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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    January 2018 Two Week Challenge  ›  Brave New World - Scripts of the 2WC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Brave New World - Scripts of the 2WC  (currently 8425 views)
DanC
Posted: January 31st, 2018, 11:43am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Killing villains since 1980!

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I'm pretty happy so far.  This is the best reviewed story I've written since joining.  

Do have to make one complaint.  Jeff, no one doubts your prowesses with the technical side of writing.  But, bow does it help anyone to read your slugs are bad, this is wrong etc.

Wouldn't it be much more beneficial to show each person how it should loom??  I understand that if there are 25 entries and you have to get through them ASAP, but with only 11 stories, couldn't you take the time to show each script how to do it the correct way?

After all, it is show, don't tell, right??  And what's the other good saying?  Oh right.  You get further with an ounce of honey than with a ton of shit

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Dreamscale
Posted: January 31st, 2018, 12:36pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC
Do have to make one complaint.  Jeff, no one doubts your prowesses with the technical side of writing.  But, bow does it help anyone to read your slugs are bad, this is wrong etc.

Wouldn't it be much more beneficial to show each person how it should loom??  I understand that if there are 25 entries and you have to get through them ASAP, but with only 11 stories, couldn't you take the time to show each script how to do it the correct way?Dan


Am I being paid for my services and somehow unaware of that?  No, I'm not being paid, and I didn't enter this 2WC. When I do enter, the feedback I receive is just about as weak as possible, yet I always try to throw out pointers and help in every review I post.

If you would like additional "help" on your entry, Dan, let me know with a PM and I'll see what I can do for you, but I don't appreciate being called out for not providing helpful feedback.

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DanC
Posted: January 31st, 2018, 1:32pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Killing villains since 1980!

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You aren't being called out pe say.  But, does it hurt to say instead of your slugs are terrible to show an example and how to fix it?

You see things that people like me never notice.  You have a gift to notice that stuff.  If you don't want to,or don't have by time, perhaps you could write a post about slugs.

I guess that I look at these assignments as a learning exercise and when I see on another's story that this and that is wrong, IMO it helps more to see bow it can be corrected.

Maybe you should hold screenwriting classes or posts to show people who either give too little or too much how it should be.

For better or worse, we live in a post #metoo world, and I expect that at some point we will have to show much more positivity than in the past.

I was merely making a suggestion, not calling you out.


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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JEStaats
Posted: January 31st, 2018, 1:34pm Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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My entry has received reviews from all across the spectrum. Some praise and some absolutely beatings.

And I appreciate each and every one - thanks to all that have read/reviewed and your brutal honesty.
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Grandma Bear
Posted: January 31st, 2018, 9:09pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
Lots of chatter from peeps here who haven't reviewed a single entry yet.

What' up with that shit?


I didn't enter, but offered to read a few. All writers would have to do was pm me. No one did...


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Warren
Posted: January 31st, 2018, 10:05pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Quoted from Grandma Bear


I didn't enter, but offered to read a few. All writers would have to do was pm me. No one did...


I offered the same thing and no PMs.


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DanC
Posted: February 1st, 2018, 1:10am Report to Moderator
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Killing villains since 1980!

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I just wanted to say one more thing.  And this is not directed at Jeff or anyone specific.

If you spot a mistake, instead of saying how bad it is, why not show them how to do it correctly.  I know that some, like Jeff, Pia, Warren etc have said that we can email them, but, if you read it, and it's wrong, show us then and there for one big reason.

So that anyone else reading it that might not know can learn.  That's the reason why I haven't pm'd anyone yet is because I'd love if I read a script and then look at the comments and I learn something.  I mean, isn't that what we do?  teach others?

Just my 2 cents.  Again, I didn't mean to upset you Jeff.  I saw a script you ripped apart (wasn't mine) and just wondered how they should have done it, the right way.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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LC
Posted: February 1st, 2018, 3:10am Report to Moderator
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Depends on how you define 'mistake', Dan.  And to what extent.
I read plenty of comments in OWCs where 'mistakes' are pointed out, and they actually aren't mistakes at all.

