Brings the pen to the fleshy part of the thumb, something or other. <—find a way to sharpen stuff like this up. Even a couple extra words will completely throw a reader out of the story. You had me hooked and this line completely knocked me off track.

Take out the drunken stupor scene, daydreaming might seem funnier if the person doing it isn’t hammered. Doesn’t quite come off as silly as I think you intended.

So, it has that almost missed the boat element, which makes for a great ending, but a lot of the meat in the middle parts needs to be reworked. Like, the entire middle of the story is him looking in a mailbox and reacting to it. Then, he gets drunk. It completely kills all tension that existed in the beginning.

Find a way to continue to build the romance and tension in the middle part of the story. Maybe have him write her a postcard that he plans on delivering in person or something.

Hi Writer,

More than halfway in and this one jumped to the top of my favs.

The chocolates and the roses were thrown last minute, but the characters are well-defined, the story flows and there is both romance and humor (no "smitten kitten" wasn't precisely funny...).

It just ticked all the right boxes.

I can't but join Dave's comments - lots of talent on display.

Great job!

Please Mr. Postman

Okay, we're in business.

This was a nice, straight, romantic comedy.  The comedy was very light, but there was comedy.

I think you depended too much  on Jason  to deliver the comedy.  If you want to put in a funny best friend, give him better lines than "smitten kitten."

Some of the dialogue was on the nose.  Needs some revision.

All in all, a good effort.  
Good luck.

This is a very nice little screenplay.

Romantic and done well with a simple idea. But the execution shines through and makes this script special.

A very satisfying ending too.

Something is missing there in the middle. Maybe not enough heartache from Michael or something. I also wish that the woman didn't just bring the postcards over. Maybe Jason sends Michael a postcard, and Michael weeps over it and the woman walks by or something. Just saying.

Very nice job.

Wow.. this is my favorite so far.

Very simple but cute.

Love the woman showing up with the postcards after he's finally given up!

Everything was good on this one not much to complain about. '

Great job writer.

Well-written, but the ending is a little predictable. What if, instead of postcards, Priya sends instax photos of herself in Thailand. Each new photo shows her hanging out with increasingly more dangerous-looking people, in increasingly more dangerous-looking locations. Each photo makes Michael freak out even more, until at the end he's scared to death of Priya's imminent arrival. Of course, Priya was over there as part of her job, say a journalist, or a member of Doctors Without Borders.

Nice story.  I like it.  The comedy was lighthearted.  Romance was there.  Ticks all the boxes.  The idea of postcards going to the wrong address and the little old lady is a good touch.  Easy to film too.

All the best.

Hmm, I liked how this started but the middle got a bit repetitive for me.

The idea with the heart, the washing gloves stuff like that, all nice touches.

But the end felt rushed.

Good effort.

Thanks to everyone who read and commented on this.

I definitely leaned on Jason for the comedy and he just isn't funny. I know a couple of people like this in real life and they have this larger than life personality that makes the garbage that comes out of their mouths kind of hilarious, but that just doesn't translate to the page without all the other character antics, and the story wasn't about Jason.

I did consider just having Michael going nuts and making that more comedic. I was worried about him coming off as too desperate though, which would have undermined the romance. Why should Priya be stuck with him if he's so clingy? She doesn't deserve that. So a third party was needed, and I agree with everyone, it needs to be something better than Jason.

There were a lot of complaints about the jump cuts, but they work for shooting and editing. I'm fine with them.

I tried to make the chocolates and flowers a bigger part of it, but that's where I ran into page count troubles. This started over 13 pages long. The chocolates and flowers originally demonstrated that they really don't even know each other (Priya acknowledges this with her "Do you even like chocolate?" line, the only remnant of a combined half a page of that). In the end I left in what felt organic and natural, but they ended up being just props after all. I let that go in favour of the light-hearted romantic story.

Thanks so much to Pia and Don for this OWC. I'm happy with my first crack at a rom com, I learned a lot and it was fun.