SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 8:38am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    February 2012 OWC  ›  Dry Spell - OWC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Dry Spell - OWC  (currently 3430 views)
Don
Posted: March 3rd, 2012, 12:03pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Dry Spell by 0 - Short - A witch from the Middle Ages is sent to modern day London.  - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
CindyLKeller
Posted: March 3rd, 2012, 12:40pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1467
Posts Per Day
0.20
This is good writing.  

I can see this being made into a feature. I really liked the opening pages.
It would be an entertaining read and would be something that I would go and see.

Congrats on the OWC

Oh, and let me know if you do go ahead and write a feature. This would be something that I would like to read.

Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 28
grademan
Posted: March 3rd, 2012, 12:45pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Wisconsin
Posts
872
Posts Per Day
0.16
An entertaining read. I was disappointed to reach the end of page ten. Sure it’s a talker but I was teased/learned a lot about the characters and the premise of the story.

There are things I would suggest but I think this is an intriguing first ten for a comedy. I say work on the next ten rather than spend time on revising the first ten.

Gary
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 28
Hugh Hoyland
Posted: March 3rd, 2012, 12:51pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Florida
Posts
328
Posts Per Day
0.07
I liked it. It was an entertaining read and had its funny moments for sure.

Clearly written by someone from the UK (or maybe not, hmmm).

The jibes about wheres shes from might go over some of us Yanks heads. But I got it.

Not bad. Not bad at all.

HGW


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 28
ReneC
Posted: March 3rd, 2012, 2:01pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Vancouver, BC
Posts
1435
Posts Per Day
0.31
The dialogue needs work, it's campy and felt like a b-movie in places, especially where the characters seem to speak for no reason like saying what they've been turned into.

Wonderful descriptions and characterization, it's a very engaging read. I love the page 10 twist, didn't see that coming. I don't know if there's a feature here, it feels like a one-act play or a short right now, but it has potential.

Great entry, good job!


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 4 - 28
Forgive
Posted: March 3rd, 2012, 2:10pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Let The Sky Fall

Location
Various, exotic.
Posts
1373
Posts Per Day
0.27
Is it wrong to say that the beginning of this looke like it was written by a girl?

# I ne__
-- Shouldn't be an underscore.

# He eyes blaze.
-- I think should be her eyes...?

# His voice emanates from the excrement. Lol!

And some other genuinely funny bits here and there.

Really wouldn't bother trying to go for a feature with this thought - it's got it's limits.

Pretty sure it was written by a bloke by the time I got to the end of it...
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 28
Dreamscale
Posted: March 3rd, 2012, 2:17pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Funny stuff here.  Definitely not American humor, but funny all the same.  Does all the humor work?  No, but there's lots of funny shit.

Love how it ends on "Fuck.".  Is it worthy of a feature?  I don't know, possibly, but the downside is that it seems rather obvious where it's gonna go and how it's gonna get there.

Good effort here.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 6 - 28
leitskev
Posted: March 3rd, 2012, 2:29pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Posts
3113
Posts Per Day
0.64
Ok, you got me! This one really did make me laugh, several times actually. A fun story. Not a lot to say. I had no major problems with the writing. Very easy to read. Kept me entertained. The witches anger and frustration helped with that. Conflict rules in scenes, right?

You should give a little better description of Reg. I couldn't tell at the beginning whether boy or girl. Reg must be short for Reggie, but could be Regina.

from script:   He FARTS, quietly but it lasts awhile.

Man, I never thought I'd see that in a script! Cheers!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 28
Ledbetter
Posted: March 3rd, 2012, 2:29pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



I liked this one.

Easily can and should be completed into a feature.

Most of the humor hits home which is not easy at all. Whoever wrote this has a good feel for what a reader wants and delivers.

Great job. I'm looking forward to seeing this when it is done.

Shawn.....><
Logged
e-mail Reply: 8 - 28
dbailey
Posted: March 3rd, 2012, 3:56pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
32
Posts Per Day
0.01
This was another good one.  The comedy was mostly on for me even without me being from the UK, and I like both Reg and Olivia as characters.  I can see why people think this might not be able to hold a feature - Olivia's quest is a little strange in that it feels kinda manufactured but I can over look that as this is supposed to be a comedy.  That said, I could see filling this out to a feature pretty easily.

