no big deal.  Dialogue might have been just a tad "wooden" but I think if it's read the way it's intended, it's not so bad.

Troll Finder

Eh, not a big fan of the slugs or the mini slugs.  I think that's the biggest problem as it's consistently going on.  INT.  UNDER THE BRIDGE especially does not work.  I get a slight sense of emotion toward the end but not enough to strike a spot with me.  Also, the fact that this seems to be mostly taking place on a computer borders on dullness.

@Mull Tide... The characters were too broad to be truly engaging.  Bits and pieces of the dialogue was bland and static.  Overall I just thought this was silly, one big joke that overstayed its welcome.  The first thing I would recommend is proofread.  For all of seven pages... there should be no mistakes.

Quoted Text ANTON The mule is gonna to have sex with you.

Quoted Text ANTON Thank you. But we both know it’s not. It’s an ugly sweater. Every year my wife buys me a sweater and every year they just keep getting uglier, and uglier. No man should man should ever have to wear a sweater like this.

@Troll Finder... There is obvious talent and craft in this piece.  No doubt.  No mistakes either.  Some good descriptions.  Having said that, although I found it to be more engaging-- It didn't really knock my socks off either.  

But it gets my vote.

just some scattered notes.

Ghost

Read both.

Lots of imagination went into Troll Finder. I liked the idea. It was a bit hard to read though - the character slugs - first time seeing something like this - not used to it. I'd say stick to what others are used to, but it's not my call surely.
It was a bit on the nose for me though - real troll standing for all the trolls out there...

Mule Tide Greetings - I don't understand the title. The dialog was pretty funny in this. I liked it. The boy ratting out his father like that - doubt that part. Probably that part should be rewritten - it's hard to buy into due to the way it's written. Looks like they just asked and the boy gave his dad away just like that.

These two came very close for me. Very close. Really hard to choose one, but I guess I must.

Quoted from khamanna Mule Tide Greetings - I don't understand the title.

It's a play on words Khamanna.  Yuletide greetings.

Thanks for the read.

@ ghostie..

One big joke that overstayed its welcome.?   That hurts, man.    

But thanks for pointing out typos.  

My two thugs speak in rhymes, btw.   I thought that was pretty inventive.  

Quoted from Neighbour Nick: Gripping intro, reminds me of Reservoir Dogs due to the trunk scene and the two guys opening it and their banter.

Thanks Seb.  I was definitely going for a Tarantino-ish thing.

Quoted from Guest I told myself I wouldn't bother reading any of this because I thought the whole reason for this thread was pretty juvenile to begin with...

You're right.

Quoted from KevinLenihan Dustin's script has a creative and interesting premise, the idea of dwarfs patrolling for trolls. Internet trolls. I wasn't thrilled about the execution of the story at this point, but with a bit more work it will improve...and the concept is memorable.

I'm thinking about remodelling this into a children's animation thing, or it could go in the way of adult animation. Maybe adults need to hear this message more than the kids do. I agree, a bit more work, increase the page count to ten and this could be a winner to any enterprising student looking to put out a very current message at festivals.

Quoted from ghost and_ghostie gal @Mull Tide... The characters were too broad to be truly engaging.  Bits and pieces of the dialogue was bland and static.  Overall I just thought this was silly, one big joke that overstayed its welcome.  The first thing I would recommend is proofread.  For all of seven pages... there should be no mistakes. @Troll Finder... There is obvious talent and craft in this piece.  No doubt.  No mistakes either.  Some good descriptions.  Having said that, although I found it to be more engaging-- It didn't really knock my socks off either.   But it gets my vote. just some scattered notes. Ghost

Thanks mate. That was my summary of the two stories too.

Quoted from DustinBowcot a bit more work, increase the page count to ten and this could be a winner to any enterprising student looking to put out a very current message at festivals.

Serioiusly?   Well, okay... I guess.   Dare to dream.

Quoted from NickSedario Serioiusly?   Well, okay... I guess.   Dare to dream.

