Three by 0 - Short - Three Goddesses have had to live relatively normal lives since times have changed, but then a young white witch summons them to help her find love. - pdf, format

Did nothing for me. Had an interesting opening but my usual alarm bell chimed off when I saw The Beatles. And someone driving a Beetle in present day. Delt almostr sitcom-like. I don't know what it is exactly...kind of sleepy...

This was quite a good story - good potential - not brilliantly written - some errors here and there - some regarding the format, and other to do with grammar.

Nice place to leave off - felt a bit slow, but then again was probably the right pace for a feature.

Could do with trimming some of the words here and there, but with some polishing, I think that this is a good effort.

Nicely done.

Good setup to a good story.

I know this writers style and I like it. Clean and for the most part very enjoyable to read. I want to see this completed. I hope the writer does just that.

I wont say who I think it is, but I'll bet you a coke when Don reveals who, I'll have nailed it.

Good script.

Shawn.....><

This is a bit too padded but I did enjoy the original characters and the original take on the Maiden, Mother, and Crone triple godess and their interactions.
Not sure of the authenticity of the magic and the beatles song is a bit too on the nose.
The dialogue needs trimming and a little more creativity in the descriptions to keep the page 'alive'
I this meant to be a comedy?  There is a set up for a romcom here which would be an interesting direction to take the rest of the movie, how the godesses deal with being needed again (I did notice the set up with Matty and Kevin).
Daz

I don't wish to violate any new rules. I have always tried to keep my reviews constructive anyway.

But I have to be honest, to get to page 10 I had to drag myself kicking and screaming. My blood pressure started elevating to dangerous levels. There are SO MANY characters. I mean, they just keep coming. And I was forcing myself to commit them to memory, thinking there would be a payoff, something, anything. But NOTHING is going on!

I went back and reread scenes, out of a sense of OWC obligation, and I can't tell you anything about this story. Nothing. Nothing stayed with me. I'm pretty sure if there was a page 11, it would begin with a brand new character, someone who we would follow, but nothing would happen. And then on page 13, we'd meet yet another new character.

Should I mention the 70 year old raver? I don't even know if this is supposed to be comedy, drama, soap opera.

I had no major problems with the writing or dialogue. So there's no technical reason the writer can't write a really good script. I think the writer simply distracted himself with so many characters and lost focus. There's no reason to be discouraged. God, I hate leaving bad reviews, it ruins my day as much as yours. I think all you really need to do is reduce your story to a few characters. At the very least, have a protagonist and keep him/her in the picture for most of the story. I assumed the protag was going to be Eva, and then she disappeared until near the end, lost in a sea of character introductions and side scenes. Focus on Eva, and you'll find your story.

Seems like this was written by a good writer who either raced through this challenge at the last minute or just stumbled for whatever reason.

Tough to get through for me, as well.  Too many characters, too many odd names, not enough going on that matters, but too much going on that doesn't matter.

I assume this is meant to be a comedy, but for me, it didn't really work.

Strange structure that jumped around so much, it made it tough to get to know anyone.

Some Slug and writing issues.  Biggest issue for me was the shocking amount of CAPPED words - just way overboard IMO.

Good effort for a tough OWC.

I don't know. I wasn't really feeling this one. There were no characters that stood out as special and our protagonist was the least interesting of the bunch, in my opinion.

Damsel was a complete bitch and when you have a character THAT unlikeable, you just hope for them to be killed off as soon as possible.

Disco Granny was kind of interesting but at the same time, she was too forced. Nobody talks like she does (even in a parody) but at least she was kind of enjoyable. The rest really was forgettable.

Notes:

"Further along the road" in a slugline?
"Eva stops and stares at Ewan as he talks and jokes with his
cronies, her crush obvious, he doesn’t notice her." - A) There should be a new sentence in there somewhere and B) even though you can technically show her crush on him, you're borderline unfilmable.
Consider losing the automatic character CONT'D things. They become an annoyance after a while.
On page 4, instead of italicizng full moon, go with an underline instead. Drop the hyphen while you're at it.
Even though it's kind of a made up word, I've never seen that spell "gees". Usually, it's "jeez" or "geez".
"CARONIA
Matty, not no one has got it right
since the old times and that aint’
gonna’ change any time soon." - Why is there an apostrophe after the "T" in "ain't" instead of before and after "gonna" at all? Also, at first, not no one seemed wrong. Maybe it's intentionally poor English.
"Whatnot" is one word.
On page 6, you capitalized "raving" in the dialogue.
Don't split up the dialogue box at the end of page 6. It just looks bad.
Again with the apostrophe after "gonna".
On the last line, you spelled it "feints" instead of "faints".

Good luck to you and good job on entering the OWC.

The premise has potential as a rom-com. That means a reboot. Not so many characters. You have three goddesses to keep happy.

Gary

Psst... Why does a magical witch need three magical goddesses to help with love? Get some of that in your first ten and you're rocking!

Title - doesn't jump out at me

Logline - Reasonable but needs more. Irony?

Ok, story. You know what, by the end of this i was liking the set up. Almost a Momma Mia with angels or whatever they are. Three different characters, plenty of banter and a desperate loner girl. Not deep, but could be fun.

I like different characters, but I'm not sure on the different ages. I would suggest this is reconsidered.

Maybe I'm rash but I got a Brit feel from this - will be interesting to see.

On balance, I would like, to see this developed, more than the others I have read so far. Could be good light hearted humour.

Firstly, congrats on completing the OWC.

This felt a bit rushed and cramped, like others, I also feel there were too many characters. I did enjoy some of the dialogue/banter between the three Goddesses, they all had their own voice and have a lot of potential to go further.

Eva does struggle though, guessing she’s the protag but we maybe don’t get enough time with her in the 10 pages, just a thought.

There were some issues with the writing IMO but nothing that detracted from the read too much. I did think the character intros were strange with the brackets around the age and description. Don’t think I’ve seen it done like that before? Not saying it’s wrong or right, just caught me off guard is all.

In saying that, I did like where you ended it, leaves it wide open.

Good job

Steve

Hi I like the idea of this, though I agree that we need to have a better idea of who the protag is. I think you could cut out the first few pages and just start with an establishing shot of the house and bedroom and Eva telling Glinda about the guy looking right through her again.

Good job Wouldn't mind reading the rewrite.

Yes!  I really liked this one.  Great opener for a feature length - and who couldn't love a script where a witch exclaims "Shit a brick!".  This works really, really well.  Thank you writer - whoever you are!  (English, obviously)     My favorite, so far.   (I'm guessing that the different era for the established witches is that they're all very, very old...and sort of settled into the decades that they enjoyed best.)

(Also, thank goodness that I re-read this one.  I skimmed it at first, and didn't appreciate the humor when I blew through it too quickly.)

I enjoyed this very much.

I thought it read well, the characters were distinct and entertaining, and it hooked at a good time.  I would definitely continue on if this were a feature.

Could use a different title, though.  Three is just meh.  Of course, Seven was a huge success so you never know.  

Not much else to add other than I was intrigued.

Good job.

Greg

A ton of characters to try and keep up with, yet overall I enjoyed it and I liked how you left it open at the end.

Good Job

Mark