I wish people would focus their feedback with OWCs on: meeting the challenge, how good a story it is, and how well it would transition to film.

Reading about lack of punctuation, spelling mistakes, no Fade In or no logline, over and over, is very boring, taking into account a lot of these mistakes will be made due to the deadline. Some, not all admittedly, but then the real learning takes place posting scripts on the discussion board and getting feedback there. And, learning in general from books, reading scripts, other Internet resources, honing your grammar etc.

With OWCs, if the entry is really not in good shape, then a general: 'need to learn industry standard formatting', which can be found here: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-screenwrite/ is enough. Or let the person know you're happy to help after the challenge. Jmho.


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MarkRenshaw
Posted: February 1st, 2018, 3:14am Report to Moderator
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I'm pleased with the reviews so far, even those who don't quite get this new world I've created have enjoyed the ride.

Jeff's been making me smile in this OWC. On several scripts he's been his usual blustery self about slugs and orphans and how bad it is etc. then his last sentence has been along the lines of "Actually that was quite good, I enjoyed it!' lol.  

I can only speak for myself, I'm not going to PM and beg for reviews, that's not me, but anyone who wants to read and offer comments on these scripts are more than welcome, even if you didn't manage to get a script in this time. With only 11 entries, the review count is low and I'm sure all writers would appreciate as much feedback as possible.  


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: February 1st, 2018, 3:25am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
Depends on how you define 'mistake', Dan.  And to what extent.
I read plenty of comments in OWCs where 'mistakes' are pointed out, and they actually aren't mistakes at all.

I wish people would focus their feedback with OWCs on: meeting the challenge, how good a story it is, and how well it would transition to film.

Reading about lack of punctuation, spelling mistakes, no Fade In or no logline, over and over, is very boring, taking into account a lot of these mistakes will be made due to the deadline. Some, not all admittedly, but then the real learning takes place posting scripts on the discussion board and getting feedback there. And, learning in general from books, reading scripts, other Internet resources, honing your grammar etc.

With OWCs, if the entry is really not in good shape, then a general: 'need to learn industry standard formatting', which can be found here: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-screenwrite/ is enough. Or let the person know you're happy to help after the challenge. Jmho.


I agree. These are vomit drafts and will have formatting issues, typos etc. As long as it doesn't look like someone's bashed their head with the keyboard, then I think points shouldn't be deducted for this. I do appreciated when someone has pointed out a typo though as I then don't miss it on the next draft.

Industry Standard is there to help make scripts as readable as possible. It's a guideline that is designed to help accomplish this, but some take it as bible that must be followed to the letter.

If someone says a line you have written is unfilmable. Well, successfull famous script have been produced that's full of unfilmables. Unfilmable descriptions are quite often used to give the actor a sense of what the character is like as a person.

I sometimes point out that the script is a bit over descriptive and prosey, but I usually add 'for my own tastes' because again, there's professional scripts out there which are just like that.

When I'm scoring a OWC it's less about the rules and all about the stories and characters. Are the believable, entertaining? Are they too predictable? If I was watching this, would I be enthralled or squirming in my seat waiting for something interesting to happen? Does something come in out of left field? is there too much exposition in there which could be handled better with a show instead of a tell? That sort of thing.

Formatting can be fixed by referring to an online guide. What writers really need help with is making their stories work and their characters seem real.

-Mark





For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK

Revision History (1 edits)
MarkRenshaw  -  February 1st, 2018, 3:30am
typos galore, what can I say it was a vomit draft
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: February 1st, 2018, 3:36am Report to Moderator
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Sorry for the triple posting (BAD MARK!) but I just noticed that in the original post it said names and results revealed 5PM EST 2nd of February. That's tomorrow! :-O But when Don posted the scripts, he sent an email that says Feb 5th so I'm confused....when is the reveal?