I'm shocked at the sheer lack of integrity on display in this thread.. but at the same time it is also very informative.

Quoted from DustinBowcot I'm shocked at the sheer lack of integrity on display in this thread.. but at the same time it is also very informative.

Hey, I was just trying to offer you a little encouragement.

But if I was to be completely honest, I don't see your script as being a student film project.

And remember, when you point your stubby little finger at someone, you've got three fingers pointing back at you.  

Quoted from NickSedario Hey, I was just trying to offer you a little encouragement. But if I was to be completely honest, I don't see your script as being a student film project. And remember, when you point your stubby little finger at someone, you've got three fingers pointing back at you.

Your lack of integrity cancels out anything you claim as 'completely honest'. You're a fraud and a bullshitter as I've proven to you in PM. That you've now blocked me on. Shows your true colours. Unblock me and keep the shit in pm or shut the fuck up, moron.

Quoted from DustinBowcot Your lack of integrity cancels out anything you claim as 'completely honest'. You're a fraud and a bullshitter as I've proven to you in PM. That you've now blocked me on. Shows your true colours. Unblock me and keep the shit in pm or shut the fuck up, moron.

You honestly think I'm gonna waste my time to catch a flight to wherever you live in so we can get into a fist fight?   You wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in hell with me.  Yeah I blocked you, dude.  You're a sad, bitter, angry little egomaniaic with an inferiority complex.

Now piss off before we both get banned from this site.

Boys, keep it real.

Both are good scripts for the time provided. I wouldn't have want to have gone up against them in that time span.

Leave it there and don't get personal....more than now.

Don has warned you and to be honest, too much crap being thrown around changes the tone of the site.

Peace.

“Perhaps the less we have, the more we are required to brag.” -- John Steinbeck, East of Eden
---------
"Self-praise is for losers. Be a winner. Stand for something. Always have class, and be humble." -- John Madden

Quoted from NickSedario You honestly think I'm gonna waste my time to catch a flight to wherever you live in so we can get into a fist fight?   You wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in hell with me.  Yeah I blocked you, dude.  You're a sad, bitter, angry little egomaniaic with an inferiority complex. Now piss off before we both get kicked off this site.

I proved you were a fraud, when I informed you that serious people don't threaten people before they hit them. That's a fraud move. A move designed (in your tiny little brain) to raise your credibility.

I have not threatened you. Not once. Not even in PM. The anger has been all yours. You were so  incensed at my review of screamer's script you had to respond on his behalf.

Stop following me around with your stupid shit. It was you that started this thread, you that started this idea, you that started it all.

Quoted from mmmarnie "Self-praise is for losers. Be a winner. Stand for something. Always have class, and be humble." -- John Madden

I like that.  

Quoted from mmmarnie “Perhaps the less we have, the more we are required to brag.” -- John Steinbeck, East of Eden --------- "Self-praise is for losers. Be a winner. Stand for something. Always have class, and be humble." -- John Madden

I'm loving these quotes.

How long until the poll closes, by the way?

How 'bout somebody just give Dustin one more vote, then close it and we'll call it a tie.

Time to move on.

“Perhaps the less we have, the more we are required to brag.” -- John Steinbeck, East of Eden

Yep, that one pertains perfectly to threatening people and then not going through with it.

Quoted from NickSedario How 'bout somebody just give Dustin one more vote, then close it and we'll call it a tie. Time to move on.

It's not about votes to me. I couldn't care less. I can see clearly which is the better story... and after all the big talk you came out with I was expecting far, far more.

^ oh my.

Boycott, you're delirious.

C'mon, dude, for the sake of a little peace around here, get a grip.  

You started all this... are you denying that? Are you denying you started the shit in screamer's thread? Are you denying threatening me in open forum? Are you denying starting this thread and this whole competition?

