11:07 the short movie :: SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board

Quoted from Jordan

I read your script a while ago and I remember it tugging on the heartstrings, so I congratulate you there. Plus just getting to see your work come to life is a feat in and of itself.

However, while I can't fault any of the actors for their performance, because acting is difficult, the editing and directing left much to be desired.

Here are a few things I noticed:

At one point early on, the letterbox shifts slightly.
The ADR for the older actress' voice was distracting.
The shots lingered too long.
There weren't enough extreme close ups of the clock showing "11:07", the title of the movie.
The font for the editor's name changes in the credits.

Please don't think I'm being unnecessarily harsh with my critique. I'm just pointing out some things that could improve the movie before it goes out to any festivals.

Thanks Jordan and it's ok I had quite a few cringeworthy moments watching it myself.

The ghostbuster scene was too short for me.
The 50's scene was a let down for me, it was all about a proper massage and then discovering the remote.
The 60's scene he made the wife out to be sick... slightly confusing.
but the big kicker was the final scene... as I wrote it, I felt the shot should have focused on the clock and a closeup of her face, then slowly pull away to reveal the husband not there.

Don't get me wrong, Fermin was an absolute pleasure to work with, he responded within a day or 2, always kept me up to date and worked with the budget he had... so I'm entirely grateful.

and overall I'm happy with it... put in on the resume

Quoted from Simon

Hey Mark! Congrats! Congrats! Well done - I didn't even know this had been picked up - you've had a really good job done on this - could've gone wrong in lots of ways, but it's been nicely envisioned - and most of the dialogue's been stuck to, 'cept most peoples' favorite... he wanted to see the score?? Boo!! He found the remote!

Lol thanks a lot Simon, as I told Jordan above, that was a gripe of mine when I first saw it. The remote was a funny scene if I do say so myself

and I'm not mentioning the football... ok bring on sunday Liverpool win, Andy Carroll to finally pay back some of our money with a winner against city

Quoted from Heretic

Script was excellent. Film was up and down for me, but some key moments from the actors and some particularly good-looking shots kept me going. As Jordan notes above, the editing's a little slow-paced and the film becomes unnecessarily long.

A credit to the strength of your work, Mark. Absolutely not my kinda thing at all, but I happily sat and watched it. Good stuff.

Thanks for your kind words Heretic, it was a quick turnaround. I wrote this in 2 hours last year, submitted it, Don posted it a day later and 1 week after that it gets picked up. Less than a year he made it.

I hoping he enters it in a festival or 2

Thanks again

Mark