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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    January 2018 Two Week Challenge  ›  The January 2018 One Week Challenge Theme Is... Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    The January 2018 One Week Challenge Theme Is...  (currently 13924 views)
khamanna
Posted: January 24th, 2018, 3:43pm Report to Moderator
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It's apparent what happened in mine but I can't get over the fact that the script doesn't make sense.
Why the altered reality I mean?
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LC
Posted: January 24th, 2018, 5:47pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from khamanna
...Libby, are you in?

Sorry to say Kham you'll be counting me as one of the party poopers.   Shook my brain but nothing fell out, apart from something very Philip K Dick. And he did it better than I ever could.

Thanks for asking though, and I will be reading and commenting on some.


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Steven
Posted: January 24th, 2018, 5:49pm Report to Moderator
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I'm three pages into my concept. Decently happy with it but I'm running with it anyway.
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ChrisBodily
Posted: January 24th, 2018, 7:46pm Report to Moderator
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D'oh! I made a very embarrassing mistake (especially considering I'm a history lover)... the date of my event. It's an easy mistake to make since both months are right next to each other.

Let this be a lesson to all... if you only get one thing right in your script, it should at least be the date your event occurred.

Boy, am I glad I caught my blooper before the deadline.


FADE IN:
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JEStaats
Posted: January 24th, 2018, 7:59pm Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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I sent mine in last night. Now that you mention the date, I better verify a couple points!
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DanC
Posted: January 25th, 2018, 2:32am Report to Moderator
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Killing villains since 1980!

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I can't believe that I'm gonna say this, but, I'm in.

I honestly have no clue if this fits the parameters or not, and I forgot to mention when I submitted it what the change was.  I am sure it will get slammed.

I wrote it in one day.  I will try to rewrite it over the next 2 days (ish), but, not sure...

I promise to try to read them all.  I know I only read like 12 last time, and I felt awful.  

Here's hoping my health holds up for this.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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LC
Posted: January 25th, 2018, 4:08am Report to Moderator
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Dan, if you know there are things to fix, use the time you've got left to fix them.

The parameters are pretty straight forward.

All I'm saying is, (and I know your health is a big factor) don't set yourself up to be 'slammed' when you can make something better or at least clearer especially when it's not a case of submitting right on deadline.


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khamanna
Posted: January 25th, 2018, 4:57am Report to Moderator
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I also made a mistake that has to do with dates. Now need to rewrite that part.
Or I can submit and just hope nobody notices. I'll see.
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: January 25th, 2018, 6:08am Report to Moderator
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I ripped out the whole of act 2 and replaced it. Now that's extreme!  I feel it works better but it's a bit exposition heavy at the moment. I'll see if I can break up the wordy bits, or make them seem more natural.  

It's not so much getting across what event didn't happen, or what happened differently. I can get that across with a logline or a SUPER at the beginning or something. It's trying to then get across how that non-event has changed the timeline and the new world that has evolved from it. That's the part I'm finding tricky. You can't just show a world where magic has replaced science (just to bring up an earlier argument lol) and not explain what this entails and why.

It's OK saying that the Norman's failed to conquer England and the famous Battle of Hastings in 1066 went the other way, but this could have had massive consequences on the British Empire, which may not have ocurred at all! So the whole face of Europe and maybe America could be different. Fascinating stuff for a novel, but for a 15 page short, unless you have a history & geography professor giving a running commentary throughout, then this would be tough to get across in a story set in this new timeline, but one unrelated to the actual non-event.

BTW - The above isn't my idea, just an example.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Steven
Posted: January 25th, 2018, 11:04am Report to Moderator
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It's curious how many people are going with historical events revolving around war.
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Don
Posted: January 25th, 2018, 1:02pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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FYI,

I will start processing what I've gotten thus far and sent out notifications.  As always, you can submit revisions up to the deadline.  I'll just post the latest received.

Good Luck!

Don


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Steven
Posted: January 25th, 2018, 1:13pm Report to Moderator
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Out of curiosity, how many people have submitted something so far?
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khamanna
Posted: January 25th, 2018, 1:25pm Report to Moderator
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I decided against submitting after all. Good luck to all, I'll try to do the reads though. Tough challenge.
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CameronD
Posted: January 25th, 2018, 4:30pm Report to Moderator
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I am in like Flynn.


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Steven
Posted: January 25th, 2018, 5:04pm Report to Moderator
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I thought I was in, until I wrote about 8 pages and realized I had shit.

Since I'm not entering, I want to share my concept. I fully deleted the thing by the way.

In this world, neanderthals and homo-sapiens (written as "HS") remained separate species, that was until Aaron was born. Having a mother and father of both species, he was looked at as a freak, and thus lashed out against society.

The story is told in real time, with some jumps, and a continuous voice over from Aaron's father, Frank.

It started with his neanderthal mother giving birth to a room of shocked nurses/doctors. They knew of the inter-species pregnancy, but to see it happen was something totally different.

I fast forwarded from then, to Aaron being about 10 and excelling in sports. He had the strength of a neanderthal but dexterity of an HS. Then forward again to high school where he excelled in math - an area of study where neanderthals failed at so frequently, the subject was removed from their curriculum.

While still in high school, Aaron has an HS girlfriend, and the other HS's don't appreciate this. There's a fight and Aaron brutalizes the HS jock who instigated the whole thing.

The last fast forward shows Frank picking up Aaron from jail, he's in his 20's now. Aaron was arrested for being drunk in public, but was also full of bruises on his face and looked as if he was in a fight. The cops release him to Frank's custody after he sobers up.

I then cut to a court room, where Frank was providing the VO's throughout each period of Aaron's life.

That's where I stopped. I planned on having Aaron come across the same jock who he got into a fight with in high school, killing him, and that's why he was arrested. The ending would be Aaron found guilty and is sentenced to life in prison.

It's a weird one, I know, but I thought it was interesting.
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