I told you exactly what I'd do to you if you wanted to square off with me, face to face.  And that still stands.  You talk tough because you're on the internet and know nobody can touch you.   I guarantee you wouldn't be saying the crap you say to people on this site directly to their face, because you'd get knocked on your ass.   And that's not a threat, it's a fact.



I love this movie  

Quoted from NickSedario I told you exactly what I'd do to you if you wanted to square off with me, face to face.  And that still stands.  You talk tough because you're on the internet and know nobody can touch you.   I guarantee you wouldn't be saying the crap you say to people on this site directly to their face, because you'd get knocked on your ass.   And that's not a threat, it's a fact. I love this movie

You just don't know when to give up. Why not do this in pm? wtf is wrong with you?

I couldn't care less what you believe. It doesn't take a lot of strength to knock someone out. I've already offered you the chance to come to my house and prove how much of a man you really are. I tried to keep it in pm but you blocked me and choose instead to bring it here. Why?

I know why... and so do you. Everyone can see it too.

Wow,  really?    Okay, Dusty, I'll unblock you.   I'll even do better than that.  You really want me to come to you so we can fight?  Alright.  

I've got some time off during the week of Thanksgiving.    I'll catch as flight to wherever you are providing it's in the U.S.  Pick the time and place.  I suggest a secluded parking lot or open field.  I'll bring a video cam and tripod, set it up and then we'll throw down.

No guns or knives, but I suggest you bring a baseball bat.  You'll need it.  But be forewarned I will take it from you and use it on you.

One last thing.  Bring your kids.  I want them to watch.  And even though I'm an asshole I'm not completely without compasssion.  The minute you cry "uncle" I'll stop.

I'll then post the video link on Youtube for all to see.    I'm unblocking you now so you can send me the time and details. Thanks.  And remember, you asked for this.     

Quoted from NickSedario You talk tough because you're on the internet and know nobody can touch you.

Have a little think about the logic you're employing here, Nick. I know it's difficult, but if you try really, really hard you'll get there. You're the one making threats of violence. Not me. You're the one hiding behind a fake name and I'm not talking about your handle. You're nothing but a weak-assed troll talking tough on the internet because you know nobody can find you. Aside from the admin and maybe the mod's here, who have your IP logged.

I'm here... as real as can be... deflecting your bullshitty little threats. Your bullshitty attempts at proving you are a man. Yet in PM you folded each and every time, making friends with me. Here on open forum, you reveal who you really are, a man of low integrity.

I'm not threatening you, nor have I.   But I have stated a fact.    

PM me with time and place.  

Quoted from NickSedario    PM me with time and place.

Yeah, I know... because I'm going to waste several hundred of my money so that you can carry out your threat... and then you don't turn up because you're not the person you are claiming to be.

You think you can knock me out... come to my house, I will give you my fucking address. No fannying around meeting somewhere. Right to the honey pot.

Okay^

I don't "think" I can knock you out.  I know for a fact.  

Be sure and wear your cool hat.  It'll look good on the video.

You talk a good fight... just like you talked up your screenwriting ability.

Just be sure to wear the hat.    

Quoted from NickSedario Just be sure to wear the hat.

I only wish you had the brain power to see how moronic you look right now... but on the other hand, at the same time... I don't. You deserve it.

So, I am feeling we have had enough of this sideshow, and one of its (unnamed) participants has asked me to shut it down anyway.

One of the very, very few benefits of being a moderator is having the last word.

Evidence will show Silverback initiated the feud.  Evidence will also show that threats of violence were first issued by Silverback.  Regardless of how empty these threats might be, they are unacceptable in any context given the rules of the board.

Evidence will also show Dustin has not issued one, single denial of being an arrogant [insert derogatory noun of choice here].

As such, he seems to know who he is.  He carries himself like a man who knows what it is like to deserve a punch in the nose -- and to receive one -- and does not particularly fear the prospect of another one.

So, adding to the list of things I never thought I would say, Dustin escapes with his dignity more or less intact.

Tie breaker vote goes to the moderator.  Score Dustin.  Sorry, Silverback.