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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Discussion of...     General Chat  ›  The Divorce Kit - Filmed! Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Divorce Kit - Filmed!  (currently 209 views)
Don
Posted: October 6th, 2019, 2:25pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Divorce Kit by James Williams

A husband who suspects his wife of adultery brings home a package. Opening it will change the course of their lives.

This was part of a head to head challenge.  James re-wrote the script and directed it.



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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  October 6th, 2019, 2:37pm
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jwent6688
Posted: October 6th, 2019, 2:42pm Report to Moderator
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Don,

Thanks for putting this up!

I wrote this like eight years ago in one of those screenwriter showdowns we used to do for fun. I kept it off site on purpose because I knew it would be easy to film for when I was starting out. Only took us about 8 hours on a Sunday and had me thinking I was a pro until I made a film this summer that was so screwed up we needed to go back three times to fix it.

Anyway, if anyone wants to drop A comment and let me know what you think it would be greatly appreciated. When I watch it now I wish I had scaled back her promiscuity a tad. Eight or nine guys was a bit excessive.

James


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LC
Posted: October 6th, 2019, 7:31pm Report to Moderator
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Yes, I was rather shocked by the eight or nine answer. She deserves everything she gets then.  

James, if I had any criticism it's that when he was threatening her she didn't/could have just decided to up and make a run for it seeing as he pretty much tells her what he's going to do, i.e., there's no line or action from him to say what would happen if she moved. That thing at the end which I thought would be a gun is a funny looking tape-recorder.? Just a teensy bit more prolonged suspense imh. The actress needed to sustain her panic and fear just a bit longer.

Loved the opening with the his and hers cars. Beautifully shot too with all the snow. Loved the look overall. Very pro looking, you should be proud and you obviously know what you're doing.


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Andrew
Posted: October 6th, 2019, 7:59pm Report to Moderator
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Hey James,

This looks great - what did you shoot it on?

The establishing shots set the scene beautifully, and it looks a professional, well put together piece. Significantly better in that department than many shorts I've seen, including some I've worked on.

I guess my only gripes would be not seeing a wide of them at the table together (although understandable given how quickly you shot it), plus the editing maybe needs a tighten, because as you cut between the two of them - and maybe it's more noticeable, as I watched whilst wearing earphones - you can hear the switch (i.e. you feel the splice rather than the feeling of one constant conversation), which is a little jarring.

I only mention it because the production value is otherwise really strong, so it stands out extra to me for that reason.

You should definitely be pleased with it, though, no doubt. Congrats on getting this done.


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_ghostwriters
Posted: October 6th, 2019, 8:47pm Report to Moderator
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Hey well done!  Nothing to add.  LC makes some valid points.  Congrats.


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StevenClark
Posted: October 6th, 2019, 9:18pm Report to Moderator
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Yeah, this was good. I would’ve been disappointed if it was a gun! Very good looking. Nice job.

Steve


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Angry Bear
Posted: October 7th, 2019, 10:39am Report to Moderator
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Congrats Jay! Nice work!  


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eldave1
Posted: October 7th, 2019, 11:10am Report to Moderator
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Congrats, mate - nice achievement!


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Zack
Posted: October 7th, 2019, 11:20am Report to Moderator
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Great work here, James. Very well made.


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jwent6688
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Quoted from LC

James, if I had any criticism it's that when he was threatening her she didn't/could have just decided to up and make a run for it seeing as he pretty much tells her what he's going to do, i.e., there's no line or action from him to say what would happen if she moved. That thing at the end which I thought would be a gun is a funny looking tape-recorder.? Just a teensy bit more prolonged suspense imh. The actress needed to sustain her panic and fear just a bit longer.


Good points. I figured she rarely took her husband seriously and it took her some time to realize he was going nuts. When I shot this I learned to slow down when I yell cut and get some more screen reaction from the actors. I didn't get as much material as I would've liked to have to build the tension when I sat down to edit.


Quoted from LC
Loved the opening with the his and hers cars. Beautifully shot too with all the snow. Loved the look overall. Very pro looking, you should be proud and you obviously know what you're doing.


Thanks, I was really working on my cinematography  this time. I need to step away from the camera, though, and hand those duties off to someone more capable. I just end up doing too much because of small budgets.


Quoted from Andrew
This looks great - what did you shoot it on?


I shoot on a Canon C200. I think it's the best cinema camera in its price range at the moment. Someday I'd love to have the budget to rent a high end Arri or Red, but I'd have to hire a pro because I wouldn't know how to use it proper.


