SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 8:59pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    January 2018 Two Week Challenge  ›  Full Circle - 2WC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Full Circle - 2WC  (currently 2835 views)
Warren
Posted: February 1st, 2018, 4:39pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
3897
Posts Per Day
1.36
Hi,

I didn’t read any of the comments so if I repeat anything I apologise.

The first thing you notice is no logline, does it matter, not really. Is it nice to have, sure.

I felt like the montage could be done a little better.


Quoted Text
John and YOKO ONO get out of a taxi in front of the Dakota;
they stroll through Central Park with their son SEAN; John
interviewed by DJ ANDY PEEBLES:


These are all separate shots and could be broken up as such.


Quoted Text
JOHN
But to be serious for a moment...i
would never tell a lie because my


Capital I.


Quoted Text
MOTHER(O.S.)
Mmm? Oh my, yes, its beautiful.
(beat)
Maybe it was the one released for
John Lennon? I’m sure the ceremony
was around this time.


A little OTN. Also its should be it’s.

The ending gave me goose bumps.

So, it’s really well written, format wise the only thing I would personally change is the montage, but it’s a personal preference thing and not essential.

As far as the story goes. It's an enjoyable read. The Beatles individual voices definitely come through in your characters.

I did find it a bit wordy in parts and had to stop myself skimming through dialogue.

Overall, this is a solid effort.

I did think the challenge was more about being set in a world moulded by the event not happening, where this is really an extension of that event.

Well done and congrats for getting an entry into a very tough challenge.



Revision History (1 edits)
Warren  -  February 2nd, 2018, 6:02am
Logged
Private Message Reply: 15 - 21
DustinBowcot
Posted: February 2nd, 2018, 5:43am Report to Moderator
Guest User



I dreaded going into this script knowing that it was a Beatles thing. I then thought that the writing was good and enjoyed the layout. Then, around page 9, I just lost it. It's all dialogue. A narrated story. I couldn't make it to the end.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 16 - 21
Spqr
Posted: February 3rd, 2018, 2:39pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
483
Posts Per Day
0.09
A well-done documentary of what might have been, with a nice payoff.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 17 - 21
Shakey
Posted: February 5th, 2018, 4:57am Report to Moderator
New



Location
Europe-ish
Posts
57
Posts Per Day
0.02
Really enjoyed this one. If you’re even vaguely interested in The Beatles, it’s hard not to enjoy never-seen-before footage of their reunion.

Also, neat construct, smart idea, great ending, well told throughout.

Possibly not quite the right balance of ‘the band’s getting back together’ versus ‘he’s changing the world with peace’ - but that’s splitting hairs since the whole thing flows well.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 18 - 21
stevie
Posted: February 11th, 2018, 4:25pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Down Under
Posts
3441
Posts Per Day
0.61
Congrats to Cam and Mark and Blondie and Don for a great challenge. Cheers to all who read mine and liked it.

I knew pretty quickly after the theme was announced that i would be doing a Lennon surviving story. And the ending with 9/11 came early too - the 2 events are pretty much etched into NYC history - so i just had to link it up. I did cheat a bit on this - I googled all the world leaders and such of the 80's and 90's , and I had planned to insert into scenes in the tribute to Lennon. But I was tired and kept putting it off and was running out of pages so I realised I could avoid it by cutting to an ad break for the news program (I thought that was pretty sneaky clever lol) and then skip ahead to the ceremony, for a quick name check. Apologies to all on that but I somehow couldn't sit down and write those couple of pages - writers block, laziness, who knows, but I didn't want to do it for some reason lol

I didn't mean for the Beatle reunion stuff to go for so long but it was so much fun writing all this 'new' stuff that I got carried away lol. There seemed to be some confusion with some readers on certain things - the Imagine mosaic in Central Park is real - I've visited it - and was opened by Yoko in 1981; I just moved it back 20 years. So the song 'Imagine' wasn't playing at the end.

Also to Dan? The date of John's death - August 12 - is mentioned very early in the news broadcast. I made it that date so it was only a few weeks before the real 9/11 would've happened in the 'old' timeline. I did make one factual error where I said it was a spring day for the ceremony when it should of course been autumn lol.  I got my seasons mixed up.

My fave of the scripts was Operation Downfall as I loved the war chat and action. Cheers all again.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 19 - 21
DanC
Posted: February 13th, 2018, 2:01am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Killing villains since 1980!

Location
Buffalo NY
Posts
1131
Posts Per Day
0.34
I really enjoyed this one.  I thought you tacked a very hard subject in that you told the story through news broadcasts.  I wouldn't have had the guts to do that.  

Honestly, I'm not sure I'd even know how to do that, correctly.

I wish you had a synopsis, not that one is needed once you get into it.

Really strong Stevie!  Really strong.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 20 - 21
stevie
Posted: February 13th, 2018, 3:22pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Down Under
Posts
3441
Posts Per Day
0.61
Thanks for the kind words, Dan. I did tinker with having the scenes play out in real time first instead of the news tribute. I actually wrote two opening scenes in which the 3 Beatles visit John in hospital complete with cheesy dialogue lol. But I realised writing the whole script that way would be way tougher so went with the look back at his life in a news report. I had to google the best way to present it and using MONTAGE was it.

Well done on your script too. I enjoyed it even if I wasn’t that aware of the subject matter. But you researched very well and had a good idea of what you wanted it to be about. Cheers bro



Logged
Private Message Reply: 21 - 21
 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    January 2018 Two Week Challenge  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006