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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stevie
Posted: February 1st, 2018, 4:11am Report to Moderator
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I kind of agree with you, Mark but typos and poor grammar need to fixed IMO. After the script is done, perps need to really read back through it and fix any errors.  The way I write usually catches any such errors (mostly lol) and I also never need to do second or third drafts: I write by hand first in a notebook. Then I’ll get on the computer and start copying to the software. Because this is days after I’ve initially written, I can sometimes come up with better stuff as I go, so no need for other drafts; I am very strong on keeping work spontaneous especially comedy as tinkering too much can ruin the flow. Anyway I finish up then re-read it back a couple of times, both on the software and finished PDF as they can often ‘look’ different. If I’m stuck on a part of a story I will skip ahead and do stuff I already have in my head.

This owc I started it then did the ending as that came to me pretty much immediately I brainstormed. That can be handy as it’s easier to have that goal in sight. Anyway, my two bob’s worth lol



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Stumpzian
Posted: February 1st, 2018, 10:13am Report to Moderator
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Random observation:

I've seen many comments that use the word WOW.

Does this mean this is an above-average crop of scripts? I think so.



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Dreamscale
Posted: February 1st, 2018, 10:32am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC
You aren't being called out pe say.  But, does it hurt to say instead of your slugs are terrible to show an example and how to fix it?

You see things that people like me never notice.  You have a gift to notice that stuff.  If you don't want to,or don't have by time, perhaps you could write a post about slugs.

I guess that I look at these assignments as a learning exercise and when I see on another's story that this and that is wrong, IMO it helps more to see bow it can be corrected.

Maybe you should hold screenwriting classes or posts to show people who either give too little or too much how it should be.

But, Dan, you did call me out by name and you've done it here again, as well.

The majority of reviewers give far less detail than I do.  I do not have the time or the interest in being more detailed, because, in reality, the vast majority of scripts, especially rushed OWC's have many, MANY mistakes throughout..

As Libby correctly said, there are reviewers who give out completely incorrect criticism and advice, and there's 1 that I won't name, who posts long reviews with multiple quotes, that I just have to laugh out loud when reading, pretty much every time.

The moral of the story is you take what you can get and you use what you choose to.

For better or worse, we live in a post #metoo world, and I expect that at some point we will have to show much more positivity than in the past.

I was merely making a suggestion, not calling you out.


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eldave1
Posted: February 1st, 2018, 11:49am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC
I just wanted to say one more thing.  And this is not directed at Jeff or anyone specific.

If you spot a mistake, instead of saying how bad it is, why not show them how to do it correctly.  I know that some, like Jeff, Pia, Warren etc have said that we can email them, but, if you read it, and it's wrong, show us then and there for one big reason.

So that anyone else reading it that might not know can learn.  That's the reason why I haven't pm'd anyone yet is because I'd love if I read a script and then look at the comments and I learn something.  I mean, isn't that what we do?  teach others?

Just my 2 cents.  Again, I didn't mean to upset you Jeff.  I saw a script you ripped apart (wasn't mine) and just wondered how they should have done it, the right way.

Dan


No, it isn't what we do. And as an aside, when you included Jeff's name, you were by definition calling him out. That's okay - but own it at least. I have had issues with Jeff's reviews and when I do I call him out on it. Vice versa as well. But they never have been focused on a failure to provide a specific solution.

We are all here for a variety of reasons.  Teaching specific solutions does not have to be one of them.  This isn't a screenwriting class. It's a forum. If someone reviews a script and tells the writer it's full of format errors and typos that is valuable information in and of itself. Sure, if they pointed out each individual correction needed that is helpful - but it is not at all required or an obligation.

There are four basic levels of participation on this site:

1. Zero - they post scripts, provide zero comments and do not respond to comments on their scripts.

2. They post scripts and are only focused on comments regarding their own scripts and never/rarely contribute to others.

3. They post scripts and comment on other as well as seeking comments on their own.

4. They don't post scripts - but provide comments anyway,

I would worry more about groups 1 and 2 then I would 3 and 4.

The other thing is that the writer themselves can seek feedback and information. There are tons of resources on-line that are available AND - if they were concerned they could post on their own thread - after the challenge - asking what specific thing would you recommend.

Anyway - my take


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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