Quoted from Andrew
I guess my only gripes would be not seeing a wide of them at the table together (although understandable given how quickly you shot it), plus the editing maybe needs a tighten, because as you cut between the two of them - and maybe it's more noticeable, as I watched whilst wearing earphones - you can hear the switch (i.e. you feel the splice rather than the feeling of one constant conversation), which is a little jarring.


I definitely wanted a wide shot but my back was against the wall. The room had two entry ways. There wasn't anywhere for me to get wide. We were going to shoot in the kitchen but the reverb in there was awful. All hard surfaces. The noise floor on this moves around a bit. I can hear it too. He projected way more than she did and the sound guy kept moving his gains. There's ways to clean it up better in post, but I'll admit my audio expertise leaves a lot to be desired. Thanks for the kind words. Do you remember this story? It's when you and I went head to head years ago that I wrote it.

https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-collaborate/m-1304196786/

Thanks Pia, Dave, Ghostie and Zack for checking it out. Glad you all seemed to like it.

James




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Andrew
Posted: October 7th, 2019, 10:46pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from jwent6688


Good points. I figured she rarely took her husband seriously and it took her some time to realize he was going nuts. When I shot this I learned to slow down when I yell cut and get some more screen reaction from the actors. I didn't get as much material as I would've liked to have to build the tension when I sat down to edit.



Thanks, I was really working on my cinematography  this time. I need to step away from the camera, though, and hand those duties off to someone more capable. I just end up doing too much because of small budgets.



I shoot on a Canon C200. I think it's the best cinema camera in its price range at the moment. Someday I'd love to have the budget to rent a high end Arri or Red, but I'd have to hire a pro because I wouldn't know how to use it proper.



I definitely wanted a wide shot but my back was against the wall. The room had two entry ways. There wasn't anywhere for me to get wide. We were going to shoot in the kitchen but the reverb in there was awful. All hard surfaces. The noise floor on this moves around a bit. I can hear it too. He projected way more than she did and the sound guy kept moving his gains. There's ways to clean it up better in post, but I'll admit my audio expertise leaves a lot to be desired. Thanks for the kind words. Do you remember this story? It's when you and I went head to head years ago that I wrote it.

https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-collaborate/m-1304196786/

Thanks Pia, Dave, Ghostie and Zack for checking it out. Glad you all seemed to like it.

James




Haha, so funny. I had no idea, and it took me a good few minutes to jog my memory on the thread.

I tried adapted something I had and ended up with a messy mess; deservedly had my ass handed to me by a far better script.

On the sound, if you can, try and get it tidied up. I do think it would be worth throwing it in the ring for short film festivals. That way you give yourself a chance for some more exposure. You shot this well. I feel your pain on the wide. I made a short a few years ago called “Wedged”, and we ran out of time for a wide. I wasn’t directing, so didn’t push for it too hard, but always regretted we didn’t get the shot.

Anyway, thanks for the trip down memory lane!


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Heretic
Posted: October 9th, 2019, 2:53pm Report to Moderator
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Great work James. Commented, liked, and subbed on YT. Hope to see more!


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Dreamscale
Posted: October 10th, 2019, 10:40am Report to Moderator
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Cleveland!  Wow, this is really nicely filmed and put together, Brother.  You did good.

I don't think the woman's acting is very good and some of the lines just don't come out as real, but the look of the film is quite good, and I'm impressed.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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jwent6688
Posted: October 10th, 2019, 9:47pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Heretic
Great work James. Commented, liked, and subbed on YT. Hope to see more!


Thanks for the kind words, I returned the favor. Damn, you guys have some followers.


Quoted from Dreamscale
Cleveland!  Wow, this is really nicely filmed and put together, Brother.  You did good.

I don't think the woman's acting is very good and some of the lines just don't come out as real, but the look of the film is quite good, and I'm impressed.


Thanks Jeff. Rachel is just getting started out in acting and I could tell she wanted more takes, but I was crunched for time. So her performance suffered. This whole film was just for practice, but after I watched it I wish I would've gone back to change some dialogue.  Yes, some of it does seem a bit out of touch with reality.

James



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Dreamscale
Posted: October 10th, 2019, 11:43pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from jwent6688
Thanks Jeff. Rachel is just getting started out in acting and I could tell she wanted more takes, but I was crunched for time. So her performance suffered. This whole film was just for practice, but after I watched it I wish I would've gone back to change some dialogue.  Yes, some of it does seem a bit out of touch with reality.

James


BUT...the quality of the film, sound, pretty much everything we see and hear is very impressive.  I mean that.

It will only get better, too.  ROCK IT!!!



To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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