Congratulations on submitting!
:Duan
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 28
Andrew
Posted: March 3rd, 2012, 4:16pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1791
Posts Per Day
0.32
This isn't a Brit! This is a non-Brit writing a Brit script. I'm predicting an Aussie. I could of course be (and probably am) wrong, but it didn't have UK authenticity to me. Not that it matters, but it's fun trying to guess. We don't have bars on the holding cells here in the UK. It's more a door like the ones that hold Sarah Connor in T2.

Not a lot to say, really. Comedy is very subjective, and this just didn't do it for me.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 28
mcornetto
Posted: March 3rd, 2012, 7:33pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



I'm sitting here wondering why Andrew is so knowledgeable about the holding cells in the UK.

The script was fun. It gave me a good idea of where it was headed.  I would have to agree that it was not written by a Brit.

I thought the talking turd and toads gave it a bit of a whimsical nature- which actually I do think of as a British quality.

I didn't really like the change in language for the witch.  However, I can also understand why you might want to head in that direction.  You can only do that Norwich joke some many times and then it's going to get old.

I also thought some of the dialogue was a wee bit on the nose and that there needs to be a bit more subtext here.  You can still have subtext in a comedy, even a broad one like this.  

Your logline needs a lot of work though.  If I wasn't able to tell where this was going from your script, your logline would be of no help at all.   Why is she sent to modern day London.  What is her goal?  What are her obstacles?  Where is the irony?  
Logged
e-mail Reply: 11 - 28
Abe from LA
Posted: March 3rd, 2012, 8:48pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Downey, California
Posts
556
Posts Per Day
0.08
A lot of fun scenes and visuals.

There were a couple scenes that I thought you could have milked into funnier visuals.
First, when the two constables are toads, and fighting over the roach, maybe they could
reappear as humans.  Each guy with a half roach in his mouth.

The other scene was when Reg acknowledges that he knows Byron Talbot.
You have Reg wince, and then say: Yeah, I know him. Instead of telling us,
Cut to a scene of Byron, doing his thing.
This would be a good way to introduce Byron's character. Pushing the story forward.

Watch the its "it's" thing.

Why did it take so long for the constables to check out Reg's cell? Did they not hear Olivia's voice?
Distinctly female?  Maybe I missed something.

Anyway, a fun read with the potential to go further depending on how you want to handle the
Byron character.  And once he is introduced, what happens to Reg?

Nice job.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 28
Andrew
Posted: March 4th, 2012, 8:14am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1791
Posts Per Day
0.32

Quoted from Michael
I'm sitting here wondering why Andrew is so knowledgeable about the holding cells in the UK.  




Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 28
Reef Dreamer
Posted: March 4th, 2012, 8:59am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Part time writer

Location
The Island of Jersey
Posts
2612
Posts Per Day
0.57
Title - quite like this, conjures up suggestions of something having to change because they are going through  "a dry spell" etc - also the spell with witch combines nicely, so, good title.

Logline - Sorry this doesn't work for me, more of a tag line and suggests very little about the story. its meant to sell your script and it just doesn't.

Story - i'm mixed on this. First off i like the humour and enjoyed the read, very much my style. If i had to guess i would still go for Brit or one that has left, rather than a non brit.

However, it doesn't strike me as feature. A good short, maybe an episode, but a feature? First off we have little to go on about the protagonist which i assume to be Reg. Actaully, is it the witch? If Reg, he seems actually quite comfortable in his own skin so what character arc do we envisage? How do we see the story for him, don't know.

A feature "could" see him the night before, see whats happens, see what insecurities arise and then kick off in the cell, with us knowing more about him and what he may have to go through.

So, i like the writing, i like the humour, but have reservations on this as a feature, as currently written (and sort out the logline!!)

all the best.


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Logged
Private Message Reply: 14 - 28
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    February 2012 OWC  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006